Breathe Again (20 page)

Jackson had to leave early the next
morning to do a promotional tour for
Stand Alone
on the East Coast. He was
going to be gone for three weeks, and I knew I was going to be miserable.

It was Tuesday morning, a few days after Thanksgiving, when
Darcy came back into the kitchen again. I was teaching Chloe, the assistant
that Josephine had hired for me, how to make macarons. She had gotten the hang
of it, but just barely. I was starting to convince myself that I would never
actually leave the café long enough for Chloe to take over; I shuddered just
thinking at how she might butcher my recipes.

“There’s someone here to see you,” Darcy called from the
door.

“Did you ask who it was?” I said without looking at her. I
was too busy watching Chloe to make sure she whipped the egg whites to the
right consistency; it was her third attempt, and I was getting tired of her
overdoing it.

“Believe me, you know who they are,” she said, and left
before I could ask her to clarify.

“Fine,” I huffed under my breath. I looked at Chloe, who was
watching me with wide eyes. She was a shy girl, almost too scared of the world
to have much personality, but she was sweet. She also hated it when she screwed
up, which meant that I felt like an ass every time I got annoyed with her. “I’m
going to head out there. Just start making the filling like we did last week.”
She nodded, and I untied my apron.

I recognized Lucy’s squeal as soon as I entered the café. She
didn’t care that behind the counter was employees only; she ran right past
Darcy to throw her arms around me.

“Hey, Lucy,” I said, though it was hard to get it out with
her arms wrapped so tightly around me.

“Mellie, I missed you!” she said, pulling away from me. “We
would have come earlier, since Jackson isn’t around these days and I know
you’re probably lonely, but Jude took me down to Mexico for Thanksgiving and we
just got home yesterday.” I looked past Lucy to where Jude was standing behind
the counter. He gave me a half wave and grinned.

I grabbed Lucy’s hand and walked her around to the front of
the counter. “Well, I’ve missed you too, but I have to say that I’m not all
that lonely without Jackson.”

Lucy gave me a look, and I laughed. “Okay, I do miss him, of
course, but it’s kind of nice having a bit of time to myself these days.”

“Well,” Lucy said, her eyes big and bright, “that doesn’t
mean you need to be stuck at work all day long. I wanted to come by to see if
you wanted to get together tomorrow night. I don’t have to be back to film
until Friday, and I think we should go dancing or something. And since your boy
is out of town, I’ll leave my boy at home too.” I saw her slide Jude a
mischievous smile, which just made him smirk his signature smirk.

“Um,” I said, racking my brain to try and come up with an
excuse.

“Don’t
um
me, Mellie Rose Devlin. I know you
don’t have anything better to do, so I’m just going to tell you right now that
I’ll be picking you up at eight o’clock tomorrow night. You better be dressed
to go out.”

I sighed. “Alright, Lucy, fine.” I knew it was useless
arguing with her. Lucy was just one of those people who always got her way.

“Perfect!” she said, clapping her hands. “Now, Jude has never
had one of your exquisite creations, so . . . we’ll take one of everything,”
she said, pointing to the display case, which had at least a dozen different
types of cookies and muffins.

“One of everything?” I said, though I knew she probably meant
it. When she looked at me like I was the crazy one for clarifying, I laughed.
“Alright, then.”

I had Darcy start getting their order together and led them
over to one of the empty tables in the back corner. It was then that I noticed
Seth sitting at the center table, finishing off the remains of one of my
muffins.

“Seth!” I said, forcing us all to stop in front of him. “What
are you doing here? And why didn’t you tell Darcy to come get me?”

“Hey, Mellie,” he said, getting up to give me a quick hug. “I
didn’t know if you were working today, but obviously I had to come get one of
your muffins. I have the day off, and my dad is driving me nuts at the house. I
needed to get out.”

I nodded, though I couldn’t quite envision Hank being
anything but sweet and kind. “Well, enjoy whatever you’d like. And tell your
dad thanks again for inviting me over on Thursday. He and Stacy are pretty
fierce in the kitchen together.”

