Broken & Damaged Love (3 page)

The redundancy money wouldn’t last long and he started to panic. Another month went by. He had one interview but nothing came of it. Then another month.

He had to go crawling to the unemployment office and put in a claim for benefits. Despite his life with Deborah, this was the most degrading thing he’d ever done.

The people in the unemployment centre made him feel like a criminal. They were so hardened by the vast numbers of serial claimants that this genuine jobseeker didn’t get shown any sympathy or kindness.

They shoved forms at him which he completed, and they proceeded to grill him on which jobs he’d applied for, and what methods of job seeking he was using. They didn’t have any jobs available which would suit his talents, and he couldn’t face the menial offerings they did suggest. Not yet.

“Looks like I’ll have to go to work then,” Deborah moaned at Dean when he got back home.

“Sorry love. Maybe. Just until something comes up.”

“Have you gone for anything else?”

“What else am I qualified to do?”

“Anyone can push shopping trolleys for Tesco, Dean!”

“Yes, but it wouldn’t pay the mortgage,
dear
,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Well, you can’t just slob around here all day.”

He managed not to point out that’s exactly what she did.

So Deborah went back into nursing. She hated the fact she had to go back to work, and resented both the job and her husband. But she had no choice.

As Deborah had so many odd shifts, Dean became the dad at the school gates. The mums smiled at him, but their eyes dismissed him as odd. His self-esteem was at an all-time low. The self-confident, cocky young man was a long and distant memory. He was a completely different person now. If it weren’t for having to get Tina ready for school he probably wouldn’t bother getting out of bed all day. He barely bothered to shave and dress as it was.

When Deborah was working a day shift Dean found himself back at home alone. He quickly washed up the breakfast dishes and wandered through the house. His feet took him upstairs to the bedroom. He caught his reflection in the mirror as he walked past and didn’t recognise himself. He was so tired he let himself collapse down at the bed. He stared up at the ceiling and let tears fall down his face to his ears.

There was nobody else around to tell him how pathetic he was, so he let himself feel his pain. What had he become? He had thought he was in love, but Deborah had changed so much. He still loved her and hoped he’d get the fun loving girl back, but that hope was diminishing every day. She barely spoke to him these days, unless it was to point out a problem.

Before he was fully aware what he was doing, his hand found its way down his jogging bottoms. That felt good. His hand stroked his cock smoothly. Yes, that felt very good. A warm feeling of comfort surrounded him.

He shoved his jogging bottoms down so he could get a better grip. His hand moved faster, making his leg muscles clench. Excitement licked its way through his body. Oh God, that felt so good. He closed his eyes as his hand worked faster and faster until he groaned out loudly as the shockwaves of his orgasm shot through and out of him.

“Fuck!” he’d spunked on the bed. He smirked as he realised it was on ‘her’ side. He quickly got a cloth to clean it up before lying back down.

He actually felt much better for the release. It started to become a regular habit of his when he was at home alone. Maybe that was why Deborah was so upset at having to work? Maybe she’d been pleasuring herself instead of being with him? It would be just like her. Well, she had no option now.

But she did have an option. They managed a quick tangle in the sheets less than once a month. She was exhausted from working and hated missing out on so much of Tina’s life. It was more like twice a year. And Dean was frustrated. His wanking sessions helped, but he wanted more.

Deborah was working a night shift when Dean walked past his daughter’s room. He popped his head in to check she was sleeping soundly. She was.

It was a hot night and she’d kicked off her covers. Her nightie was hitched up and her knees were bent. Then he saw it. His daughter’s naked vagina was on full display. It was so smooth, and innocence flowed off her in waves.

He felt drawn to her, and wanted to reach out and touch it, just to feel what pure love and innocence felt like. He wanted to know. He bit into his bottom lip and his arm reached up, but his feet weren’t moving.

Tina rolled over in her sleep breaking his spell. He shook his head and ran out of her room.

Fuck, what was he thinking? He went and had a shower to clean himself, but the image of her kept coming back into his head. It haunted him. He couldn’t stop thinking about it.

When he was alone the next day he was still thinking about that image when his hand went to his cock. It throbbed painfully, begging for release. He obliged as he was still thinking of being able to be touch Tina. He cried as he came, ashamed of the thoughts that plagued him.

He tried to supplant the image with others. The next day he went online and looked at images of supposed schoolgirls. He got off on it, but it wasn’t the same. He managed to find a site of proper young girls and bingo that was it. That’s what he wanted. But he knew it was still Tina that he really wanted; his. She was his own. 

*If you have triggers or are in any way squeamish about abuse then please skip this chapter. Bad stuff is about to happen.*

Dean was obsessed with the idea, with the thought of touching Tina. It started with touches as he bathed her. This slowly progressed further, but all the time it was subtle and he increased the activity level carefully so she wouldn’t notice.

Then the opportunity arose. Deborah was back on a night shift, and Tina was in bed. He was at her doorway when she woke up crying. He went running up to her.

“There there sweetheart, what’s wrong?” he asked with concern.

“There were monsters, daddy,” she cried.

