Breaking Through (Atlanta #3) (14 page)

Luke was shaking, wild-eyed, and seemed to be unsure of where he was. Jenna couldn't decide if she should comfort him or back off so he could deal with the awful dream the way he usually did. Luke decided for her.

He jumped out of bed and dropped to the floor, doing push up after push up, trying to work off the adrenaline spike from his nightmare. His body worked insanely hard as he grunted and pushed his pace ever faster. Jenna wanted him to stop and take a breath. She wanted to hold him and comfort him while he dealt with whatever pain was in his head. But instead, she respected his space and waited patiently for him to come down from the fear and agony. A single tear escaped her eye from seeing him so broken and out of control.
 

Poor Luke. She had known of his anger and nightmares since their first date, but she'd never experienced that side of him until tonight. With her, he had only been sweet and passionate, never dark like he confessed. She hadn't understood why he described himself that way until now. She still didn't see him as dark, but she didn't have to live with those nightmares in her head.
 

In that moment, she realized something she should have figured out from the beginning. Luke felt
everything
deeply. His love for his daughter was intense and fathomless. His feelings for Jenna burned hot at times, and deeply gentle at others. He even appreciated Marcus with profound reverence for coaching him on the mat and in his life.
 

Of course
Luke felt his anger and hurt so deeply. He certainly would carry his darkness with the same depth as the rest of his emotions which was the curse that sadly complemented his emotional blessings. Her new understanding, however, didn't help Jenna understand how to help him. He was still doing push ups. His muscles were shaking and he needed to stop, but he didn't. She had to do something.
 

"Luke?" she said quietly from her side of the bed, hoping to calmly snap him out of whatever state he was in. "Luke, it's Jenna…I'm right here…are you ok?"

His push ups stopped in an instant and he stood up quickly beside the bed, sweaty and shaking. "Jenna? You're here…"

He crawled on the bed and pushed her down. He pinned her arms with his and spread her legs with his knees. He looked her in the eye with a dark intensity she'd not seen before.
 

Without even a second of hesitation, Luke buried himself deep within her body. "Oh, God…you're here, baby…really here," he grunted as he moved in her, his eyes rolling back from the intensity. He hadn't taken the time for a condom. The adrenaline still coursing through his body was poured directly into hers. "Shit, Jenna…you saved me…"

Jenna received his passion, unable to return any to him. His mind was near-absent as he thrust himself into her, and his hands kept her pinned down so she couldn't move with him at all. That was ok, though, because all he seemed to need was her presence to reassure him.
 

"My angel, you're here…you're really fucking here…I can feel you…"

His usual passionate words mixed with shock at her presence. Her man hadn't come away from his nightmare yet at all. And still, he gave her pleasure with the hot movements of his hips. She neared climax so quickly with the desperation of his body's invasion of hers. The two of them came together, with Luke finally releasing his orgasm directly into her body.

"Shit, Jenna, I'm sorry," he blurted after he came. His eyes demonstrated his return to reality and the possible significance of what they'd just done. "I didn't mean to…I shouldn't have…shit…I was too rough…did I hurt you?"

"Shh," she whispered, pulling him in for a loving embrace, keeping both her arms and legs wrapped around him. "It's ok. I'm here, and you didn't hurt me. You needed me, and I let you. Everything is ok."

"But your pills…"

"It's ok. The doctor told me two weeks, but I added a third to be extra sure. I'm already six days past the doctor's instructions. We're ok — no worries, Luke. I'm here and I'm ok."

"Jenna…" he breathed as he buried his face in her neck and hair. "You're my angel, baby. You saved me."

Jenna waited a quiet moment, then her new bold confidence opened its mouth. "How did I save you? In your dream?"

Luke went cold immediately. He pulled out of her body and rolled beside her and stared at the ceiling. Jenna couldn't believe the sudden change in him. This beautiful man beside her was more tortured than she realized.
 

"Luke?"

"Drop it, Jen. I'm not letting my shit get in your head."

