Bound by Steel (15 page)

Oh God! He would hate me if he only knew. “I’m thinking about the little things, Gage, and how I will never take them for granted ever again.” When his fingertips graze the bottom of my chin, I tilt my head up to meet his gaze. And my breath catches when his long fingers comb through my hair before settling at my nape.

“What little things, Lyra?”

“The warmth of the sun as it touches my skin. Sleeping in my bed. Being able to use my own body wash and shampoo. Having the freedom to come and go as I please. I could spend forever telling you about all the little things. But that’s not important right now, being here with you is.”  No words could be truer. Gage has my heart.

So much emotion washes over him in such a short period of time, I’m ready to bolt. Until his warm mouth captures mine and his tongue begins a very thorough search. My normally sweet boy is greedy and demanding as he claims me like never before. Our teeth clash, our pulses race as he nips and sucks until we’re both panting with need. By the time we come up for air, I’m ready, willing and able. But when I feel him recoil, I back away immediately. Unshed tears begin to pool but I’ll be damned if I let them fall. “I’m so sorry, Gage. I don’t know what else I can possibly say to make it better.”

“I want you, Lyra. Don’t ever doubt it. I just need a little more time to wrap my head around all of this before I can make love to you. Okay?”

No. It’s not okay. But what other choice do I have? He’s hurt. And I’m the one who did this to him, so it’s up to me to fix it. I just don’t know what more I can possibly do. Other than giving him some space and time. They say time heals all wounds so I’ll have to sit back and wait. Hopefully, he’ll be able to get past this because if he can’t, we’re over. So much for the truth setting me free. In my situation, it reared its ugly head and bit me in the ass. Great!

“I hate to leave you alone but I need to finish up some things at work. Will you be okay?”

“I’m fine, Gage. Really, I am.” Liar liar pants on fire. The second he walks out the door I’m going to fold like a cheap lawn chair. “I’m going to make a few calls about getting my old job back. If not, then maybe they’ll have something else I can do at the library. I’m sure I have tons of e-mails and stuff I can catch up on. And I’d love to call Kennedy, but the last time I talked to her she said she’d be in London until the first of May. Other than that, I’ll just hang tight until you come home.” God, I sound so pathetic. Boring.

“You can visit with my mom while I’m at work if you don’t want to be alone here. I’m sure she’d love to see you.” Oh, hell to the no! The last thing I want to do is play twenty questions with his mom. I love her to death but I’m not quite ready for that either. To be honest, I don’t know what the hell I’m ready for anymore. The only thing I know is I feel like I’m falling, and I’m afraid Gage won’t be the one to catch me.

Gage

Dad actually gave me the rest of the week off so Lyra and I could celebrate her homecoming. So what did I do? I told her I had to work so I could get the hell out of there. What I wanted to do was throw her on the bed and take back what was mine. So she could remember what it felt like to have me inside of her instead of some fucking stranger. God, when I think of his hands all over her I want to exhume what’s left of his body, just so I can kill him all over again.

After the explosion, I had promised myself I wouldn’t read one single article that pertained to Jonathan Day. Unfortunately, it lasted all of about two seconds. I had to see what the mofo looked like. Big mistake. Now I have a visual that’s constantly playing on repeat in my head of the two of them all tangled together. It’s not pretty. Especially now that I know she was a willing partner. Fuck! I need to get the hell over this really fast or it’s going to eat away at me. Until it kills me.

My first impression of Jonathan Day was he looked like a sick fuck. With his scraggly beard and long hair he reminded me of Charles Manson. Now that I think of it, even his eyes were maniacal. Black and lifeless. How the hell am I supposed to erase all of this from my brain?

And now that I’ve seen her journals, I desperately want to read them. Does that sound fucked up? Yes. Yes, it does. But I can’t help it. I need to get inside of her head, so I can feel everything she was feeling. Was she frightened? Did she feel hopeless? Abandoned? Vulnerable? It’s the not knowing that’s fucking killing me.

One of my worst case scenarios portrays Jonathan Day as Lyra’s Master, and Lyra as his submissive. Throw in some bondage, spanking and discipline. No ... I won’t allow myself to go there, because it will drive me fucking insane!

