Breathe Again (8 page)

Morning came far too quickly for me. I
had literally passed out in his bed. It was actually kind of embarrassing. By
the time I woke up, Jackson was already out of bed. When I opened my eyes, I
could see him brushing his teeth in the bathroom. Naked.

Hell. Yes.

He caught me looking at him and I threw the blanket back over
my head, blushing furiously. I was still naked too, which made me blush even
more. I’d never slept naked. Not once in my life.

“Good morning,” he said, making his way back to the bed and
slipping underneath the blankets.

“Morning,” I said, my voice full of sleep. I laid my head on
his shoulder and sighed contently.

“How’d you sleep?” I asked, running my fingers down his chest
and letting them rest on his stomach. It was still kind of hard for me to
believe that this was all real life; that I’d actually slept next to Jackson
and that he wanted me.

“Not well,” he said bluntly. Not what I expected.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, frowning. Jackson just laughed.

I felt that blush creep back up to my cheeks, and was once
again all too aware of my current state of undress. I began to scoot away from
him on the bed, pulling the sheet with me, but Jackson refused to let me go.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” he whispered into my hair. “You have
absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. You really don’t know how sexy you
are, or how happy I am to have you here right now, do you?”

I frowned into his chest. When he realized that I wasn’t
going to answer, he pulled me away so he could look me in the eye.

“What is it?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly, avoiding his gaze. He took my chin
gently in his hand, turning my face toward him and forcing me to look him in
the eye.

“That’s not true,” he said softly.

I bit my lip, knowing that there was no real reason for me to
feel so nervous. Jackson had made it very clear the night before how much he
adored my body and it had thrilled me then. I’d never felt so wanted before,
but that was the problem.

“Nobody’s ever told me I’m sexy before,” I whispered.

Jackson’s loud snort interrupted our otherwise quiet morning.

“What?” I asked, a little too harshly, annoyed that he was
laughing at me.

“You can’t be serious,” he said, giving me a pointed look
that traveled from my face to my covered chest and all the way down to my toes.

I shook my head just a centimeter, once again embarrassed by
the way he was looking at my body.

“To say that you’re sexy would be the understatement of the
century. You have no idea how many times I had to keep myself from waking you
up in the middle of the night, just so that I could touch you again. Forget any
lingerie model, you’re the definition of sexy.”

I felt myself blush again, though I didn’t try to deny it.
Secretly, I was flattered. Jackson had gone through a very public breakup with
a well-known, and disturbingly beautiful, Victoria’s Secret model the year
before. He most definitely knew, firsthand, what sexy was.

“Do I need to prove it to you, Ms. Devlin?” he whispered
seductively into my ear, pulling me even closer.

“What? No,” I began, but the words trailed off as he began
moving his lips across my neck and down underneath the sheet that covered my
bare body. “Jackson, what are you doing?” I moaned as he kissed his way down my
breasts and to my stomach. I tried futilely, and really without much effort, to
pull him back up to me, but he ignored my attempt by moving straight to where
nobody had ever kissed me before.

He chuckled softly into me as he heard the soft cries coming
from my throat. Finally, after realizing exactly what he was doing and exactly
how good it felt, I let myself go and dug my fingers into his hair. He
obviously knew exactly what he was doing, but it was easy to forget all of that
then.

For the moment I was perfectly willing to let him practice on
me. For the second time in less than twelve hours, I felt an incredible wave of
pleasure wash over me, something that hadn’t happened in far too long. And when
Jackson brought his mouth up, moving on top of me to let me know
exactly
how much he wanted me, I was surprised when I had the energy, and stamina, to
keep going.

He moved lazily into me, rocking gently against me, but with
conviction. It was different than the night before, and it was different than
anything I’d felt with Daniel. It was somehow more intimate, more comfortable
and with less expectation. Jackson moved slowly, taking his time to fully enjoy
the moment, making sure that I did as well. I did, and I definitely didn’t hold
back when he rocked into me one last time. I cried out, once again completely
consumed with Jackson, who was obviously consumed with me as well, judging by
his own groan at our climax together.

Jackson collapsed on top of me, holding me close.

“I could get used to starting my day like that,” he said,
nuzzling my neck with his nose. “You taste so sweet Mellie, so amazing.”

I shifted uncomfortably underneath him, unaccustomed to such
open talk about sex. It was a topic rarely discussed in Selden, even with the
one you were having it with.

As if he could sense my unease, Jackson pulled himself up
sluggishly and propped himself up on his elbow above me. I looked at him
sheepishly.

