Bittersweet Hope (17 page)

Chapter Twenty-Three

When I awakened, my body was folded into a tiny ball on the yellowed mattress, taking up maybe a quarter of it. My eyes were able to open slightly larger now, and I peeked out of them, afraid of seeing Zach sitting in his rocking chair, watching me. I listened, my ears pricked up far enough to hear any tiny sound possible. Only stillness greeted me.

A freight train
roared through my head as I lay there, biting my lips until a trickle of blood ran down my chin. Wiping it away, I blinked away tears born of frustration and disbelief. Apparently I would never get to be happy. I wasn’t worth it to someone out there or something. Why I didn’t know, but that feeling of being unlovable, of being the most alone person on the planet crept over me, choking any sliver of hope lying dormant in my heart.

My arms and legs were stiff and clunky, and moving them was not as fluid of a task as I would have liked. Struggling, I sat
up, gingerly placing each limb into position until my back was straight and my legs were dangling off the bed. Still, I waited, watching, trying to hear any movement in the house. I seemed to be alone, but Zach could be waiting to pounce at any second.

My clothes lay scattered on the floor around the bed, my pants ripped, my t-shirt a crumpled mess. Deep purple bruises covered what felt like every inch of my legs, my wrists, my hips, from the brute force Zach had displayed
. His maniacal laughter reverberated inside my head, pounding against the walls of my mind.

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it
. I repeated the words to myself as I stared at my hands. My throat felt scratchy and dry. I didn’t dare try to clear it. If he heard me, he might come in…he might come hurt me again.

Finally I stood, putting a small amount of weight on one leg and then the other, until I felt like I wouldn’t fall over. Dressing quickly felt like being beat with a baseball bat, but it was worth it. With one eye on the open door, I searched the room for a clock, but found nothing. The windows were covered with a thick black blanket, stapled into the wall in so many places I wouldn’t have been able to even peek out to see if it were light or dark outside. I had no idea what time of day it was, or even what day of the week. There was no way for me to know how long I’d been passed out, either time.

Caleb and Anna had to be looking for me. Right? Surely by now they’d noticed I was gone. They would have probably called my sisters looking for me.

Wincing, I remembered Anna’s car. They would notice that was gone too, and probably know that I had taken it. Daggers pierced my chest as I realized they could think I’d run away. They would know I’d taken the car—it wouldn’t exactly be a stretch for them to think that. But that would mean Caleb would think I had left on purpose, had left
him
on purpose. It was almost too much to bear, imagining his handsome face confused and sad, and me being the one who had made it that way.

But I hadn’t. He would have to realize that. Deep down, inside his soul, Caleb would have to know I would never willingly leave him. He would tell his mother, they would pour every resource into finding me.

He’d seen how I reacted to Sadie, though. He knew the lengths I would go to so that she would be safe. If they couldn’t find her for some reason, they might have cause to think I’d run off and taken her with me. Then Sierra would feel abandoned.

All of the different scenarios playing in my head made me feel weak, dizziness crumpling me. I had to get out of here.

I tiptoed to the door. When I didn’t hear any sounds, I made my way quietly to the front of the house. Still no sign of Zach. I fumbled with the lock on the front door. When it came loose in my hand, the large wooden door swung open toward the outside. Anna’s car sat in the driveway, bathed in warm sunlight.

Adrenaline fueled my aching legs, and my vision was blurry, but I ran. I ran the few hundred feet to the car and swung the door open, climbing in and cursing from the pain as I did. Slamming it shut behind me, my fingers reached instinctively for the keys, which I had left in the ignition. The only thing I grabbed was air.

Quickly I bent, searching the floorboard, thinking they could have fallen. My fingers hit around in a panic, searching every inch, but coming up empty. Sitting, I looked left and right, surveying the pine trees surrounding the property. There were no other cars. He was gone, but there was no telling when he would be back. My only chance was to go on foot.

Opening the door, I jumped out and didn’t bother to close it. Barefoot because I hadn’t wanted my shoes to make any sounds on the cabin floors, I took off in the only direction the path went. Sharp rocks tore at my flesh and dirt bunched up between my toes, but I didn’t pay attention to any of it. If only I could make it to the main road, maybe I could flag somebody down.

The sound of tires crunching along the dirt road all of a sudden was like a bomb going off to my buzzing ears, and I lunged for the trees lining the path. Seconds after I was safely behind one of them, Zach’s rusted out black mustang sped by me, so close the wind from its tires knocked me over. My battered body rolled onto the granite knives, each inch of exposed skin being pierced. Blood oozed from my arms, and the warm liquid trickling down my face told me the same of it.

