Bittersweet (19 page)

The house was packed, so she led him to the basement, thinking that nobody would look for them there. When they were finally alone, she grabbed his hand and laughed again. “So I’ve heard the good news. Are you freaked out because I’ve finally made you believe in my visions?”

“Jenna, who’s Brady?”

Jenna sat down on the couch with a thump “A man I’ve been seeing for a while,” she whispered. He had heard, but it was hard to explain. She couldn’t look at him while she did. “A person I’m not even sure exists. I’ve only seen him in my visions.” She felt stupid telling him, knowing how crazy it sounded, and she waited for him to say something.

He sighed heavily and joined her on the couch. “And you and Sam are planning to go find him because you love him.”

Jenna nodded. “Stupid, right?”

“I was afraid of this. I told you that one day you’d move on and I wouldn’t like it, but what scares me more now is that you’ll probably find him.”

She sat silently, staring at him, wondering how he was so sure.

“Jenna, when you came out of your coma after the accident, you called out his name often while you slept. I was always curious about who he was, but was afraid to ask. When things happened with Alex, and you first told me your visions, they were correct, but I was in denial, thinking it was kind of crazy.” He chuckled quietly. “Then when I tested you, you told me I was having a daughter, going far enough as to tell me her name, and you were right again. I believe you, and that’s what scares me. Having visions of this Brady guy convinces me more than ever that you’re going to find him, and I’m heartbroken.”

“Join the club,” she snapped. If anyone knew heartbreak, she did, and Tyler was the source of it.

“I deserved that,” he whispered, trying to smile again. “I know this is something you probably don’t want to hear, but I have to get it off my chest before it’s too late. I still love you unconditionally, and I need you to know that no one else will ever be what you are to me. I screwed up royally and have been paying for it ever since. If there was one chance that I could be with you again, I swear I would spend the rest of my life making things up to you. I know you know this, because I’ve tried telling you so many times before. I guess I just hoped that one day you would change your mind and we’d be together again. We did have several good years together. Try to remember them.”

Jenna couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She’d been certain that she’d made things clear before, but obviously she’d been mistaken. She knew she had to think carefully before speaking, because she was just about to blow up at him. He was trying to take advantage of her vulnerability again. But before she could say anything, he leaned forward and pressed himself against her. He nipped at her bottom lip and forced his tongue inside her mouth as he slowly tried to topple her.

“Tyler, stop,” she yelled and shoved him to the floor. “I can’t believe you. You want to talk about hurting, how about we talk about the countless times you slept with another woman while we were married? The countless times you lied to my face? The times you ditched your son and me to be with her? Then maybe we could bring up the times you disrespected me enough to do those things in my house? How about the baby I lost as a result of that, or the fact that you moved in with her the first chance you got, or the fact that she’s pregnant with your child right now, and the list goes on.” She looked at him in disgust. “It’s never going to work, and I just can’t do it anymore, so I need you to stop trying. I mean, my God, I hope now more than ever that you’re right. I hope I find him, or someone else, who knows, and then maybe you can get just a glimpse of the pain I suffered because of your actions. You have no idea, do you?”

“You’re right,” he whispered, looking hurt. He took a step in her direction, and she just couldn’t do it anymore.

She moved farther away from him “I can’t, Tyler. I just can’t love you that way anymore. It hurts too much,” she whispered and had to get away before she began to cry. She made a dash for the stairs, leaving him there. Tyler was fine when he’d thought she was alone. As soon as he thought she might want someone else, he turned on the head games. It wasn’t fair, and she was sick of it. She hoped she’d finally made things clear once and for all.

She sighed after reaching the party again. Holding back her anger, she tried her best to be happy and sociable as though nothing had happened.

Tyler wasn’t such a good sport. Within the hour he apologized and gave the poor excuse that he wasn’t feeling well. Thankfully, Jayden barely noticed them leave.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Life was so unfair sometimes. Jenna had to excuse herself for a minute. Tyler had looked like a wounded dog in the brief time before his departure, and it upset her. She needed a distraction, so she hid in the kitchen, trying not to be too obvious about her distress.

Sam followed. “What happened?”

Busying herself with the dishes, Jenna decided to give her the short version. “Tyler overheard us. Long story short, he didn’t like it.”

Sam laughed.

“It’s not funny. He got really upset, almost panicked for once, and he wanted me to take him back, practically begged me to, again.” She sighed. “He said he’d counted on me changing my mind one day and hoped I’d reconcile with him. I just get so angry, because he makes me feel horrible, and I shouldn’t have to feel that way anymore. It’s like I’m being tortured over and over because he decided I wasn’t enough for him. It sucks!”

“I always thought you and Tyler were meant for each other,” Sam said. “I was obviously delusional. You deserve better, Jenna. Don’t forget that.”

“I’m sorry.” Jenna sniffed. “I thought the same thing once. Obviously, we were both delusional. I’m trying to let go, but it’s so hard to just turn off the love I had for him all of those years. I wish I could just snap my fingers and
poof
, it would be gone. I guess that’s what makes this all so hard.” She made an unsuccessful attempt at smiling. “Damn Tyler. Just when I finally think things are getting better, he does something like this and sucks me back in.”