“Please,” he said, stroking my cheek with his free hand.
“Promise me that you won’t be embarrassed in front of me. I want you to be free
with me; to want to do this together.”

“I do,” I said, leaning my cheek into his hand. “I do want to
do this with you, so much. You just have to understand that this isn’t how it
is where I come from. Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, frowning.

I let out a small sigh. “Sex isn’t . . .” I started to say,
struggling to find words. “Ask anyone in town, and they’ll tell you that you’re
supposed to wait until you’re married. But if they’re really honest with you,
they’ll tell you that it’s just to keep him happy; him being your husband or
your boyfriend. It’s not for
our
pleasure,” I said, motioning to
myself. “If I ever, you know . . .” I said, trailing off and embarrassed at the
implication of my words.

“Came?” Jackson said without shame.

“Well, yeah. If I ever . . .
came
. . .
it was an accident and not due to any effort on Daniel’s part.”

Jackson gaped at me, obviously appalled at my statement. “You
can’t be serious,” he said.

I shrugged, knowing exactly how true it was. I could probably
count on one hand the number of orgasms I’d had with Daniel, and they weren’t
nearly as intense as they were with Jackson. He obviously cared about my
pleasure just as much as his own, if not more. The idea was completely foreign
to me, and a little unsettling.

“Well,” he said, moving away from me and onto his side. “I
guess I’ll just have to prove you wrong.”

I laughed next to him, thoughts of completely sleepless
nights entering my mind. Knowing exactly what I was thinking, Jackson smiled
darkly and moved to attack my neck with sweet, chaste kisses.

“We have all the time in the world, Mellie Rose,” he said
softly.

That simple statement terrified me. It was only a matter of
time before the days and hours ran out, and he was gone. I tried not to think
about that then, remembering the ways he touched me that morning and the night
before, how he kissed and worshipped me. It was enough to forgive him in
advance for anything that might happen between us.

We spent most of the morning in bed,
cuddling and kissing, and he drove me home later in the afternoon. He was
leaving the next day for a publicity tour in Europe and it was surprisingly
hard to say good-bye. But I had known it was coming, and I threw myself into my
work, trying not to let it get to me.

It was Wednesday morning and I was in the kitchen working on
some cupcakes for the afternoon when I heard the door swing open.

“Mel,” Darcy said. “There’s someone here to see you.”

I glanced over my shoulder and saw the smile on her face.
That couldn’t mean anything good.

“Who is it?” I asked, not really wanting to take my
concentration away from my cupcakes at the moment. I had just gotten into the
flow of things and they were just complicated enough to keep my mind off
Jackson.

Darcy shrugged, but her smile stayed in place. “Just come out
and see, those things can wait,” she said, motioning to the tray that I’d just
pulled out of the oven.

“Fine,” I said, sighing. I wiped my hands on a towel and
threw it back onto the counter before making my way out to the café.

The sun was still shining through the large windows at the
front of the room, and the room was filled with light. Josephine had really
made the space beautiful, not in a pretentious way or anything, but in a way
that made it so you wouldn’t mind if you had to work inside all day. White
subway tiles lined the back wall, and dark wood floors made the space feel cozy
and comfortable. There was a long row of tables down the center of the café,
allowing patrons to become friendly with their neighbors if they wanted to,
though bistro-style seating was available along the walls and out in front.
Guests could order a latte or scone to go from the register, or sit down for a
slower-paced breakfast or lunch. It was this comforting atmosphere that brought
people back day after day.

I noticed him as soon as I made my way through the swinging
door. It wasn’t Jackson, of course, but I didn’t doubt that he was somehow
related to him. He had the same tall, muscular build, though he wasn’t nearly
as defined or solid as Jackson, and they shared the same dark, wavy hair. While
Jackson was always clean-shaven, however, this guy had a little scruff that you
could tell was intentional, and it looked like it was supposed to be there.

“Are you Mellie?” he asked once I got behind the counter.

“Yes,” I said, eyeing him suspiciously.

His severe mouth, which was almost frowning, suddenly turned
up in a large, white smile. He even had the same dimple in his chin that
Jackson did.

“This is for you, then.” He brought his hand up from his side
and held out a medium-sized box wrapped in simple white paper.

“Who are you?” I asked. I didn’t take the package, but stared
at it like it might explode right then and there.

He laughed. “I’m Seth, Jackson’s brother. He asked me to
bring this by for you, since he’s gallivanting through London as we speak.”

