Bruises of the Heart (15 page)
Read Bruises of the Heart Online
Authors: J. J. Nite
"I don't think I need a therapist right now. Just knowing that I'm not hiding this big secret anymore is a huge relief."
"Well, if you ever think that you need one, let me know and we'll find you someone."
"Okay."
"Now, I have one more question, and possibly a small request to make."
I nodded.
"What is going on with you and Noah? I know that it might not be any of my business, but after everything that I've learned tonight, I think that I deserve to know at least some of the details."
"Well, nothing is really going on. He told me that he still loves me and that he knows it was a mistake to break up with me. I told him that I wasn't ready to jump back into any relationship yet. He understands that, but wants to be there as a friend for me. Then when I'm ready
â
if I'm ever ready
â
he'll be there," I said, smiling.
"The two of you have something really special, you know. It reminds me of Cole and me. I was just as surprised
â
maybe more so
â
when he broke things off. I had seen the two of you together and actually grow together. It was nice to see. Can I ask you just one more thing?"
"Umm, yeah," I said, still reeling from everything she had just said.
"Has he told you why he really broke it off?"
I shook my head.
"Before you decide anything, I think that in order for you to really forget and forgive, he's going to have to tell you why. I know that it's just your mom telling you this and it probably doesn't seem like a big thing right now, but it might be something that comes back to haunt you later. I don't want you to have to deal with that after you patch things back up with him."
I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded, then said goodnight. After I got into bed, the weight of everything that had happened that day dragged me down, but I refused to cry. After a while, I was able to relax enough to sleep.
My dreams, however, didn't let me rest for long. At first they were a confused mixture of people I knew, memories of the past year and the summer before
â
a time before Will had entered my life, before I'd started lying to myself about my feelings, before I'd disappointed everyone I knew, before I'd become an abused person
â¦
a victim. Then my dreams changed, focusing on the one scene that had been repeating.
I was back in the hallway, trying to get to Noah, to the light, but this time the darkness stepped up beside Noah and I stopped in mid-stride. I saw the dark figure smile widely as he grabbed Noah by the throat. I watched, helpless, as Noah was pulled down and disappeared from sight.
I woke in mid-scream, trying to get my bearings in my half-awake state. My door banged open as my mom came rushing into the room. "Are you okay, Victoria?" she asked, anxiously grabbing my hands.
"I'm okay. It was just a bad dream."
"That must have been one scary dream. Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes it helps if you talk it out, then it doesn't seem quite as scary. Like we did when you were little," she said.
"No, I'm okay. It was just really weird. I think the day just caught up with me in my dreams is all. I'll be okay," I said, not knowing if I was reassuring her or myself.
"If you're sure. I'm just in the next room if you need anything. You can always wake me up if you need to talk," she said, getting up from my bed.
"Thanks, Mom."
"Anytime, sweetie."
I lied awake a long time before I could even attempt falling back to sleep. My main worry was for Noah. Was my dream prophetic? I sincerely hoped it wasn't. If anything happened to him because of me
â¦
I didn't know if I could survive losing him forever.
Did that answer my question about how I felt about him? Possibly, but my mom was right. I needed to know his true reason for breaking things off with me, then I would really be able to trust what I was feeling for him and that he didn't want to get back together out of some sense of guilt.
I was finally able to shut my mind off long enough to get a little more rest before I had to get up and go to school. I knew Will would be there, and I needed the sleep in order to deal with all of what I was sure was coming.
The ride to school the next morning wasn't as nerve-wracking as I'd thought it would be. I had been more nervous on the drive to the police station earlier and, since my mom and I had finished there, I was able to relax a little bit.
After we'd told the receptionist why we'd come, we'd been greeted by a policewoman in her early thirties. She'd had a pleasant face and a soothing voice, but for the life of me I couldn't remember her name.
I'd told her everything that had happened, and she'd entered it all into a computer file she had started for me. Then she'd taken photos of the bruises on my arms. She'd said everything would be kept confidential, and should I ever change my mind about pressing charges, all she would have to do was pull the report up and add any new details that had occurred.
She had warned me in cases like these, the abuser often did not just stop when the relationship ended. There were statistics that I couldn't remember now, but I'd thought they were higher than they should be. I'd also been warned that Will would try to worm his way back into my life, and I should stay strong and stick to my decision.
All of the information was still repeating like a continuous loop in my brain as we drove to school. The scenery sped by and none of it registered, even though this was my favorite time of year. Mom dropped me off out front and, after assuring her I would be fine to walk inside the doors to the office by myself, she finally let me out of the truck.
