Bruises of the Heart (12 page)

"Do you think she's okay? Maybe I should have told her a different way than I did. And what are you doing here, anyway? I thought that the two of you still weren't talking," Tara said, rooting for information.

"I think that we'll leave that explanation for when Tori wakes up," Noah answered.

I was finally able to force my eyelids open and saw two concerned faces looking down at me. Noah smiled so widely. It hurt my heart to see him looking at me so tenderly. This was the Noah I remembered and wanted to love so badly, but I was scared to even think the thought, much less even consider saying it out loud.

"Do you feel well enough to sit up?" Noah asked.

"Yeah
…
did I pass out?" I asked, sitting up on the couch and letting the cloth slip off my forehead.

"Yes. And it was a little freaky, so if you could not do that again, that'd be great," Tara said.

"I'll keep that in mind," I said, managing a small grimace for the both of them.

"So why do I get the feeling that neither of you are all that surprised with what I found out? What do you know that I don't? And someone had better start talking," Tara said.

Noah looked at me and seemed to be waiting for permission to fill Tara in on everything I had already shared with him. I hesitated for only a few seconds, knowing soon everyone would probably know anyway. They might as well learn the right version before another one was put out there. I nodded, then let my head drop into my hands.

Noah began filling Tara in and gently rubbing my back at the same time. Hearing it all related to her, I couldn't help but feel like an idiot. How stupid could I have been? All the warning signs had been there, but I had been either too stubborn or too blind to see them. Luckily, I had at least two really good friends who had stuck by me and looked out for me, even though I probably didn't deserve most of it.

Noah put his arm around my shoulders and I gave into the temptation to lean against him, burying my face in his chest. If this was how it felt for my friends to find out, how bad was it going to be when I had to tell my mom?

"I can't believe I didn't see it! Victoria, are you okay?" Tara asked.

"You mean besides the embarrassment of not getting out of the relationship sooner, and the general sense of feeling like an idiot? Yeah, I'm great," I said against Noah's chest.

"You're not an idiot, Tori. You are a strong, beautiful, and smart girl. Don't let him take that away from you," Noah stated forcefully.

I said nothing and just let my mind go blank, which was something I hadn't been able to do for a while.

"So what are we doing first?" Tara asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked apprehensively.

"What are we going to do about all of this? I mean, obviously you have to break up with him, but I don't think it's a good idea for you to do that alone, and…"

"There is no us in this situation," I stated, looking at both Tara and Noah. "I don't know what he would do to either of you if he thought that you knew about any of this, and believe me, you don't know the half of it. So whatever needs to be done will be done by me."

Noah and Tara started talking at the same time and I couldn't understand anything they were saying, but the meaning behind their words was quite clear. There was no way they were going to listen to me and stay out of it. I stood up and held my hands out in front of me, which was difficult since Noah was still holding onto one, but at least they stopped talking for a minute.

"I appreciate your willingness to help me, but I have to do this alone. I would never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to either of you."

"That's ridiculous and you know it," Tara spat. "Nothing is going to happen to either of us. It's you he'll go after if he's going to, which I really hope he doesn't."

I was about to say something else when I heard a car come to a gravel-spewing stop out front, a car door slam shut, then feet on the steps. I turned and tried to see who was there, but Noah reacted quicker. He grabbed me and then Tara by our arms and pushed us toward the back door.

A knock sounded on the front door as we ran out and into the surrounding woods. Once we were far enough away, we crept to a place where we could see the front of the cabin, but couldn't be seen.

My heart dropped into my stomach when I saw the shiny black car and then the unmistakable figure on the front porch. Will was now pounding on the front door and yelling, but I couldn't hear what he was saying from where we were.

"Oh, no," Noah muttered, and I turned to look at what he was seeing. If it hadn't been for Noah's grip on my hand, I would have been running down toward the cabin. My mom's truck was coming up the drive.

"He won't hurt her, Tori. He's too smart for that," Noah said, but it didn't comfort me much.

I watched helplessly as my mom got out of the truck and spoke with Will. It felt like an eternity before he got in his car and left. She watched him go, then turned to look into woods around the cabin. I was certain she knew I was out there and that her mind was now churning with questions.

I groaned as we started back the same way we'd come. Noah and Tara kept pace with me, and I clung to Noah's hand as if it were my lifeline.

"Are you going to tell your mom about all of this?" Tara asked.

"Yes, she is," Noah answered before I could.

"I will, but not yet. I need to figure a few things out first and then I'll tell her everything."

"What are we going to tell her now, though? She saw my car and she is going to want to know where we were," Tara helpfully provided.

I stopped walking and tried to think of something I could tell her that she'd believe, but that was going to be very difficult with Noah trailing behind us.

"Listen, this is what you're going to do," Noah began. "You and Tara walk back to the cabin and I'll go home for now. Even though I think you should tell your mom everything right now, I can understand why you want to figure some things out first. All you have to tell her is Tara came over to talk and you decided to take a walk."

"You make it sound so easy," I whispered.

"It will be okay, Victoria, you'll see," Tara said.

Noah gave me a hug and whispered for only me to hear, "I'll be back at the barn around seven tonight if you want to talk some more. If you don't come down, it's okay. I'll see you later."

I pulled away reluctantly and grabbed Tara's arm, and we started back to the cabin. For her part, Tara kept quiet, for which I was immensely grateful. The feelings and thoughts flying through me were hard enough to deal with at the moment. I wasn't sure I could deal with Tara's style of interrogation as well.

