Black & Ugly as Ever (2 page)

Whatever Miss Parade got to tell me betta be good. It took me two weeks to get Shonda to treat and color my wig only for me to cancel! And to top it all off, I got a blind date with this nigga name Keith in forty minutes and I didn’t even get a chance to tape down my goodies. I’m liable to scare the poor man to death with the rocks I got dangling between my legs right now.

I walked carefully into
Cactus Willies
, an all you can eat spot in Baltimore County looking for Parade and Daffany. And outside of smuggling a bag of knots between my legs, I looked fierce! My red pumps clicked against the porcelain floors like a soft drum as I moved. I was
Swaga-Licious
! I was killing them with the black pants, and velvet red shirt.

I was in there five seconds when I saw Miss Parade and Miss Daffany sitting a few feet over from the entrance. I was walking in their direction when I heard, “Welcome to Cactus Willies,” a cute little white girl smiled from behind the counter. “How can I help you?” She continued, staring at my family jewels.

Clearing my throat I said, “Excuse me, sweetheart, my face is up here.”
“Oh…I’m sorry, sir,” she apologized, stealing one last look. “What can I do for you?” Her face was beet red with embarrassment.
“I’m meetin’ some friends here and I see them over there.” I responded, flashing one last smile at her. “So there’s no need to trouble yourself with me, I’ll just be a second.” I gently placed my hand over hers before removing it slowly.
As I walked toward the table again she yelled, “You still have to pay, sir!”
I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around and said, “Maybe you didn’t hear me, precious,” I frowned, clutching the collar on my blouse due to her rude outburst. “They’re right over there and I’m not going to eat. You can sit with me if you don’t believe me, darling. As you can see,” I continued, rubbing my hand over my legs and stomach. “One meal and these black stretch Lycra pants are liable to split and drop to the floor.”
I giggled.
She didn’t.
“I understand, sir,” she explained. “But I can’t let you in without paying. I’ll get in trouble.”
To shoosh this little girl I grabbed twenty dollars out of my red hobo style purse slammed it on the counter and switched my tiny ass toward the table.
Once there I said, “This betta be good, girl.” I advised, after being humiliated by Raggedy Ann. I sat in the seat, crossed my legs and waited anxiously for the
T
(talk). “What’s the deal?”
“As you both know, I’m getting married.” She said, carefully looking at Daffany and then back at me. “But what you don’t know is who I’m marrying.”
There was twenty seconds of uncomfortable silence.
“Go ‘head, chile,” I interjected, no longer able to contain my composure. “What’s his name? Where’s he from? And how big is his dick?”
“I’m gonna tell you,” she said softly, slightly uncomfortable. She grabbed the cup filled with ice water off the table, drank it while looking at us from the bottom of the wet glass. When it was all gone she said, “This is hard for me.”
“Parade,” Daffany said, stroking her hand before gripping it lovingly. “We’re your friends. With everything we have going on in our own lives we would be crazy for judging you. Just keep it real with us and tell us what you’ve been hiding. Is it a girl?”
“No!” she laughed. “You know I’m on dick too hard,” she continued. “But it’s like this,” she said, smiling gingerly, moving in closer, “Sky killed my new fiancé’s wife.”
“Sky killed your new fiancé’s wife? What?” Miss Daffany said, looking at me and then at Parade for clarification. “I’m confused.”
You don’t understand. Sky was our best friend. We grew up together and just recently she was murdered viciously. So the fact that she was saying she was marrying Sky’s killer was a hot ass mess and didn’t make much sense.
“I’m marrying the man that had Sky murdered.”
Silence
.
“Come again.” I raised my right brow. “Because I know I didn’t hear what I think I heard. On second thought,” I advised pushing my chair back a few inches to stand up. “Hold that thought. I have to get something to eat first.” Nothing does a brain better than some carbs, and after what I just heard, I’m gonna need two plates full.
After excusing myself, I loaded my plate with fried chicken, mac and cheese, greens, fried shrimp, banana pudding, honey buttered rolls, and then I grabbed a diet coke to watch my calories. I know I said I wasn’t gonna eat but I say a lot of shit I don’t mean so you gonna have to forgive me right now. Because this is too crazy and I can’t believe I heard what I
thought
Parade said.
I’m marrying the man that had Sky murdered.
Her words echoed over and over in my mind.
When I returned Miss Daffany was staring at Parade as if she wanted to scratch her eyeballs out. I can’t say I blame her. I stuffed my face with fried chicken and took two bites of Mac and cheese. When I thought about what Miss Parade said again, I grabbed a butter roll and chewed half of it too. I felt my stomach swelling by the bite and I was starting to feel uncomfortable in my clothes. Now I’m really pissed and Parade’s to blame for me bustin’ out of my gear. Now I’ll have to go home and get dressed before meetin’ my new baby daddy, Keith.
Parade and Daffany both looked at me wanting me to break the silence. Ever since I’ve known them, I’ve been daddy, mommy and every other dysfunctional family member you could think of. And even after Sky’s murder, nothing has changed. I swallowed the food in my mouth, pat the corners of my lips with a napkin and decided to be short and sweet with my feelings about all of this.
