Burden (16 page)

Martha’s organization put
mine to shame every single time. I ended up just following her around the store as she flitted around and tossed things into the basket. We’d shopped for nearly two hours until she was satisfied. I reached into my little wallet and gasped as I reached for my new debit card and saw a bundle of hundreds stuck inside. Hawke must’ve done it.

We paid for everything and drove home. Hawke got all of the grocery bags out of Martha’s car and we began prepping the foods for the next day to minimize cooking times. The turkeys and hams would go in the oven that night.

“Are you ready for tonight?” Martha whispered to me after Hawke went back to his office.

“I don’t know. And I didn’t get to tell you about my mom.”

“She went to Hawke’s work. She’s coming to see me next weekend.”

“What,” she screamed, sticking the knife into the cutting board.

“I know. She’s human, a healer. Did you know that? That I could heal people?”

“No, I didn’t. But I won’t tell, I swear.”

“I know you won’t, but I think that’s where I get it from. I feel this spirit with me when I heal. Maybe it’s her. Maybe it’s the Creator. I don’t know. But if she’s a healer like me, maybe she can help me understand. Maybe that way…” I trailed off.

“Maybe that way, what?”

“I don’t want to be a burden anymore. I’ve been a burden all my life, constantly striving just to contribute something that would lift my debt from those around me. Maybe if I could harness this healing thing, I would really be useful to the clan—maybe even an asset. Shhh.”

I felt Hawke approaching and didn’t want him to know my aspirations. He would tell me I was valuable. He would convince me with his confident smile and soothing touch that I was useful to the clan. But I felt the potential inside me to be so much more. I knew there was a woman inside me, powerful and confident, just ready to emerge.

“Can I help, ladies?” He strolled into the kitchen.

“You can ease her nerves about tonight’s run with the clan. I can practically feel her trembling next to me. I’m gonna chop my finger off, or she will.”

He wrapped one arm around my waist, “Echo, we will shift in private. It’s not like you’re going to be naked in front of the clan. The marks can be seen in bear form as well.”

“I know. It’s just all showy. Like I’m on display.”

“You kinda will be, but just once. And then after Chloe sees the marks, we all can go about our business,” Martha laughed beside me.

“You took the words right out of my mouth, Martha.” Hawke agreed with her.

“I’m so glad you two can find humor in this,” I snorted back to them.

They laughed and Hawke kissed my face.

A few hours later, and everything prepped for the next day, I ran to take a shower and pace a little before the run. Hawke explained that he would do some kind of announcement, then we would all split up to shift and as a clan, we would run together.

Hands held, we walked onto the porch which was already surrounded by the clan. Night had fallen and the moon had risen.

“Bayou Clan, we gather tonight to celebrate the finding of our Coeur and to bond together as brothers and sisters of the same clan. Tomorrow, she, along with Martha, will prepare a feast here at the Alpha home. You all are welcome in our home. Now, we run.”

We went back inside and walked to the backdoor where we both stripped and shifted. I’d read some books where shifters of all kinds were pained through the phase. But to me, it was liberating. My bear was trapped in my human form, markedly bigger and stronger than my human one. And when I allowed her to come out, she cradled my human self inside of her, protected and safe. And my bear never questioned Hawke or what he was to me. When he nuzzled my face, it meant he loved me and there was no doubting it for a second. Neither of us had to worry the other wasn’t following. It was a given—he is my mate, we will not be separated. In the last week, not only had I bonded with my mate—I’d bonded with my bear, she and I had come to an understanding. But my human side wanted more. She continued to be self-depreciating, always second guessing every tiny gesture my mate made. She was the one off kilter in the balance. And the more I thought about meeting my mother, the more I knew, down in my chest, that meeting her would change the dynamics of my life—and it both frightened and excited me.

Are you ready?

I jumped backwards, landing on my haunches. What was that? It sounded like Hawke, but he was already shifted.

Hawke?

Yes, Echo. You’ve been marked now. In our bear forms
, we can communicate. Did I scare you? Did you not know we could do this?

I had no idea.
I heard and felt his deep, rumbling chuckle in my head.

He ticked his head in the direction of the rest of the bears. I could hear them breathing and roaring here and there. We entered the open area and I somehow managed to keep my head up. Chloe was the first to break free from the rest. Her sleek figure gave her persona away. She inspected me, head to toe, rounding my flank and coming back in front of me. We stared each other down for a few moments before she bowed her head, acknowledging my mark and my place in the clan. After she sub
mitted, the rest of the clan relaxed.

Run with me, M
ate.

Hawke called to me through my mind. It was comforting and disconcerting at the same time. But my bear loved her mate having yet another solidifying connection. Running through the swamps, the clan managed to stay together, yet each family retained their own personal space. Martha ran close to me, but not too close. Every once in a while she’d growl in my direction, goading me on.

I didn’t see, Rev.

I spoke to my mate, testing the connection.

He said he wasn’t ready for group activities yet. He won’t be at the dinner tomorrow either. We just have to give him space to get used to everything. He’s been alone too long.