After checking in, I made my way to fourth period and found Tara. I smiled at her anxious expression to reassure her I was fine, then went to sit next to her.
"How did it go this morning?" she asked.
"It was fine. I was really nervous when we got there, but then once I started talking, it all went away. Until we got in the truck to come here."
"It's probably a good thing that you weren't here this morning. Noah almost hit Will in the parking lot."
"What happened?" I whispered.
Tara glanced around to be sure no one was listening before answering me. "Will came over to Noah and me in the parking lot this morning, demanding to know where his girlfriend was and to tell us that he didn't appreciate us filling your head with all kinds of nonsense. Noah yelled back that you weren't his girlfriend anymore because you broke things off. That's when things got a little out of control."
"How out of control?"
"Not as much as I'm sure Noah wanted it to get. Will said something about really enjoying his time alone with you and wondered why Noah had never enjoyed you quite as much," Tara said, blushing as she repeated what had been said.
"I'm going to kill him myself. How could he lie like that?" I was shocked by how easily he could insult me.
"I've always told you that boys are stupid. Anyway, that's when Noah almost hit him, but just then one of the VP's came out and yelled for everyone to get inside before we were all late. I actually walked Noah all the way to his class to be sure that he wasn't going to do something really stupid," Tara finished.
"I wonder what would have happened if I had been here?"
"Nothing good. Maybe he'll settle down during school today and it won't be such a big deal getting out of here this afternoon," Tara said hopefully.
"Here's hoping," I responded.
The rest of the day was predictably stressful for me, and I think a little for Tara as well. Will didn't have a lot of chances to try and talk to me, but the few he did have, he made the most of. He apologized so eloquently that if I hadn't still been furious over what he had said that morning to Noah, I might have believed him. I tried to ignore him, but finally had to say something to get him to leave me alone at least for a moment.
"Will, I've already told you it's over. You need to accept that and stop talking to me. I'm not going to change my mind, so stop trying," I said, turning and walking away quickly with Tara by my side.
Luckily we had only one more class, then we could leave and I hoped tomorrow would be a better day.
The walk out to the student lot was easier than I assumed it had been that morning, because everyone was trying to get out as quickly as possible instead of everyone showing up a few at a time. I could see Will waiting by his car as we walked out, and I could also see his face darken when he saw me with Noah.
Tara and I left as quickly as the line of cars would allow, then drove to my grandparents' house. A shiny black car followed us, but only to the turnoff for the driveway, then it just kept going.
"I was nervous that he was going to follow us all the way to the house," Tara almost whispered.
"I know. Me too. Don't tell anyone, though, or my mom will insist that someone else pick me up from school every day like a little kid."
"That would do wonders for your social life," Tara said, starting to giggle so hard she couldn't stop.
I couldn't help but join in, and that was how my grandparents saw us getting out of the car. They were both waiting on the front porch for us, which made me laugh all the harder. We managed to climb up the steps, holding onto one another.
"Well, aren't the two of you a sight?" my grandmother, Cecelia, said.
"I hope that you didn't try to drive like that," my grandfather, Mark, added.
We couldn't stop long enough to answer. Finally they just shook their heads and went back inside, leaving us on the front porch. Apparently it was okay for me to be only partially supervised.
Tara and I were finally able to control ourselves and we just grinned at each other.
"That was nice."
"It was nice. I needed a little bit of a stress reliever," I said. "Thanks for everything you're doing. I'm not sure that I could handle all of this if I didn't have you and Noah to back me up."
"It's no big deal. You're my best friend and I know that you'd do the same for me."
"Nevertheless, thanks."
"Anytime."
****
I was nervous the whole ride to school the next day, and even Tara's information about what people were saying about my breakup with Will couldn't distract me.
It was almost a relief to pull into the parking lot next to Noah's truck again. I was already scanning the lot and didn't see Will's car. My stomach started to unknot, but then I saw it pull into the lot and park as far from where we were as possible.
"C'mon, let's go before he can start anything out here," Noah said, and we all started walking together. Instead of leaving Tara and me to go on to our first period alone, Noah walked with us the whole way. I didn't know why he thought it was necessary, but he did, so we went along with it even though I felt he was overreacting.
"I think that we'll be fine from here," Tara said dryly.
"Thanks, Noah. I'll see you next period."
"Have a good class," he said.
"You too." I smiled.
I slid into my seat and Tara looked over at me. Then she stiffened beside me and her gaze riveted on the door. I didn't need to turn to see who she was looking at.
