Breaking Elle (47 page)

“Yes,” I whisper, inhaling the warm night air.

“Me, too. I see you.” His gentle and sexy voice warms every cell in my body. “Do you see me?”

“I do.” It hurts not having him here right now. I don’t lose sight of the moon, wishing I could reach up, grab it, and pull it down to me.

“You’re never far away from me. Remember that. I will always come back to you.” He breathes deeply. “I can’t explain what you do to me, but now that there’s this distance between us, I know. You’re
it
for me. I’m where I’m supposed to be, where I am meant to be, and I won’t screw this up. I can’t.”

His words hit me. Even with all the miles and days apart, I’ve never felt so close to someone who was so far away.

The ringing of the room phone wakes me up. I unplugged the alarm clock last night after I talked to Elle and called down to the front desk, asking them to ring once to wake me up at eight. This way I don’t have to deal with hitting the snooze button over and over again. I lie in bed for a minute staring at the cracks in the dingy ceiling. Waking up alone in a strange place, especially a shitty hotel room sucks. Being away from Elle this fuckin’ long has been damn near impossible. Thankfully, I only have one more night alone in this damn place.

I drag myself out of bed, and stepping outside, I settle into the chair. The morning sun washes over me, and closing my eyes, I wish Elle were here to share this with me. She’s better than any sunrise or sunset. I can’t stop thinking about her. Hearing the sound of her voice last night and missing the feel of her skin makes me want to get on the next flight back to Boston. There are only twenty-four hours, two thousand miles, and a three hour and thirty-six minute flight separating us. That’s what I keep telling myself, but it feels like I’m halfway across the world and an eternity away.

I want to do right by her, and I’m going to make sure that what I have with her is not based on secrets and lies. She deserves the best, nothing less. I love her. I was so close to telling her last night, but that’s not something you tell someone over the phone. I smile, thinking that my problem may have actually been a blessing to me. Making this move across the country to figure out my shit put me on a collision course with the most amazing girl. Everything that has happened was supposed to happen. Kind of like that destiny shit I never paid any mind to. Love isn’t planned. Love isn’t an emotion that’s determined by the fucking stars or some horoscope in the Sunday paper. It’s a genuine, raw feeling that takes you over and consumes you. That’s what I feel for this girl.

I could sit here all day thinking about her, but I need to get to my momma. I head to the bathroom and wash my face, comb my fingers through my hair, and brush my teeth. Considering what went down last night and what I had to drink, I’m no worse for wear. I rub my sore jaw from last night’s confrontation with Campbell’s boyfriend and chuckle. I have a slight bruise, but that should be gone by the time I get back to Elle. I don’t want her to worry. I don’t want her creasing that face of hers because of me. I grab my wrinkled clothes off the chair and get dressed. I snatch my stuff and head out. The phone jumps in my hand just I slide it in my pocket. I stare at the screen and see those hazel eyes pop up. My morning just got better.

Elle: Mornin’ baby.

Reed: Just thinking of u, Doll

Elle: Yeah? Good clean thoughts?

Reed: All the time. ;)

Elle: Me too. ;)

Reed: You’re my moon. I miss u.

Elle: Miss u. XO

Reed: Always. Call u later.

A smile crosses my face thinking of her in her shorts, sweaty from running. I shove my phone in my pocket, trying to concentrate on what I have to do today, but all I can think about is kissing her in twenty-four damn hours.

On the cab ride over to the hospital, I make an appointment to meet with Doc Jones today. It’s going to be a two-hour drive to the Texas A&M Campus from Arlington, but I need to go out there. He’s the only one I trust with my knee. There’s always a risk going out there. As long as I’m alone, things will be all right. I pat the gun in the waist of my pants to reassure myself. I text Tommy to let him know I need his truck to take care of my business and that he’s going to be out of commission for the day so he should get his errands done early.

Tommy and Juju are already in the room packing Momma’s personal things into her duffel bag. Seeing her bed neatly made, I get this sinking feeling, and can’t think straight. The blood rushes to my head. I’m ready to punch the wall when I don’t see Momma anywhere. It looks like she was never here. All that’s left are the machines that pumped crap into her bloodstream and beeped every time her heartbeat would rise and fall. I wish I could hear those sounds now.

“Where’s Momma?” I yell, clenching my fists. “What the fuck happened! Why didn’t y’all call me?” Dread and anger burn through my body as I rush to Tommy and grab the back of his shirt. “What the hell is going on?”

