Be Mine

Be Mine

Sharon Kleve

Be Mine

Copyright 2012

By Books to Go Now

For information on the cover illustration and design, contact [email protected]

First eBook Edition –February 2012

Printed in the United States of America

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This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, any place, events or occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and story lines are created from the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously.

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“
Corny, do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“Shush Brutus; and get your hairy Labrador butt off the bed, you’ll wake Steve up before I’m done putting the finishing touches on—day one of our week of Valentine’s Day celebration. Besides, what’s not to like about vanilla ice cream, whipping cream, nuts, chocolate syrup, and a nice maraschino cherry to top it all off?”

“Well, for one thing you’ve covered Steve’s dick with it and like you said he’s asleep.”

“When I came up with this brilliant idea to make Valentine’s Day last a whole week, instead of one day, I didn’t take into account that I have no imagination for romantic gifts. When I woke up yesterday and realized I’d ran out of time because Valentine’s Day is Friday; this is the best that I could come up with. And then I thought, ‘Hey, we both love sundaes and when he wakes up I’ll add the ice cream and make him very happy by licking and sucking the sundae off his dick’. What’s not to like about that?”

“I’ll reserve judgment until he wakes up. What other bright ideas did you come up with for the rest of the week?”

“Well, nothing yet and I’m waiting to see what Steve gives me. There’s always the possibility he’ll forget and then I don’t have to worry.”

“Sergeant Steve Spears forget something, oh that’s funny. That man remembers everything. You know, I want to point out again that Steve and his cop buddies got the bad guys, in spite of my brief momentary lapse, which wasn’t totally my fault. Sergeant Ken Loose shouldn’t have brought his Bitch—Gloria to my stake-out. Gloria’s scent distracted me, for god sake, she’s in heat. I only wandered away from Steve’s side for a second; I wanted to get a little sniff of her butt, I’m a dog, it’s what we do. In that split second all hell broke loose and Gloria got the drug scent instead of me. Now I’m benched until I can prove that I’m able to stay focused during a drug bust.”

“Listen Brutus, I promised Steve I’d keep my nose out of this mess. Last night he gave me the lowdown/lecture on what you’re supposed to do when you’re working and it didn’t include sniffing Gloria’s butt. Steve told me you’re a superior drug dog and you’re trained to use your sense of smell to detect illegal substances that we can’t see. When you detect drugs, you’re supposed to alert Steve, but this time you were off sniffing Gloria’s butt and she got the bust. Besides Brutus, that Bitch—Gloria outweighs you by a good thirty pounds and she’s a Mastiff. She walks around with her nose in the air like she’s royalty. Steve says you were chosen to be a drug sniffing dog because you’re the most intelligent, aggressive, strong, and have a keenest sense of smell he’s ever worked with. He needs you to take a little vacation and refocus. He thought a week working with me on a few pet retrievals might focus you.”

“Corny, can you explain exactly what you do when you go on a pet retrieval and why the heck you’re the only person I know who can understand me?”

“Well, it doesn’t look like he’ll be waking up anytime soon; guess that’s what twelve hours of work will do to you. I inherited -a psychic skill from my Great Aunt Harriet and I can communicate with all species of animals. I hear what animals are saying, as you’ve experienced, and they understand me. My first pet retrieval was a hamster named Fred, and I was a whopping twelve years old. After high school I got a job at Langfield Laboratories, as an Executive Assistant, to the CEO. My boss was mean spirited and didn’t appreciate my fondness for animals. I was babysitting my cousin’s ferret—Pete while she was on vacation and I quickly realized he had ferret Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and needed constant attention or he’d act out in destructive ways, like stealing my underwear. I started
—
secretly bringing Pete into work and I’d let him torment my boss. One day Pete put a tack on my boss’s chair and when he sat down he squealed like a little girl. When my cousin came back and I didn’t have Pete to keep me entertained any longer I decided to enroll in the ‘Private Investigation Training Institute’ and got my Private Investigators degree and then opened up Green Hornet Investigations. I’ve been finding missing pets ever since. Hey, I think Steve’s waking up. Uh oh, crap he rolled over onto his stomach. This isn’t good, not good at all.”

“I told you so… I’m out of here while you explain the sticky mess all over the sheets.”

“Thanks for the moral support you mutt.”

“Corny, why is there something gooey and slightly gritty between my legs? Do I even want to look down there?”