He scooped her into a hug.

“I was just about to go to bed. Why don’t you come in with me?”

She nodded and he carried her through. He laid down on the bed, with Tina next to him.

She was still crying a little. He reached a hand round and down, and stroked her private parts. His erection was kicking wildly but fortunately there was enough distance between them for her not to be able to feel it. Not that she’d understand what it meant if she did anyway. With his ‘comforting touch’ her cries subsided.

When she was sleeping soundly he crept into the en-suite and relieved his aching balls. He couldn’t believe she hadn’t flinched at his touch. This was going to work. He carefully slid into bed next to his daughter again, feeling like he’d been given a precious gift.

Deborah came home in the small hours.

“What’s she doing in our bed?” she asked in an angry whisper.

“She had a nightmare,” he whispered back.

“I blame Hermione. They watched a scary movie together, and now Tina’s scared there’s vampires in her room. I don’t think she should go round her house any more if her parents can’t be more careful about what the girls watch.”

“Fine. I’ll talk to them,” she grunted.

“No. I’ll have a word with her mother when I see her at school tomorrow.”

Too tired to do anything else, and glad Dean was doing something constructive she stripped and got into bed too. Dean had his back to her but was smiling at how easily he could lie and get away with it.

Dean was a patient man, and took things very slowly. He didn’t want to risk messing up. This was too important.

He started by offering his touch as comfort only. Tina got accustomed to it soon enough, to the point when she preferred it over any other comforting action.

One night she woke up crying because of another nightmare (she had them fairly often). Her mum was home that night and went in to help, but nothing she did seemed to calm her daughter. She stomped back into the bedroom, “I can’t do anything, you try,” she hissed at Dean.

He went to Tina’s bedroom and spoke soothing words to Tina, loud enough for his wife to hear from their room, but reached his hands to stroke Tina under the covers. Her sobs receded, and she was soon calm.

“Why the hell didn’t she listen to me like that?” Deborah huffed.

“Maybe because she’s more used to me? You’re hardly ever here, Deborah,” he bit back.

That hurt. Deborah had no words of retaliation, she felt bad for having to work so much. Of course, she blamed Dean for that, but it didn’t stop her pain.

It only worsened when Tina herself asked her mum the next morning, “Mummy, why don’t you comfort me like daddy does?”

“Because I’m never here apparently,” was Deborah’s answer as she ran out the room to hide her tears.

She had no way of knowing what Tina was really asking her.

Dean was able to back up his lies to Tina like this, and his daughter had no reason to doubt her daddy, whom she loved very much.

One day when they were on their own Dean sat Tina on his lap in front of the computer.

“Look Tina, these daddies all love their daughters very much too. And they’re so proud of them that they share their pictures with each other. I’ve told them all about you and they said they want to see if it’s true about how pretty you are.”

He was of course, talking about the site he’d got involved in, which featured naked pictures of young children. If he was to continue gaining access he had to post a certain number of pictures too.

“There’s even a prize for the best behaved girl,” he added.

Innocent little Tina smiled, “What’s the prize?”

“A lot of ice cream.”

When she heard this Tina’s face lit up, and she agreed at once. Ice cream was her favourite treat. Dean took her into her room and slowly but surely got her to strip, taking pictures all the while.

A few days later Tina asked if they’d won, and Dean had to say they hadn’t yet, but they needed to do some more pictures, then maybe they’d have a better chance.

He obtained more sordid pictures of his own daughter, and after a while he did buy her a large tub of ice cream, telling her that was their prize.

Time wore on, and Dean started to get impatient. He sat Tina down one day and explained mummy had asked him to explain the difference between boys and girls, as she was too busy to do it herself.

They both sat on the bed naked, but Tina’s eyes went wide as she saw her father’s penis. He tried to get her to calm down, but it was a step too far for the young girl.

Something felt wrong about this to her, and she was frightened.

The next day at school she was in class, but she was still worrying about what she’d seen. A yellow stream ran down her leg and puddled on the floor.

She was taken to the office and was given a change of clothes, and the teacher informed Dean when he collected his daughter that afternoon. Of course, he made excuses about her friends watching scary films with her, and promised to talk to her about it.

When they got home Dean sat Tina down to talk to her, already fearing he knew why it had really happened.

He sat her on her bed and told her he needed to check she was OK as there might be something wrong, as good little girls don’t wet themselves. He “examined” her intimately first, before once more taking off his own trousers.

“You seem OK, but you’ve upset him,” he said, indicating his penis.

Tina was immediately upset, as she never wanted to hurt anyone.

“I think you just need to make friends.”

That day he got Tina to touch him, they “shook hands” until…

“Oh no, he’s crying,” she yelped in alarm, jumping back.

“They’re happy tears, Tina. You made him very happy. He likes you.”

From that moment he was able to get her to give him hand jobs at least. Dean felt victorious. He felt as if his daughter’s attention’s honoured him, and was a sign of her love.

Unfortunately for Tina, she looked more like her mother every day in Dean’s eyes. Her red hair and green eyes drew him to her like a moth to a flame. And the further he got with her the more he wanted.