“He’s such an ass. So what did you tell him?” Sam asked, curious.

“I yelled at him and pushed him to the ground after he tried to kiss me. Then I reminded him of all the hurtful things he did to me and to Jayden. Finally, I told him I hoped I did meet someone else so he could taste a little of the pain I had to endure, and that I couldn’t love him like I used to anymore because it hurt too much.”

After giving Jenna a hug, Sam leaned back to look at her again. “I’m proud of you.”

“Hurry up, summer.” Jenna laughed while wiping her tears away. “Thanks, Sam.”

“That a girl.” Sam smiled. “By the way, one of these days you’re going to have to dish the details on this Caleb guy. He’s the one I end up with, right?”

“Yes, Sam.” Jenna giggled. “And we have until the summer to get you educated on the subject.”

“Tell me what he looks like again. What does he do for a living? Describe his voice for me. God, I just love a man with an accent.”

“Whoa, there.” Jenna laughed. “We’ll get to it, but first I want to say thanks for the distraction.”

It was Sam’s turn to laugh. “Anytime, Jenna.” She put an arm around her shoulders, and they walked out of the kitchen to join the others.

Jayden’s birthday party was filled with so many emotions that Jenna was completely drained by the end of the day. He was absolutely spoiled rotten, and she agreed to let him sleep in her bed that night. He requested to watch a movie after she’d told him his bedtime story, and she couldn’t deny him on his birthday.

Time had flown by, and her baby was already six. Sighing as she closed the door to her bedroom, she went downstairs to spend some time with her parents.

They were on the couch watching some boring nature show when out of the blue her mother spoke. “I hope you know that we’re proud of you.”

“For what?”

“Well, for everything. Despite it all, you’ve really made something of yourself. There was the car accident, the way you handled the Tyler situation, then there’s taking care of Jayden as well as you do, and for the new career choice, making it on your own, and we’re proud of how you managed yourself today. Having Alex here and her being pregnant on top of it, well you handled it all really well, and I just wanted you to know that we’re proud.”

“Thanks, I’m really trying.”

Thinking about Tyler and especially about Alex’s pregnancy was depressing, and although it was a little premature, she decided to tell them about Sam’s gift earlier. “So Sam had a surprise for me today. It turns out that she’s going to Ireland this summer, and I’m thinking of going with her. Since Jayden usually has his yearly visit around that time with you guys, I was wondering if he could stay with you a week or two longer.”

“Is Tyler okay with that?” her father asked, and it really irritated her.

“It isn’t up to him,” she snapped, but it only made her father smile.

“What I meant was that Tyler might want some time with him too. You know how much I love having Jayden around. I just don’t want to cause any trouble.”

“Tyler knows about the trip, actually, and I guess I’ll figure that out closer to the time. Alex will have had the baby by then. But Jayden really doesn’t like staying at Tyler’s house, and I guess I just wanted to make sure I had an alternative, just in case I can’t depend on Tyler.”

“Of course, honey, he can stay as long as you need him to,” her mother assured her.

***

Her suitcase was packed, her parents had just picked up Jayden, and Sam stood at her bedroom door waiting.

“Come on, Jenna. The taxi’s outside, and if you take any longer we’ll miss our flight.”

Jenna laughed at her and found it really hard to contain the excitement as she rolled her suitcase along behind her. “Okay, I’m finally ready.” And she was, in more ways than one.

She smiled the whole way to the airport, anxious to find out if he existed, the point of it all.

“Do you think this is crazy?” she asked nervously, making Sam laugh as they stood in line to check their luggage.

“No, not crazy, Jenna, I’m just excited to see if it will all work out.”

Jenna laughed again. “Are you ready to meet Caleb?” she teased, making Sam’s smile widen as she pulled Jenna along to their gate.

The scene changed, and Jenna was back in the white room again, suddenly alone but for the sound of footsteps behind her. “Sam?”

Turning around, she found that he was closer than she’d thought, and her face pressed against his chest. She’d missed his smell, missed everything about him. She placed her hands on his waist and looked up, enjoying the moment and taking advantage of the opportunity to feel him against her once more. She could feel his breath as her lips touched his, and she smiled.

“I missed you so much. Where have you been?”

She was afraid of letting him go,in case he might disappear on her. He smiled as if he’d read her mind and looked as happy as she felt in that moment.

“Don’t ever leave me again,” she whispered and pulled him flush against her. The kiss started off slowly and ended with both of them breathless.

She wanted him, real or not.

“I’m here as long as ye want me to be,” he repeated. At least she knew she’d heard those words somewhere before, but she couldn’t remember where. “Jenna, ye’ve been goin’ through a lot and kept me away, love. Now I’m the one who should be tellin’ ye not to leave me.” He quickly kissed her again. “But I’m just happy ye’r here now and that we’ll be together soon enough. So hurry up and come get me.”

“I’m working on it, and if you’re real, I will find you.”

