Breaking Through (Atlanta #3) (13 page)

But the beauty ended there. From a sweet appreciation of each other to an ugly necessity between them. Luke asked for her silence over the relationship. He wanted to keep them a secret. Her heart cracked dangerously close to broken when he asked. Jenna had almost worked up enough confidence to tell Cassie and Erin about him, but now she couldn't.
 

Luke's request had been a hard pill to swallow. Jenna agreed, of course, because she'd give him about anything he wanted. He was the most significant man she'd ever been in a relationship with, even after less than a month of being together.
 

Luke was important in her world, and she hated being unable to share that with her friends, even if she understood the reason why: for Sophie. For his little sweetheart's benefit, Miranda had to be kept in the dark about their relationship. If she did, she'd most likely take it out on her innocent little two-year-old to punish Luke.
 

So if Miranda couldn't know, neither could anyone else. Information like that nearly always made its way through the proverbial grape vine somehow. Considering it took only one date to connect Luke and Jenna as part of a group of mutual friends, how many degrees of separation could they expect to maintain if Miranda wasn't to find out?

The most heart-breaking part of their conversation was Luke's emotional discussion of Sophie. Jenna remembered every tortured word he said.
"I wish Sophie could spend time with you. I want her to know you. You would be so good for her. I want to bring her to your apartment and show her that you hung her picture on your fridge. You're already better for her than her own mother."
Jenna heard his voice waver as if he were close to tears. His depth astounded her again. But Sophie had to be kept from Jenna, too…because of her bitter, nasty mom. The injustice made her sick.

Jenna also remembered how tortured Luke was about bringing the topic up at all. His words were chosen so carefully as to not hurt her feelings, but even with his best efforts, the request stung. Like the good boyfriend he was, Luke already understood each of her hurts before she did.
"I'm not ashamed of you, baby. I'd rather scream that you're mine than keep you hidden."

She understood what he meant, but her insecure core questioned those words anyway.

"
And I'm not trying to keep you at a distance. I want to keep you safe and close…only away from CB. It sucks that keeping you and Sophie safe also means keeping you a secret. That's going to kill me."

All her lifelong insecurities about her short, rounded stature and about being less than desirable…many of those fears had been fading as Luke's presence in her life grew stronger. Jenna began to feel beautiful and important, but he asked for her silence. Every insecurity jumped to the front of the line, in spite of his reassurances.
 

Their conversation ended on a good enough note, with the decision agreed upon by both. She accepted the reality of the situation and gave him what he needed, no matter how crushing. She kept up her pleasant façade for the rest of the phone call, but when they hung up a while later, Jenna cried.
 

In the short duration of her relationship with Luke, the emotional and physical intensity simmered constantly with ever-increasing heat. Now at a near-boiling-point, she couldn't share the happiest
or
saddest part of her life with anyone. She was devastated.

And now the ever-caring Cassie was worried about her, and Jenna had to push her away. Jenna almost cried again at the clinic, but managed to stay strong.

Thank God the gym was empty on Sundays, and thank God Marcus gave him those keys. After hearing the sadness in Jenna's voice after his call, Luke needed to beat the shit out of something, wishing it could be himself. Even the happiness from his out-to-breakfast with Sophie faded to nothing after he heard Jenna's devastation. He sensed every single one of her insecurities about their relationship, and maybe even herself. He knew from the wavering in her voice she would cry when they hung up.
Fuck
.

He unlocked the door to the gym, went straight to the locker room, and came out a moment later ready to bloody his knuckles for what he did to her. Knowing he would have hurt her as badly if Miranda knew about her, Luke gritted his teeth over the poison he brought to his angel no matter what he did. He never should have asked her out, but now it was too late. He couldn't avoid hurting her.
Fuck again
.
 

For nearly forty-five minutes, Luke punished himself at the gym. He destroyed his muscles on the free weights, not even caring about his lack of a spotter. His knuckles took the brunt of the pain at the heavy bag, and his shins were bruised by the time he was done with the sparring dummy. Slightly less frustrated, he showered and dressed again.