His laugh made me feel more at ease. It wasn’t as loud as
Jackson’s guffaws, but it was smooth, silky, like he saved it only for certain
people. I reached out to take the package from his hand. He continued to watch
me, the smile never leaving his face.

“Thank you,” I said primly, hoping he wouldn’t notice how
uneasy it all made me.

“Of course,” he replied, his eyes sparkling. I smiled at him
and turned to head back into the kitchen. I really wanted to get out of there,
but his voice stopped me before I could take a step.

“You’re just as pretty as he said you were, Mellie Rose.” I
froze, and by the time I turned to look back at him, he was already out the
door.

I made my way quickly into the kitchen, hoping that Darcy
hadn’t noticed how shaken up I was about the whole situation. No such luck; she
followed me back and I knew that I was cornered.

“What was
that
?” she exclaimed, fanning herself
with her hand dramatically. “He has to be related to Jackson somehow, am I
right?”

“Yeah,” I said quietly, putting the package down on the far
counter before heading back to my cupcakes. I needed to clear my head. “That
was his brother.”

“Well, are you going to open it?” She took it upon herself to
grab the package off the counter and bring it over to where I stood. She
plopped it down right in front of me and pulled herself up on the counter to
sit. Apparently I wasn’t getting out it that easily.

I glared at her for a second, but pulled the package in front
of me and started unwrapping the paper carefully. I’d only gotten about a
quarter of the way through opening it before I realized exactly what it was.
Darcy clapped her hands with glee.

“He misses you!” she said, her legs swinging.

When I’d pulled the rest of the paper off the box holding a
new cell phone, I noticed a card taped to the top.

“I can’t do this, Darcy,” I said, pushing the box out of the
way and leaning over the counter so I could put my head in my hands.

“Well, I can,” Darcy said, bending over me to snatch the box
and card off the counter. I stood up quickly, and took back the box before she
could open it.

“No,” I said. “I got it.” I looked at the box in my hands and
decided to go upstairs to open it in private. I really didn’t want her to see
my face when I read his card. But of course, no such luck. She actually
followed me up the stairs and into my loft. Darcy knew no boundaries.

I sat on the couch and Darcy plopped herself into one of my
chairs, watching me with eager eyes. I set the box down on the coffee table and
pulled the card from where it was taped on top. He’d written my name in his
neat, angular handwriting on the envelope.

Dear Mellie Rose,

I know that you
aren’t really the
type to accept a gift like this, but know that I’m doing it for purely selfish
reasons. I miss hearing your voice and I miss holding you in my arms. This will
really only remedy the first, so I’ll just have to wait until I’m home again t
o see your face or feel your skin against mine. Know that
you’re all that I think about, all that I dream about. I miss you.

Yours,

Jackson

It was such a short, simple note, but it made my heart race.
He missed me. He was thinking about me. I set the card on the table and grabbed
the box instead. I barely even noticed when Darcy grabbed the card, though I
didn’t care much. It wasn’t too mushy or personal, but it still gave me goose
bumps.

I opened the box and pulled out my new, white iPhone. I’d
never actually had a cell phone before; it always seemed like an unnecessary
expense to my parents, who made me use the house phone to talk to Daniel while
he was at school, and I couldn’t afford one now. I couldn’t help but feel a
little excited about having my very first phone.

As soon as I turned it on (which took me a few minutes to
figure out), I noticed that I already had a text message waiting for me. I
pressed my finger to the green icon and Jackson’s name popped up.

I’m glad you agreed to open it. Call me when you have a
chance. I’ll make sure I pick up.

I felt almost giddy at the message. I immediately started
trying to figure out how to actually call him. Darcy wasn’t really paying
attention to me anymore; she was too busy wiping a tear from her eye after
reading the note. I didn’t think it was
that
romantic, but then, I didn’t even cry at my own grandmother’s funeral.

Jackson picked up after the second ring.

“Hi, Mellie,” he said, his throaty voice doing something to
me immediately.

“Hi, Jackson,” I said, holding the phone close. I noticed
Darcy from the corner of my eye, her smile spreading all the way across her
narrow face. She was fanning herself again, mouthing words to me that I
couldn’t understand. I just waved her off and she harrumphed into my bedroom. I
knew she was rummaging through my closet, but I barely noticed. I was too
focused on the deep breathing that I could hear through the phone.

“How are you?” he asked, and it actually took me a second to
find my voice.

“I’m alright,” I said, though I knew it wasn’t really true.
He knew it too. “How are you?”

I could hear Jackson exhale through the phone. “I miss you, a
lot more than I thought I would. It feels good to hear your voice again.”