The door to the mustang flew open just before it parked, and Zach stuck one leg out and stood, looking around the property. He had to have seen the open doors, both on Anna’s car and the cabin itself.

“Audrey!” His voice echoed through the woods as I struggled to get up without making a sound. As soon as I stood my legs gave out beneath me again, and my face plummeted into the earth, shattering pain reverberating inside my skull.

“Audrey!” Zach yelled my name again. What sounded like a firecracker exploded into the sky. Looking over toward him, I saw a rifle in his meaty hands.

My insides ballooned and sheer will forced me to my feet. I slipped as I ran, but I kept going.

His l
aughter filled the air. It was a sound I never, ever wanted to hear again. It choked me as I looked through the trees, sweat pouring out of each and every one of my pores.

“You’ll never get away.” He said in a sing-song voice. Heavy steps were behind me, so close they sounded like they would step on me. I groaned as I moved my legs, trying like hell to get somewhe
re, anywhere. Then something hit me from behind and I went down, yelling and cursing from the burst of pain.

“I told you.” Zach loomed over me while my hands clutched at my thigh, crimson liquid squirting out of it. Wisps of steam floated off the barrel of his rifle and into the pale blue sky. “Now, why’d you go and make me shoot you, Audrey?”

He reached down and grabbed me at the elbow, hoisting me to my feet. Yelping, I was forced to put weight on my left leg, where blood still poured from a hole the size of a nickel. As much as I hated him, as much as his touch made my skin crawl, I wished he would pick me up and carry me back to the cabin. That would be too human for Zach though. He dragged me through the trees and back up to the porch, each step jostling my leg and making me scream louder.

Once he’d thrown me back onto the dirty mattress, Zach put his rifle in the corner and sat in the rocking chair.
Creak. Creak. Creak.

I cried and held my injured leg. “You’re crazy.” I said between choppy breaths. Zach only smiled at me.

“I always get what I want, Audrey.”

“Why do you want me?
Why!” Tears streamed down my face, mixing with dirt and blood to create a muddy looking pool as they fell onto the mattress.

“Your mother thought you were too good for me. That made me want you. I mean, I’d already thought you would be fun, but that made me want you more.”

My breath caught in my throat. Zach had never met my mother.

He leaned forward, clasping his hands together as the black army boots he wore tapped against the concrete floor. “You see, I got to meet your mother one day, Audrey. Not too long ago.”

But… it wasn’t possible. He had to be making a mistake, mixing her up with someone else.

Zach continued. He either didn’t notice my confusion or he didn’t care.

“After school one day I was driving along, minding my own business. I was going real slow, trying to find somewhere to grab some food. And I see this woman walking on the sidewalk. She was dressed real slutty, you know, tight, low cut dress, boots almost all the way up her leg. She had on big hoop earrings and greasy hair. I knew what she was. I knew I could have a good time with her, if I wanted.”

My insides clenched. Mama used to dress like that all the time, when she was going to…work.

Zach kept going, his chin lifted in the air. “I stopped. I asked her how much. She told me it would be a hundred bucks, and we could go right upstairs to her apartment. So I went. I figured what the hell, ya know?”

I looked away, not wanting to watch his face as his memories played in his head. His
eyes glazed, his fingers drumming restlessly on the arm of the rocking chair.

“So, I went with her. We went into this empty apartment. There was one couch and one mattress. That was it. Oh, and a bedside table. There was that. Because that’s where I noticed the picture, after we were done. The picture of you and your sisters.”

Every muscle in my body seemed to quiver, and my face felt hot and flushed. Zach looked at me, his eyes probing deep into mine. I wanted to look away from him, but I held eye contact, waiting on what he had to say next, even though the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach told me I already knew what it was.

“I told your mama I recognized you, Audrey. I pointed at you and I told her w
e were going to go out. And do you know what she did? Your bitch mother laughed at me. She laughed. At ME. I didn’t like that, Audrey.”

The chunks were rising in my throat, threatening to burst forth, but I held steady. My eyes didn’t leave his, and I didn’t say a word. I was going to make him say it. Make him tell me.

“I really didn’t think about it before I did it.” Zach ran his fingers through his thick hair. “But before I knew what was happening my hands were around your mama’s throat.” He stood up and put his calloused fingers around my neck and squeezed.