“What the hell you mean you marrying Sky’s killer?!” A few people turned around looking at me and I said, “And what the hell are ya’ll lookin’ at?!” When they proceeded to mind their own business I faced Miss Parade awaiting her answer.
“I know it seems crazy, but I swear I didn’t know he was involved in any of this shit until it was too late! It wasn’t until I saw the girl Sky supposedly killed in the mall that I put one and one together! Hell she knew more about Smokes than I did at the time.”
You see, me…Miss Daffany, Miss Parade and Miss Sky were held at gunpoint by a hired killer because Miss Sky murdered Smoke’s wife at a party. But, Miss Sky being the character that she was before she died lied to Parade and told her it was the girl Parade had beef with at the mall. Miss Sky said she had to kill the girl in self defense. You had to be in my life beforehand to get the full story.
“Parade, this don’t make no damn sense!” Miss Daffany added, wiping her hands down her face before gripping her arms. “Sky had her problems but she was still our best friend. I mean… must you fuck all of her men?”
“Daffany, please,” Miss Parade rolled her eyes as she pushed a little back from the table. “You talkin’ about must I fuck all of her men when you slept with every one of our men too!”
“What?” Miss Daffany yelled leaping from her seat. It was the first time I saw what she was wearing, a dingy white tshirt, blue jeans and run over tennis shoes.
“You heard me Daffany! You think I don’t know you been fuckin’ my ex-boyfriend Melvin for the longest? When you knew I was with him? What if I would’ve gotten that AIDS shit you spreadin’ around?”
“Parade, don’t do this!” I yelled. Both of them ignored me.
“Like you gave a fuck about Melvin!” Daffany responded, still in shock by Parade’s comment. “I did you a fuckin favor! Consider yourself lucky! But at least I didn’t fuck the man who sent our best friend to her grave!”
“Excuse me,” an older white lady with wrinkles sitting at the table across from us interrupted. “But can you all keep it down please?”
“Can you still suck a dick?” I asked, as I waited for her response.
She gripped her mouth and looked to the older gentlemen at the table with her.
“Don’t look at me. I told you to mind your own old business.” He told her focusing back on his meal.
I directed my attention back to Parade and Daffany and they didn’t miss a beat. They continued to go at each other’s throat.
“At least I didn’t almost give her AIDS like you did me!” Miss Parade retaliated.
“Hold up ya’ll! This is getting too personal.” I advised. “Now Miss Parade, what I think Miss Daffany is tryin’ to say is that you’re not dating but marrying somebody who sent us through a lot of shit recently. Don’t forget that hit man he hired to kill Miss Sky almost killed us too.”
“No, what I’m sayin’ is that Parade has lost her fuckin’ mind!” Daffany corrected me. “All your life you played the victim by believing you were so ugly, you had to settle for the first thing that came along. Just because you’re dark-skinned. Well I’m sick of having a pity party for you and I’m sick of your bullshit! That shit ends today! I feel like kickin’ your ass right now.”
“You can try it!” Miss Parade said, jumping up removing her earrings next. “Cuz I’ll lay your ass flat on your back!”
Miss Daffany softened her scowl and backed down. We all knew Miss Parade could kick her ass in her sleep. I also knew that Miss Daffany must’ve been real mad to challenge her.
“Hold up now!” I stood up knocking the table with my hips and causing all of the food and drink to hit the floor. When the little white girl saw the table topple over, she covered her mouth and ran to the back. I guess to get a manager or somethin’. “Shit! Look what ya’ll made me do!”
Neither one of them made any attempts to help with the mess.
“Let’s not do this, ya’ll. We’ve been friends far too long,” I continued, eyeing the mess and the crowd that was watching us. “Miss Sky wouldn’t want us fighting like this!”
“Fuck Parade, Miss Wayne!” Miss Daffany yelled, pointing her finger toward Miss Parade. “She’s nobody’s friend and Sky probably rollin’ over in her grave eight times behind this shit.”
“Girl, you got five seconds to get your finger out of my fuckin’ face before I break it off!”
Miss Daffany removed her finger quick. “You think just because you’re dark you can do whatever you want as an excuse! I’m tired of it! If you marry him, Parade I swear to God I’ll never talk to you again and you can consider our friendship over!”
There was five seconds of silence before Miss Parade said, “I guess we weren’t friends to begin with! Never was!”
Miss Daffany took one look at her and ran out of the restaurant crying. I tried to grab her wrist but she shook me off. Then I was trying to calm Miss Parade down when I saw the hysterical white girl walking in our direction with a black piece of man candy in slacks and a dress shirt.
“We’re going to have to ask you both to leave.” He said, as kindly as possible.
“I’m leaving anyway!” Miss Parade said grabbing her black and gold purse. Then she put back on her earrings. “Miss Wayne, if you want to reach me, you know where I be, but I
am
gonna marry him. He loves me and I need him. It’s as simple as that!” With that she was gone leaving me alone with these asses.
All I could say to the employees was, “Can I have a doggie bag?”

