Bleeding Heart (6 page)

“Um,” I slouched against the bed. “I’m not tired anymore.”

“Where were you planning to go?”

“I don’t know.” I replied. “The pool, maybe?” I questioned.

He chuckled. “You want to go swimming?”

I bobbed my head against my pillow. “Sure. Why not?”

Calix grunted. “Alright, then lets go.”

“Lets?” I squeaked. “You’re planning to come with me?”

“Of course.”

“O-kay.”

His hand spread over my belly and then I felt my body spinning so that I was lying on my back - beneath him. His blue eyes were intense and pinned on my face. Like always, when I found myself beneath that blue gaze of his, my heart raced. “Did you not want me to come?”

“I don’t care if you come.” I said honestly. “I’m just swimming.”

His eyes tensed. “Get a swimsuit on.”

“You have to let me go first.” I whispered, feeling my heartbeat quicken to a painful high. And then, to my surprise, Calix released me.

Taking this moment to dart from the bed, I didn’t look back as I practically ran my naked behind into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. My chest was heaving heavily, my skin was warm, and my hands were trembling. Sometimes, Calix was intense. First thing in the morning, before my brain had really woken up, dealing with Calix was difficult - and that was putting it mildly.

I’d dressed myself in a white bikini and was struggling with the halter of the necktie when Calix walked into the closet - naked. And hard. My eyes focused on the roof to keep from looking at him as he chuckled. “It’s morning wood, love. It happens when I wake up against you.”

My face heated. Painfully. Hot. “Calix,”

“Turn around.” He commanded. “I’ll get that.”

I turned around, thankful for an excuse to face away from Calix and all his naked glory. “Thank you.” I whispered as his hands grasped hold of the material to tie it around my neck.

“You can turn around now, love.” I could hear his teasing smirk in his tone and I had a thought to smack it from his face. Thankfully, it was only a thought. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it before.”

Blushing deeper, I gulped. “I’m not discussing this.” I said as I made a break for the closet door.

He caught my arm. “Do I get a kiss good morning?”

“I,” I stammered and my brow furrowed. “Do you want one?”

“I always want to kiss you, Nova. You know that.”

I didn’t reply and his hand moved from my arm, to my waist, where he pulled me into his hard front. His mouth came down on mine and he stepped back, pushing me until my back came into contact with the wall. His mouth on mine was rough and gentle and then rough again. And my brain was losing synapses by the second. Yes, they were burning up.

He pulled his mouth from mine on a growl. “Fuck,” I flinched, dazed and confused. “I want you so bad, love.”

I didn’t reply. I didn’t know what to say to him. All I knew was that I was never, ever, going to ask Calix McKnight to make love to me again. If that shit happened, it would be because he was steering the boat - because as far as I was concerned, that ship had sailed.

Calix leaned his forehead against mine. “One more day.” The words were nearly a whisper and I wondered if he was talking to me or to himself. Again, I didn’t reply and Calix’s hand drifted from my waist to the back of my neck. Cupping my neck, he tilted my head back to force my face up to his. Peering deeply into my eyes, he searched my face. “Tomorrow you will be mine, love. Completely. I’ll have you entirely. Forever.”

My breath caught and heat raced with chills through my body at his words. I was conflicted. There was no doubt in my mind I had feelings I shouldn’t have for Calix. He was the man who had captured me, threatened my family, pushed me past the sanity of my mind and broke my heart. Yet, he was the same man who held my hair back when I couldn’t stomach my situation - yes, I know he is the one who caused said situation, but
still
. He was also the same man who kissed my temples, my forehead, and the tip of my nose with a gentleness that made me feel hope. He was the man who knew me, in a way, better than I knew myself. He was the man whose body formed around mine each night and he was the man my body craved - the man my soul yearned for. He was also the man who took the time to learn my favorite color and my favorite treat. He might not be prince charming, and he definitely wasn’t a white knight, but he wasn’t the devil either.

Yes, I think it’s safe to say I’m feeling a little conflicted.

“Nova?” Calix’s voice brought me back to the here and now. “Your thoughts, love?”

I stammered. “I, we’re getting married tomorrow.”