“It’s your—day one—Valentine’s Day present but you smashed it when you rolled over. Sorry, it was going to be a chocolate sundae masterpiece.”

“You’re telling me my present was a sundae on my dick? Oh Corny, only you would think of something like that. What did you plan on doing with it when I woke up?”

“If you roll onto your back—I’ll show you stud muffin.”

~~~~~

“Whew, I don’t think you missed licking an inch of me down there. That was great, I love you and your tongue, in that order, thank you baby. I was going to wait until tonight to give you your present, but you deserve a reward for all that hard work. Let me take a shower and wash all the stray nuts off, ha ha, I’ll be right out.”

“I love you too Steve.”

“Brutus, did you grab the maraschino cherry off the bed. It was the only thing I couldn’t find in the bed sheets?”

“No offense, but ever since you moved in with Steve over Christmas you’ve been putting on the pounds; I thought you wouldn’t miss the cherry.”

“You think I’m getting fat? Does Steve talk about my fat butt at work?”

“Settle down, I was kidding. Steve loves your butt and everything else about you. Here he comes with a little box. I wonder what that could be.”

“Honey, I appreciate that thoughtful gift but I found a nut where a nut shouldn’t be. You get my drift?”

“Yes, sorry about that, but you weren’t supposed to roll over. I don’t have to be to work for another hour; I’ll change the sheets before I leave.”

“That would be great. Here’s your gift, it’s a lot less messy than yours, and I hope you like it.”

“Oh my gosh Steve, is this what I think it is? I saw this Tiffany’s turquoise box in a Cosmopolitan magazine last month. This isn’t a trick is it? People do that you know, they wrap something in a Nordstrom silver box and when you open it it’s a box of cheap chocolates from Walmart.”

“Open it and find out.”

“Oh Steve, I can’t believe Tiffany’s was able to make a charm size copy of my key. I love you and that’s sweet and thoughtful, thank you. But you do know I don’t have a charm bracelet right?”

“I love you to and there might be a bracelet in the near future for you. Since you had a copy made of the original key—to keep it shiny and new looking, why don’t you put the charm on that key ring for now?”

“Okay, that’ll work. Hey, why don’t I make dinner tonight; you can have steak and baked potato or steak and baked potato; your choice”

“Corny, have you ever thought about expanding you cooking repertoire beyond steak and baked potato?”

“Why mess with a good thing baby?”

“Okay, I’ve got to go, have fun with Brutus today.”

“Brutus, are you ready to go?”

“I still can’t believe Steve benched me. He didn’t even say goodbye before he left. How long is he going to stay mad at me?”

“Stop moaning and get in the car. I have a full day at the ahead and I don’t want you moping around all day.”

“Good morning Halo, what’s on my schedule for today?”

“Hi Corny, you have several retrievals today; your schedule’s on your desk. Hi there big boy, whose dog is this?”

“This is Steve’s drug sniffing dog, Brutus. He’s going to be spending the week with me.”

“Okay, let me know if I can help.”

“I will; thank you. Will you please grace me with one of your incredible, marvelous, most amazing double espressos?”

“Sure, the usual-double shot of espresso with soy milk?”

“Yep, except how adding some mint mocha syrup?”

“You got it.”

“Brutus, we’re heading out on a retrieval. Do we need to find a patch of grass for you before we head out?”

“I wouldn’t mind doing a few laps around Green Lake. I’m sure I could find something tasty to sniff.”

“Sorry, but that’s going to have to wait until we get back. There’s a message from one of my mom’s really wealthy friends, Mr. Charleston, about his missing French Poodle. You’ll need to stay in the car while I talk to him. He’s a little eccentric, I’m not sure why but he talks with a fake french accent. And he has severe allergies to animals; that’s why he has a poodle. It’s the only pet he’s ever had that doesn’t make him ill. We’re here; I’ve always loved this area of Seattle. From Beacon Hill you can see downtown Seattle, the Industrial District, Elliott Bay, First Hill, Rainier Valley, and, when the weather is good, Mount Rainier and the Olympic Mountains. Where else can you get that kind of view?”

“It is a pretty great view and wow, this guy lives in a mansion.”

“I told you he’s really wealthy. He invented the Invisible Fence thirty--eight years ago and it doesn’t matter how many times I meet him he always says the same thing about his invention—‘More smiles & wagging tails—less anxiety’.”

“Maybe for the owners, but that fence zaps the shit out of you if you get to close.”

“I believe that’s the idea Brutus. I’ll be right back, he’s not very chatty, and he’ll want to talk about getting his poodle back.”

“Good morning Mr. Charleston. I hear Molly wandered off again.”

“Yes, please come in out of the cold my dear. Molly is such a hussy, I’m afraid she might have run away with that scoundrel Duke Harrington who lives four houses down. I wish they’d take away his manhood and then Molly wouldn’t be attracted to him.”

“Have you ever considered having her spayed? She might lose interest in the Duke if you do.”

“I can’t do that to her. What if it changed her personality? I can’t risk it.”

“Okay Mr. Charleston, I know her usual haunts, it shouldn’t take me to long to find her.”

“Thank you very much my dear.”

“That was quick, how did it go?”

“Oh, he’s as loony as a fruit cake but I’ve known him forever and I’m pretty sure I know where Molly is. Let’s head on over to the airport strip, it’s only a ten minute drive from here.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me? She’s lives in a mansion and she spends her time on the SeaTac airport strip doing the dirty deed?”

“I know, I don’t get it either; she’s probably humping in some grimy back alley. Stay in the car while I go look for her; I hope it’s not too late.”