“They were around it like this, and I was holding her. Boy, she was fighting to get loose but she couldn’t. I was too strong. I held her until her eyes closed.”

Weightlessness began to fill me as he choked me. It crossed my mind that I was going to die just like her, by the same hands. I used the only strength left in my body to gather saliva in my bleeding mouth and spit it into Zach’s face.

He snickered as he let me go, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. “You know. I don’t think I’ll get rid of you just yet, you little whore. I think I’ll have some more fun with you first.”

The sound of his belt being pulled off sent me into panic mode, and I struggled to push myself toward the headboard, to get as far away from his as possible. But I was too weak, and he pulled at my legs and climbed on top of me. I reached up and made a feeble attempt to claw at his face, but Zach avoided my hands with ease. He grabbed my head and slammed it into the headboard, and I just wished he would knock me out again. Anything would be better than the terror that was choking at me, smothering me. Anything.

Chapter Twenty-Four

“Here. Eat.”

Zach threw a tray at me, the food on it smelling like sour
ed meat. I pushed it away without even looking at it. It clinked against the concrete floor when it fell. Zach cursed under his breath, and my back stiffened.

Strong arms pulled me off the bed and threw me on the floor, next to the tray, food that looked like dog chow now splattered around it.

“I said, eat.” His teeth were clenched, his words barely audible.

I kept my mouth closed and avoided looking at him
. Screw him.

“Aaaah!” I yelled out in surprise and pain as he kicked me in the left leg, the one I had tied my t-shirt a
round to stop that little present from his rifle. Not that it was working that well, but I didn’t have another option.

“I’m not hungry.” The words came out in a garbled mess, so much so that he probably couldn’t
even understand what I’d said.

Heavy breathing sounded in my ear. Zach knelt down beside me, his hands palm down and his face centimeters from mine.

“Listen to me, you little bitch. Right now, you’re only being kept around because I like knocking you off that high horse you’ve put yourself up on. And because you’re a fun little play thing.” He stroked my bare back—I was clad only in my blue jeans and bra, since I’d had to use my shirt as a tourniquet. There was no telling where my hoodie was.

His touch left chills running up and down my spine, and not the kind I felt when Caleb touched me. The kind that made me want to slam his face into the concrete. I’d do it, too, if I didn’t think it might get me shot in the other leg.

“But you better just behave yourself, Audrey. I’d hate to have to find someone to join you here. Like one of your sisters.”

My heart felt like it stopped beating.
I chewed viciously at the inside of my mouth.

“Don’t you dare threaten my sisters you son of a bitch.” I looked up at him, his dark eyes shining with hatred as he watched me.

He laughed as I climbed back onto the mattress and curled into a ball, hugging my knees to my chest and facing away from him. The sinister sound echoed down the hall as he walked out of the room, making sure to close the door behind him and turning a key in the lock.

Tears sprung up in the corners of my eyes, so I blinked, desperate to keep them from falling. He’d taken so much from me already. I would not allow him to take my pride. And if he came back in and saw me crying, he would succeed in stealing that along with everything else.

My eyes fluttered closed, and Caleb’s face filled my thoughts. His beautiful blue eyes, his heart shaped mouth, drifted into my mind and filled my veins with warmth. I hugged my arms to my chest, shivering yet on fire as I imagined him holding me, taking me away from this awful place. I hoped he could forget me, because there was no doubt in my mind this cabin was the last place I would ever see. Caleb needed to be able to move on, to find another happiness. It wouldn’t be too hard—we hadn’t been together that long.

The past month, though, had been the best time of my whole life, even with all of the Sadie drama, even after losing my mother. Caleb brought down all the walls, made me whole, and I would forever be thankful for experiencing that, even if it was only for a short second in time. He taught me that it was okay for hearts to break, and that when they
do it doesn’t have to be in silence. It’s okay to grieve and to give in to pain sometimes. It’s okay to trust and to love. It’s okay to believe in miracles. I believed in all of those things now, because of him.

I wished I say those words to him, to tell him that he had saved me. My only hope was that he knew deep down inside what he’d meant to me. If only his heart could feel mine right now, s
o he could feel how much I cared about him.

Quiet echoed throughout the cabin. Zach was still here somewhere. I knew because I hadn’t heard his car start, and it wasn’t one you would miss. All I wanted was for him to leave me alone, just for a little while, just long enough for me to dream of the boy who had shown me how to be a whole person. The only boy I would ever
trust.