Slowly, he nodded. “Yes. Tomorrow we are getting married.”

“Is it a big wedding?” I asked, finding myself wondering, for the first time, exactly how this fiasco would unfold.

Calix frowned. “The guest list consists of people I’ve done business with for years.”

“I don’t have a maid of honor.”

“You don’t need one.”

“But,” I shook my head, not understanding how a wedding could possibly proceed without the bride having a maid of honor.

“I will not be having anyone stand up with me, Nova. The wedding will be simple. It is happening because I want public record of your compliance to become my wife. If I thought eloping would give me what I want, we would be eloping. However, when you say ‘I do’ I want there to be multiple witnesses. When I kiss you for the first time as your husband, I want the pictures snapped to tell a story.”

“But what will I say when someone asks me where my family is?” I whispered, feeling stunned and confused.

“You will tell them that you are estranged from your family.” Calix stated matter of fact.

At his words, I felt tears mist my eyes and I pulled in a deep, shaky breath. “Are we going swimming?”

“If you still want to, love.”

I nodded. “I want to.”

“Then come.” Calix held his hand out and I placed mine in his without second thought. So much with Calix had begun to feel like second nature. In the beginning, when he touched me I’d been frightened and uncertain, but now, when he touched me I felt safe. And when he wasn’t touching me, I ached for him.

***

My head bobbed above the water as I swam on my back, wading peacefully around the pool. Calix had been swimming laps, and I was lost in thought. Suddenly, I felt his hands on my waist, tugging my body against his. My eyes popped open and I gasped as he carried me through the shallow end of the pool to the stairs. My heart sunk.

“We’re leaving already?”

“No.” Calix smiled down at me and I circled my arm around his neck. “We’re going to sit in the sauna.”

“Oh,”

“Nova,” Calix spoke my name through an irritated sigh. “You know I dislike it when you reply with ‘oh’.”

I didn’t say anything.

Calix didn’t press the issue as he walked us into the small wooden sauna. It was the size of a small bedroom and everything was wood. I loved the scent of this room and since being here - without Calix - I’d learned to not only tolerate, but also appreciate the warmth. When he’d been away on business, I’d spent at least a few hours every day at the pool or in the sauna. It was indoor, which was the only kind of pool that made any sense in Alberta as the winters were cold as hell and the summers were hot. Having anything designed particularly for one season, was impractical, and a waste of space. Having an indoor pool, sauna and hot tub, as well as an out door hot tub, which can be used in the winter, Calix had everything laid out for optimal use.

The door of the sauna closed behind Calix and the light in the intimate space was dim. There was a corner where coals were burning, sending fresh pulses of heat into the already hot space. Moving across the little expanse of floor, Calix lowered himself to the wooden bench with me still in his arms. When he made contact with the bench, I wiggled in his lap, trying to set myself free.

Calix tightened his arms around my waist and I stiffened. “What are you doing?”

“Holding you.” He replied simply.

“Why?”

“Because I like holding you.”

“It’s already so warm in here,”

He cut me off. “Do you not want to be in my arms, Nova?”

I looked to the floor. I hated it when he asked questions like these. I knew I shouldn’t want to be in his arms - but I always did. Seriously, I took the expression of
hopeless romantic
to a whole new extreme.

I shrugged. “I feel tense today.” I admitted even though I knew it wasn’t an answer to his question.

“Why?” His voice was so low, it rumbled through my body when he spoke.

“I don’t know.”

“Guess.” He commanded.

I hesitated for only a moment before replying, “I’m assuming it’s because I’m marrying the man who kidnapped me tomorrow - and I don’t want to.”

He tensed, but he didn’t reply. Instead, he caught my face in a gentle but firm hand and cocked my head so that my lips were positioned for his taking. Slowly, he bent his head and pressed his lips to mine.

Like always, when Calix kissed me, I felt it in my belly. I felt it in my fingertips and my toes - the way they curled in decadency. And I felt it in my knees, silently thanking small mercies that I wasn’t standing.

His mouth on mine was warm and commanding, passionate and controlling, fiery and decided. My mind numbed to my surroundings and all rational thought fled my entity as his tongue pushed between my lips and he tasted me, groaning deep and huskily in the back of his throat.

