Breaking Elle (48 page)

My body remembers him, shivering in excitement at the thought of him lying on the bed under my sheets. I want to trace the tattoos on his amazing body, run my fingers through his thick hair, and taste his lips. This isn’t working. It’s only making me miss him more.

I turn off the shower, and pulling the shower curtain aside, wrap myself in a fluffy white bathrobe, wishing it were his arms instead. There’s one day separating us before we are back together. The minutes, hours, and miles apart make it harder not to think about him. I hear my phone go off and recognize Tyler’s ringtone. Perfect timing too, because he’s going to be my beach partner, whether he likes it or not. Laughing, I grab the phone off my dresser and read his text.

Tyler: Hey beautiful. what’s on the agenda today?

Elle: U. Me. Beach. ;)

Tyler: I like a woman who knows what she wants.;)

Elle: B here in 20?

Tyler: I’m there . ;)

It’s only me in this empty house. I rarely get an opportunity like this. Jace is at work for once and so is my mom. I could get used to this, or I can just get my own place and none of this would matter. I turn on the radio and spend the next few minutes picking up my room. I make the bed before I get ready for my trip to the beach. Peering at my reflection in the mirror, I feel that I’m in a good place in my life right now, and I don’t want anything to jeopardize that. I pull my red bikini from my dresser, drop the robe to shimmy into bottoms, and then slip the top over my head. I struggle with tying it up for a couple of minutes. Damn, I know I’m more coordinated than this.

“Let me help you with that.” Startled, I spin to find Tyler leaning against the doorframe watching me with a goofy smile smeared across his gorgeous face.

“You have this thing about sneaking around lately. What’s up with that?” I blush, trying to make sure that my top is secure. Did he see me naked? He couldn’t have. I would’ve heard him. Well, maybe not since I had the radio on. Well, if he did, I can’t do anything about it now.

“Maybe you should get dressed with your door closed. Or not.” He laughs, rubbing his chin. “I prefer the latter.”

“Nice.” I giggle wondering if he did see anything.

“And unfortunately for me, I didn’t see anything, so you can stop blushing. Still having a difficult time with that?” Pointing, he walks across the room and watches me continue to struggle for a few more seconds tying my bikini. “Spin for me, please.” He laughs. Turning my back to him, I close my eyes, extremely aware of how close we are. It’s never bothered me before, but it does now. I pull the hair off my neck. His breath floats over my skin, and his fingers gently touch the middle part of my neck as he ties the strings of my bikini.

“There,” he says. “Now turn around so I can see the finished product.”

“Shut up.” I laugh, spinning to face him. He smirks, rubbing his chin playfully.

“What? It’s just me.” He jokes, stepping back to admire me. “Amazing. Can you spin just one more time for me?” He smiles boyishly gesturing with his finger for me to turn.

“Stop,” I reply, pushing him in the chest. He laughs and grabs my wrist, twirling me around and pulling me into his body. My breath hitches at his hands on my bare skin.

“Sorry.” He blushes. “Just got a little carried away.” He laughs softly, slowly dropping his hands to his sides.

“What? Are you auditioning for
Dancing with the Stars
?” I quip, retreating a step towards my dresser.

“Tyler and dancing don’t mix.” He laughs, as he walks over to the bedroom window, pulling the curtains aside and letting more of the breeze in the room.

We know that it’s gone one step too far between us and this moment alone in the house with me half-naked isn’t helping the situation. I turn to my dresser to find something to cover myself up, grabbing the first thing I see, a white tank top and a pair of shorts.

“Don’t cover up on my account.” Tyler smirks as he sits on the edge of my bed. Normally it wouldn’t make me feel uncomfortable that he’s sitting on my bed, but the way he looks in his black wife beater and swimming trunks, I find him attractive. This isn’t happening. It will not happen! It won’t happen. It’s Tyler.

