Black & Ugly as Ever (3 page)

I gripped onto the edge of the shelf in the tiny pantry closet trying to handle Smoke’s swift strokes against my ass cheeks. Light peeking under the doorway allowed me to see his pants hanging down by his ankles and my toes spread against the cream porcelain floor. As big as this house was, Smokes insisted on fucking me everywhere else but in the bedroom. His reason? As long as we were together he’d always make it hot. And as good as this bald headed mothafucka treated me, anything he wanted I was down for.

“Damn, ma!! This pussy is the bomb! Squeeze them walls again.” He demanded.
I complied.
“Squeeze that thang tighter.”
I tightened up more.
“That feel better, but you gotta work on that shit,” he continued, pumping in and out of me.
Sometimes he treated me like I was in training when we made love and I hated it.
“That pussy smells good though,” he continued, as he took his finger, rubbed it over my clit and smelled it. He loved the smell of pussy. “Why that shit smell so good?”
“Cause nobody hittin’ this but you, daddy and I keep it clean.” I responded, backing up. I liked when he wanted it on the spontaneous tip minus the lessons on how to work it. Besides, I been working my shit for years and if there was one thing I knew how to do, fucking was it. Just so long as he didn’t want it the
wet
way. I’ll explain that shit later.
“You betta know that’s right,” he continued, as he banged me against the canned green beans causing one of them to fall to the floor, missing my foot by inches. None of that stopped his purpose, busting a nut inside of me.
Since the day we talked about marriage, he had a vision. What was it? Me walking down the aisle pregnant with his baby girl. He always said that when he had another child and wife he wanted to marry both of them at the alter. Not only did he want me to be pregnant ruining any chances of me having fun on
our
wedding day, he also wanted me to give him a daughter. Like I had the power to pick the baby’s sex. The only thing was, when I tried to stop the birth control pills I was taking, he would continuously tell me that now was not the right time. It was like he was saying two different things.
“Shit!” He grabbed my ponytail and used it for leverage. His thickness was first class and I never been with a man his size before. I could feel his sweat fall against my back making my baby-t moist.
“I love you, ma.”
“I love you too, daddy!”
“Ain’t you glad I wifed you?”
“Yes, daddy! You saved me.” He loved when I talked to him like that. It brought him on quicker and I was willing to say anything to help get him there. I had gotten mine fifteen minutes ago and was starting to get cramps in this awkward position. My fiancé was anything but a two minute brother. He almost climaxed until he heard my phone ring.
“Hold up, baby!” he was growing harder and harder. “I’m almost there.”
“Beat that shit, baby! Beat that pussy up!” The slaps of his balls against my ass resonated throughout the closet. It’s a good thing Lil Damian, his son, was away at his mother’s house.
“You, sexy mothafucka what you think I’m doin’, huh?” he asked, as his sweat dripped on my lower back.
“That’s right, baby! Handle it!”
I hoped he was able to ignore the ring tone sound of
Mirror
by Neyo playing on my phone.
“Awwwwww shiiitttt!!!” he yelled.
I guess he was able to tune it out after all. He squeezed my waist hard and pushed all of his creamy load inside of me. A tingly sensation overwhelmed my belly. I loved being able to please him.
He kissed my shoulder and pulled out of me. When we were done, he opened the door and a gust of air came rushing in. It was hot in the tiny closet so the breeze was welcoming. He pulled up his pants and helped me with my panties, kissing my butt cheeks before placing them all the way on.
“Who callin’ you in the middle of the night?” he asked, as he sat on the stool at the black marble breakfast nook in our kitchen. “They all most fucked me up.”
“I don’t know, baby. You want something to eat?” I asked, going directly for the cabinets. The question was rhetorical cause he always wanted to eat after we fucked.
“Yeah…warm me up some leftovers.”
“Got it, baby.”
“So you gonna call them back or what?” He persisted, as he wiped the sweat off of his head with a paper towel.
Let me tell you about my man. In the back of his mind he thinks I’m steppin’ out on him. He might not say it, but he’s definitely thinkin’ it. I would be a fool for cheating on him. I live in a beautiful home in a quiet residential area. I have more clothes in my closet than I can wear. I can shop at Tiffanys, Saks and Nieman & Marcus without flipping over tags, and I feel sexier than I ever did in my life, despite this dark skin that has plagued me since I was born. I was living the glamorous life.
“I don’t even know who it was, baby,” I tell him as I remove three Tupperware containers filled with barbeque ribs, mac and cheese, and collard greens from the fridge. “I’m tendin’ to my man right now.”
“Is that right?” he smiled.
“You want to go another round and ask me that question again?”
