Bittersweet (18 page)

She hoped not to get caught being in such an intimate place with Tyler. It would have been a mistake if she’d allowed anything to go further between them. She was making progress with her new life, and the last thing she needed was to take a step back. Or worse, that she would get Jayden’s hopes up, because a reconciliation was out of the question. There was no going back. She wasn’t like Alex, and she certainly wasn’t into cheating like her ex-husband apparently was.

“As far as I’m concerned, you’re the only woman who matters,” he said, looking hurt by her rejection, but she couldn’t allow herself to feel sorry enough for him to take him back.

“I’ll still be here for you whenever you need me to be—to talk, that is.” She wanted to clarify that fact. “And I’ll back you up when you decide to speak to Jayden about the baby, although I don’t think he’ll get as upset as I did.” Then she smiled shyly. “Sorry about that. Next time I won’t be so self-absorbed.” She held open the bedroom door and gestured him to follow her out.

They were standing by the front door now, and he squeezed her hand. “No, not self-absorbed,” he said. “You are far from that, and you also have a right to be upset, considering what I threw away.”

She could see that he was hurt by the loss of what their relationship had been; she’d always known that, but it still wasn’t enough for what he wanted.

“Thanks for understanding, Tyler.”

She was grateful when the arrival of her parents and Jayden interrupted them at that point. She felt as though they were about to have another moment, and she didn’t want to have to repeat her protest. Things would have only gotten worse if they’d become intimate, especially for her.

He stayed a little longer to spend time with Jayden and looked reluctant to leave as the evening wore on. She smiled, then exhaled loudly, seeing his expression as Jayden dragged her with him to walk Tyler to the door. The situation made her feel like this was another good-bye to what once was, and Jenna actually felt bad for him.

Bad choices turned into entrapment, and she could see why he wasn’t exactly ecstatic at the idea of having a child with Alex. He didn’t love her, and he never looked as happy as he used to, but she also couldn’t help but smile knowing it.

He’d chosen his path and now he had to live with it.

Chapter Twenty-One

She was in the empty white room again when Sam appeared. She was shocked, secretly hoping she would see someone else. Brady hadn’t been around for the last couple of weeks.

“Here,” Sam said with a grin. “An early birthday present, or call it a late one, whatever makes you happy.”

She held out an envelope, and Jenna took it, regarding her skeptically. “What are you up to? My birthday is not for another five months.”

Two blank strips of paper were inside. Sam laughed at her confusion. “It’s a surprise, silly, and I can’t go ruining it for you yet. But you’ll find out soon enough, and I can’t wait to see your real reaction. I will tell you that it‘s something you‘ve always wanted, though.”

Jenna was started to get annoyed.

They were in Jenna’s kitchen suddenly and everyone was over. Tyler entered and looked behind him impatiently. “Are you coming, Jenna?” he asked, and like magic Jenna had a cake in her hands for Jayden’s birthday.

As she walked into the other room, she made a shocking discovery. Alex stood beside her son with her hand on his shoulder. Tyler didn’t usually bring her to these types of events, and Jenna tried hard to compose herself for Jayden’s sake. Alex being included was bound to happen sooner or later.

Alex’s belly was huge, and she was flaunting in front of Jenna as much as possible. Taking a deep breath, she decided to be the bigger person as she approached.

“Alex, I wanted to extend my congratulations to you personally.”

Alex smiled and looked smug. “We’re having a girl,” she’d said proudly. “Did Tyler tell you?”

Jenna nodded even though he hadn’t. “A girl, that’s amazing.” She tried to sound enthusiastic.

Sam stepped up beside her for support and started a conversation with Alex to relieve Jenna of her duty of playing the nice hostess. “Have you thought of any names?” she asked.

Without hesitating Alex answered, “Skyler, because it’s similar to her father’s, and I know they’re going to be close.”

Alex was rubbing it in, and Jenna couldn’t take anymore. Rolling her eyes, she watched herself walk away.

She woke up feeling weird, wondering what all that was about. The room was pitch-black, and she tried hard to fall back to sleep but couldn’t.
Dreams
, she thought,
weird dreams.
Then Brady came to mind. Why wasn’t he in them anymore? It was silly, but she missed him desperately.

She turned on the lamp and got up to get a book to read. Nothing was more relaxing than a book, she decided as she turned on the lamp. She laughed after picking up the one she’d supposedly read when she thought she was in Ireland. It was a weird coincidence after thinking about Brady only a minute ago. She smiled and wondered if maybe this might bring him back to her somehow. With the lack of romance in her life, reading about it couldn’t hurt any. She missed the intimacy of having someone to go to bed with, to cuddle up to, and even just to talk to.

