Burned (19 page)

all
we were about
.

And yet part of me wanted to fall right back into his arms, to let him carry me up and away over that sensual rainbow.

I was more confused than ever.

More in love than ever.

More worried than ever about what would happen if

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and/or when my parents found out.

Only a tiny fraction of me worried about God. It was way too late to stress over His judgment now.

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Eventually

Aunt J called me downstairs.

If she was, indeed, suspicious, she never said a word. Instead she asked,
How about helping

out with the pie baking?

There's something therapeutic about cutting shortening into flour, rolling the dough into thin rounds, then slicing

apples and peaches, adding sugar and cornstarch and pinches of spices until all those basic ingredients

become perfect brown pies, cooling on the kitchen counter.

Aunt J and I worked for three

hours, talking and laughing and fighting sweat in the gathering heat, half oven, half July, come to call.

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Finally, she ventured,
Looks
like you and Ethan are getting

serious. He's aflne young man,

Pattyn. Still, I am ultimately

responsible for how things

turn out. I hope you know

that I've come to love you like my own daughter. I

don't want to see you hurt.

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It Was a Stunning Admission

For a woman of few words, a woman who let her eyes

say what her lips often wouldn't.

Her admission deserved

my own, "I love you, too,

Aunt J. And I love Ethan."

I know you do, little one.

And I believe he loves you.

If only love were enough . . .

"I wish I could promise

I won't get hurt. I can't. But

I have to take that chance."

She knew, too well, the probable consequences

if it all came crashing down.

"Aunt J, Fve begged for love for seventeen years. Without you,

I would never have found it."

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God knows I would like to believe

otherwise. If ever a child

deserved love, it's you, Pattyn.

"Well then ..." I smiled. "Looks like we're on the same page.

Because you deserve love too."

We hugged, passing a jolt of love between us, then

went back to our baking.

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Once the Chicken Was Fried

And the salads made, Aunt J and I went upstairs to change.

She spent a long time in the bathroom, washing and plaiting her long copper

hair and--I noticed when she finally reappeared--applying a ladylike amount of makeup.

She had chosen to wear a yellow

sundress, which showed off her tanned, muscular arms and hugged her bodice tightly.

In cutoffs and a pink tank top,

I was definitely outclassed, and the way she smelled--

ginger and English lavender--

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was enough to make any

cowboy swear off his herd.

Did she expect a special cowboy at the evenings festivities?

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Independence Day

Is a big deal in Caliente.

Hard-working people, ready to let down and party, make for a rowdy

crowd. The drinking and socializing
start

early, go all day.

Aunt J and I got to the park at about three
p.m.,
lugging a big canopy, baskets, and coolers, filled with enough

food for twenty.

Ethan and his father were due to arrive

anytime. While

we waited, we sat

tapping our toes to live--and very

loud--country music.

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I Finally Spotted Ethan

Weaving through the crowd.

Beside him was a man who could have been his brother, if not for the salt-and-pepper hair.

Ethan's father was every bit as handsome as he was.

Every now and then, they'd

stop to talk to people they knew and a couple of times fingers

pointed in our direction.

Small town, everyone knows

everyone, and where they're sitting.

As they drew nearer, I noticed

Aunt J straighten her posture, find her prettiest smile.

Ethan's dad was her special

cowboy? Why had she never

mentioned anything?

Finally, they found their way over to us. Ethan pulled

me to my feet, gave me a big

kiss, then introduced us.

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Dad, this
is
Pattyn. You already

know her Aunt Jeanette.

I couldn't have guessed the drama that unfolded next.

But in retrospect, there had been plenty of hints.

I'd just been so busy worrying about myself that I never noticed.

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Ethan's Dad Gave Me a Hug

So glad to finally meet you, Pattyn.

Ethan talks about you all the time.

Then he Turned to Aunt J.
Hello,

Jeanette. You look wonderful

Aunt J blushed like wine.

Good to see you again, Kevin.

Kevin? Not her once forever

love, Kevin?

I'm so sorry about Elaine.

How are you doing?

I'm holding up, thanks,

Jeanette. Holding up fine.

Fve meant to stop by,
but between cattle and cougars .

I gave Aunt J a quizzical look, which she totally ignored.

You men hungry? We've

got a lot of food here.

Every time she got nervous, the talk Turned to food.

