Breathe Again (21 page)

It was Jackson calling, and I glanced at the clock on the
microwave to see what time it was. It was nearly ten o’clock, which meant he
was still up at almost one in the morning in New York, where he was promoting
the new film and hosting
SNL
on Saturday.

“Hey, baby,” he said as soon as I picked up, and I felt a
pang of loneliness at the sound of his voice. He was just too far away.

“Hi,” I said quietly, heading back to the couch to sit down.

“How’s everything over there?” he asked. I could faintly hear
voices in the background, but I could also hear how tired he was.

“Oh, you know,” I said, smiling a little. “Just the same as
it always is. I got up at the butt crack of dawn so that I could put my cranky
customers into sugar-induced comas, trained my new incompetent assistant in the
art of how
not
to burn cookies, and drank my weight in coffee. Then there were the rock star
and award-winning actress that came in to see me today. You know, same old same
old.”

Jackson chuckled on the other end of the phone. “Lucy told me
that she and Jude visited today.”

I bit my lip, hoping she didn’t mention anything about my
breakdown. “Did she?”

“Yeah,” he said. “She also told me that someone upset you,
and to ask you about it. Mellie, why didn’t you tell me about this guy?”

I sighed. “It’s nothing, Jackson. He’s just a harmless
customer who just might have a little thing for me. You have nothing to worry
about, believe me.” I felt bad for lying to him about who Collin actually was,
but I knew it really didn’t matter.

“I can’t help it, Mellie,” he said, and I almost wanted to
cry at how sincere he sounded. “I love you, and I don’t want anything to happen
to you. You might think he’s harmless, but what if he isn’t? He needs to
understand that nothing is going to happen between the two of you. Have you
talked to Josephine about it yet?”

“Not yet, but only because she wasn’t in today. She’s been
gone all week, but I promise I’ll say something when she gets back. Not that I
know what she can do about it . . .”

“She can talk to him, tell him to leave you alone or he won’t
be welcome back,” Jackson said angrily.

“I can’t ask her to do that, Jackson,” I said softly. I knew
all he wanted to do was protect me, but he was being paranoid. “He’s harmless,
I promise.”

Jackson let out a breath into the phone. “Mellie, I know you
believe that, but I’ve heard some scary shit about weird guys like this. You’re
publicly known now, you have to remember that. People are going to want to know
you, to see you, and as scary as it sounds, to be with you, whatever it takes.
Has he ever mentioned seeing you on TV or anything?”

I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me. “No,” I
said. “He hasn’t really said much of anything, just asked how I am and
whatever.” I didn’t tell him about the flowers, and it didn’t sound like Lucy
had either.

He was silent for a second. “Alright,” he said finally. “But
promise me that you’ll keep me updated, and that you’ll still talk to Josephine
about it. I can send some security over there too, if that would make you feel
better.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jackson,” I said immediately. “I don’t
need anybody watching over me while I’m working. There are plenty of other
people here. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” he said, and I hoped the conversation was over. “I just
love you, Mellie. And I miss you. Maybe not being near you is making me a
little paranoid. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” I said, my heart happy at his confession. “I
miss you too.”

“Now, tell me about your plans with Lucy tomorrow.”

I was already dressed, and was
finishing up my makeup, when Lucy called me the next day. She was supposed to
pick me up at eight, but was going to be a little late. It was almost eight
o’clock when she called, so I took my time with my makeup, and then went into
the living room to keep myself occupied while I waited. She said she wouldn’t
be more than fifteen minutes or so, but I was getting hungry. I really hoped
that her plans included dinner, since I hadn’t eaten since lunch.

When she still hadn’t shown up by eight fifteen, I headed
into the kitchen to get something quick to eat. I had just settled on a yogurt
and some almonds when I heard the back door to the kitchen open. I’d left it
open for Lucy to come up, so I just figured that it was her. I went to put my
yogurt back, but kept a handful of almonds to munch on while we headed wherever
we were going. I was about to open the door to my loft for Lucy, but heard
someone try to turn the handle without knocking. Lucy was known to just march
in wherever she wanted, but she at least announced herself first.

“Lucy?” I called out, heading to the door to open it for her,
but she didn’t answer. “Lucy, is that you?” I called out again. I paused. She
would say something, announce herself. Lucy wasn’t a quiet person; she wouldn’t
just sneak up on me like this.

I felt my stomach drop. Something was really off about this
whole situation. I didn’t have a peephole on my front door, so I couldn’t see
who was outside. Jackson had a key, so he wasn’t surprising me by coming home
early, and nobody else would come up without telling me first.

I backed away from the door, but not before reaching up and
turning the deadbolt to double-lock the door. Whoever was trying to get in was
now pushing on the door while still turning the handle, trying to force their
way in.

