Breaking Through the Wall (Guarded Hearts Book 2) (5 page)

“Carter
, what is this?”

I smiled at her. “Well, I don’t know if I could top what I said the first time
, but I’ll give it a try.” I grabbed her hand in mine and knelt down beside her bed. “Maddy, this was my mom’s wedding ring. My dad gave it to me when we went to visit after Christmas, because he knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you more than anything in this world. You are my reason for living, and for the past three days all I could think of was what I would do if you didn’t make it. I would be nothing without you. Ever since you ran into me that first day, I felt like you gave me something I didn’t know was missing, something I didn’t even know I wanted. You are my everything, and if you will let me, I want to spend the rest of your life making you happy.”

She looked at me in disbelief and I think if she didn’t answer me soon I would pass out. “Yes.”

Did she just say yes? She did! I was smiling so hard that it hurt. I jumped up and kissed her, pouring every ounce of love I had into it, so she had no doubt how much I loved her. I heard a sound behind me and turned around. Maddy’s nurse was watching us and crying.

I smiled back at her. “Well
, was it as good as the first one?”

She walked over to me and gave me a hug, then looked back and forth between the two of us. “I hope the both of you have a long happy life together, because you deserve it. And you
, mister better stop making me cry on the job, these people are going to think I’m losing it!” We all laughed, and she started to leave. “I’ll let the doctor know that you are up and he will be in.”

I turned back to Maddy and pulled over the chair to sit down next to her. “How do you feel?”

“Um, truthfully, like crap. Can you tell me what happened?”

I was not ready to do this
, but I know she needed to hear about all of the injuries, and now I was going to have to tell her about the baby. “Well, when they brought you in, they had to take you right into surgery. They said you had some internal bleeding, which they stopped. Your shoulder was dislocated, your arm was fractured, you have a couple bruised ribs, but other than that just minor cuts and bruises.” Now, comes the part that I don’t know how to do. ”Babe, did you know you were pregnant?”

Maddy

Carter knew? Of course he did, the hospital would have told him. I wonder
ed if he was happy, or disappointed. Wait a minute, he said “were.” The realization washed over me. Even if the baby survived the accident, I didn’t think it would have survived me getting surgery.

Oh my God, I lost the baby.

I started sobbing, because I didn’t know what else to do at this point. I never even got the chance to tell Carter, or see the baby on an ultrasound. I never even knew when I would have been due, or if it would have been a boy or girl. I had a life growing inside of me and now all I felt was empty.

Why? Why did I have to lose it? Was it because I would have been a horrible mother? Didn’t I deserve a chance to try, a chance to love my baby? Carter
wrapped his arms around me, but I felt numb. I didn’t know what to do or how to act. I just wanted to go to sleep and not think, not feel, not remember any of this.

“Baby, it’s ok
ay. We will get through this and I am here for you.”

I knew he would be, he always was. I just didn’t know who I would be after all of this was over.

The doctor came in and went over everything with me. He said they wanted to keep me for observation for at least two days, but after that I could go home.

Nicole, Jason, Shawn, Holly, Anthony, and Carter’s dad all came by to see me
, but I barely remembered talking to any of them. I felt like I was just going through the motions at this point. Just trying to make it through the day.

I hate
d that everyone knew what happened and I hated that they looked at me with pity. I smiled at everyone and tried to carry on conversations, but it had all been a blur. The only thing clear in my head right now was that I felt empty.

When everyone
said their goodbyes and started to leave, Jason turned to Carter and asked him if he wanted him to bring back some clothes.

I
took this time to speak up. I wanted him to be able to shower and change. I could also tell he hadn’t slept well since that night. “Carter, it’s okay, go home. I will be fine, but I think you should go get some sleep.”

“If you think that I am leaving you alone in this hospital
, you’re crazy. Maddy, I slept here every night while you were unconscious. I’m not going to leave now that I have you back.”

I love him so much, and I
was glad he wanted to stay, because I really didn’t want him to leave. Jason gave me a hug and told me he would see me tomorrow. I scooted over in the bed, looked at Carter, then patted beside me.

“Maddy, the nurses have a sweet spot for me
, but I don’t think I could get away with that.”

“Please?” I saw him losing the battle with himself. He kicked off his shoes and climbed in beside me, being careful to avoid all of the wires. He tucked me under his arm and I
laid my head on his chest. “I love you, Carter James.”

“I love you
, babe. Thank you for coming back to me.” He kissed my head and I closed my eyes, thankful for the escape that sleep would bring.

Nicole

When I woke up this morning, I was still in Jason’s arms, surprisingly. I was so used to him sneaking out before I woke up, but I guess, since this was his bed, he really didn’t have anywhere to go. These past couple days had been different, though. I felt like we were finally getting somewhere. This was the first time I had woken up before him, so I took this chance to really look at him. He was gorgeous.

He had dark brown hair that was on the shorter side
, but definitely not buzzed. When I could see his eyes they were mesmerizing, they reminded me of one of those chocolate fountains.

I felt his arms tighten around me and he opened his eyes. “Hey
.” I could tell he was uncomfortable and that ‘hey’ was the best I was getting right now.

“Hey
, J, I was just about to shower and see if you wanted to go see Mads with me.”

“Um…yea
h, I guess so.”

