Blue Sky Days (12 page)

“So, tell me what made you decide to stay in Riverview,” Nicholas said, putting an arm around me and sliding me closer so that I was tucked into his side with his chin resting on the top of my head.

He’d asked me this question earlier, but sensing my hesitation to talk about it, had told me I could explain later. We had been having so much fun I didn’t want to spoil it with thoughts of my mother’s negativity, or hear her sugary-sweet-turned-venomous voice in my head.

I told Nicholas the details I had avoided earlier, both on the phone that afternoon and then later when he’d asked. We had spent a lot of time over the past weeks talking about my mother and our strange, dysfunctional relationship. Knowing how upset I often got when talking about my mother, Nicholas would always make reassuring little noises as I spoke, stroking my hair or holding my hand. He was like an anchor, preventing me from straying too far into negative thoughts, and keeping me steady so I wouldn’t dwell on how much I wished things could have been different between my mother and me.

When I fell silent, I felt drained and exhausted, the way I always did after rehashing my issues with my mother. The silence only lasted a second before Nicholas changed the subject to things he wanted us to do that autumn and winter now that I had decided to stay in Riverview. He could always sense the slightest change in my moods, and would roll with it; he seemed to know when I wanted to be comforted and when I wanted to just forget about all the hard stuff and be distracted.

Nicholas told me that, in the autumn, he could picture us taking long walks in the fallen leaves and golden sunlight, going apple and pumpkin picking at Farmer Milligan’s, and doing the corn maze and wagon rides offered every year, which most of the town showed up for. He said he imagined us playing in the snow that winter, acting like little kids with Daisy, Vince, and Maggie while building snowmen and having snowball fights before going inside for hot chocolate. It was like he wove a story just for me, and I could picture it all, every glorious moment of it, especially when he said he envisioned us spending long winter nights in front of the fireplace, just the two of us. The promise of it had me nearly giddy with anticipation.

When Nicholas yawned and stretched, I caught a glimpse of his watch glowing in the dark and saw that it was nearly three o’clock. I grabbed his wrist to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, and couldn’t believe what time it was. I hoped Daisy hadn’t been kidding when she said she wouldn’t wait up for us.

“You’d better go or you’ll never be up in time for work tomorrow,” I said.

“I guess you’re right,” he said, rising slowly from the swing, joints popping from sitting so long. “Let me tuck you into bed before I go.”

I blushed at the intimate suggestion. Suddenly unsure of the steadiness of my voice, I simply took his hand and led him inside where it was dark except for the nightlight by the stairs. We crept up the steps, pausing at the top to see that all of Daisy’s rooms were dark, then made our way to my bedroom.

A million thoughts rushed into my head as I took a nightgown from my closet. I wanted more than anything to ask him to spend the night, but couldn’t seem to find the courage. I had been imagining for weeks what it would be like to have him in bed beside me, kissing me while I lay in his arms, stroking my hair until I fell asleep, then awaking the next morning with him still next to me.

Nicholas turned his back as I took off my clothes and slipped on my nightgown. When he turned back around, I had already crawled into bed and pulled the sheet over myself. My fantasies didn’t do anything to bolster my confidence or suppress my modesty.

He sat on the edge of my bed and took my hand, tracing slow patterns over my palm with his finger. The gentle touch of his slightly rough fingers sent a tingling feeling of warmth from my hand and up my arm, before spreading through the rest of my body. When he met my eyes, I knew he had just as many thoughts running through his head as I did.

“Lie back,” he said, releasing my hand. When I was settled on the pillow, he brushed my hair out of my face, his eyes trailing to where my curls fanned out over the pillow. As his eyes returned to mine, I noticed they had darkened—they were no longer the impossible blue of sunny skies, but a shade more like midnight before a storm. He leaned down and pressed his warm, soft lips tenderly to mine. The kiss was too brief, and when he pulled away, his expression was conflicted. Pulling the sheet up higher, he tucked it around me, kissed me on the forehead, and said goodnight.

As he left my room, pausing for a moment in the doorway to blow me a kiss, I wanted to yell after him, “I love you!” but, like the lack of courage to ask him to stay the night, my courage failed me again at that moment.