"Hey, girls," my mom greeted us as we came in by the back door. "I wondered where the two of you were when I saw Tara's car."

"Oh, yeah. She came over to talk and then we went for a walk."

"Ah," she responded, staring at my face. "Will was here when I got back. He asked me to please have you call him."

I willed my face not to reveal anything. "Oh, I guess I'll have to call him later, then." I started toward my room with Tara.

"Victoria?"

I turned to face my mom.

"Do yourself a favor. Stop thinking so much. Just listen to yourself and make the decision that you feel the most at peace with. It's not fair to either of you to drag it out, and talking to him might make the decision easier. Just a thought." She smiled.

I nodded, then closed the door to my room. I walked to my bed and flopped facedown on it. Tara lounged on the other end, propped up against the wall, and crossed her ankles.

"What am I going to do?" I groaned.

"Do you want me to tell you the obvious, or just let you wallow around for a while?" Tara wryly answered.

I gave her a disgusted look before rolling over and sitting up to lean against my headboard. "I meant, how do I manage to do everything without the entire town finding out what an idiot I've been?"

"Have you forgotten that we live in the smallest town on the planet? I don't think it's going to matter how you do anything. Everyone will find out some of what's going on. Maybe not everything, but once people find out that you broke up with Will, they're going to ask questions. And when they find out that you and Noah are back together
—
what?"

I was shaking my head. "We're not back together. He's been watching out for me is all, and after getting into things with Will yesterday…" I left the rest unsaid.

"If you think that's all he's doing, then you are crazy. He totally wants you back." Tara smirked.

"No. I mean, maybe. Oh, I don't know what to think. I trusted myself when I started dating Will and now look at the mess I'm in. There's obviously something wrong with my judgment. I'm not sure that now would be the right time to jump back into a relationship with Noah, even if he did tell me he still loves me."

"He said that he still loves you!" Tara said, sitting up straight on my bed. "Oh my goodness!" She took a moment to let that tidbit sink in. "I think you're right about not jumping back in, though. Now, what are you going tell Will? And when are you going to do it?" Tara asked.

"I don't know. I have to do it soon, like before school starts tomorrow. But I'm scared," I admitted out loud.

"Me too, but probably not like you. I don't think that you should be alone when you break it off. And yes, before you ask, I think you need to do it in person." Tara grimaced.

"I was afraid of that. He probably won't listen to anything I have to say on the phone. Where should I do it, then?"

"School. There would be a lot of witnesses if he tried to do something, and then I'll be next to you all day. Nothing will happen, anyway. I think he would have to be crazy to do anything, especially since he's already been suspected in another violent crime," Tara supplied.

"School? Didn't I just say that I didn't want the whole school knowing everything?"

"All they will be interested in is the why, and I can spread something juicy that everyone will believe, and they won't look any further. And I agree with Noah. You need to tell your mom really soon," she rushed out.

"I know, but I don't want to disappoint her and she's going to worry. I just hate to put her through all this."

"It sounds like you think this is your fault when it isn't. You didn't do anything wrong. He's the idiot who can't control his emotions," Tara forcefully said.

"I know, but it's hard remembering that from where I'm sitting," I said, feeling more and more depressed. "I still can't believe that I let all of this happen. I must have some serious issues even I'm not aware of."

"Well, I wish there was something more I could say, but I'm not sure there is. Except that I don't think you have issues. I think you were vulnerable, and Will saw you as someone who's weak when you clearly aren't. He thought he could treat you like he has others, not realizing that you're nothing like them. I have to get going now. I have a few phone calls to make to set up your breakup. Don't worry, I won't make it too bad. Just interesting enough to catch some attention." She patted me on the knee as she slid off the bed.

I walked her out to her car, then sat on the porch swing for a while, letting my mind wander until I heard the door open as my mom came out to join me. "Dinner is almost ready."

I nodded and she looked at me, then leaned against the railing and looked out over the land surrounding the cabin.

"I get the feeling that you aren't telling me something, Victoria. I didn't think you were that into Will, but the way you're agonizing over all of this makes me think there is more to it than a simple disagreement with him. I wish that you would tell me, but I know you. You probably want to have it all figured out before you say anything, and I'll respect that. Just don't shut me out, Victoria. I will help you with this as much as you'll let me."

I wasn't as shocked as I thought I would be when she'd started talking, but she was right. She knew me better than anyone else. Maybe I should tell her everything, but I kept my mouth shut. I just couldn't dump all of this on her right now.

"I'm not really hungry, Mom. I think I'm going to go back down to the barn for a while. I won't be late coming back and I'll tell you everything as soon as I can. I promise," I managed to get out around the lump in my throat.

Mom stayed where she was as I got up, made my way down the stairs, and walked through the trees toward the barn. I visited Lily for a few moments, then climbed up the ladder to the hayloft. I went to the same place I had been that morning and sat down, drawing my knees up to my chest.

I heard a low, murmuring voice, and then Lily snorted. I wasn't surprised to see Noah's face appear above the loft floor. "I wasn't sure that you'd come." He smiled.

"I couldn't stay in the house with my mom. She knows that I'm not telling her something and it makes me feel so guilty keeping it from her. Tara told me that I should break up with him at school. That way there are witnesses and he won't do anything. This sucks! Why is this so hard?"

Noah pulled me up against his chest and held onto me. It was so comforting, but I knew I had to say something about all of this before he got the wrong idea. "Noah, I have to tell you something, and I'm not sure that you're going to like it," I said into his chest.