BUCKED Box Set: A Bull Rider Western Romance (35 page)

I stopped and allowed my emotions, for the
first time in a long time, to get the best of me. “It’s…my dad,” I answered
carefully. “The man who screwed my mother to make me…” I shook my head and made
sure the door was closed. In case the two newlyweds decided to come home, they
wouldn’t hear what I was divulging. “Literally the worst fucking decision that
man ever made.”

I saw her eyes grow even more concerned
for me as she answered, “That’s terrible, Tyler. Why would you say something
like that?”

I sighed and tried to control myself
before I answered, far easier than I had meant to, in a way that almost scared
me, “Well, the short version is that if he had never created me, he probably
would still be alive.”

I saw her eyebrows raise, but she didn’t
seem nearly as alarmed as I thought she would be. It took her a moment to
recover though and when she did, her voice was far more understanding than I
knew I deserved. “Well Tyler, I would feel a lot better if you told me the long
version.” With that, she gave a reassuring smile and patted my leg with her
hand.

The feel of her skin touching mine made me
even more excited, despite the pain of the past that I had now willingly opened
myself up to. I sighed, not wanting to have this conversation, but realizing
that I probably didn’t have much of a choice, now that she likely thought I
blew his brains out because he waited up to punish me when I came home past
curfew or something stupid like that. I only wished it was that simple.

“All right,” I answered, feeling as though
the words were far too simple for everything that I was feeling, along with
everything that I was about to divulge. “Growing up, I didn’t really have any
kind of fucking father figure. My mother swore up and down that he was a
bastard and had left the two of us the moment he found out that she was knocked
up, never to be heard from again. My grandmother took care of us when I was
little, because my mother wasn’t really good for anything except screwing
people and I suppose my grandmother felt bad for me. Who the fuck knows?”

I felt myself grow nervous as I realized
that I had never actually spoken this story out loud before. “Then, when I was
five, my grandmother died and left everything she had in the world, being
well-off thanks to my grandfather, to my mother, so that she could take care of
me. It was a lucky break for her and at least she had the decency not to spend
it all in one place, but she also didn’t work very much. Therefore, while we
had the house, which was going to shit because my mom didn’t know the first
thing about fixing it, we still had to be fairly sparing about what we did.
Then, she married again, when I was ten and that guy taught me a little bit
about how to work on a house and be a good provider.” I shrugged, feeling as
though I had nothing to hide anymore, since I was already explaining my most
coveted secret to her. “I fucking liked him. He was a hard ass, but he was what
I needed at the time.”

As I spoke, I watched Ashley as she took
it all in. I wasn’t sure how much she could relate, but I was sure that on some
level, she felt like we were connecting. For all the lies I had told women to
get them into bed with me, I had never told any of them the truth except
Ashley, so I thought we were connecting a little bit too.

“However, that marriage didn’t last long.
Once again, my mother said that he walked out on us.” I shrugged and allowed my
voice to drop to a pitch that enticed Ashley to read between the lines. “She
sure got a shit-ton of money from that deal though, which leads me to wonder.”

“Do you think that your mother left him
and took his money?” Ashley whispered, as though she thought there might
actually be someone there to hear.

I shrugged. I wasn’t sure why exactly, but
I didn’t want to completely give my mother away. Even though I knew she
deserved it, I couldn’t quite bring myself to be as cold as she was. Plus, if
this conversation went south, I didn’t exactly want to implicate my mother in a
scam of taking men for all they were worth, considering the relationship we
were all currently bonded to. My mother was as dumb as rocks, but sneaky as any
woman I had ever met, which was nice when I saw that she was actually having a
good time at the amusement park. I had the thought that just maybe, she was
going to stick around with this guy for a little while.

That would be bad news and awkward for
Ashley and I once I finally got her in bed, but besides that, it might not be
such a bad deal.

“Anyway,” I continued, “after that dude
left, a man claiming to be my father showed up on our porch. My mother kicked
him out, but I was curious and so, I tracked him down. Long story short, my
mother never told him about me. She just left him after she found out that he
had knocked her up and chose to spite him instead of become a legitimate
family.” I shrugged. “Now you know why I think commitment is a crock of shit.
It was pounded into me since birth. When I found all of this out, I began
hanging out with him again. I didn’t tell my mom. I figured it would just lead
to trouble…” I stopped then and sighed, wondering seriously if I would be able
to make it through this conversation without breaking down.

“Are you okay?” Ashley asked again, this
time moving closer to me, so that I could feel her comforting vibes against my
skin. It wasn’t much of a comfort, per se, but her closeness certainly did make
me horny. Almost as though she figured this out, she scooted a little away from
me, looked me in the eyes and asked seriously, “Then what happened?”

I shrugged, staving off the sense of
emotion that was surrounding me. I certainly didn’t want to feel the way that I
was feeling, since I knew what it was going to lead to, but I was also aware
that Ashley probably wasn’t going to let this go. So I answered, “Nothing happened…At
least with my mom. She never found out,” then, I lowered my voice and my eyes
as I said in a tormented tone, “That is until…”

“Until what?” she asked as I felt her body
lean into mine heavily. She was interested in this, almost as though I was
spinning a tale. I had the inclination for a moment that maybe she thought I
was lying, but I soon realized that I was too deep into my own horrible
recollections to contemplate that now.

Feeling the singe of her disbelief running
through my body and taunting me, I glowered up at her and answered, “Until I
fucking killed him.”

“What?” she demanded, glaring at me before
she stood up. “That isn’t funny, Tyler.” I could tell that she was trying to
hide any inkling of a nervous laugh.

“Whatever!” I demanded. “I’m trying to be
honest with you, but if you want to believe I’m fucking joking, then leave!”