After hours of running, some turned back, needing to bring their cubs home. And some, like, Flint
, wanted to get home to their pregnant mates. Martha was the last to turn around and leave. Hawke finally collapsed on some abandoned fishing dock, but it looked too rickety to chance.

It is sturdier than it looks.

I hope so since it looks two breaths away from collapse.

Putting one paw on the weathered boards,
I tested his theory. And then he got up and shook the whole thing with all his might. Cracking and splintered boards began to break—and then Hawke, in bear form, fell into the cold swamp, face first. I didn’t worry, all bears could swim, but instead I fell over in a heap of laughter.

I’m glad you find humor in this mate,
he said, shaking all the water from his form as he exited the water.

Stalking towards me, I could tell he wouldn’t let it go. He flopped on top of me, making
me almost as dirty as he was.

Ready to go home?
He asked me.

Yes.

We ran home together. I was as excited as I was nervous for the clan dinner the next day. But that night I felt better knowing that Chloe and the rest of the clan knew that I was taken and more importantly, that Hawke was taken. We got home, and I decided to be brazen. I shifted in front of him, the only thing he could see was the back of me, as I walked into the house. I went straight for the shower and could feel the waves of his physical frustration and longing to be near me. It was almost painful. I got out and wrapped a towel around myself only to remember that all my clothes had been moved to our bedroom. I steeled myself for the onslaught of desire as I moved, almost naked towards my mate, who was also almost naked. I tried to grab my clothes as fast as I could—but he was faster. He shot out of the bathroom and pinned me to the wall beside the dresser.

“I l
ove you, Echo. I think every time we shift, I get a little antsier about completing our mating.”

My hands wouldn’t stop tracing the ridges of his abs until, still looking in his eyes, they hit the V that marked the beginning of his hips. He sucked in a hiss through his teeth.

“How long do we have to wait,” I surprised myself by the depths of desperation in my voice.

“The next full moon—almost three weeks.”

“We can last three weeks,” he began to kiss the underside of my jaw, “I think.”

“We will.
We have to.” I didn’t even believe myself.

He braced his hands, palms to the wall, above me and groaned while resting his forehead on my chest. Our hearts were racing. I couldn’t imagine it actually staying in my chest if we actually did complete the mating.

Then he flashed me a look that even our bond didn’t register and before I could attempt to console him, he was out of the bedroom, down the stairs and had flown out of the back door. I ran to the window in my old room and watched him from above, his chest heaving, in his towel only. After a few minutes, he raised his arms over his head and his breathing and heartbeats slowed.

I felt completely guilty for making him feel out of control.

Instead of extending his torture, I slipped into the bathroom, donned my most covering pajamas and sat on the bed, flipping the stupid television in an attempt to distract me. He came back in a half an hour later and without even looking my way, he went into the bathroom and put on his own pajamas.

“Do I need to apologize,” I spoke to him softly.

“It’s probably me who needs to apologize, I nearly completed our mating with you pinned against that wall.”

I huffed out a laugh, “I probably wouldn’t have stopped you.”

“Oh, Echo, please don’t say that.”

After tossing the remote onto the bed, Hawke finally approached the bed and took it over, finally settling on a show where people were buying cabins in Alaska. I wasn’t sure if it was just me, or my sheltered upbringing, but the women seemed awfully picky. One woman complained about bears and moose near her home. Then when the realtor showed her the outhouse, she nearly had an aneurism. What did they think? They were going to move into the wilderness of Alaska and put up a sign that read, ‘Hey, bears, I moved in, go away.’ One couple’s budget was over five million dollars, and she complained because the closets weren’t big enough. Were people actually that spoiled? I must’ve groaned or something because Hawke turned to me.

“What’s wrong?”

My brows had been furrowed so long, I couldn’t get th
em to relinquish their stance. “I don’t get these people. Are people like this?”

“Like what,” he smiled.

“They’re looking at beautiful houses and all they can do is complain.”

“It’s their money, they should be happy about what they’re buying.”

“But it’s kinda like moving to the Amazon and then complaining because it’s raining and hot. What did they expect?”

“You always look at things from a different perspective than me. I guess they do whine a lot.”
He pushed the red button to turn off the TV.

I reached to the bedside table to grab my hairbrush and began to comb an agitated path in my hair.

“That’s why I’m yours. It wouldn’t be any fun if we were exactly the same.”

Scooting towards the headboard of the bed, he spread his legs and patted the space between them.

“What,” I wondered what he was up to. His brown eyes shined with a bit of mischief.

“
As you just pointed out, you’re mine. May I brush your hair, mate? I have to share you all day tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” I replied, on the verge of tears. The pack had made me keep my hair short, I gathered for ease of care. Once Horace’s mate caught me in the bathroom brushing my own hair. I couldn’t remember how old I was, maybe five or six. But ever since then, I was responsible for brushing my own hair and since they’d made me keep it in a pageboy cut, I decided to let it grow as long as I could. It was my own little rebellion.

“One of the first things I saw was this beautiful hair,” he began at the ends, taking great care. He was almost too careful. There was no way he was getting any tangles out.

“You can brush harder, Hawke. I’m not gonna break.”