The white room vanished, and they were in the airport in Ireland. As she stood with Brady, she watched herself and Sam in the distance while they waited to grab their luggage.

Jenna gasped. “What’s going on?” she asked as he smiled lovingly at her.

“I’m showin’ ye what’s meant to be, darlin’. Be patient.”

She watched her distant self looking nervous as she talked to Sam and continued watching as she turned around in the opposite direction only to see Brady standing there, just staring at her.

Jenna gasped. “Oh my God! Speaking of beautiful scenery,” she said, repeating what she knew Sam had said.

“What?” Brady laughed beside her.

“It’s what Sam said when she noticed you and Caleb standing there, staring,” she explained. “We’re there; we are actually there together.” She was in awe looking at the scene from a third perspective, and then it disappeared, and she was horrified.

“What are you doing? Where did we go?”

“Patience, Jenna. I just wanted to show ye that it’s goin’ to happen, love, so come get me as soon as ye can.” He moved the hair away from her face and looked her deep in the eyes. “I love ye, darlin’.”

The butterflies in her stomach reached her throat. She loved every time he said those words to her, but then a thought came to her and she panicked. “Are you going to know who I am?”

Her visions were pretty close to what always happened if not right on, but what if something happened and screwed everything up?

“Do you have visions of me?” She had to know.

He shrugged. “Trust me. It’ll come together.”

She had more questions, and she knew he could see them coming, making him laugh. “Jenna, I’ve got to go for now. So stop yer worryin’; it’s goin’ to work out, love.”

All she’d heard out of that was that he was going, and it made her want to grip on to him tighter. “Don’t go,” she pleaded. “Not when I just got you back.”

He caressed the side of her face lovingly. “It’s time to wake up now, but don’t worry, we’ll see each other again. Quite often, I’m sure of it.” And then
poof
,
he was gone.

“Mommy, Mommy wake up.” She could hear Jayden in the distance, his voice getting closer. She opened her eyes and smiled, hugging him tight. “I want breakfast,” he whined, and she laughed after hearing his stomach growl.

Good-bye fantasy land, hello reality.
It was time to wake up and enjoy her present company. Brady had come back, bringing along the enthusiasm to help her forget about the stresses of the previous day and filling her with excitement about her up-and-coming trip to Ireland. It was going to be a long remaining winter and upcoming spring. Sighing, she said, “All right, Monkey, let’s eat.”

***

“So what’s going on?” Sam eyed her curiously.

Shrugging, Jenna continued to clean the breakfast dishes.

“Okay, Jenna, spill it. You’re in an extremely good mood this morning. Not that it’s not nice to see, but usually after an argument with Tyler, you’re not so chipper, even the next day.”

“I have to let go someday, Sam, and I’m tired of letting him get to me. But it also doesn’t hurt that Brady’s back, and my mood is partly due to the wonderful dream I had and its possibilities.”

“He’s back.” Sam smiled. “And there’s possibilities, huh? I like the sound of that. So what happened this time?”

Sam had always had an intense interest in her dreams and believed in them even when Jenna thought she was going crazy. When it came to Brady, Jenna assumed Sam was especially interested because of her curiosity over Caleb, although he didn’t appear in very many of Jenna’s dreams anymore.

“It was the summer, I guess. You were waiting for me at the door and were worried that we’d miss our flight. We were both very excited, and you gave me a pep talk about looking forward to seeing how everything turned out. All of a sudden, you were gone, and I was back in the white room. Brady was there, and we talked about me coming to get him. I was worried, and he tried to prove to me that I was going to find him. Then we were back at the airport in Ireland, and I was watching as you and I picked up our luggage. I looked nervous and then you turned me around, and there they were, staring. “

“Who was staring? What?”

“Come on, Sam, keep up with me,” she teased. “Brady and Caleb were staring. Like in my original vision, the one I was convinced was real when I woke up in the hospital. It all went away after that anyway, and I woke up shortly after.” She shrugged.

Jenna laughed at Sam’s disappointed expression. “Man,” she mumbled, “I wish there was more to it. I mean, we already know that part.”

“Maybe more will come tonight; who knows.” And then the reality of the situation came at her. “It’s really happening, isn’t it?” she asked excitedly. “We’re really going?”

“Yes, Jenna, and I think I’m looking forward to it as much as you are. Promise me you’ll keep me updated on all of the good stuff, though, okay?”

“I promise.”

Sam was a true believer, and for that Jenna was thankful. They were on a countdown, especially now, and it was the longest winter and spring she could ever remember.

The anticipation of going on her trip and her excitement over finding happiness again were interrupted by Tyler’s gradual distance. Since his last confession and their confrontation at Jayden’s birthday, he seemed to be avoiding them. Unfortunately, it was Jayden who suffered the most from it. Tyler was able to see him three weeks later for a few hours, and then three weeks turned into a couple months without a word.

Jenna had given him enough space, and she wasn’t sure what to do. Jayden’s hurt eventually turned into anger, and then finally into a numbness, and then he didn’t seem to care anymore. She tried her best to remain strong, but Jayden’s pain hurt her. She was furious at Tyler and decided it was time he had a wake-up call.