“Whatever, smart ass,” I reply, going to the bathroom to eliminate the awkwardness I feel. I grab my sunscreen, brush, hair tie, and towel, shoving them into my beach bag. “Did you bring what you need? Because I’m not sharing.” I laugh, stepping out of the bathroom. Every time we go to the beach, Tyler always manages to forget something, so I always have to pack extra.

“First lesson as a kid, learn how to share,” he says with an amused expression on his face. “Let me help you with that, ‘o selfish one.” Rising from the bed, he snatches the beach bag off my shoulder and heads towards the door. “And by the way,” he glances back and smiles, “I have everything I need, and I’m not talking about what’s in your bag.” He winks.

He looks at me in a way that makes my heart beat quicker. Unable to meet his brown eyes, I look down and pretend to adjust my tank top. What would I do without him? I love Tyler with my whole heart but not in that way. It will never be in that way. I flick my eyes back up again, and he’s smiling softly, like he always does when he’s waiting for me to say something.

“Cut it out.” I exclaim as I bounce across the room and loop my arm in his.

“What did I do?” He grins, scratching his head mischievously. “
Oh shit
. Did I just give you a compliment?” He bursts out laughing, tugging me into the hallway and down the stairs into the bright summer sun. I’m not complaining for once.

The weather’s perfect. Not a cloud in the sky. It’s in the eighties with a light breeze and the smell of salt water in the air. This is exactly what I need on my day off. The sun, a book, and my best friend, though the book I’m reading leaves a lot to be desired. The beach is bustling today with families and young couples soaking in the late morning sun. Tyler has pushed me through these days since Reed’s been away. I’ve made it through unscathed with only one day left. Initially, when he told me about his trip, I thought I was incapable of seeing him go. I’m not entirely sure why. I’m not giving myself that much credit to my independence.

“You come to the beach to read?” Tyler stands over me shaking his wet hair, soaking both my open book and me.

“Come on!” I flip over on my back and giggle, sliding my sunglasses down my nose. The cool water feels good on my body, but the hot sun sucks the moisture from my skin. He stands over me with his hands on his slim waist. I’m unable to avoid staring at his chest, which isn’t a bad thing since I’ve had my nose in my book for the last thirty minutes.

“You have to go in. The water’s perfect,” he says as he lies on his towel next to me, the water glistening on his arms and chest. He smiles, resting his face in his hands and glances down at my book. “Microbiology?” He frowns. “Whatever happened to
Cosmo
,
People Magazine,
or one of those romance novels with all the sex women love?” Chuckling, he rolls over, laces his hands behind his head, and closes his eyes.

“I’m just getting a jump on classes this fall.” I stop and hold my place in the book with my finger and peek at him. For the life of me, I can’t understand why he doesn’t have a girlfriend; any girl would be lucky. He’s an up and coming baseball god, has a perfectly chiseled body, and he’s super funny and sweet. Maybe I do know why, and I’m in denial. After the kisses, things have been a little tense, but I can’t let that affect our lasting friendship.

I’m trying to push the kisses we shared back into the deepest recesses of my mind, but I can’t. They seem to drift back whenever I think of Tyler. We haven’t talked about it, and I know we have to. I need to know that we’re on the same page. That what we shared was a weak moment and that nothing can happen between us. I’ve been afraid of this all these years. Our friendship is untarnished, but the kisses happened and we need to talk about it.

“Really? Classes don’t start for another month.” He turns to me, shielding the sun from his eyes. “Aren’t you being a little bit...?” He smirks, tapping his temple with his finger to find the word, and tilting his head to the side when he catches me looking at him.

“Proactive?” I guess, trying to divert getting caught.

“I was thinking more along the lines of...
boring
.” He winks adorably. He turns and lays on his side, placing his hand on his head. I notice the muscles in his arm twitch and flex with each movement. He glances at me and then down at the book.

“Fine.” I laugh softly. I close the book and throw it in my beach bag. “No more boring.” Sitting up, I grab the sunscreen from my bag, squeeze some in the palm of my hand, and apply it to my arms and shoulders. The last thing I want is a sunburn. Turning back over on his back, Tyler rests onto his elbows, watching me as I smother myself with lotion. The breeze catches my hair, blowing it across my face. He tucks it behind my ear and I smile.