I haven’t been totally honest with Lyra. But in my defense, it’s a surprise. I’m positive that once she finds out what I’ve been up to, she won’t be angry. I’m picking up her best friend Kennedy at the airport tomorrow. When Lyra insisted on coming home early, Kennedy said London could wait. It will still be there whenever she decides to go back. She was quick to remind me that Lyra was her number one priority. I know she thinks I’m sugarcoating the fact that Lyra’s fine. But Kennedy insisted she had to see her with her own two eyes. Whatever. It’s all good.

To get my mind off of Lyra, I decide to stop by work. Maybe it’ll be good for me to get my head out of my ass and concentrate on something other than Lyra and Jonathan bumping uglies.

I gently tap on my dad’s office door before going to mine. “Hey, what the hell are you doing here?” ejects from his mouth when I peek inside. He motions for me to enter.

“Lyra needed some space. So I decided to come by and finish off the Merritt project.”

“It’s not due for another month, Gage. Talk to me.” I’d like nothing more than to get all of this shit off of my chest, but I’ve never aired out my dirty laundry to my dad. And I’m not about to start now.

I know he’s in for the long haul when he leans forward and places his elbows on the desk. Waiting. Suddenly, my tongue engages before my brain has a chance to shut it down. “Lyra told me the truth about what happened at the cabin. And I’m having a really hard time accepting it.”

The man doesn’t even flinch. It’s as if he were waiting for me to confirm what he already knew. Damn, he’s good. “Did you want her to lie, Gage? To spare your feelings.”

Well, shit. How the hell do I answer that without sounding like a dick? “No. We’ve never lied to one another and I don’t want her to start now.” I can’t help but blow out an exasperated breath before continuing. “I guess I just wasn’t expecting her to be so straightforward about it.”

“You’ll have to be a little more specific if you want me to understand.”

I’m uncomfortable discussing this with my father. And he can clearly see that by the way my hand massages the back of my neck. I’m desperately trying to relieve some of the nervous tension that’s in full swing. The last thing I want to do is portray Lyra as lascivious. “I appreciate you wanting to help, but I can’t discuss this with you. It’s something Lyra and I need to work out on our own.”

“I understand, son. Just know that I’m here for you if you need to talk. Do me a favor?”

I’m so glad he’s not pressing me further. “Sure, Dad. Anything.” When he stands, so do I. And I’m taken by surprise when he pulls me in for a hug.

“Go home, Gage. I know for certain that Lyra doesn’t need space. You just took it upon yourself to leave before you’d say something you’d regret. Unfortunately, you’re a lot like me in that respect. And you can’t work out your problems if you’re here with your old man. Go. Don’t waste another precious minute.”

“You’re right, Dad. Thanks. I’ll call you in a few.” I pull him in for another hug and then turn back the way I came to spend some quality time with Lyra.

By the time I pull into the driveway, I’ve gone over everything I want to say to her at least a thousand times. Okay, I might be exaggerating. But the moment I open the front door and see her red-rimmed eyes all I can manage is a, “Hey.”

My heart aches when fresh tears begin to fall. In two long strides, I have her in my arms. And when she whispers, “Hey,” I nuzzle into her as she falls apart. Again.

Chapter Twenty

Lyra

Clearly, I thought Gage and I had taken a few steps forward last night. Until he woke up at the crack of dawn and disappeared. No note. No explanation, just gone. I tried texting him several times, but he hasn’t texted me back yet. Now, I’m getting pissed. The least he could have done was let me know where he was going and what time he’d be home. Several hours go by and I still don’t know where he went.

I’m sitting at the island, sipping my third cup of coffee when the front door opens. Cody cocks her head and begins growling. Wow, I know she’s not too fond of Gage but this is crazy. “It’s only Gage, silly girl. Hush.” My eyes are emitting imaginary daggers by the time he steps through the doorway. He looks guilty as hell when his eyes land on mine. I knew it!

“I hope you’re not angry with me, Lyra, because it would ruin the awesome surprise I have for you. That’s why I had to leave so early this morning. I had to pick it up. Do you want to see it?”

“Where have you been, Gage? You promised me last night that we’d spend some time together and you go pull a stupid stunt like this. And you didn’t leave a note.” I’m so wired from all the caffeine, that when I push back my chair to stand up, it hits the floor. But I stop dead in my tracks when I see a beautiful woman with long dark hair push past Gage. No, it can’t be. She’s supposed to be in London, not here in my kitchen.