"It's ok. You can talk to me about it, you know," she said softly, hoping he would accept her help, or at least her comfort.

"Drop it. I told you, this isn't for you." His voice sounded of flat, emotionless ice. His hand gripped his forehead tightly.

Jenna was frustrated and trying to figure out the best way to deal with this. She didn't want to abandon him, but she obviously couldn't push, either. She opted for simple. "Can I at least hold you?" she asked with a hopeful smile.

"I'll just hurt you if you do," he said shakily and then rolled away from her. The chill in his voice stung, but she forced herself to stay strong. Her strength usually rested on his shoulders, but not tonight. Tonight she would borrow his strength
from
him and use it
for
him.

Feeling especially bold, Jenna became inspired. She already figured out his tattoos had something to do with his time in the Army. His nightmares obviously did, too. He wouldn't accept any emotional comfort, but she could demonstrate her comfort physically. Physical communication worked better for him anyway.
 

She sat up on her knees and scooted herself directly beside him. He tensed but didn't move, which was fine with Jenna. She needed him exactly there, on his side, facing away from her…because she had unfettered access to his tattooed arm.
 

With every ounce of strength and confidence she now had, Jenna gently began tracing the bold lines of his tattoo. "It's ok," she whispered. She leaned down and kissed each subtle picture hidden in the tribal design, and every individual letter along his elbow and tricep. "Let me help…" She let her fingers trail softly around his shoulder and up the lines on his neck. His strong muscles barely moved as she gently squeezed and massaged each bold stroke of color on his bicep. "You're ok…" She planned to kiss away his self-branded pain for as long as he would let her.

With the chance to so deliberately spend time with his tattoo, she finally had the opportunity to read the tiny quote on his shoulder.
Forgiveness is the strongest form of love.
That quote was followed by a tiny broken heart.
 

Luke tensed when she first started touching him; he was so afraid he would lose control and hurt her like he probably had with the angry sex after his nightmare.
What a bastard.
But once he understood her touch, he nearly broke…because she understood.
"I get it."
She did get it, every time, and stayed with him anyway.
 

Tears burned behind his eyelids. He wouldn't let them escape, damn it. But he needed her touch. He
couldn't
hurt her, so he kept his eyes closed and imagined the metaphor as real. He let all his pain roll through his body to the ink, and allowed her to ease his hurts in her gentle, loving, unconventional way.
 

What a beautiful angel she was. Her lips touched his pain so softly. For the first time, he experienced a sweet bit of relief. Each letter she kissed represented the initial of a dead friend and she didn't even know it. She took care of
them
in his soul, too. Each hidden icon she slowly touched with her soft lips represented things he should have done, but didn't. Her lips offered a hint of forgiveness for each. She kissed every shadow where blood-red ink shifted to darkness, seeming to understand the significance without even knowing why.
 

How did she understand him so well? How could she tend to him with such love after he'd just taken all the fucked-up shit in his head and pounded every ugly bit into her body? No, he didn't deserve an angel like her, but there she was, holding his hand and kissing the tattooed self-hatred on his wrist.
 

Allowing himself to accept her care, he became calm. For the first time after a nightmare, he was
calm
. Usually he could fall asleep after a long while, but never did he feel the sense of peace Jenna's lips offered him. Even though his ugly nightmare messed with every corner of his brain, he was calm. Like all of them, that was one seriously fucked up dream…but she kissed his demons away.

"Jenna," he said softly as he rolled toward her. "I know you want me to confide in you, but I can't. I can't let you in on my darkness. I won't do that to you."

"I can help you," she whispered with such a sad expression on her face. She shouldn't be sad, not when he was working so hard to protect her from all of his ugly secrets.

"No, baby, I've got the gym for that. What I need from you is what you already give me. Just being here and understanding me, you saved me already. My nightmare is out of my head because of you. Thank you," he said, trying to make her understand the significance of her place in his life. "You really do calm me."