The butterflies that always found their way into my stomach
when Jackson was near fluttered, causing me to fan myself this time.

“Ditto,” was all I said.

“I’m glad you actually opened the phone. I was almost afraid
you wouldn’t.”

“Well, consider me selfish too,” I said quietly. “What’s your
schedule like today? Too busy being the world’s biggest movie star?”

Jackson laughed humorlessly on the other end. “You could say
that. They’re herding me from place to place, doing interviews and premieres
and whatever. It’s exhausting, but I’m excited to open this movie over here.”

The movie he was talking about had already been out for three
months in the States, but it wasn’t expected to do as well as it did here. As
soon as everyone realized that he actually might have a shot at an Oscar this
year, they started scheduling him for a publicity tour in Europe, hoping to get
the hype up for it. Apparently it was working.

“I’m sorry,” I said, biting my lip. “Am I interrupting
anything?”

“Of course not,” he said immediately. “I’m actually done for
the day, and I don’t have anything until about nine tomorrow morning. It’ll be
a nice break, but it’s not like I actually get to explore the city or anything
while I’m here. I’ll probably just sleep for the next fourteen hours, since
I’ve been running on three hours of sleep for the past two days.”

I frowned. “That’s not right. They should be letting you get
more sleep than that.”

“It’s just part of the job, babe, one of those parts that I
don’t like all that much, but I gotta do what I gotta do.”

I noticed Darcy coming out from behind my closet wall,
holding one of my nightgowns in her hand, frowning at it. I scrambled up,
trying to pull it out of her grasp, but she stepped out of my way quickly.

“What’s going on over there?” Jackson asked, apparently
hearing my scuffle with Darcy.

“Nothing, Darcy is just being a pain in the ass, like
always,” I said, giving up for the moment.

I heard Jackson chuckle through the phone. “Well, why don’t
you call me when she isn’t around, so we can really talk.”

I really didn’t want to put the phone down, but I knew Darcy
wasn’t about to let me go either. “Fine,” I said, my voice sad. “Can you call me
later tonight? That way it’ll be morning for you.”

“Sure,” he said. “Why don’t you call me at ten your time,
that way it’ll be six a.m. over here.”

We agreed, and hung up the phone. I was far too sad when I
had to say good-bye, but I felt better knowing that I would get to talk to him
later.

As soon as I was off the call, Darcy came back out with the
same nightgown in her hand.

“What the hell is this, Mellie?” she asked, shoving it in my
face.

“Uh, it’s a nightgown?” I asked, not really sure where this
was going.

Darcy threw herself onto my couch dramatically. “Please tell
me that you do
not
wear this thing when going to bed
with Jackson. I’m mortified for you right now!”

I felt my cheeks burn, and snatched the thing from her hands.
“Not that it’s any of your business, Darcy, but no. I haven’t worn that around
Jackson.”

The relief on her face was almost comical. “So tell me then,
what
do
you wear when sleeping with him?”

I was
not
having this conversation with her.
I just glared at her instead.

Darcy sat up on the couch, taking my hands in her own. I felt
like I was five years old, being scolded by my mother and then forced to listen
to one of her lectures. Though in this version, I was talking about lingerie
and Darcy was being much nicer than my mom would ever be.

“Mel, you’re currently dating the world’s hottest actor.
There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions of women that would jump into
his bed right now, no strings attached. I suggest you try a little harder in
the lingerie department, if you want him to realize he doesn’t need to jump
into bed with them when he has you.”

I pulled my hands away from her immediately, glaring at her
from across the couch. “I don’t need to seduce my way into his bed with
lingerie, Darcy. He likes me just the way that I am.”

Darcy sighed. “I’m not saying he doesn’t. He would be crazy
not to, if you ask me. But I still think you could treat yourself to something
a little nicer. I mean, my grandmother wears nightshirts like this to bed.” She
made a face at the piece of fabric I still held in my hands.

I looked down at it. It was a little old-ladyish, but I’d
never intended for anyone else to see it. Even if Jackson did see it, it wasn’t
his to dislike.

“Come on, Mel, what time are you off today? I think a trip to
Victoria’s Secret might be in order,” she said, giving me a playful grin. I
groaned, not wanting to even think about stepping into that black hole of
debauchery. “Oh, stop. Just humor me.”

I glanced up at Darcy and saw something there. I guess I was
never really one to let anyone in, either men or women. My friends back home
were really just friends by default; we hung out because it was easy and
expected. But Darcy was here because she wanted to be. Our personalities
couldn’t have been more different, but she still cared about me, in her weird
Darcy way.