~~~~~

“Molly, what have you done?”

“A lot—and many times. This time I think I’m going to have twins with the Duke and Mr. Charleston can’t stop me.”

“
Mr. Charleston adores you; why do you keep running away?”

“Corny, I’m horny all the time.”

“Get into my car and stay away from Brutus, you hussy.”

~~~~~

“Oh thank you Corny, you found Molly. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

“Mr. Charleston, you need to take her to the vet and if she isn’t already pregnant you need to get her spayed. Promise me you will.”

“Okay dear, I promise. I had a question for you before you leave though. Do you think I can bill my insurance company for your services?”

“I think veterinary insurance only pays for services like fur ball and skin tag removals, not pet retrievals, but it doesn’t hurt to try.”

“Brutus, what am I going to do with the rich and ridiculous?
I think Mr. Charleston puts a little too much bourbon in his Pepsi at lunch time.”

“I need a bathroom break.”

“Can you wait until we get back to Green Lake?”

“Drive fast. I’m feeling cramped in your Mini Cooper.”

“Beacon Hill Playground is around the corner, hang on big guy. Okay, there’s a nice big oat tree over there, I’m going to go sit on that bench while you do your business.”

“I won’t be long.”

“Tchrring, tchrring, tchrring, hey lady, you got any peanuts?”

“No, but I’ve got a pack of Nabisco peanut butter crackers you can have.”

“Break them up a little first and then throw them down here, but hurry up. The other squirrels will show up soon and want me to share my score.”

“Is that a raindrop I felt on my head? You know, a perky young blond on KOMO 5 news last night announced that, the rainy season is here again in Seattle. The forecast for the next few days says it all... A series of upper-level disturbances moving over the Seattle area combined with a favorable flow pattern are helping to bring in copious amounts of moisture to the Pacific Northwest over the next few days’ Did I listen? No, because Seattle’s weather reporters never get the weather right—except this time of course. It’s exactly noon and copious amounts of moisture is pouring down.”

“Thanks, these are good. I’m out of here lady.”

“Brutus, how much longer are you going to be? This old wood bench is wet and splintered, and I’ll probably get hemorrhoids from the cold—at least that’s what my mother always told me would happen, ‘Corny, don’t sit on a cold surface for too long or you’ll get hemorrhoids.’ Dear ol’e mom—she always knows best. But on the other hand this particular spot on the bench will eventually warm up and if you’re going to be awhile I don’t want to have to sit in another wet, cold spot.”

“I’m working on something, give me a minute.”

“Eww, I don’t need the details.”

“
You’re disgusting; I’m talking about drugs. I smell drugs and the scent’s coming from those two losers standing over on that corner. Call Steve right now, he can bust these guys and I’ll be back on his good side.”

“I’ll call Steve but those two are small-time dealers. He’ll probably send a patrolman.”

“Hi Honey, Brutus has sniffed what looks like to me; two guys selling pot on the street corner of Green Lake Blvd and Mill Street. He insists you come yourself and bust them. I think he’s trying to show off.”

“You have got to be kidding me. Tell Brutus to save his sniffing for the big fish, but I’ll send a patrol officer over to see what’s up okay? How’s it going baby?”