“Good. I was getting worried for a minute. You love the beach, so why waste this trip with your nose in a book? You’re lucky that you’re my best friend because nobody else would put up with these shenanigans.” He chuckles, accidentally brushing his leg against my thigh. I pretend I don’t feel anything but he doesn’t and lowers his head, drawing circles in the sand with his finger.

“Yeah, I don’t know how you do it.” I smirk, rubbing the last of the sunscreen on my shoulders. I look over at him and his eyes glint with amusement. “Do you mind putting some on my back?” I ask, handing him the tube. He hesitates at first, then sits up and takes the tube from my hands, smiling sweetly. I can instantly sense his unease and regret asking.

It has never been this bad before.

“Sure,” he says, squeezing some in the palm of his hand and rubbing his hands together. I scoot up in front of him and pull my hair off my neck. I sigh, feeling nervous but he’s only applying sunscreen on me. This should be no big deal. We hold hands, hug, and do ‘friend’ things all the times. I wouldn’t be thinking like this if we hadn’t kissed.
Am I not being sensitive to his feelings? Asking him to do this while knowing how he feels about me? And what about my feelings?
“This won’t hurt a bit.” He laughs. His cheery voice jars me from my tortured inner dialogue.

“Does this have to be a production? Hurry up already,” I reply with a laugh. I finally feel his hand on my shoulder; he slowly rubs in a circular motion, moving from the right to the left. He presses down so he can get the lower part of my back, and then slides both of his hands back up to my shoulders where he starts to massage them.

“Hmm... someone’s a little tense,” he murmurs. I don’t respond because whatever he’s doing right now feels amazing. My breathing starts to slow and my body relaxes as he continues to massage. “Someone is being very quiet.” His breath tickles my ear. “Does that mean you want me to stop or that you like it?” I turn to look at him, his face inches from mine. Realizing how close he is, he sits back and grins awkwardly.

“Yes, both.” I really meant to say no to him stopping. This is ridiculous. I pause, picking at a loose thread in my beach towel. Should I bring up the kiss? There’s never going to be a textbook moment to handle this kind of conversation. He means too much to me to drag this out or sweep it under the rug. I just can’t. Change is good, but in this particular situation, I am happy with consistency.

“Hey.” He touches my arm with his finger. “What are you thinking about?” I look up and smile weakly. Reluctant to start the dialogue, I need some kind of resolution, confirmation that our friendship will not change, that it will remain intact because I need him in that way. Not only that, but I need to keep my own feelings in check.

“We can’t keep avoiding this,” I whisper, twisting my hair, digging my toes in the sand and feeling the heat of the sun on my body. I instantly feel overwhelmed and tense. This is not what I wanted.

“Avoiding what?” He tilts his head to the side gazing at me, realizing what I’m referring to
. “Oh.”
He pulls away, stretching his legs out in front of him and wiping the rest of the lotion on his chest. “Listen.” He pauses, raking his hand through his hair. “We both slipped. It was like... like...,” he stammers, an endearing smile passes his lips, “a dream, just
good
dreams... a figment of your imagination.” Nothing about those kisses was a dream. He knows that. He just doesn’t want to cause any problems with Reed and me. That’s another story. What will I tell Reed and do I even have to?

I stare at him, noticing the tenderness and hurt in his eyes. He didn’t come between anything with Cane, and now with Reed because Tyler knows his role in my life. He’s always on the sideline, ready to rescue me. I slide closer to him and gingerly push the damp hair away from his face.

“I don’t want to hurt you. That’s the last thing I want to do; you know that. It was selfish and I’m sorry.” He smiles, gently stroking the palm of my hand. Even though I’ve been having these thoughts about him, I know this is the best thing. I can’t give up what we have and jeopardize our friendship. What if I let it happen, and things don’t work out between us? Everything would change, and I would never have my Tyler the way I have him now.