Bill The Vampire - 01 (40 page)

“Owed you that one,” spat Jeff, staggering back and holding onto his torn neck. I tried to open my mouth to form a witty reply, but my testicles were kind of stuck in my throat at the moment. Thus, the best I could do were a few inarticulate grunts.

This sucked! Jeff looked like he was about done, but I couldn't do shit about it, at least not while it felt like a marching band was using my nuts as their personal parade ground. From the smile on Jeff's face, I could tell he was well aware of this.

He softly said, “And now it ends.” He then turned toward my compelled companion and commanded, “
SALLY, KILL THIS ASSHOLE
!”

Sally immediately sprang into action. She rushed toward me at full speed. I tensed my body. This was not going to be pretty.

And then she ran past me, straight toward Jeff.

Jeff's eyes opened wide in a look of confusion that probably matched the one on my face, and then Sally struck him. She bent over and rammed her shoulder into his midsection like a defensive lineman. He was picked up off his feet by the much smaller vampire, but Sally didn't stop there. Maintaining speed, she carried Jeff in the direction of the security door. He attempted to rain blows upon her back, but she had him in an awkward position to do so. Before he could do anything to slow her down, she barreled full steam into the door. The force of the impact was more than the door's latch could take. It immediately swung open. The two combatants disappeared into the daylight, the door's reverse momentum causing it to slam shut again once they were past.

All this happened in the space of a second or two. Even had I been able, I doubt I would have had time to do more than yell at her to stop before she carried Jeff out into the sunlight.

The walls of the warehouse were thick, but not thick enough to stop the screams that came from beyond the door. Fortunately, they didn't last long.

* * *

After a few minutes, the throbbing in my crotch subsided to a dull roar, and I was able to get back up. My healing system was still running on Jeff juice, thus even that quickly faded away. I walked over to where Ed lay. His hands were cupped over his face and I could see a lot of blood on them. I bent down and shook his shoulder.

 “Hey man, you okay?” I asked.

He gave an inarticulate grunt in reply. I shook his shoulder again and his eyes opened. After a second, they focused on me. He tried to sit up and I caught his arm to help him. He lowered his hands and I was able to survey the damage.

“Ew!” I said.

“How bad?” he managed to slur.

“I'm sorry to say your days as a beauty queen are over.” He stared hard at me for a moment and then I continued, “A black eye, split lip. Smile. (
he did
)  Looks like you're missing a tooth. Oh, and your nose is completely broken to shit. I think you'll live. You just won't be pretty to look at for a while.” I held out a hand to help him to his feet.

“Then I guess I'll get to know what it's like to be you,” he joked, spitting out some blood. “Is it safe to assume we won?”

“Yep, we won.”

“Everyone in one piece?” he asked.

I was silent for a moment and then said, “Not quite.”

“Tom?”

“I don't know. Are you strong enough to walk with me and check? Not sure I can handle that alone.”

He nodded and we walked over to where Tom lay facedown. “He got hit hard,” I said. “But he took a hell of a piece out of that fucker before he did.” Damn, it sounded too much like a eulogy to me.

“Best not to drag this out,” he said. Was it me, or did even he sound a little misty?

We both bent down and tried shaking Tom's shoulder. No response. I did so again, a little harder. Nothing. I was about to stand back up, defeated, when he coughed. Ed and I looked at each other, surprise and relief in both of our eyes.

“Tom!” I yelled as I did it again. “Wake up!”

He started to stir a little more. “C'mon, buddy!” Ed cried. “You can do it!”

Finally, we heard some muffled words from Tom's down-turned face. I bent down and asked, “What? I couldn't hear you.”

“I said, damn that was a hard wall,” he coughed weakly.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No,” he answered just barely audible.

“Help me turn him over,” I said to Ed. Gently, we rolled Tom over onto his back. He was one giant bruise and his hands were clutched tightly over his chest.

“No,” he said again, louder now that he was facing upward.

“It'll be okay. Let me see.”

Ed gave me a worried look. He reached down and slowly pried Tom's fingers away from his chest. We were both expecting the worst. What we saw instead were the broken pieces of his Optimus Prime toy.

“That's it!?” I asked annoyed.

Tom's eyes opened a bit and he replied, “Do you know how much that thing was worth?”

Despite his condition, my response was a swift smack upside the head.

* * *

It took a few minutes, but eventually the three of us made it back to our feet. Things were still shaky, but we'd live. While we were doing so, I explained to my bruised and battered companions the sacrifice Sally had made.