“If you thought for one minute I’d choose all those sexy Englishmen over you, then you’re cray-cray.”

“Kennedy…”

“Were you hoping for the Queen of England? You know she would have been here but she had a previous engagement. Disappointed?” she asks.

“Not at all. She’s a bit too proper and straitlaced for my taste.” Kennedy closes the distance between us and when she pulls me in for a hug, I break.

“You scared the shit out of me, Lyra Rose Harper. Don’t ever do that again.” You know someone’s your bestie when they’re not worried about you ruining their best Dolce and Gabbana dress.

Once I’ve stopped blubbering like a two-year-old, I ask, “How long are you staying?”

“For as long as you need me, girlfriend.” Aww. And that’s why she’s my best friend. Although, a few months ago, I would have told her to go back to England and have some fun. Now, not so much. I guess being held captive in a secluded mountain cabin has its drawbacks. Yeah, and I hadn’t realized how much I missed everyone until I came home.

“Let’s get you settled into the guest room and then we’ll swap stories,” I say. “Wanna make a bet who’s going to win?”

If Kennedy answered my question, I didn’t hear her. All of my attention is focused on Gage. Who’s sitting on the couch petting Cody? Hells bells. He’s actually placating the dog so Kennedy and I can have some alone time. This is one of the many reasons why I love this man. He is selfless, considerate and forgiving. Everything I am not. “He’s a keeper, Lyra. Go give him a great big hug for picking up your BFF at the airport.”

When he sees Kennedy whispering in my ear, he swipes his hands down the front of his jeans before standing. He’s nervous and it’s all my fault. After everything I’ve done, I have no right whatsoever to be angry at him. I’m the one who has to fight like hell to gain his trust, not the other way around.

All of his anxiety and tension seem to dissipate the moment I wrap my arms around him. “You knew how important it was for Kennedy to be here and you made it happen. Thank you, Gage. You’re too good for me and I don’t deserve you.”

I get all choked up when he leans down and kisses the corner of my mouth. Somehow it feels more intimate than the real deal. “Hey, stop beating yourself up. All I want is for you to be happy, Lyra. That’s all any of us want. The rest is up to you, babe.”

He’s absolutely right. I am responsible for my own happiness. Me, myself and I. So, taking a deep breath I get lost in his beautiful brown eyes. As a million butterflies come to life in the pit of my stomach. Reminding me of the first time I let these three words tumble from my lips. “I love you with all of my heart, Gage. I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving…” His lips come crashing down on mine, swallowing all of my promises. I’m holding onto him for dear life when his tongue slips between my lips on a breathy moan. Oh God. I’d forgotten what it was like to get lost in him.

“Oh for God sake’s, get a room! I told you to thank him, not molest him. Geez, Louise.”

I laugh when Gage’s lips turn into a full-fledged smile. My best friend has no filter. None. She tells you like it is, whether you want to hear it or not. Do not. I repeat, do not ask for her opinion, if you don’t want to hear the unbridled truth. “Gage, I feel terrible. We were supposed to hang out for the rest of the week.”

“Don’t worry about it, Lyra. We have the rest of our lives to play catch up. Unfortunately, Kennedy will be gone before you know it. Go have some fun, babe.”

He steals one quick kiss before striding out the door. Leaving me alone and exposed with the only person I can’t hide from.

“Did I ever tell you that boy reminds me of Theo James? You know, that hottie from
The Hunger
Games.”

Seriously, she cracks me up. Every single time. “Yes, you have. And every time you’ve mentioned it, Theo’s in a different movie. He’s in the
Divergent
series, Kennedy. Remember that for next time.”

“Potato,
potato.
Same difference. Boy meets girl, they go through a ton of shit and then they fall madly in love. End of story. Now, come sit down over here and tell me all about your real life horror show.”

I thought one of the hardest things I’d have to handle after leaving the safe house would be confronting my parents. Surely, my mother of all people would be able to see right through my disguise. Astonishingly, she didn’t. As a journalist, she assumed it was suitable behavior for someone who had been kidnapped. Supposedly, I was a better actress than I’d given myself credit for. But now that Kennedy and I are alone, I wonder, am I strong enough to keep up my façade?