“You got it,” he winked. “I can’t fuck wit it right now. You tryna put a nigga in a coma.” Just when he said that his phone rang and Lil’ Wayne’s
Mr. Carter
blasted as his ring tone. “Speak on it.” He yelled into the receiver. Most people said hello but not my man. “Nigga, what you want?” he asked, standing up moving to the fridge grabbing a beer. “What you mean ya’ll out? You got the rest of my money yet?”
Silence.
“Well bring that shit and meet me at my house in forty minutes! And, Silver…don’t be late.”
When I placed his warmed up food on the nook in front of him, he wrapped his arm around my waist and whispered, “Go put some clothes on.” I was getting ready to do as he said when he pulled me back and said, “And look cute too. Wear that red joint I picked up for you yesterday.”
“Okay,” I smiled slightly embarrassed at how he insisted on dressing me. I know I
was
a bottom of the todem pole bitch, but I believe my game has raised a little since we got together. I know what to wear and how to look. I subscribed to 9 magazines to keep up with the latest fashions. “You want anything else before I get dressed?” I forced out.
“Naw.”
With that he made another call. I grabbed my phone and noticed the missed call I got when Smokes was banging my back out was blocked but I had a voicemail. I dialed my mailbox and waited for the message. My heart dropped when I heard Daffany’s voice.
Parade, its Daffany. I’m sorry about what happened earlier today. We need to talk cuz I hate beefin’ with you. When you get this message I’ll be at the IHOP in Bladensburg. I know its last minute but I really need to talk to you. Come see me. Please.
Whoa! I can’t believe she actually reached out. Daffany is more stubborn than me. When she holds a grudge she never comes around. I’m not gonna lie, hearing her voice and apology made me feel better because I’d been thinkin’ about her and our friendship being over ever since I left her earlier.
I rushed to our bathroom, shut the door and freshened up real quick. Smokes was off the phone roaming around the house which meant Silver’s ass was on his way. I hated looking at him knowing he was Markee’s brother. And I was secretly happy that Jay had his ass murdered for raping his cousin.
Knock. Knock. Knock
.
“Come in, baby.” I hollered, as I smoothed the toner on my face. Lately whenever I washed my face and used my toner, I noticed the smell was stronger than normal. Smokes came in and wrapped his arms around my waist and looked at me through the mirror.
“I didn’t mean to brush you off.” His breath smelled of barbeque sauce. “Silver’s bitch ass is on the way. Seems like this nigga can’t even hold his dick without my direction,” he continued, rocking me lightly. “I just like to make sure my wife is on point at all times.”
“We’re not married yet,” I joked, washing the cleaner off my face.
“You belong to me now.” He was serious but maintained a smile. “And I’d do anything for you.”
“I know honey.”
“Will you do anything for me? Anything? Even if it means death?”
Silence.
Hoping things would never get that far I said, “Anything, baby. You can count on me to come through. I just can’t do it tonight,” I giggled. “Daffany just called and wants to hook up. We meetin’ at the IHOP.”
“I thought ya’ll weren’t talkin’?”
“I know but she called me and said she wanted to apologize. We been friends too long to keep up shit wit’ each other.”
“Yeah whateva. Call me when you get there.”
“I will.” I turned around to kiss his lips. “I love you.”
“You know I’m feelin’ you too.” He smiled rubbing the back of his hand on my face. “Parade, you keepin’ the windows rolled up when you out?”
“Sometimes why?”
“Cuz you gettin’ a little darker. I don’t want the sun messin’ up my baby’s beautiful complexion.”
That hurt.
“I’ll be mindful in the future, Smokes.”
“Don’t be mad, Melanie. I’m just lookin’ out that’s all.”
Silence.
“Parade.”
“Parade what?” He sounded confused, but I wasn’t.
“My name is Parade.”
“I know what your name is.” He responded defensively.
“You called me Melanie again, baby.”
“Stop trippin’,” he said going for the door. “I know what I said. Just make sure you call me when you get there.” He walked out the door.
He’s called me his wife’s name at least three times since we’ve been together. Sometimes I wonder if he’s trying to replace her using me. What scares me the most is not that he thinks I’m her sometimes, it’s that I don’t care.
I made it to IHOP an hour after Daffany called me. I didn’t see her car anywhere. I looked overdressed with my red and green Gucci short set. But fuck it! Since I’m here I might as well grab a bite to eat.
After being seated by a little white girl I decided to order the Southwestern Omelette and a glass of water. I checked my watch one last time to see how long it had been since Daffany called. Exactly two hours passed. I was getting heated just thinking that she left me hanging.
“Anything else, mam?” the waitress asked, dropping my plate off.
“No.” I smiled. “I’m fine.”
When she left I realized she forgot my water. I turned around to remind her but she was already in the back. When I turned around to eat, Jay was sitting in the seat in front of me.