She narrowed her eyes and stood up before
walking out of my room. “Yeah, and I’m trying to tell you things that are
personal to me. It took a lot to tell you anything and now you’re just mocking
me.”

Feeling as though I was being made a fool
of, I glowered at her and joked in a cynical manner, “What do you mean? There’s
nothing more personal than murder.”

She shook her head again and hissed,
“You’re unbelievable.”

“Then leave.”

I watched as Ashley pursed her lips before
she said, “Fine, I will.”

Chapter
23

Ashley

However, I didn’t stand up to leave.
Instead, I continued to glare at him. He stared back at me with a hardness in
his eyes that made me second guess what I thought about him.

What
if he really did kill his father?
I thought as a gurgle of
fear bubbled inside of my stomach. I bit my lip nervously and breathed heavily,
wondering what my next move should be.

The look in his eye certainly wasn’t
helping me any. I wished that I could tell, but I wasn’t sure if he was being
serious with me or just trying to get a rise out of me. Yet, at the moment, I
wasn’t sure which I thought would be worse.

If he was lying, that was terrible, but if
he was serious, I wasn’t entirely sure that I was safe with him anymore. So I
glared at him in place of my nervous laugh before I went on. “Okay, fine. You
win. What are you talking about?”

He shrugged slightly and turned away from
me before he answered, “Fuck you! I didn’t win anything…And I didn’t kill him
on purpose.”

Confused, I could not help myself from
responding, “Tyler, I didn’t say that you did.”

He barked a laugh and answered in an
almost quiet fashion, “Yeah, well, you didn’t have to. I could hear it in your
tone.”

I thought about this for a moment before I
picked my hand up and placed it on his shoulder. Even though I wasn’t
completely sure what was going on, I was beginning to see the real picture.
This, for once, wasn’t an act. Tyler was actually ashamed of what happened. I
was surprised when he didn’t throw my hand off, but I was also happy. I
certainly didn’t want to do anything that would make him not want to tell me
what was going on. I was trying my best to do whatever I could so that he would
be comfortable with me.

I didn’t know why I felt the need to make
him comfortable, but there was just an air that he was giving off that told me
I didn’t need to be afraid of him; but I did need to be there for him.

I stayed there silently, with my hand on
his shoulder for a long moment before I spoke. When I did, I made sure that my
voice sounded opened and interested, and not the least bit judgmental. “What
happened to him, Tyler?”

The large, muscular man before me did not
respond right away. I watched as his shoulders sagged and his head hung down in
an ashamed fashion. This was definitely a different side to Tyler. It seemed to
make him human to me instead of this shell of a tough guy. It was then I saw he
really did have feelings.

When he finally responded to my question,
his voice sounded broken and jaded, but also extremely emotional. I could tell
this really was a big deal for him to be telling me this and I didn’t want to
mess up the trust he was placing in me. “He was teaching me to drive. I had my
learner’s permit…It was the first real father, son thing I had ever gotten to
do with him.” He smiled just a little as his eyes flashed back, I guessed to
gauge my reaction. He scowled as he went on. “It was going great and then, it
started to rain. My father asked if I wanted him to drive back, but cocky piece
of shit that I am told him I would be fine…it was just a little rain. It was
going to fucking get the best of me.” He sighed before he began again. “I
wasn’t speeding. I wasn’t even trying to show off. It just happened.” As though
still confused about what had exactly happened that day, he threw his hands out
and insisted, “I lost control of the car and we spun off the road.”

“Oh God…” I answered, covering my mouth
with my hand and shaking my head. “That’s terrible.”

Even though he didn’t give any reaction to
my response, I took it upon myself to move over to him and hug him closely to
me.

Still, it barely seemed to register with
him that I was there. He just continued his story. “The car ran off the highway
and sailed down a ditch. It flipped a few times, shit I don’t know how many and
then came to a stop as we slammed front first into a tree. My father was
wearing his seatbelt, but something happened to him during the accident, he was
struck with something just right and when we stopped, I looked over at him…He
wasn’t breathing. I tried to wake him up and then ran to get help, but he was
fucking dead by the time the paramedics got there.” Then, as though his
emotions got the best of him, he slammed his hands down on the bed with such a
force that it rocked the entire thing. “Fuck!” he screamed.

I squeezed tighter, knowing that it might
not help but hoping that in some way, it would give him a sense of
companionship.

It was then that Tyler glared back at me
with smoldering anger in his eyes and he spoke with a saddened voice. “He
shouldn’t have died. There was no speed, he was following all of the laws,
trying to make a good example, but I screwed up and now he’s dead. It wasn’t my
mother who ultimately ended my relationship with my father.” He tucked his head
again in shame as he finished. “It was me. I not only ended any shot I had at
having a relationship with my father, but I also ended my father’s life.” He
shook his head. “That’s just fucked up and I’ve never been able to get past
it.”

Once again, I tried to hug him back into
me, before I snaked my arms over his shoulders and down across his chest. “It’s
not your fault.” I said to him.

“I was driving. If it wasn’t for me he
would still be alive,” he answered.

“You don’t know that!” I exclaimed, making
sure my face was so close to his that he couldn’t help but see the conviction
in my eyes.

“He’d have a hell of a lot better chance,”
Tyler grumbled, finally shrugging me off of him. He stood up and before I could
say anything more to him, he sighed heavily and turned before he answered, “So
what’s your sob story?”

“Huh?” I asked, squinting my eyes at him
and turning my head so that I could catch his gaze squarely.

“Enough about my fuckups. What happened to
your mother?” he asked and I was surprised.

Although I was pleased that he felt
comfortable enough to speak to me about what happened with his father, and was
now trying to pretend it wasn’t as big of a deal to him, I still had not
expected him to ask about my mother.