CHAPTER 8

The next morning when I wandered lazily and heavy-eyed into the kitchen, Daisy was at the stove making breakfast. I plopped myself down on a chair and leaned my arms on the table, my head drooping. Not even the smell of Daisy’s famous loaded scrambled eggs, or the sound of sausages sizzling in the pan did anything to wake me up.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Daisy said, chuckling quietly and leaning against the counter to watch me. “Sleep well?”

I groaned and opened my eyes wide, hoping this would make them stay open.

Daisy burst out laughing. She was accustomed to seeing me bright and cheery in the mornings, not like the half-asleep zombie I was now. “You were up late. I saw Nicholas leave just after three.”

This woke me up. I straightened in my chair and could feel my face flushing as I said, “We were just sitting out in the gazebo talking and lost track of time.”

Daisy’s lips quirked. “I know. I’m not your mother, Emma, you know I’m not judging you. As much as I wish you were still my little girl, you’re nineteen years old, and what you and Nicholas do is none of my business.”

I breathed out a long sigh and could feel some of the heat leaving my cheeks. “Well, thank you,” I said slowly. “And for the record, I know you’re nothing like my mother. But Nicholas and I, we haven’t…you know…yet.”

I could have sworn that Daisy’s cheeks turned pink as she went back to the frying pans on the stove. She was silent for a moment and then said, “You and I talk about everything, but I didn’t know if I’d be over-stepping my bounds by asking you how serious your relationship is with Nicholas. I can tell that you’re crazy about each other and that you’re really close, but I didn’t know
how
close.”

 
“I know it’s an awkward subject to bring up,” I said, fiddling with the cloth napkins on the table. “Nicholas and I haven’t even talked about it much. He knows I’m still a virgin and I think he wants me to feel a hundred percent comfortable before we go any further. Sometimes I wonder if Nicholas wants
me
to make the first move when it comes to sex, or give him some sort of signal to let him know I’m ready so that he doesn’t think he’s pushing me.”

Daisy was silent for another moment, as if taking this in and processing it before speaking again. I sat silently too, watching her fix two steaming plates of food. “That sounds like Nicholas. Not wanting to rush you or push you,” she said finally as she set a plate in front of me, along with a glass of orange juice. “He’s the type of guy who wouldn’t want you to have sex with him just for the sake of doing it. When I watch you two, it’s obvious that you’re in love. I think it’s important to express those feelings before you go any further, and to think of sex as an expression of love between you.”

I nodded my head slowly, taking a bite of my eggs so I had time to think before responding. Daisy had just given voice to the thoughts I’d been having the past several weeks. “I do love him,” I said. “And I want our first time to be special, but there’s so many things I don’t know about sex, and the whole thing scares me. Lately though…it’s all I can think about.” I said this last part in a rush before I lost my courage.

Daisy chuckled under her breath. “I can sympathize. I was actually a couple years older than you are now when I lost
my
virginity. There were at least a dozen guys who thought they should be ‘
the one
’, but I knew it wouldn’t feel right with any of them. By the time it
did
feel right and I was actually in love, it was all I could think about. But I was scared, too.
Terrified
, really. He knew that, though, and we took our time so it was really special. Even though the relationship didn’t last, I don’t regret it because I know in my heart that he was the right one.”

I nodded wordlessly. Daisy and I rarely talked about her past love life. If she was older than I was when she lost her virginity, it meant she was already living in Riverview because she’d been in her early twenties when she left home. For as long as I could remember, she had never been in a serious relationship. Part of me always wondered if it was her choice—if her independence and her art meant more to her—or if she had just never found anyone to love. Or, if maybe she
had
and he’d gotten away.

“I’ll just say this, and then we’ll change the subject,” Daisy said, reaching across the table and taking my hand. “Like I said, it’s obvious that Nicholas loves you. It’s also obvious that he has an immense amount of respect for you. He might be afraid that he’ll scare you by telling you how he feels, because he
knows
your history and he knows that he’s your first. Just be patient. When you know for sure that it’s right, it’ll happen. And after having expressed your love for each other verbally, expressing it physically will make it all the more special.”