“What’s up, Parade?” his curly hair was neatly shaped. The black t-shirt he wore showcased his platinum chain beautifully. The cologne he wore was an aphrodisiac. I’m so glad I wore this outfit. I knew I was looking hot! And he looked so fuckin’ sexy.
“What are you doing here, Jay?” I asked, fiddling around with my omelet.
“I’m here to pick up my carryout order.” He fell back against the booth style seat.
“Well I’m waitin’ on Daffany so you gotta leave.”
“I’ll wait until she gets here.” I wanted to say no but my heart raced like it did every time I saw him. “So how you been?”
“I’m good,” I responded slowly. “Just trying to settle in that’s all.”
“I heard that. So how’s life?”
“Why, Jay?” I asked, dropping the fork against my plate looking into his eyes briefly.
“Cause I want to know.”
“You never cared before.”
“Well I care now. So tell me what’s good wit you.”’
“I’m getting married.” I decided to let it right out. He was gonna find out anyway.
And instead of him being upset he said, “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” I responded, disappointed that I didn’t get a better reaction from him.
“So who’s the lucky, bamma?”
“Smokes.”
“Smokes?” He repeated surprised. He sat up straight, looked around and back at me. “You sure you know what you gettin’ into fuckin’ wit him?” he whispered. “That nigga’s a straight killa.”
“You sound like you on his nuts.”
The lines in his forehead got deeper and I knew I pushed my limits with that comment.
“I’ma ignore that shit you just said cause you my, shawty,” he announced. “I just know what type of shit he be on. And didn’t he have somethin’ to do with Sky gettin’ killed?”
I looked around hoping no one heard him and said, “What does that supposed to mean?”
“It means you fuckin’ wit somebody off your level. A straight murderer. I’m just lookin’ out that’s all.”
“Off my level? Lets not forget I snagged your ass!” I shot back.
Silence.
“Aight…calm down, Parade. I’m just lookin’ out for you. You do what you want to for real,” he backed down although it was clear he was bothered.
“It doesn’t matter, Jay. I’m just waitin’ on Daffany so you can excuse yourself.”
“She ain’t comin’.”
I looked at him and squinted my eyes. “What you mean she ain’t comin’?”
“She not comin’,” he repeated. “I saw her at the Manor earlier kickin’ it with some nigga.”
“Well I’m still waitin’. So bye, Jay.”
“Parade, I don’t want you to marry that mothafucka.”
My heart felt like it escaped my body with his words. I was confused and scared all together. You don’t understand, I use to worship the ground he walked on. And he treated me like I was lower than life. Dealin’ with him hurt but I got use to it. You know, like getting your eyebrows waxed. After while, it just doesn’t hurt anymore.
“What you say, Jay?”
“I said I don’t want you to marry him, Parade. Now we had our problems, and I know it’s fucked up that I use to fuck wit’ Sky considerin’ ya’ll were friends, but I wasn’t feelin’ her nowhere near how I’m feelin’ you. And I told her that right before she died. I told her how much you meant to me. So I ain’t out here tryin’ to get wit’ you because she’s gone. I’m feelin’ you. I always did.”
“You just talkin’ shit.” I told him trying not to cry. I hated hearing about Sky and the fact that she ain’t here no more. And I hated hearing how I betrayed our friendship when she was alive. But Sky was so mean to me. So cold. And I learned after her death, that she wasn’t even honest.
“Parade, I’m serious. I know it’s fucked up, but when I heard that you was gettin’ married today it blew me . I just didn’t know who it was wit’ But I’m bein’ real wit’ you. I want you back.”
“Hold up, what you mean when you heard today I was gettin’ married?” I pushed the water cup from in front of me.
“I asked Daffany to get you out here for me.” He sat back in the chair.
“What?! This was a set up? That bitch was neva comin’?”
“No. She did it cuase I paid her.”
“Fuck this shit!” I yelled, getting up reaching for my purse. “I’m outta here.”
I saw Jay drop a one hundred dollar bill on the table and run behind me. Once at my car he pushed me up against it. The back of my shirt was raised slightly and I felt the cold car against my skin.
“Stop playin’ games with me, Parade! You gonna have me kill this muvfuka’ for gettin’ in my way! Plus you still love me.”
“Still love you! Neva that!” I screamed unable to look at him or push him away. His presence made me weak.
“Stop bullshitin’ wit’ ya self, Shawty!? You was on my nuts way before I even knew you were alive!”
I smacked the fuck out of him and he grabbed my hands, pulled me to him and kissed my lips. We probably looked like freaks outside in the parking lot on my car. I ran my fingers through his hair and his hands moved up my blouse. My nipples became erect in his hands.