I
knew, at this point, he was starting to mentally freak out. I had been staying with him and had been a constant presence in his life these past few days. For me it felt normal, but for him I knew that it was anything but that. I understood he had issues, but my God, this was exhausting. After we both showered, we made our way to the hospital.

We stayed and talked with Mads a little bit and I could already tell that she was starting to revert back into the girl who didn’t let anyone in. I
knew this probably had a lot to do with Chris and losing the baby, but I was going to do my best to get her through it.

“So
, Jason, what are your plans this summer?” Maddy asked him, I thought in hopes that it would detract attention away from her.

“I…uh…I’m actually gonna be heading home today. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, and that you guys didn’t need anything. Do you want me to take you back home so you can get your car
, Nic?”

He turned to me
expecting an answer, but at this point, I couldn’t form words. I nodded my head at him. He was leaving? I thought I had made some progress with him, but I guessed not. He was running home like a little child.

We said goodbye to Maddy and Carter
, then made our way out to Jason’s car. Once we were in and buckled, I turned to him and punched him right in the arm.

“Shit! What the hell
, Nicole!”

“You’re leaving? No discussion, no it was nice seeing you, no warning? Ugh!” I couldn’t help myself and I punched him again.

“Stop fucking hitting me!” He pulled out of the parking lot, turned the radio up loud, and started the drive toward my house.

We were alm
ost at my house and he still hadn’t said two fucking words to me. The most communication I had was him, was him turning on the Nickelback song
Something in your mouth
, and giving me a look. He was out of his damn mind if he thought I would let him touch me. I was done being his little plaything.

I turned the radio off and t
urned to him. “Just so you know, I will not wait around for you, Jason. You either talk to me now, or understand that this is done. I refuse to let you use me anymore.”

I was dreading his response.
Especially since we were pulling into my driveway now. He stopped the car and didn’t even turn to look at me. This was fucking ridiculous!

“You know what
, J, I am so sick of your little bad boy act! FYI, being a dickhead doesn’t make you a bad boy, it just makes you a dickhead!” I threw the door open and turned around to look at him one last time. “Oh, and last time I checked, bad boys drove motorcycles not fucking Toyota Corollas!” I slammed the door and hurried into the house, before he could see me break down.

Of course
my stepmother, the wicked witch, had to be there when I walked in. “Boy problems, Nicole?” She smirked at me and I hated that she caught me like this.

“Shut up, Barbie.” I pushed past her and headed straight for my room. God
, I hated her so much. My dad married her about two years ago. She puts on a show in front of him, as if she wants to be my friend, but she isn’t fooling anyone.

I started packing my bag, so that I could spend the rest of the summer with Mads. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and pulled it out
, praying for good news. I saw it was Mads and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Mads:
Hey, Nic, I’m sorry about Jason. I have a proposition for you, though…

Nic:
Proposition? Damn, girl, you get tired of Carter already? ;-)

Mads:
Definitely Not! Carter’s sister Holly and her friend Christen are moving into a three-bedroom house. They want another roommate and asked me if I knew of any girls that might be interested…

Nic:
When can I move in?

I couldn’t wait to get out of here
. I loved my father, but spending the summer with the Barbie Troll from hell was just not appealing to me.

Mads:
They are moving in next week! You could always stay with us till then…

Nic:
Sounds amazing! Leaving now!

I wish things would have ended different with Jason and
me, but I couldn’t focus on that. I needed to focus on Mads and helping her get through this summer.

Jason

This drive home
was like torture. I usually loved the peace and quiet, but right now it was haunting me. I knew I was wrong for running, but it was done now. When I woke up with Nicole there this morning, it all hit me like a brick. I just needed some time and some space to be able to breathe.

Knowing that Maddy was better and getting out of the hospital eased my mind. I
knew Nicole had thought after the last couple nights that we were together, but I couldn’t right now. If I stayed, though, I wouldn’t be able to stay away from her. She was like a magnet for me and that was dangerous.

We had definitely grown closer over the past couple days. I had opened up to her about my mom
, which was not easy. She had ended up telling me a little bit about her family too. I felt myself growing attached and that is what made me leave.

I hated that I hurt her today,
and I didn’t walk away injury free. That girl could really throw a punch
.
I know that I’ll have to deal with it when I get back, but for now I will just hang out, get a summer job, and try to forget the girl that haunts me every time I close my eyes.

* * *

This summer had been the most uneventful yet. I worked my ass off, so I could have extra cash for the year. I had tried to go out with girls here and there, but nothing felt right anymore. I remembered Carter talking to me about this kind of feeling last year and I thought that he was fucking crazy.

Every time I
had talked to Maddy and Carter, I had avoided the topic of Nicole. I was scared they were going to tell me that she had moved on.

Maddy didn’t do well the first month or so. Anytime I talked to her I could tell she was upse
t
. It was understandable, of course, but lately it was like she had found her spark again. This year was going to be hard for her. Especially with all the things that Chris and his father had been pulling.

I
don’t know how they did it, but they had to have paid someone off to get away with all that they were. The report from the night of the accident had no mention of Maddy’s mouth being taped shut or her hands being tied. Of course, Carter and I swore by it, but he was her fiancé and I was her friend. Apparently, we didn’t hold much credibility. They were going to be having Chris’s hearing soon and Maddy was scared that he’d get away with everything. This whole process was so ridiculous, and I knew it was killing Carter.