Seth laughed. “Sure.”

Jude cleared his throat behind me, and I realized that I was
completely ignoring them. “Oh!” I said, turning back to where Jude and Lucy
were standing behind me. “This is Seth, Jackson’s brother. Seth, this is Jude
and . . .”

“Lucy,” he finished for me. Obviously he knew who they were
already, but the look on his face when he said her name made me wonder exactly
what was going on there. I glanced behind me and noticed that Lucy wasn’t even looking
in Seth’s direction. Instead, she was focused on the dessert case at the front
of the store.

“Well,” I said, turning back to Seth slowly, “it was great
seeing you. Let me know if you have another day off, and I’ll come out and join
you for a muffin and coffee next time.”

I would have invited Seth to join us, but I had a feeling
that would have been a terrible idea. Apparently Seth knew that too, because he
stood up to give me a quick hug, then sat right back down in his seat. The rest
of us made our way back to one of the tables in the back of the café. Jackson
and I always sat there because it was slightly hidden from the rest of the
café, and near the back doors so Jackson could get away easily if he needed to.

We sat for a few minutes before Darcy brought over their
array of pastries, along with three lattes. Jude and Lucy immediately dug into
the bag of cookies and muffins, pulling everything out and spreading it all
across the table. I couldn’t help but laugh at them as I drank my latte; it just
seemed like something they would do. I realized that Darcy hadn’t included one
of my maple donuts, which were my newest creation and current personal
favorite.

I excused myself to go grab one for them, and was almost to
the front when Collin came in through the door. I froze, even though I knew it
was silly for me to feel uncomfortable in front of him. He was harmless, and
his gesture the day before Thanksgiving had been a kind one. I was over what
had happened between the two of us, and I hoped he was.

He smiled as soon as he saw me and raised his hand in a wave.
I waved back, but headed straight to the pastry case to get one of the donuts.
I prayed that our paths wouldn’t cross, but of course, I had no such luck.

“Mellie,” he said, and I knew that he was right behind me. I
stiffened instinctively, but I tried to shake it off. There were at least a
dozen other patrons in the café; there was no reason for me to feel
uncomfortable.

“Hello, Collin,” I said, and took another step back to put a
few feet between us. He was staring at me, his smile so wide that I could see
his perfectly white teeth.

“I missed seeing you this weekend. I told Darcy I was here to
see you on Saturday, but she said you weren’t working.” I silently thanked
Darcy, who was watching us from behind the counter, for telling him I wasn’t
working. I had actually been in the café every day since Jackson left, getting
my mind off the fact that he was gone.

“Well, I have a lot of work to do when I am here, anyway,” I
said, and I knew my smile wasn’t convincing anyone. “And I should probably get
back to it, or else I won’t be able to make any blueberry muffins for you
tomorrow.” I turned to head to the kitchen, forgetting almost completely about
Jude and Lucy in the back of the café, and jumped when I felt a hand on my arm.

Collin wasn’t gripping me tightly enough that I couldn’t get
have gotten away if I wanted to, but I suddenly felt slightly ill. I didn’t
want to offend him, but he made me feel severely uncomfortable.

“Collin,” I said, hoping my voice wasn’t shaking. “Let me
go.”

He just crooked his head, as if he didn’t understand what I
was saying. I wasn’t sure if he honestly didn’t understand why I would ask him
to stop touching me, or if he knew he was making me uncomfortable.

“Is there a problem here?” I almost sighed in relief when I
recognized Jude’s voice from behind me. Collin’s eyes widened and he
immediately moved his hand. I turned to look behind me, and saw both Jude and
Seth standing there.

“Not at all,” Collin said, and I could hear amusement in his
voice. He stared at me for a second before turning around and heading right out
the door. He hadn’t even ordered anything.

“What was that all about?” Lucy asked from behind Jude and
Seth, but neither moved to let her through. I suddenly felt myself overwhelmed,
and pushed past them. I knew someone was following me, but I didn’t stop until
I got to the top of the stairs and into the living room of my loft.

