BUCKED Box Set: A Bull Rider Western Romance (30 page)

The only reason that I didn’t do that
right now was because I didn’t want to get up. I knew that I couldn’t
concentrate enough to drive and didn’t want to have the responsibility of
anyone’s life being in my hands. I feared what choice I would make.

It wasn’t that I felt suicidal, or that I
hated my life. In short, I just wanted to go back to the life that I had built
for myself; but at the moment, I feared that I would not be able to keep myself
in control if I drove.

Plus, as the alcohol wore off, I became
more aggressive. I would have never passed a sobriety test, probably not even
into the next morning, which was yet another reason that I didn’t want to risk
driving.

I was underage and it was summer. If I was
caught, I would likely only be released to my father. I wouldn’t be able to go
back home, to my school and if that were to happen, he would have to listen. I
would be grounded and he would have a reason to be angry with me.

After
all these years of being a spineless, psychotic freak, I bet that would be just
the time where you would finally decide to stop screwing your wife and be a
good parent,
I thought with disdain.

However, it was still one of the main
reasons that I didn’t get up and leave that night, so I supposed the threat of
being caught had done its job.

As my head began to switch from its
slightly buzzed condition to that of having a major hangover, I groaned and
looked around the room. My face grew callous and my eyes were almost vengeful
as they took in everything that surrounded them.

I
can’t believe I used to like this stupid room,
I thought, but then quickly felt bad about it, considering that the reason I
had not changed it was because it reminded me of my mother, the only pure part
of my past that I had left. My mother was great. She was kind and
understanding. She would have known what to do.

But
she’s dead,
I thought as I whipped my head around and
groaned again as a sharp sting of pain trailed my slightly blurry vision.

For a moment, I felt as though I was going
to throw up, but I was able to quickly ease myself back into a state of calm,
at least enough so that I did not.

Still, to me, this house and now, everyone
in it was like a cruel and harrowing remake of the broken family that I once
belonged to.

What
is wrong with these people?
I thought, but realized rather
quickly that I didn’t even care to know. There really would be no point in
knowing, because after this summer, I was likely going to sever any strands of
family and commitment that I was still tethered to, if there were any left at
all, tell my father that he was going to have to lay in the bed he made, and
that I wanted no part of it.

I no longer cared about him and I had
never cared about my stepmother, but my stepbrother gave me a different feeling
entirely. Whenever I thought about him, I felt my hands clench around my pillow
and squeeze the life out of the middle, as though I was wringing that jacked-up
asshole’s neck.

However, the more I thought about him and
had this reaction, the more devastated I felt. I didn’t want to think this way
about him, mostly because I didn’t want to feel any connection to him.

If
you didn’t like him, you couldn’t possibly hate him,
I thought after getting angry that once again, my hands had flexed and reacted
in such a violent manner.

I really wasn’t a violent person, but
throughout the night, during which I didn’t sleep at all, I couldn’t help but
feel these hostile flairs rise up in me.

I wanted to scream and I wanted to cry,
but above all, I knew, deep down in my heart, if when I emerged out of my room
and found a pair of solemn faces, telling me that Tyler was eaten by a shark or
had otherwise succumbed to his fate, there would be a part of me that would
think he deserved it.

After all, how much of a terrible person
does it take to hurt your own stepsister; someone you are supposed to at least
kind of get along with and accept as family, even if you don’t particularly see
eye to eye. I realized that I wasn’t and would never be flesh and blood, but I
thought if he could do this to someone who had trusted him and had confided in
him, then what could he do to the rest of the world?

It didn’t take me long to realize that
Tyler was an all-around terrible person and I was stupid to think that I could
be the one to help him. It wasn’t like he was dumb; in fact, I felt as though
Tyler was really quite intelligent, at least in the sense that helped him get
laid.

He obviously knew his way around a woman
enough to be able to charm her and that was scary enough, considering that I
now knew he didn’t care about anything but getting in my pants.

He
seemed so genuine.
I ringed the pillow between my hands
again, so furiously that I heard a few stitches snap, but I didn’t care. The
feeling of wanting to kill him with my bare hands, so that he could never spew
another lie again, only gave me more strength.

Unfortunately, that was also accompanied
by more rage.

When I was finished though, I plunged my
head into the pillow and screamed in it until my voice grew hoarse. I didn’t
care if the rest of the house heard me. I didn’t even care if they came up to
check on me, because I wasn’t about to give them the satisfaction I assumed
that they would be seeking if they came up here to check on me anyway, so it
didn’t matter very much.

Still, it felt good releasing the anger
via my screams, even if more just built up inside of me, like a never-ending
spigot of rage to which I was the bucket underneath
,
only to be dumped and then filled again.

I couldn’t remember the last time that I
felt so increasingly angry. In a way, it was freeing, but in another way, it
made the house, which held so many awful, jeering memories close its walls in
around me.

During the late morning hours, I must have
succumbed to sleep though, because I was able to be awakened.

My head popped up off of the strangled
pillow at the sharp knock and immediately the pain in my head, as well as my
nauseous stomach, returned.

“What do you want?” I screamed, not caring
at all who it was or why they were there. Even though I addressed the person
behind the door, I hoped that perhaps they would realize what kind of a mood I
was in and decide that it wasn’t worth the effort to aggravate me any further.

However, to my dismay, I received an
answer from the last person on earth that I ever wanted to hear from again.