I just need something to relax, that’s it. If I can just calm down, maybe then I’ll understand why Parade would go as far as she is by marrying a murderer! Let’s be real! What is she thinkin’?! And how does she know he won’t kill her if she gets him wrong? Let’s not forget, he was the same man that vowed to kill us all if we
ever
revealed that he had somethin’ to do with our best friend Sky’s death! What’s to stop him from acting on it now? I don’t recall him giving us an expiration period on his death threat! I know you look at me and see everything the world despises…a light-skin-Chinese and black-lookin’-whore on drugs with AIDS, but at least I accept who I am. I wish I could say the same for Parade.

I pull up into my parking lot at Quincy Manor apartments scanning the dark spaces for the one man that could make my problems go away. I saw a few neighborhood dealers but nobody I trusted.
Where’s Kyte?
I parked my black Civic in front of my apartment building and rummaged through my glove compartment for spare change. I stopped when I realized I played this game over and over right before I was about to cop. I almost never found any money. As usual, I’ll have to rely on my pussy to get me what I need. It’s the one thing that has never failed me.

Before jumping out of my car, I adjusted the rearview mirror so I could see in it, then I put a glob of spit in my hand, and smoothed the few straggly pieces of loose hair hanging from my ponytail hoping they’d stay in place. Next I tucked my white t-shirt in my blue jeans. When I was comfortable enough with my look, I hopped out of my car and scanned the grounds for my prey. It was a comfortable summer night which meant everybody would be out grindin’. But where is Kyte? He’s usually out here. I saw a few dudes and decided to settle on Gee instead to cop from, since he was the only one I never got with sexually.