Sighing heavily, she crawled back into bed and moved what used to be Tyler’s pillow to her side as she got comfortable. Holding it made her wonder when she was going to find love again. She read the first five chapters and sighed when the good parts were coming. It was beginning to feel depressing reading through the romantic parts. Suddenly feeling as though she’d read enough, she lay back down and cuddled against the pillow beside her. She eventually drifted back to sleep, but there was still no sign of Brady.

In the morning, Sam stopped by for coffee. “So I had another dream last night,” Jenna began. “It looks like Tyler’s going to have a girl this time.” She laughed. “Alex likes the name Skyler.”

Sam rolled her eyes and called Tyler a dick. She’d been more upset than Jenna had been initially when Jenna told her Alex was pregnant. It was pretty comical, but Sam always knew how to make her laugh without trying.

With a smile, Jenna continued, “By the way, you were quite annoying last night, I’d prefer to wait until you’re actually ready to give me my gift instead of handing me an envelope filled with blank paper.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not sure, actually. In the dream, you said ‘Happy Birthday’ and handed me an envelope with blank paper in it. Only it was Jayden’s birthday, not mine, and then you said you didn’t want to ruin the surprise right away but looked forward to my reaction and that it was something I’ve always wanted. It was all kinda frustrating.” She shrugged and watched Sam’s reaction closely.

“So where was Brady?” she asked, taking the subject off herself.

“I don’t know,” Jenna admitted with disappointment. “He hasn’t come to me in months, which only proves that I’m insane for holding on to some kind of hope that he’s real and we share this incredible connection.”

Sam gave her a wide smile. “Well, one of these days you’re just going to have to find out. You didn’t meet him here, Jenna.”

“True, but I also doubt I’m going to ever get out of this place. I’d hate to think of poor Jayden stuck with Alex for a few weeks.” Jenna shuddered at the thought. “The poor baby.” But the thought of taking a vacation sounded appealing. She hadn’t had one in ages, but the prospect seemed highly unlikely any time in the near future.

***

The anniversary of Jenna’s loss had come and gone, and it was time to tell Jayden the important news about becoming a big brother, no matter how painful it was. Tyler had come by so they could do it together.

“You’re not going away again, are you?” Jayden looked as though he was about to hyperventilate.

“No, Jayden. Your dad is having a baby with Alex this time, not me. I’m not going anywhere.”

Explaining things to Jayden seemed to calm him a little, but then he looked confused. “You could do that?” he asked Tyler. He’d asked so innocently that they both laughed. Tyler had been pretty quiet up until that point, and he almost fell off the couch he laughed so hard. That was it for Jayden. Shrugging, he rushed off to go play.

“You see, I knew he’d be fine,” Jenna said, rubbing it in. Tyler had been overly stressed out about breaking the news to Jayden, but it was all in vain. Their little man was a trooper. Jenna sighed. She seemed to have been the only one who took the news hard at first. She needed a subject change. “By the way, I had another vision, and it was about your baby.”

“The visions, right.” He laughed, looking at her as though she was a nut.

“Test me, then, if you’re in such disbelief,” she challenged.

He sighed, getting comfortable on the sofa. “All right, Jenna, I’ll humor you. Let’s have it. You’ve had a vision…” He paused, waiting for her to continue.

She smiled, excited from the anticipation of freaking him out and knowing that she’d prove herself. “It’s a girl this time. And Alex likes the name Skyler because it’s similar to yours.”

He laughed at her, but Jenna shrugged it off, not really caring whether he believed her or not. He’d soon find out, and then she’d be the one laughing.

***

Three months later she stood in her kitchen. Tyler and Alex had just arrived, and the rest of the family and a few of Jayden’s friends were due at any minute. Tyler didn’t usually like having Jenna and Alex in the same room, so it was a shock to see her in the living room again. Alex was sporting a little baby bulge, and Jenna needed some air. She had to get over it. She knew she did. But seeing a pregnant Alex was something she hadn’t mentally prepared herself for. It brought back all the betrayal, and visualizing Alex naked again certainly wasn’t a highlight of her day. She escaped to the kitchen.

“Get a grip,” she muttered to herself. This was her son’s birthday. If anything, she could pull it together for him. “Might as well get used to it. Whether you like it or not, Alex is going to be a part of the family.” She shook her head to clear away her thoughts and busied herself with preparing food and refreshments instead.

Sam walked in looking worried. “Are you okay?”

Jenna nodded. “Yep, just finishing up before the house is packed with family and friends.”