Chicken and biscuits and three kinds of salads . . .

Definitely nervous. He had to be
that
Kevin.

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Not to mention pie. Pattyn

helped ine with the pies. . . .

Kevin was
her
Kevin, and Kevin was Ethan's dad.

How could she have neglected to mention such an important thing?

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I Wasn't Sure

If Ethan knew about their history, so I sat, semi-stunned, and watched the two of them reconnect.

As they talked, years and regret

seemed to melt away from Aunt J's

face. She was seventeen again.

Ethan's dad kept sliding closer to Aunt J . . . or was that just

my overactive imagination?

It was kind of surreal, like a ghost

had materialized from out of Aunt J's

past, a ghost who lived right down the road.

Did they never see each other?

It seemed they hadn't, but how could

that be, with them in such close proximity?

Had Ethan's mom known about them? Aunt J said she was a friend.

And how about Stan? Did he know?

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Ethan cradled my hand and discussed the pros and cons of the band's

raw attempts at bluegrass.

My heart beat faster, just sitting so close to him, and the love I felt for him made me even more confused.

How could Kevin and Aunt J spend so many years, so near each other, and make no effort to rekindle their love?

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After Stuffing Ourselves

Ethan and I wandered off for a little alone time.

The air had cooled a bit, come dusk, and one by one the stars began to fill the darkening sky.

Ethan cinched his arm around my waist and as we walked, I noted

other womeil's envious stares.

Having never before been an object of envy,

I wasn't sure how to react--

proud or protective.

Once or twice, really pretty

women smiled at Ethan

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and that Jolly Green Monster

bit into me with razor-sharp teeth.

When we were by ourselves,

I got the courage to say,

"You could have your choice of pretty women. Why me?"

You're like the ocean, Pattyn.

Pretty enough on the surface,
but dive down into your depths, you'llfind beauty most

people never see. Lucky me.

I fell in, headfirst.

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I Was Dying to Know

If Ethan had any idea about

Aunt J and his dad.

So as we watched people

dance, I casually asked,

"How long has Aunt J

known your father?"

A very long time, 1

guess. He said they

met in high school.

"Did your mom go to high school with them too?"

No. Dad met Mom after college,
when he moved
to Caliente.

"

Funny how both he and Aunt J ended up here," I tested.

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Yeah, it is kind ofa

coincidence. In fact, once

I heard my parents talking

Just then a loudspeaker

interrupted,
Ladies and gents, the fireworks are about to begin!

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Fireworks

Gold Red Silver Blue Green

sprays haze beauty rise eyes

high sky heaven stuns Ethan's

faze plays designs mind find

sight light perfect divine mine

inspire desire blessed flow reveal

releasing unceasing increasing

love

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Ethan Drove Me Home

His dad rode with Aunt J. and I wondered as we found a place to park beneath the moonlight just what

might transpire between the adult members of our

interconnected families.

Did they, too, find a private

spot, unroll a quilted

sleeping bag in the bed of the pickup? Did they talk and kiss and ultimately

shed their clothes to lay

naked beneath a sea of Stars?

For me, it was something all

new, memory in the making.

For Aunt J, it would be

recollection reborn.

For me, it was awakening.

For Aunt J, it would

be reawakening.

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Of course, maybe they just

drove home, said their good nights and nice-to-see-

you-agains, and went home to their cold, lonely beds.

The cynic in me thought it likely.

The romantic begged to differ.

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Vibrant Singing

Woke me the next morning.

Aunt J was in a very good mood.

I went downstairs without dressing, eager to ask questions.

Poor Aunt J didn't know what hit her.

"Ethan's dad is your Kevin?

Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged.
Didn't

seem important.

"Not important? You said he was the love of your life."

"Was" heing the operative

word. We're just friends now.

"But he moved to Caliente for
you,
didn't he?"

She shrugged again.
Could

be. Didn't much matter by then.

"Sure it did. So how could he marry someone else?"

You'd have to ask him that.

But I was married to Stan.

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"But what about after

Stan died?"

Kevin was married to Elaine by then.

Marriage is a contract, Pattyn.

"But didn't the two of you ever . . . ?"

Ever what? Fool around? You

should know me better than that.

"I do. I'm sorry. But you

still love him, don't you?"

Real love doesn't die, remember?

But sometimes that doesn't matter.

Of course it mattered!

"So what about now?"