“Hey, Gee,” I smiled, trying to figure out if he was down for what I needed done. I put my hands on my hips and lowered my eyes. My sex appeal was in full mode and I know he was feelin’ me. “You seen Kyte, baby?”

“Naw.” He was short and looked everywhere else but at me.
“Well forget Kyte.” I persisted, rubbing my hand on his

shoulder. “I wanna know how you doin’?”
“Get your, crackhead ass out of my face befo I bust yo
shit wide open!” He screamed, pushing me off of him. “I can’t
stand when ya’ll, mothafuckas think ya’ll sexy when, ya’ll not.” “I’m not on crack.”
“You on somethin’.”
“Whateva. It’s not that deep, Gee. I was just fuckin’ wit
you anyway.” I continued walking away before things progressed.
“Yeah whateva you, raggedy bitch! You ain’t nothin’ but
a, washed up ass whore!”
Back in the day his comment would’ve hurt me. But the
truth was, I was a whore…with AIDS. I can either dwell on it or
not, and I chose not too. Anyway he was just grandstandin’ in
front of his crew. If we were out here alone, we would’ve been
behind the building with his dick in my mouth by now. When I spotted Tywon, another dealer, I knew he’d be
down for whatever. He’s only nineteen and thinks with one thing
and one thing only, his dick. I’ve been with him before. The only
bad part about Ty is that he likes it rougher than I can stand sometimes. He likes to fuck me roughly in my ass and bite my shoulders almost drawing blood. I know it sounds fucked up but he never broke the skin and we always used condoms. I ain’t tryin’ to spread this shit around…just get high. But as desperate as I am, I’m willing to do whatever.
He was leaning against the brick building next to mine but stood up straight when he saw me walk in his direction. His dark chocolate skin and bright white teeth were flawless. He looked good in his blue jeans and plain white T. I sashayed over toward him swaying my hips from left to right.
“Hey, Ty. You wanna have some fun with me tonight?” “It depends,” he smiled back unconsciously checking his surroundings as most hustlers do when they’re on the grind. But this time unlike with Gee, his focus did return to me. “On what?”
“It depends on what you consider fun,” he asked, looking at me before licking his lips.
“I think you know what I consider fun since we’ve played together many times before. So let’s not even go there.” “And what do I owe this offer?”
“Nothin…,” I lied. “Except a little piece of candy.” He frowned and asked, “When you gonna start gettin’ down like the big girls and leave that E alone?”
“What are you talkin’ about?” I asked, turning up my nose.
“I’m askin’ when you gonna stop poppin’ pills and raise your game?” he winked; taking one last look around him before he gently grabbed my forearm and pulled me closer. Reaching down on the stoop, he removed a lose brick in the concrete and pulled out a tiny Ziploc bag filled with a hard yellow substance. I was so close to him that only he and I could see what he had in his hands. My heart began to beat quickly because I knew exactly what he was saying now. It was the same shit that had my mother running around here lookin’ a mess. Heroin. I vowed to never go that far and I didn’t see any reason in starting now. As far as I was concerned, the E was enough for me. As if he could read my mind he whispered in my ear. “Don’t you want to float away whenever you get ready without catchin’ a plane?” His voice was deep, borderline erotic. The heat from his breath brushed my ear. “Don’t you wanna be able to have a full body orgasm whenever you want to?” As if I wasn’t already captivated, he pulled me so close that not even air could pass between us.
“Don’t you want to get the fuck away from reality?” Out of everything he said, I listened to his last question
the most. It struck home. I do want to escape my life. And if I
wasn’t scared, I would’ve killed myself along time ago. I was
already walking around half dead, but after Sky’s death, I became
colder.
“And how much you gonna charge me if I do decide to go
there?”
“The first ones on me.”
His offer was sounding better and better. Something told
me to run, but my feet remained planted.
“Why you procrastinatin’?! You gonna do it or not cause