“Man, relax.” he turns smiling. “They said she could go home. She just needs to relax, stay off her feet, and take these pills,” he says, handing them to me.

I read the label of the bottle. It’s the same crap that she had to take last time for the cancer. There’s no fucking magic pill for this shit. I flick my eyes back up at Tommy and frown. “Sorry, man.”

“I know how you feel about your momma, man. Don’t apologize. Just check your damn phone messages next time.” He laughs, shaking his head.

“Shit.” I snatch the phone from my back pocket and scroll through my texts. “Damn.” I mutter, looking up at him smirking. “Sorry, man.”

“It’s all good.” He chuckles, shaking his head.

I turn at the sound of my momma’s laughter. Relief washes over me as I hear her in the hallway talking about the Dallas Cowboys, and bragging about how I’m going to play for them someday. This only makes me more determined to go through with it. The nurse wheels my momma back into the room and the change in her is incredible. Like she’s a different person and it makes me hopeful that it’ll not be as bad as the first time.

“Momma.” I step towards her and kiss her on the cheek.

“Hey, baby.” She smiles, “Just seeing you yesterday, and I’m cured by your presence.” She laughs, and it warms my heart.

“Soon enough, Momma,” I reply. “Right, guys?” I turn to my sister who smiles softly, her eyes falling back down to the bag she is packing.

“That’s what I’m praying for,” she replies, zipping up the duffel. She places it on her shoulder, looking hopeful. “You ready to go home and get out of this God forsaken place?”

“Yeah, I hate hospitals,” I reply, squeezing my mom’s hand as I wheel her out the door.

We pull into the driveway of the small apartment building where my sister and momma live. It’s different from the last place, which was a little bigger because I was living there too. But my momma does not need much. All that matters is that it’s home for her,
for now.
It pisses me off that they can’t live in a real house with all the constant moving around because of me. Now with my momma’s cancer coming back, she needs a permanent place to call home.

No matter what, Momma makes anyplace feel like home by filling it with memories from when we were kids. She always says that it doesn’t matter where you are as long as you have family around you. I can’t lose sight of that. Material stuff doesn’t mean anything; the people you surround yourself with are what are important. I know I can’t stay long, always having to run and hide from everything. But I’m going to make sure this all changes soon, and they’ll have a place to call home.

I help bring everything into the house and get my momma settled into her bedroom. I head to the kitchen to get her some water so she can take her pill while my sister is making dinner.

“Where’s Tommy?” I ask, filling a glass with cold water.

“Outside taking care of Cooper,” she replies, worry etched on her face as she grabs a bowl from the cabinet.

“What’s wrong?” I turn the tap off, placing the glass on the counter.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave. As soon as you got here, Momma got better. She really needs you,” she whispers, setting down the bowl as she stares at me. “How much longer do you have to stay away?”

“I have to take care of some things. I don’t know how long, but it will be soon. I promise. I just gotta take care of this.” I place my hand on her shoulder and kiss her forehead.

“When is this gonna end, Reed?” She whispers defiantly, worry painted in her determined blue eyes.

“You think I like this shit, Juju. I hate this.” I whisper harshly so my momma can’t hear me swearing in the house.

“Reed, what’s that you say, boy?” Momma calls from the other room.

“Nothing, ma’am.” I turn to my sister smiling and she does the same. Momma doesn’t miss a beat. “Listen,” I hold my sister’s gaze. “I’m here now. You think I want to be away from Momma or you?” I close my eyes and exhale deeply. “Never in a million fucking years,” I say, lowering my voice. “I have to keep you safe and you know this. It’s the only way. Once I take care of it, I will come back,” I whisper, taking her in my arms. “Tommy’s here and I know he won’t let anything happen to you or Momma.” I breathe. I hate keeping things from her, but it’s the best and safest way. I don’t want them knowing anything. Tommy is one person too many, but he didn’t want me to deal with this alone.

“You promise?” She looks up at me, waiting for an answer. I think of Elle back home before I respond. “I promise,” I reply, knowing I’ll find a way to have all of them in my life.

Today’s a beach day. I know the instant I wake up and see the way the sun shines through my window. The breeze gently touches my thin white curtains and carries the scent of the magnolia trees across my room. It seems like forever since the last time I was at the beach with Reed. If I concentrate hard enough and close my eyes tight, maybe I can block out everything and imagine still being with him, feel his hands on me, and the tingling, fuzzy feeling he gives me.