Another benefit of his set of keys was the solitude. Working through his aggression without Marcus's questions was a thankful change. His trainer undoubtedly helped with his version of therapy, but sometimes all those snippets of wisdom were tough to take. Today offered the pure release he needed, no mental involvement at all. He worked himself into physical destruction, then went to his little apartment to crash.

He spent his entire week doing only three things: he trained, he worked, and he worried about Jenna. That was it. Every night they spoke on the phone belied the barely-hidden sadness in her voice, and he understood how much he had hurt her.
 

Thursday night Jenna waited for his call like she did every evening. Right at 6:30, soon after his shift with George, Luke called again. She could hear some happiness in his voice the second he said hello, and the sound of his smile helped ease her week-long sadness. She knew he must have seen Sophie on his lunch break. The thought of them together made her smile a little more.

"Hi, Luke," Jenna smiled into the phone. "You sound happy. How's Sophie?"

"I didn't see her today, but she's ok as far as I know. How are you?"

"I'm ok. You didn't see her? Then what's got you all smiley?"

"Because I have a surprise for you," he said with warmth. "Go open your door."

A confused Jenna went over to her door, wondering what could be out there. She turned the knob with a nervous excitement and looked down at the platform. All she saw was a pair of black riding boots…attached to a smiling Luke Baylor.

"Surprise," he said into the phone with a small grin just for her. Jenna hung up and hugged him tight. She held on for a long, emotional moment.

"Best surprise ever," she finally whispered in his ear. She took a small step back to see his face. He had a beautiful smile, even when laced with a hint of sadness. "What's the occasion?" she asked.

He pulled her into his arms again and held her tight. "I needed to see you," he responded, keeping her in his embrace. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," she smiled softly.
 

Still in his bear hug, Luke picked her up and walked them both into the apartment with her feet dangling below her. He held her for a long while before he set her down and kissed her deeply. He sighed contentedly after the kiss, and Jenna smiled again.
 

Luke's smile, however, faded as soon as they broke the embrace. He looked at her and tried to smile again, but Jenna could tell how hard he worked to do so. She had no idea what made his mood plummet from his warm smile at the door to his barely-smile inside. Her nervous insecurities kicked into high gear over his shift in mood, but she tried to focus on the smile from when he
first
arrived. She tried not to worry he was ending things, unable to handle a secret relationship.

"Come here," she said as she pulled him over to the couch. She sat him down and pulled his ankles to her lap so she could remove his boots before settling in his arms. "Now tell me the real reason you came over. What's wrong?"

"How do you figure me out so quickly?" he asked quietly.

"Easy. I get you. Plus, your face is an open book. Don't ever play poker," Jenna smiled softly. "Now tell me why you needed to see me."

"You mean besides your smile?" he asked quietly, able to only stare at the floor. "The reason I needed to see you is because I broke your heart, I think. I've tried all week to believe everything was fine, but the sound of your voice on Sunday's phone call nearly killed me. I can tell you've been sad all week. I wanted to make sure you're ok."

Jenna's smile faded completely at the mention of that phone call. She couldn't believe she hadn't hid her emotions at all. Apparently she shouldn't play poker either. But at the same time, her heart lifted. He understood her and truly cared. He was there to heal her heart, not to end things.
 

"I
am
sad, Luke, but I really do understand," Jenna quietly said while snuggled against his strong chest.
 

"Baby, I'm so sorry," he whispered. "No matter what I do here, you end up hurt and I hate it."

"It's ok," she assured him. "I've thought about it a lot this week, and I'm not upset about you asking me for what you need. I get it, and I'll
be
what you need. I'm not hurt anymore, I promise."

"Then why do you still sound so sad?" he asked quietly, still obviously worried about her.

"Because I have the most amazing man in my life and I can't share it with anyone, even if the reason is a noble one."