I got payin’ customers who woulda accepted my offer a long time
ago?” he quickly turned from the nice pusher man to one of these
young dumb ass drug dealers.
I was about to give my answer until, “Daffany!” a familiar voice called from behind me. “Let me holla at you for a sec.” When I turned around I saw Jay walking in my direction.
I frowned, my face and said, “Give me a minute.” I didn’t want
him to overhear that I was considerin’ takin’ things to the next
level with my habit.
Jay yelled, “Let me holla at you now!”
“Damn, Jay!” Ty laughed, raising his arms and tilting his
head slightly. “We were handlin’ business ova here.” “That’s why I want to talk to her now. Don’t worry lil
nigga. I got you later.”
Ty took one look at me and then at him and said,
“Wheneva you ready, you know where to find me.” “But I’m ready now.”
He looked at Jay again for the okay but with his hands,
Jay told him to cut things short with me. I was angry just thinkin’
about how he was getting ready to fuck my shit up. “Naw...just get up with me lada.” He walked off. These dealers around here respected Jay too much. I was looking at my chance at a high walk away, when I
turned around and saw Jay standing before me. Even though he
had gotten with Parade back in the day, everything about him
reminded me of Sky and I began to feel worst.
“What do you want, Jay?” I asked, as I rolled my eyes. “First off…what’s wit the attitude?”
“I was taken care of somethin’ about a job and you
messed it up!” I placed my hands on my hips.
“So you was talkin’ to a dealer about a job, huh?” “Yeah…I needed some money to catch the bus because I
start my new job tomorrow and he was gonna give it to me.” “Why would you do that when you have a car, Daffany?”
He reminded me.
“Jay, what’s up?” I yelled, embarrassed I was caught in
a lie. All I knew was that I needed to get high and I needed to get
high quick.
“I’ma cut to the chase,” he said, smoothing his invisible
beard with his right hand. “Where’s your girl?”
I knew he was getting ready to ask me about that bitch!
That’s why I wasn’t even tryin’ to hear him when he opened his
mouth.
“I don’t know. I’m not her keeper.” I responded, walking
away.
“You are if I say you are.” He said confidently. When I
turned around he showed me a closed fist with the tip of a C note
peaking through.
I walked toward him. Slowly, but anxiously as if that was
possible.
“What I gotta do?”
“You gotta call Parade for me and tell her to meet you
somewhere.”
“No.”
“Aight…let me know how long it takes you to get half of
what I’m ‘bout to give you tonight. I hear you had that good shit
at one time. But niggas sayin’ you washed up now,” he said referring to my pussy. “So good luck.” He walked away and I let
down my guards. Why give away pussy when he was gonna hook
me up right now.
“Okay!”
“Okay what?” he responded turning back around. “Okay I’ll do it.”
“You sure?” he asked sarcastically. “Cause I don’t want
you to do nothin’ you don’t want to do.”
“I said I’ll do it,” I continued, reaching for the money. “Hold up,” he extended his hand before him taking the
money away. “I want you to tell her to meet you out here
tonight.”
“She not gonna do it because we just had a fight.” Jay looked toward the ground as if he was trying to think
and then said, “Aight, tell her to meet you at the IHOP on
Bladensburg road. Tell her you need to talk and that you were
sorry about whateva bullshit ya’ll was beefin about.” The mere thought of apologizing made my stomach
churn.
“Aight gimme the money.”
“Not until you call her.”
“I will when I get in the house.”
“I’m not fuckin’ wit you, do it now or the deal is off.” He
handed me his silver Blackberry.
I dialed her number disgusted by the whole idea.
Whatever he got to say to her I sure hope it’s worth it. “And, Daffany,” he interrupted, stopping the call. “You
don’t want to fuck wit’ that shit.”
“What shit?”
“That bullshit you was ‘bout to cop from Ty. It ain’t for
you, shawty.”
Silence.
Why did he care if I was thinkin’ about fucking with
heroin? It was my business not his. Still, a part of me felt good
that he even cared and the other part said he needed to mind his
business and let me run my life. Whatever life I had left.