My fingers curled in the hair at the base of his neck, tugging him closer to me, begging in the only way I could for him to deepen this kiss - to take me somewhere beautiful and sensual and away from the nagging thoughts of my mind.

Calix pulled back with a small nip at my bottom lip and I moaned a protest, blinking my heavy lidded eyes at him. He smiled a soft, almost sad smile and my heart squeezed.

When he spoke, his voice was low. “I’ve been with women, love, I’m sure you know this.” He paused and I frowned, wondering where the hell he was going with this and why the hell he was telling me of other women after he’d been kissing me. But before I had a chance to open my mouth, he continued. “I’ve fucked my fair share - and I like sex.
Fuck
, I love sex. But I’ve never had with any women what I have with you, Nova. I know you feel it too, because it doesn’t matter how mad you are at me, or what I do to piss you off, every time I kiss you, every time I touch you, you fucking melt. So you can keep lying to yourself and telling yourself that you don’t want to marry me and that you don’t want me, but love, I know you do. Because I’ve been around, and as fucked up as it is - this whole situation - I know that what we have is fucking real.”

Real
. Calix thought that this - whatever it was we had - was real? I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or shake my head. Actually, I couldn’t do anything but sit here, in his lap, and stare up into those blue eyes of his.

Calix took in a breath. “You’re marrying me tomorrow, Nova, whether or not you’ve admitted to wanting to. And if you stop fighting it, I believe you might actually find happiness.”

I knew I would find happiness with Calix. As a matter of fact, there was no doubt in my mind that I would find happiness with this man - my captor. However, I replied. “All I want from you, Calix, is the chance to contact my mom. I just want to tell her that I’m not hurting - that I am happy, and that this was my choice.”

Calix tightened his jaw. “I can’t allow you to contact her until I believe you’re happy with me, love.”

I knew he expected me to argue, but I didn’t. I don’t really know why I didn’t argue with him or demand to know the reasoning behind his statement. I don’t know why I nodded my head and said. “I know.”

I could tell that Calix also didn’t know why I didn’t bother arguing his decision. But I think I was just tired. I knew the path my future was taking and I didn’t see much of a way to change it. Calix was my future as far as I was concerned. And I’d always been big on searching for the silver linings. So, right now, I was telling myself that I did care for this monster. I did feel intimately comfortable in his presence, and I did want to know him better, deeper, intimately. Calix was a monster, but as of tomorrow, he was just as much my monster as I was his prey.

Chapter 6

I awoke early to the sounds of voices filtering into the room from the open doors of the balcony. The sky was colored in shades of pinks and oranges that were streaming in through the sheer bronze curtains.

I blinked, curious about the voices that were really quite loud, obnoxiously so, for the time of morning and then I stilled. I remembered, not quite sure how I could have forgotten, that today was the day I was marrying Calix McKnight.

My blood ran cold and I stiffened beneath Calix’s warm weight. I was lying on my stomach with one leg lifted out to the side and Calix was sprawled against my back, his leg hooked upward with mine. It didn’t seem to matter which position I fell asleep in, by morning, Calix never failed to be completely wrapped around me.

Knowing that if I were to try and move, I’d wake him, I didn’t move. I needed a moment - or maybe I needed a few moments to wrap my mind around the events that would without a doubt transpire today. And what happened after today? What would we be doing? Were we going on a honeymoon? How the hell hadn’t I thought to inquire about this?

His deep voice startled me when he spoke. “Relax, love.”

“You’re awake.” I stated dumbfounded.

“I am.” His hand slipped beneath my stomach, tightening his hold on me as though suspecting I wanted nothing more than to run. “Been awake for a while now.”

“Oh,” I mumbled and then tensed as I remembered that he didn’t like that word. “Um, I - um,”

“Nova,” Calix spoke my name slowly. “Calm down.”

I buried my face into my hands as the trembling set in, infecting every inch of my body. Calix moved his body over mine, pressing little kisses over the skin of my shoulder and back. Jeez, if these were what people called wedding jitters or cold feet or whatever, then I didn’t know why the hell they went ahead with the ‘I do’s’. I was freaking terrified!