“I can’t believe it,” said Tom. “After all that, she came through for us in the end.”

“I'm sorry I doubted her,” Ed said.

“Me, too,” I replied.

“Hey!” exclaimed Tom, a worried look appearing on his face. “Are you sure Jeff is dead?”

“Well, it sure sounded like it,” I said.

“But you didn't see it,” he pointed out.

“No,” I admitted. “But you guys have seen what the sun does to vamps. No way did he walk away from that.”

“We should go check,” Ed said. I started to open my mouth, but he cut me off. “Tom and me, I meant. No offense, but out in the sun, you're tits on a bull.”

“None taken.”

“Stand back. If he
is
out there, I want to make sure he can't jump us,” Ed continued. “Also, no point in you getting fricasseed in the process.” He walked over to the main loading dock and pushed a button on the wall. The warehouse still had power, and the motors for the garage doors came to life with a groan. Three large bay doors opened, letting in the daylight beyond (
fortunately the sun was now too high to shine directly in
) and giving us a good view of the parking lot.

“There!” pointed Tom.

I walked as close to the exit as I dared and followed his outstretched hand. Sure enough, amidst a clutter of upturned trashcans, there was a good sized pile of dust on the ground. I recognized a half burnt shoe sticking out of it as one that Jeff had been wearing.

“That's him,” I confirmed. “The asshole is toast.”

“I hope he's getting ass-raped by Satan as we speak,” said Tom.

“At the very least.”

I started to turn away from the opening when I heard a low mumble. “What was that?” I asked my roommates.

“Huh?” asked Tom.

“I didn't say anything,” Ed replied.

“Must have been my imagination. Mind's playing tricks...” I was saying, when I heard it again. “There it is again! Didn't you guys hear that?” They were both in the middle of shaking their heads when there came a muffled thump from outside.

“Now
that,
I heard,” Ed replied.

“Me, too,” confirmed Tom.

Ed sighed. “Guess we should check it out.”

“First things first,” I said and went to retrieve the shotgun from where Jeff had flung it.

Only once my friends were duly rearmed did I let them venture out to investigate. I kept watch, close enough to the doors to see any ambush, but not so close as to get deep-fried.

My roommates went out to check on things. It didn't take long to discover the source of the sounds as the muffled thuds started coming with increased frequency. Their source turned out to be an upside down trashcan close to Jeff's remains. Ed backed up a step and pointed the gun at the can. He nodded to Tom, who slowly started to lift it up.

He had gotten it up about six inches when a voice screamed from within, “Are you fucking stupid!?” The can was pulled back down to the ground from the inside. Holy shit, that was Sally's voice! No mistaking her pissy tone.

Tom and Ed exchanged surprised glances and then turned toward me. Thinking fast, I yelled back, “Give me a second, guys.” I raced back into the warehouse. It took a few minutes of sifting through the place, but at last I found something that might work. I bundled it up and ran back to the opening.

I balled up the old painter’s tarp I had found off in a corner and tossed it out the door to Tom. “Use this.”

He caught it and nodded while Ed set aside the gun. Together they managed to get the garbage can off of Sally and bundle her under the tarp before the sunlight could do its job. They started to lead her back to the relative safety of the warehouse, but she stopped them near the pile that had been Jeff. I saw her hand reach from under the tarp and sift through the ashes. She grabbed something from them and then let my roommates finish escorting her back inside, where she discarded the tarp to the floor. She was a little singed around the edges and some smoke was still coming off her shoulders, but she was otherwise alive.

“Thanks. It was starting to get a little stuffy in there,” she said.

“How the hell did you manage to pull that one off?” Ed asked.

“With neither finesse nor time to spare,” she answered, motioning to a few burns on her hands and arms.

“What's with the souvenirs?” Tom asked, gesturing to whatever Sally had palmed.

“Just a few things we're going to need for later.”

“Fine,” I said. “But seriously, what happened back there with you and Jeff?”

“Besides me saving your asses and, thus, the day?” she intoned, her attitude apparently suffering no ill effects from the battle. I nodded, and she continued, “Whatever you did to Jeff near the end there weakened his ability to control me.” She smiled. “Besides, he also failed to specify exactly
which
asshole I should kill.”

* * *

The danger over, we decided it was safe to split up. My roommates left the remaining weapons in our care, making me promise to return the gun and the steak knives back home (
neither shotguns nor good kitchen cutlery are cheap, y'know
). They both had enough of the vampire world for one day, and decided to head home via the topside.