I looked at my desktop and tried to block out the looming figure as he stood beside me, then slid into the seat in front of me. I tried to pretend there wasn't a sudden outbreak of whispers in the classroom. Luckily Mr. Holmes started class just then, so the whispers died away, but I still couldn't really concentrate. I wasn't sure I was going to make it to the bell.
"I don't think I've ever had a longer class in my whole life," I told Tara as we made our way to second period.
"Yeah, I was wondering how uncomfortable that was going to be for you," she said sympathetically.
"I'm afraid to ask, but what was everyone whispering about?"
"Not much, really. The typical 'He's so gorgeous, how could she break up with him?' 'What was she thinking?' 'Do you think that's he's ready to date yet?'" She shook her head. "If they only knew what a jerk he is, they wouldn't go anywhere near him."
"I hope that none of them do. I would feel really guilty if the same thing happened to someone else just because I didn't want anyone to know what happened to me," I mumbled.
"I don't think anyone else has a chance. Unfortunately, Will's attention seems to be firmly fixed on you," she said, looking at me.
Noah met us outside of class and followed us in. "How did first period go? Did he try anything?"
"It was fine, but uncomfortable. He didn't try to talk to me, so maybe he won't. Maybe he was just as weirded out as I was," I said hopefully.
"I would doubt that, but there is always hope," Noah said before going to his seat on the other side of the room.
The rest of that day and the next passed without incident, and I started to relax. It appeared Will had accepted we were really through and was just trying to get along as best he could. He made no attempt to speak to or even look at me, and with spring break only a few days away, I found I was looking forward to it and started making plans with Tara.
Any and all plans had to be preapproved by my mom. She was proving difficult at best and highly dramatic and overly protective at worst.
"Mom, all we want to do is go shopping for the day in Riverside and get some new summer clothes. Nothing is going to happen in the middle of the day with a bunch of people around."
"I would still feel better if you girls would just wait for me to go with you, or if you took Noah with you."
"Oh yeah, Noah would just love shopping all day with us. Come on! Please?" I asked, stretching the word out as long as possible without sounding whiny.
"Let me think about it and I'll let you know. That's the best that you're going to get from me right now, so I would take it if I were you. I'm not trying to ruin your life, Victoria. I just want you to be safe. Just because the last two days have gone without incident, I'm not convinced that he won't still try to at least contact you," she said, sounding her most motherly.
I just nodded. Mom didn't use that tone very often, but when she did, it meant there was no arguing with her and I should just retreat for the moment, which I did
â
to my bedroom. I tried to concentrate on my homework, but there was just no helping the fact I was really keyed up and excited about the possibility of going out shopping with Tara.
It wasn't so much the actual shopping I was looking forward to, but the freedom the day would provide. No one watching over my shoulder or staring at me, wondering if I was doing okay. Even though I knew they only did it because they cared about me, it was starting to get on my nerves. I was hoping if I could show everyone I could go somewhere and nothing would happen, maybe they would loosen up a little bit.
"Has your mom given you an answer yet about next week?" Tara asked the next morning.
"No. She wants time to think about it, which means that she's hoping I'll change my mind so she doesn't have to be the one to make the decision. Nothing has happened, and I really don't think that anything is going to. I do, however, understand why she is still nervous. There are times when I'm still scared beyond belief, but I push it away as quickly as I can. I'm not going to live in fear."
"No one should have to. By the way, the general consensus around school is that you must have either been insane to break up with Will or you still have feelings for Noah and finally realized it. Most people are waiting to see how long before you and Noah start back up, if you haven't already and are just hiding it from everyone."
"People need to find something else to talk about."
"I agree with you, but right now you happen to be the most interesting thing since Will showed up. You're also the reason everyone is complaining spring break starts tomorrow, because they will all have to wait a whole week to see what happens next. I've had more phone calls in the past two days than I've had in the past two months."
"Who's calling and what do they want?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"I think they are just trying to talk to me now so when they call over break, it doesn't seem as weird. I'll have to come up with some little tidbit to keep them busy so they leave me alone," Tara said.
"Like you aren't enjoying all of this." I smiled.
"I would be enjoying it a lot more if it wasn't you, and if I didn't have to edit everything I hand out."
Noah walked us to class and then disappeared into the hall, which was his new normal. Tara and I chatted while we waited for class to begin, and even though I was feeling better about everything, I still breathed a silent sigh of relief when Will didn't show up to class.
No one saw him the rest of the day, and I assumed he and his family had probably left early for vacation. Maybe I could use his vacation to convince Mom to let me go shopping. If Will was out of town, there was no way anything would happen. Suddenly, spring break was looking like it was going to be an awesome week off.