I felt cold sweat drip down my back, and I shivered. They
were trying to get into my apartment. Someone was actually trying to break in.
And they knew I was here.

“Go away,” I shouted, my voice shaking. “Leave me alone.”
They still didn’t answer, and I felt tears pool in my eyes. As scared as I’d
been in my life, nothing had ever compared to this.

Suddenly, I remembered that Lucy was supposed to be here any
minute now. I prayed desperately that she would stay away, that she’d take just
a little bit longer to get here.

I pulled my phone out of my purse with shaking hands, and
quickly pressed her name on the screen. I knew I should call the police, but I
didn’t want her to come while someone was in the stairwell.

“Lucy,” I sobbed as soon as I heard her pick up the phone,
before she could even say hello. “Someone is trying to get into my apartment.
Stay away, okay? I need to call the police, but if you’re here, stay in your
car.”

“Oh my god, Mellie, what? What are you talking about?” she
asked quickly, and I could hear the fear in her voice as well.

“It’s not you at my door, is it?” I wanted to shriek into the
phone, but spoke as quietly as I could. I didn’t want whoever was at the door
to hear me, to know that Lucy was supposed to be here any minute now.

“No, it’s not me,” Lucy said quickly. “I’m five minutes away,
I’ll be there soon, I promise. Just keep them out and call the police.”

“Stay away, Lucy. Don’t come up here unless you see the cops
outside, do you hear me?”

“Hang up the fucking phone and call the police, Mellie. And
get a bloody bat or something. And hide.” She hung up, and I pulled the phone
away from my ear and stared at it in fear.

My fingers were shaking almost too badly for me to call 911,
but I did. I called out as I pressed the numbers, “Go away, whoever you are.
I’m calling the police right now.”

For the first time, the person outside actually acknowledged
that I was in here. He laughed, and I almost threw up.

“I’ll be in there long before the police get here, Mellie.”

When I recognized the voice, I really did throw up. And then
I grabbed the biggest butcher knife from my kitchen. I didn’t hide. I wanted to
know why he was here, why he was trying to break into my apartment. I wasn’t
just scared, I was pissed. He hurt me once, and I let it go. Now he was trying
to hurt me again.

“What do you want, Collin?” I yelled, trying to steady my
shaking voice. I didn’t want him knowing I was terrified. I still had the phone
up to my ear, but the dispatcher hadn’t picked up yet. I closed my eyes and
prayed they would soon. I didn’t know long my old door would stand up to
Collin.

“I just want to talk to you, Mellie. I want to know why you
think you’re so much better than I am. Why you won’t even give me the time of
day. I thought we had a good thing going, and then you had to fuck it all up.”

I heard the lock on the doorknob click, and I knew he must
have unlocked it somehow. Thankfully, the deadbolt was still locked, but he was
working on that too.

“911, what is your emergency?” I heard a female voice say
over the phone, and I felt myself breathe out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t over
yet; Collin was still alternating between working on the deadbolt and shoving
the door with what sounded like his entire body.

“Yes, hi,” I said. I was trying to keep my voice calm, but I
knew it was useless. I was freaking the fuck out. “There’s someone trying to
break into my apartment. Please, please send someone.”

“Alright, ma’am, can you tell me what your name is?” I told
her. “And where do you live?” I racked my brain to come up with my address. I
knew it, of course, but the stress of the situation had overwhelmed me and the
numbers were all mixed up in my head.

“Um, it’s 4429 Barrington, in Brentwood,” I said, my heart
beating a mile a minute. “Wait, no, it’s 4249 Barrington. I live above the
Olive Sweet Café, at the corner of Barrington and Stewart.”

“Okay, ma’am, I have your location and someone is on the way.
Can you stay on the phone with me until they get there?”

“Yes,” I whispered in response.

“Is there somewhere else in the apartment that you can lock
yourself?”

“My bathroom,” I said, really only to myself, but my feet
wouldn’t move. I was still standing in the kitchen, my phone in one hand and
the butcher knife in the other, staring at the door.

“Okay, Melanie, go into the bathroom and lock the door. Stay
on the phone with me.” I was starting to hyperventilate and my feet felt like
lead, but I somehow was able to move from the kitchen to the living room, and
from the living room into my bedroom. I was almost at the bathroom door when I
heard Collin unlock the deadbolt.

“Oh god,” I whispered. “He’s inside.” I didn’t wait for the
dispatcher to respond, just launched myself into the bathroom and locked the door.
It wasn’t much; the door was old and you could pick the lock with just a knife,
but I had nowhere else to go. Suddenly my studio apartment, which I once loved
and felt so safe in, was stifling and small. It felt like it was closing in on
me, and I couldn’t breathe.