I turned around and saw both Lucy and Seth standing there, at
least six feet apart. Whatever was going on between them, however, was
apparently not as important as their concern for me. They both watched me
carefully, and I struggled to steady myself. I had no idea why it had all
affected me the way that it did, but Collin made me feel strange. Scared.

“I’m fine,” I said finally, after giving myself a few moments
to regulate my breathing and my voice. “I’m just overreacting. It’s fine.”

Neither looked like they actually believed me, but Lucy
nodded. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Mellie,” Seth said, ignoring Lucy completely. “Is there
something you aren’t telling us? Obviously there was something off with that
guy, and he made you freak out. Does Jackson know about it?”

I shook my head. “There’s nothing for me to tell him. We
dated a few times before I met Jackson. I saw him for the first time since then
last week, when he brought some flowers the day before Thanksgiving. It was
just a nice gesture, and I’ve completely read too much into it. I’m such an
idiot.” I fell onto my couch and put my head in my hands. I guess Jackson’s
absence really was getting to me.

“You’re not an idiot,” he said quietly. “He obviously makes
you feel uncomfortable. You should talk to Jackson, and Josephine.”

I didn’t answer immediately, just kept my head in my hands. I
really just wanted to be alone, so I agreed. “Alright,” I said finally,
standing up.

Seth studied me for a moment, then nodded. “Okay, let’s let
her be, Lucy,” he said, putting his hand on Lucy’s back to lead her out of my
apartment. I saw her stiffen for a moment, but she relented and followed him
out the door.

I shut the door behind them, and went into my bedroom to lie
down for a minute. My heart was still racing, for no reason other than that I
was completely freaked by Collin. I knew I shouldn’t be surprised that someone
might be interested in getting to know me now; a few people had recognized me
since the night of Jackson’s premiere, but I didn’t draw too much attention.
Collin just had a weird vibe about him now. I wasn’t sure if it had been there
when we dated and I just didn’t notice, or if he really was different. He had
seemed like such a normal guy then.

I hated that I wanted to stay out of the front of the café. I
usually stayed in the kitchen, obviously, but it was nice to get out there
sometimes to have a cup of coffee or something. He just made me want to stay
in, and not even risk the chance that I would see him out there.

Get it together Mellie
, I mentally
chastised myself. I was a grown-ass woman; I could handle an awkward admirer,
especially since he seemed relatively harmless.

I sucked in a breath pulled myself off my bed, and headed
into the bathroom to check my makeup. I had too much to do downstairs, and I
most definitely did not trust Chloe with my pastries just yet.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see a
text message.

Hope everything is all right. Jude has to get back to the
studio, so I’ll see you tomorrow. — L

I groaned, remembering that I had agreed to go out with Lucy
the next night, but I couldn’t cancel on her. She was so sweet to me; I just
hoped that her plans didn’t involve too much tequila or naked male dancing.

Chloe was just finishing up the filling for our macarons when
I finally got back, so we started making the actual shells once she was done.
Really, I made them and she watched (again). Then I made our muffins (banana
walnut) and scones (pumpkin cranberry) for the next day, before finally sending
her home. I could have had her stay and help me clean up, but I wanted the time
to myself.

I was in denial about Jackson being gone; I wanted so badly
to not care, but I was fooling myself. Traveling was just part of his job, and
my job meant staying at the café and baking. It didn’t help that his schedule
was always so packed when he was gone that we barely got to talk. Not only
that, I’d gotten used to him sleeping in bed next to me, even if that meant he
crawled in at midnight, after I fell asleep, and left before I woke up because
he had to be back on set.

By the time I finished washing all the dishes, Darcy had
closed up and I was alone in the café. I untied my apron and hung it up on the
rack before heading up to my little loft. I had a date with the leftovers in my
fridge, a bottle of wine, and my television.

I was in the middle of a pint of ice cream and
Notting Hill
(ironic, I know, but I loved that movie long before I met Jackson) when my
phone buzzed. I paused the movie just as Julia Roberts leaves Hugh Grant’s
house after reporters discover she is there, so I could go grab the phone from
where it sat on the kitchen counter.