“Ashley, open the fucking door…” Tyler
said in what seemed to be a careful tone, despite his lack of discretion in his
language. “I’m here because I want to apologize.”

I glowered at the door and was sure that
if I was able, my eyes would have burnt the door, as well as Tyler in a matter
of moments. However, since I wasn’t yet crazy enough to wait for laser vision
to work, I tried another approach; hopefully one that Tyler would be able to
relate to. “Tyler, you can take your apology and shove it up your ass. I’m done
with you.”

Chapter
16

Tyler

It hadn’t taken long for my head to clear
after waking up on the beach, just as the sun had come u; and despite all of
the pussy thoughts I was having while I was drunk, my main concern now was just
seducing Ashley.

I refused to let her be the one who got
away. That just wasn’t going to happen, especially since it didn’t seem likely
I would be able to get away from her any time soon.

My dumbass mother seemed pretty smitten
with her gutless father and so as long as the gifts and sex kept coming, I
would be stuck sitting across from Ashley at family dinners and holidays.

A disappointment like that was a
continuous blow to my ego that I just couldn’t afford. This apology was just my
devious way of appealing to her sensitive side.

Girls love a man who can show them whose
boss and still be able to woo them. Over the years, that had become my
specialty.

So I waited patiently at her door as she
cursed me off in the adorable way that she knew how before I answered, “Okay,
that’s fine. I was just curious what you were doing up here and I wanted to
talk.”

“If I never speak to you again, it will
still be too damn soon,” she responded heatedly.

“You know, Ashley, you’re not the first person
to say that to me. If you want to insult me, you are going to have to do better
than that.” I smiled behind the door, ensuring that it had come through loud
and clear through my words.

After a moment, I heard her light form
slink heavily off of the bed, before the door was thrown opened and she
answered, “You are a worthless piece of crap, who was probably never truly
loved by anyone and I hope you never are because there is not a person on this
planet, besides yourself who deserves to have to deal with you. You are
cynical, short-sighted, hot-headed and…just all around deplorable!”

Ashley’s words slid off of my slippery
back with a sense of humor attached. I was enjoying this pathetic attempt to
insult me. Obviously that was what she was trying to do, because she took the
challenge I had provided her. But since she wasn’t very good at it, the whole
experience was almost laughable.

When she finished screaming, she was short
of breath and completely worn out. I tried not to express the sense of pleasure
I felt quite as adamantly as it came across.

“I know,” I answered honestly, nodding my
head with conviction.

At this, Ashley turned her head and
dropped it slightly, as though completely discouraged. “What?” she couldn’t
help but demand.

Now, I did smile as I turned my head
slightly as well and answered, “I said, that I know all of that shit. I
practice…On a daily basis.”

When I said this flawlessly, her jaw
actually dropped opened with shock, and for a moment I thought that she was
going to go as far as to slap me, just to release the anger that I had
obviously built up inside.

“Fortunately,” I continued, walking past
her in a suave motion, which allowed me access into her room before she was
even aware that I was trying to gain it. Then, before she could say anything
about it, I was already talking over her, “You don’t know me well enough to be
able to insult me.”

“Obviously,” she spat, crossing her arms.
“Get out of my room.”

“What happened to that poor, pathetic
pillow?” I asked casually, eying what was left of it at the top of her bed,
while trying to change the subject.

“You,” she hissed, glowering at me with
eyes that seemed to be sparked by a demon.

I didn’t want to know what she was
thinking at this moment, because the way she answered me seemed so unnecessary.
After all, I was the one who was throwing out a line.

Still, I didn’t let her anger bother me.
Instead, I beamed brighter and answered, “See? I knew that you cared about me.
It is just going to take a little bit of time to convince yourself...” I looked
at her glowering, hateful expression and thought it would probably be best to
get on with my point. “But the reason I came up here…apparently to the fucking
dragons den…” I said as a side-note while my eyes glanced back and forth around
the room, to show her I was heeding her warning, even though I couldn’t give a
crap less how angry she was at me. The point was to woo her, not allow her to
make me her bitch. “Is because I want you to get to know me.”

It was complete bullshit, but as I said
before, I certainly wasn’t above playing dirty.

Ashley scoffed at my explanation. “Like I
would want a glimpse into what made you the total dick that you are…No way.”

You
have no idea…
I thought to myself, but what I said was,
“Come on! We had fun together, didn’t we? Why not start over and have fun like
that again, but this time, I promise that I will give you all of the tools that
you need to get to know me.” I shrugged, hoping to appeal to her competitive
side. “But, I mean, if you think that it’s not worth it…”

“It’s not,” she answered sternly and I
laughed at her.

“There are many, many girls that would beg
to differ.”

“Well, I’m not them,” she insisted.

“I know you’re not, which is why I want to
give you this opportunity.”

She shrugged and answered in a serious
tone, “I don’t want it. It isn’t a privilege or an opportunity to get to know
you, Tyler. After what you did last night, I would never want to know what you
could do to me if we were actually close.”

As her eyes fell, obviously angry and
hurt, I lightly grasped her arm. “Hey…” I said with a sense of encouragement.
When she looked up at me, I smiled and answered, “I’m really trying to
apologize. I don’t know what got into me last night. I should have never said
that to you…I should have been much more understanding and I…”

“Tyler?” She said solemnly as she scowled
back at me.