“So that’s why you’re hiding in here. I thought maybe it was because of Ms. She-Devil in there. You know, I used to think she was a bitch, among other things, but now I’m thinking she’s more like a cow. Let’s hope she gets huge stretch marks, spider veins, and a long and painful labor and delivery.” Sam wiggled her hands as if she were casting some sort of spell, making Jenna laugh.

“You’re a wicked woman, Sam. Remind me to stay on your good side. Now behave and help me take this stuff into the living room.”

Jenna had bowls of chips and cheesies, nachos, pizza, mini subs, and a veggie platter with dip. She’d expected a good turnout and overplanning was better than coming up short on anything. “Let’s hope everyone is hungry.”

“Wait,” Sam said. “Before you mingle, I was hoping we could talk about something first.”

Jenna put down the tray of food she held and wondered what couldn’t wait until later. “Sure, Sam, what’s up?”

“Well, you kind of ruined the surprise a couple months ago, but I want to tell you about it now so you can make the proper arrangements. I also wanted to brighten your day. You could use it.” She looked toward the living room. “I’ve been thinking about you and Brady, and it’s time you finally moved on, so here.” She reached out and placed a white envelope in Jenna’s palm. “‘Happy Birthday’ is what I apparently say, right? It’s a little early but…” She shrugged.

Jenna smirked while remembering the dream. “Let me guess. Is it empty? Or…I know, it must be blank paper.”

“Just open it.”

So she did anxiously. “What’s this?” Taking a closer look, Jenna felt as though she was going to tear up right then and there. It was that or faint. “A travel brochure, Sam? To Ireland? Are you kidding me?”

“I’ve made arrangements to go this summer, so there is plenty of time to make arrangements for Jayden. He goes to your parents around that time every year, and I thought it’d be perfect timing.” Sam gave her a hug, looking anxious yet excited at the same time.

Smiling wide, Jenna was still in disbelief and actually had the butterflies-in-the-stomach type of excitement at the possibility.

Sam seemed to interpret her silence as hesitation and began her argument. “Jenna, I’ve already made all the arrangements, so I’m not letting you back out. You have to find him, so you’ll know for sure. He’s the man you love, and you know this was meant to be. Your visions have said so several times. Take a chance, please.”

“I’m quiet because I’m touched, not because I don’t want to go. I’m a little nervous, I’ll admit. I mean, what if I’m wrong about him, or we can’t find him, or even worse, he’s just a figment of my imagination? What then? But mostly I’m excited.”

Sam screeched in delight while Jenna giggled at her enthusiasm. “Finding Brady,” she said when the initial shock that the trip was actually going to happen wore off. “Wow.” She’d always wanted to travel, and Sam had just given her the opportunity. The worst that could happen was that she would prove herself wrong and not find him, but regardless it was going to be an experience of a lifetime.

“I wondered what was keeping you.” Tyler cleared his throat as he stood in the doorway and would not take his eyes off Jenna. “Need any help?”

Jenna eyed Sam and wondered how much Tyler had heard. She quickly put the brochure into the cupboard and grabbed a few trays to carry out. “Sure, you can help with these.” She nodded in the direction of the remaining things and headed into the living room. “Sounds like everyone is finally here. You coming?”

She left feeling Tyler’s eyes still on her, and she wasn’t sure why she was nervous about him overhearing their conversation. Knowing Tyler, he wouldn’t like it, though. Traveling, mysterious men, and possibly moving on were not subjects of conversation anyone wanted to have with their ex.

His eyes stayed on her for most of the afternoon. Almost every time she turned around, he was there, watching. Something was definitely bothering him, and she knew she’d eventually find out how much he’d heard. Lost in thought and the surrounding commotion, Jenna hadn’t noticed Alex’s approach.

“It’s a girl. Did Tyler tell you?”

“Um, congratulations, and no, I haven’t had much of an opportunity to speak with Tyler today. A girl, that’s just amazing,” Jenna repeated, trying not to laugh. “Do you have any names picked out?”

“I was thinking either Alexis or Skyler, since they’re both similar to Tyler and mine.”

“Skyler is a very beautiful name. I mean, they both are.” She began to giggle, unable to contain it any longer. Oh, she had to see Tyler now that her vision had been confirmed, because it was time for an “I told you so.” This was going to be good. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Tyler was across the room, talking with Jenna’s parents. Jenna approached them with a smile plastered on her face. Nothing was going to get in the way of her upcoming gloating session.

“Tyler, can I see you for a minute?” Before he could answer, she tugged him away. “It won’t take long.”