"Shit, I'm
so
sorry," he said. They sat quietly for a while before he spoke again. "Will this help? I don't think it'd be a problem to talk to your friends if you keep my name out of it. That way there's no connection CB could make when you tell Cassie and Erin, or whoever. Hopefully they won't figure things out on their own. Does that help?"

A tiny smile hinted on Jenna's face. "Yeah, that helps. Cassie already knows something's up. She can read my mind, I swear it."

Luke took in a deep breath. "You sound better," he said, relieved.
 

"I feel better," she replied, more of her smile returning to her face.
 

"Good. Now come up here." Luke pulled her up and turned her so he could wrap her up and kiss her deeply. Jenna was thankful he understood her need for their connection. He seemed to need her just as much. He held her tight and kissed her like he loved her. Maybe he did, she realized. Why else would he be there, worried about her and comforting her?
 

His sweet, reassuring kiss turned gently passionate. His hand found its way up into her blond hair yet again and he pulled her head back gently to get at her neck. Jenna pushed the rest of herself up against him and whispered
yes
through her already heavier breathing. The passion accelerated from gentle to intense as Luke's other hand moved up her shirt. He pulled her bra cups down for access to her nipples. Her nubs were pinched and tugged until he was satisfied with their hardness.

"Baby, feel me…I'm so hard for you…"

He spent more time than usual on foreplay. He took his passionate time stripping her down and heatedly sucking and nipping across her skin. He groped and pulled at her ass while he pulled her leg up so far it rested around his ribs. His body pressed into hers through their clothes while he teased her strongly.

"Mine, Jenna…you're fucking mine…your body's a perfect fit for me…can you feel how perfect?…"

He continued to tease her and peel the clothes off her body. When he finally had her completely naked, he stood over her, stripped himself quickly, grabbed a condom from his wallet and pushed into her right there on the couch. His passionate drive both excited and reassured her. He hadn't lost his desire for her at all. She was so far immersed in his strength that her confidence returned in full force. She needed this from him in every way.

He used all his passion and skill to send her in an upward spiral of pleasure. He used his hips to grind himself against her and his hands and lips to excite every bit of her skin. His raw words sent her even higher. Knowing what he needed from her, Jenna dug her fingers in his back and allowed all her passion to escape loudly from her chest. She called out his name when he got her to the final point of pleasure, sending him right over the edge with her. What a beautiful moment.

As her breathing slowed, Luke placed small, gentle kisses around her neck and breasts, returning her to reality so sweetly. She could feel his smile as he kissed her belly with his cheek resting on her.

"Baby, you amaze me," he whispered.

He leaned in and kissed her again, this time with loving, deep emotion. He gently held her cheek as his tongue explored every warm corner of her mouth, pulling what he needed directly from her lips. And as always, he gave even more than he took. His body rested so softly over hers while he kissed her.
 

When he finally moved softly away from her lips, he gazed at her such an intense look in his eye. He took a deep breath and seemed to want to say something important.
 

"Jenna, …" and then nothing. Just like their first date, he couldn't find the right words. He furrowed his brow and breathed out a frustrated sigh. And also like their first date, she understood.

"I get it," she whispered with a soft smile. She looked at him with complete understanding. "We're ok."

He closed his eyes and sighed with a tiny chuckle. "You
do
get it."

"Mm-hmm. Always. Can you stay tonight?"

"I want to, but I have to help unload the truck at four. I'd hate to wake you up so early when I leave."

"Worth it," she said, still with her soft smile.
 

Jenna was baffled and satisfied again by the combination of Luke's insatiable passion for her and his gentle side. That angry, sweet man worried about her all week. She rested happily in his arms, knowing he cared and stayed with her because she'd asked. She couldn't wait for her chance to kiss him when he left to be at work at four a.m. Jenna didn't mind waking up for something as sweet as that.

 
At around one a.m., though, she awoke to Luke shouting "STOP!" beside her. He was having a terrible nightmare, mumbling about a radio. His forehead broke out into a cold sweat. He yelled "NO!" this time and shot up into a sitting position. She knew about his nightmares; he told her himself, but she had no idea how bad they were until she saw one up close.