She was soon pleasuring him orally too. He made it all like a game to her.

He’d read her stories of The Famous Five; a harmless children’s book on its own, but in his hands it became a dangerous tool. Every time he said the name Dick she would have to “kiss him” (Dean’s penis) and every time he said the name Aunty Fanny he would have to “kiss her”.  Of course, Dick was in the stories a lot more often, which suited Dean completely.

There were so many ‘games’ and so many ways of deceit that Tina still had no idea of what was happening. She was lulled by his appearance of love and affection. She completely believed she was special to him.

Dean had not been idle all this time either. The mums slowly started to accept his presence at the school gates, and he’d heard one of them fretting over her computer problems. He explained his background and offered to help. She insisted on paying him for his trouble, and word soon got around that he was a “computer whizz”.

He started earning quite a bit of money (all cash in hand, obviously), which contributed to the household bills. This was enough to give Deborah encouragement. Once he grew his business he set it up properly. It was perfect; he was a freelance computer guru, which meant he could work from home.

He didn’t declare all the money to his wife (or the tax man), which meant Deborah still had to keep working. To change their arrangement would have meant spoiling his fun.

Long before Tina was in her teens Dean had already worked his way up to fully penetrative sex with her. Much to his disappointment, she didn’t seem to enjoy it as much as he’d hoped.

In his mind, he had done everything right; he’d told her how special she was, how much he loved her, how this was a special reward for her etc. And he never wanted to hurt her, and had made doubly sure she was well lubricated. He didn’t understand why she wasn’t more responsive to him. He was scared that if he forced her too hard that she’d tell someone, so once more he had to be patient.

“You do love me, don’t you, Princess?” he asked before trying again.

“Of course daddy.”

“You know I’d never do anything to hurt you, don’t you?”

“But you did hurt me,” she admitted timidly.

“I did?”

“Uh huh. When George went hunting.”

George was their pet name for his penis, and he’d told her a story about him going out for a hunt one day, but he had to go through a dark tunnel to find the best berries.

Dean gathered Tina to him in a hug. “My darling, I’m so sorry. You should have said. I’ll be more careful. Let’s try again now, and you just say if it hurts OK?”

She was still hesitant.

“OK Tina, I’ll tell you what. I’ll lie on my back so you can climb on top. That way you’re in control, and you can stop if it hurts.”

Regrettably, Tina accepted this. She thought her daddy was so kind and caring. He only wanted her to be happy. She didn’t want him to get angry at her. He frightened her when he was angry.

He would hug her close after he had finished, showering her with kisses, “I love you so much Tina. You make me so happy,” he’d tell her. “You’re such a good girl.”

I feel the need to point out here that this was still far from consensual. Tina had been groomed for many years, and was so wrapped up in her father’s lies she was like a fly in his spider’s web. There was no way she could tell right from wrong in this scenario.

Going along with something you’re forced into is very different from doing something because you actually want to.

Of course, being the one at home, Dean was in control of all the washing, so there was never any physical evidence. And he was always careful to lay a large towel down on the bed before their activities. It was easier to wash a towel than a full set of bed sheets anyway.

Years passed in this way. Dean and Tina had their routine, and Tina was too scared of her mum’s temper to mention anything about what they did.

She wanted to tell her about the fun times, but she didn’t want to make her mum jealous or upset, as her dad had warned her she would be. And she didn’t have many (if any) friends at school.

She sort of blurred into the background. She was so quiet not many people noticed her. And the few who did notice teased her for being “Ginger”.

She was therefore all the more grateful for her father’s love. She could go home and tell him how mean the other kids had been, and he would hold her and show her how much he loved her.

Many moons later at school, Tina and her classmates were being given a Sex Ed lesson. She was now fifteen. They were learning about relationships and sexual intercourse. Tina’s hand shot up to ask a question.

“Miss, you said couples are usually close in age. What if the man’s older?”

“Well, yes, either partner can be older.”

“How much older?”

“Well, it depends on the people.”

“So, if there was someone like my dad’s age…? Would that be OK?”

The teacher paused. It seemed an odd question.

“Well, it’s unusual but there are people who have twenty or more years’ difference. There’s no law about age as long as you’re both over sixteen.” 

The class were all laughing. Everyone except Tina that is. She blushed as everyone laughed at her, and then all colour had drained from her face as the teacher’s words hit home.

It was like a truck had just hit her, or she’d run into a brick wall. Something plummeted inside her, and she felt cold. Her body stiffened.

The class were still laughing as she ran out of the room, down the corridor and into the loos, where she promptly threw up.

The teacher regained control of her class and finished the lesson. When Tina still didn’t return she went looking for her.

She heard the sobs from the toilet cubicle, and knew at once what was so badly wrong. She felt sick herself; could this really be happening? She knocked on the door, having shooed any other girls away.

“Tina? Is that you?”

She knew full well that it was.

“It’s Mrs Strauss, Tina. Can you let me in?”

There was nothing but sobs for a while, but eventually the door creaked open, and Mrs Strauss saw a mess of a girl perched on the toilet (lid closed).