“Mellie,” Collin called out. I could tell he was still in the
front part of the apartment, but it wouldn’t take him long to figure out where
I was. I should have hidden in a kitchen cabinet or something.

“Are you still there, Ms. Devlin?” the dispatcher said.

“I am,” I whispered, though I knew it didn’t matter if Collin
could hear me or not. It was just a matter of seconds before he would be in my
bedroom, and then in the bathroom.

“Okay, Melanie, officers are only four minutes away, keep
holding on for now. Just listen to my voice.”

I was trying to listen to her voice, I really was.

But it didn’t matter. I let out a bloodcurdling scream when I
heard the bathroom door unlock, as easily as if he had just turned the handle.
The café was closed, and my nearest neighbor was nearly two blocks away. Nobody
was going to hear me.

I was on the floor. I didn’t know how I’d gotten there, but I
found myself looking up into Collin’s face. He’d been drinking; his normally
spotless suit was dirty, and his shirt unbuttoned at the top. His tie was
loosened, and I could see a five o’clock shadow across his face.

“There you are, Mellie,” he said, smiling. I scrambled back
on the floor to get away from him, but he was in front of me with just a few
strides.

In my haste to get away from him, I had dropped both the
knife and the phone. He saw them on the floor, then smirked at me.

“You think you’re going to save yourself, are you? Where’s
your Prince Charming?” he spat out. I was dangerously close to passing out from
hyperventilating, so I closed my eyes, willing myself to slow my breathing.

“What do you want, Collin?” I whispered. I wanted to sound
confident, unaffected, but it was pointless. It didn’t matter what he wanted; I
knew what he was going to do to me. He had that look in his eye, one that I’d
seen once or twice before, with Daniel.

“I want you, of course,” he said, like it was the most
obvious thing in the world. “Stand up.”

I ignored him, turned my face away so I wasn’t looking at
him. If I were smart, I would do what he said. I tried to tell myself to listen
to him, to just do it, but I couldn’t. I needed to resist, to show him that he
couldn’t just have whatever he wanted.

I felt a sharp pain at the base of my skull, and suddenly I
was on my knees. He was dragging me up by my hair. I pulled away instinctively,
and a white-hot pain hit me directly in the face. He’d smacked me, hard.

“You think you’re too good for me, Mellie Devlin. You leave
me looking like an idiot at one of the nicest restaurants in Los Angeles, in
front of one of my oldest friends. I was humiliated; I couldn’t leave my house
for a week. But all you are is a gold-digging whore. I saw your pictures all
over the Internet. I wasn’t good enough for you; I’m just an accountant, not
some fucking pussy with a Mercedes. Look at me.”

I felt tears on my cheeks, but I refused to look at him. He
jerked my face up, my hair still in his hand. His other hand snaked up to my
neck, and yanked. My grandmother’s pearl necklace snapped, the individual
pearls falling to the bathroom floor.

“You’re pathetic,” I said and spat at him. He wiped his
cheek, then smiled at me. He hit me again, this time with the back of his hand.
I felt a warmth spread from my lip, and I knew I was bleeding.

“I’m not pathetic,” he said, laughing. “I’m fucking pissed
because some slut thinks she can just walk all over me and get away with it.”

“I walked out on you in that restaurant because I don’t do
assholes,” I said, staring him straight in the eye this time.

He wasn’t laughing anymore, just looking at me with what I
could only describe as . . . hunger. It was terrifying.

“Behind every great asshole is a bitch that did something to
piss them off.”

And then he kicked me right in my stomach, and I swear I felt
it burst inside of me. I couldn’t breathe; the air was knocked out of me. I
tingled all over, and not in the good way. I struggled to breathe at the same
time I fought the urge to vomit again.

I was going to die. I knew that the police should arrive any
minute now, but I knew I was going to die. Collin wasn’t going to let this go.
He was the one who had hurt me, but he had turned it all around. He was blaming
his own insecurities on me, when all I’d wanted was to be loved by someone who
would actually appreciate me. All Collin wanted was a pretty trophy on his arm,
someone to give him a blow job every once in a while.

I felt another blow to my ribs. He let go of my hair and let
me crumple to the floor. I was on the verge of passing out, and part of me
wanted to just let go, but I couldn’t. I needed to fight it, to let him know
that he wouldn’t win, so I tried to stand up, using the edge of the tub to
brace myself.

“You’re a coward, Collin. I’m not better than you. Or I
wasn’t. All I wanted was someone to love me, but you’re incapable of love.”

The last thing I remember before blacking out was another
blow to the jaw and the bathtub coming perilously close to my face.