She gave my hand a squeeze before releasing it and going back to her breakfast. I looked at her for a minute, trying to think of some way to express my gratitude to her for so many things, but when the words didn’t come, I picked up my fork and finished eating.

*****

When breakfast was over, Daisy suggested we spend the day together shopping. We needed groceries, and Daisy needed some paints and other art supplies.

I was browsing for Daisy’s favourite instant oatmeal, and she was in the next aisle over looking at canned goods. We had a divide-and-conquer strategy when it came to grocery shopping. We each took alternating aisles, got what we needed, then met near the checkout. It was one of our many little rituals, and it got the job done with Olympic athlete speed.

I found Daisy’s oatmeal and was about to grab a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for myself when I heard Daisy squeal and drop something to the floor with a loud clatter. I ran out of the cereal aisle, my heart in my throat, and rounded the corner of the next row in time to see Daisy throw her arms around a stunned-looking man.

I approached them, confused, and could see that Daisy was laughing merrily, her cheeks bright red. The man, who looked oddly familiar, was laughing too and had raised Daisy a few inches off the floor in their embrace.

Daisy saw me a second later, and wriggled in the man’s arms so her feet touched the floor. She took her arms from around his shoulders and put one arm around me, pulling me tightly to her. “Emma,” she said breathlessly, her face still flushed, “this is Sam Shaw, Nicholas’s dad. He just got back from a business trip to New Brunswick. Sam, this is my niece—your son’s girlfriend—Emma.”

Sam’s already wide smile broadened and he said, “My god, this is Tilly’s little girl? I never would have believed it!” I smiled and held out my hand for him to shake, but he took it and pulled me into an embrace. “Handshakes are for strangers, but we’re practically family! Your aunt and I go
way
back.”

“Nicholas didn’t tell us you were coming home!” Daisy said, picking up a large, slightly dented can of soup from the floor and throwing it into her shopping cart. She kept fiddling with her hair, pushing it away from her face and tucking it behind her ears. I had never seen Daisy so flustered.

“He’s at work, so he doesn’t know yet. The project down east wrapped up early and I wanted to surprise him.”

“He’ll be thrilled. How long will you be here?” Daisy asked, and I could tell she was trying not to sound too hopeful.

“Hard to say,” Sam said, running his hand through his thick blond hair. It was a couple shades darker than Nicholas’s, with a few silver strands near the temples, and that same lustrous quality that would make any woman want to run her own fingers through it. “Could be a few days, a few weeks, even a few months. I should find out in a week or so. For now, I’m just going to enjoy spending some time with my boy. Being gone for three months is a hell of a long time. Longest time me and Nicky have ever been apart.” His voice softened when he mentioned Nicholas, and my heart ached at the thought of them having to spend so much time apart.

Sam and Daisy continued to chat, and I just stood there watching them. I realized that the reason he seemed so familiar was because he looked just like Nicholas, from the blond hair to the stunningly blue eyes to the build of his tall, lean body.

There was something about the way he and Daisy looked at each other that made me curious. The rosy colour in Daisy’s cheeks, the way she leaned in or touched Sam’s arm while she talked to him. There was even a change in her voice. It all made me wonder what sort of history they had together.

I came back to reality when I heard Daisy asking Sam if he and Nicholas would like to come to our place for dinner that night. “A welcome back celebration,” she said, giggling.
Giggling
? Daisy laughed a lot, but I had never heard her giggle. The very thought of it made me want to giggle myself.

“I’d love that. It’ll give us a chance to catch up and a chance for me to get to know my son’s lovely girlfriend,” he said, patting my cheek gently. The gesture made me think of Nicholas and I smiled to myself, realizing why Nicholas adored his father so much. It also reminded me why
I
adored
Nicholas
so much.

Daisy suggested seven o’clock that night so Sam and Nicholas could have some time to themselves before coming over. “I’m so glad you’re back,” she told Sam, hugging him again before we parted ways. “I hope it’ll be for a while this time.”