She leaned in to hug him strongly, and he reached out to accept her hug. He needed her in his arms. He tilted her sweet lips toward his face so he could touch them with his own. He kissed her for a long time in the darkness of her bedroom, so far away from the source of his nightmares.
 

When he finally released her lips from his, he moved her down and tucked her in against his chest. His arms held her as strongly as they could. He needed her close, and his beautiful angel understood. She kissed his chest right over his heart. He fell almost immediately into a peaceful sleep with his angel still in his arms.
 

The next weekend and the weekend after that were more of the same for Luke and Jenna. Hot, passionate, and secretly together. In the middle of May, the weather was absolutely ideal for a ride on Luke's motorcycle so they spent Saturday afternoon and evening just riding. Jenna was completely comfortable on Luke's Harley now and had no need to hold onto him so tightly. Her arms stayed around him anyway.
 

He drove her almost two hours to Cohutta National Forest through the winding roads in the wilderness. They rode for almost an hour slowly through the dappled shadows of the ash and hickory trees before turning their course another two lazy hours back to Atlanta.
 

As much as Jenna loved riding, five hours was a long time to sit in one position. By the time they reached her apartment, she was stiff from straddling the bike for so long. Luke stretched as much as she did when they dismounted. She laughed at him with a bright smile when he shrugged.

"Sorry," he smiled. "I got carried away again with the ride."

"That's ok," Jenna reassured him with her bright smile. "I loved riding through the park. It was beautiful. Totally different on a bike. I felt like I was a part of it rather than just looking at it."

"Exactly." He pulled her in for a deep kiss in front of her house.

"Hmmm," she nearly purred after the kiss. "I need a bath. Are you coming upstairs?"

"To see you in the tub? Absolutely," he grinned.

The two walked up the steps to her apartment as Luke kept his hand moving on her lower back. Jenna loved how he always touched her. He knew how to speak with his body much more strongly than with his words. Jenna didn't mind at all.
 

Her front door opened smoothly as he walked her in and kissed her deeply again. She knew him well enough to know he wasn't initiating sex…his hand wasn't up in her hair. This kiss was one of sweetness, connection, and intimacy even though his lips moved with heat. When he let her go, she smiled at him with sweet longing. She couldn't help but ask.

"Do you want to take a bath with me? You've seen my tub. It's big enough for the two of us."

Luke actually laughed out loud. "Ah, no. Not a bath guy. But I'll sit with you. Will you clear me a spot on the ledge?"

"Of course," she smiled. "And I'll let you pick my bath oil."

Luke grinned at her and went to get himself a drink while she started her bath water. He came in a moment later to see her in a navy robe, testing the water temperature with her delicate fingers. He would never admit to noticing her nail color every week, but he did. Her entire body was so sweetly feminine. She had delicious curves, the most beautiful hair, and an ass worth grabbing. He couldn't get enough of the vision of her.

But also he noticed she was still a bit shy. He wished she hadn't pulled on her robe. He hoped the longer they were together, the less she would feel the need to cover herself. There was no need at all.
 

A groan nearly escaped from his chest when realized what an ass he could be sometimes. In all those hot moments together, he never called her pretty. Without a doubt she knew how much he wanted her, and how sexy he found her, but he had been remiss in sharing how much he appreciated her beauty.
 

Someone as sweet as Jenna deserved to hear such things. Before her, relationships consisted of nothing but parties and hot sex. None of those women cared whether or not he found them special or beautiful. The thought of taking care of any of them never even occurred to him. Jennalyn Roche was nothing like those women, and she deserved more from Luke than words of raw desire. She needed to hear he appreciated her in every way.
 

So as she poured her bath, he silently vowed to let her know. He wasn't sure how, but he would try. As he was about to make his attempt, she interrupted him by handing him a bottle of bath oil with instructions to check if he liked the scent. He sniffed the open bottle and wrinkled his nose without meaning to. Jenna laughed at him.

"I knew you wouldn't like that one," she giggled in the cutest way. "Gardenias. It's too much like old-lady perfume for my taste, but it was a gift from my aunt. I only use it when I go see her."