Bill The Vampire - 01 (29 page)

“And it becomes highly incompatible to our needs. End of story. If one of us were to drink more than a few drops of another vampire's blood, we'd start projectile vomiting and then spend the next half a day curled into the fetal position.”

“Is it really that bad?” I asked.

“Yes. I've seen it happen,” she explained.

“Weird,” I said. “I mean, I had a slight hangover the next day, but nothing like that. In fact, curling up into a ball was the furthest thing from my mind right after I drank it. I felt like I could have kicked ass and taken names. It was actually pretty cool.”

“Unbelievable,” she whispered and then added in a louder voice, “Jesus Christ. James knew!”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Remember how I told you I had started spreading those rumors about you, including the one about feeding off of other vampires?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that came from James. I thought it was all just wild bullshit, but now I'm wondering if he knew more than he was letting on.”

“It would seem so,” agreed Ed.

Sally then added, “That would probably explain why the other coven backed down from wanting revenge, too.” She turned to me. “James had nothing to do with it. It was all you... as incredible as that sounds. The two who attacked you must have reported back to Samuel. You probably scared the shit out of them.”

Ed added, “The only thing a predator fears is a bigger predator.”

“Exactly; especially when the first predator is used to being at the top of the food chain.”

“So, then where is James in all of this?” I asked.

“I don't know!” said Sally. She sounded exasperated. “I told you, I haven't been able to get in touch with him. That's part of the reason I'm here right now at this ungodly hour.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was coming to get you, so we could go and look for James. After hearing what you just told me, I'd say our reasons for finding him just easily doubled.”

“I thought he wasn't normally in the city,” I said.

“He's not. He's usually stationed up in Boston.”

“So, if I'm hearing you correctly, that sounds to me like only one thing...”

I looked to my roommates and after a second we all simultaneously shouted, “ROAD TRIP!”

“Not so fast,” said Sally. “We're not heading up to tour micro breweries. This is business,
vampire
business.”

“That's a great idea!” piped in Tom. “Once you guys are done with whatever it is you need to do, we can stop at a few microbrews.”

“You're not listening, meatsack,” Sally replied. “This is business, not pleasure. I just came over to get Bill. You two are staying here.”

“We're already involved in vampire business,” Ed pointed out. “The cat's obviously out of the bag. Bill can't keep a secret for shit. So you might as well bring us along. Besides which, you might need someone to help keep an eye on you...” he paused as Sally began to glare at him, “... and by you, I mean you two, as in plural, as in keep an eye on you
and
Bill,” she kept glaring, “... but mostly Bill.”

“He does have a point,” I cut in, trying to save Ed from the hole he had just dug.

Sally rounded on me, “I don't need three sets of eyes glued to my ass.”

“No! I don't mean that,” I said, quickly trying to backpedal. “They could be helpful. It'll be daylight soon. In weekend traffic, it'll take us at least half a day to get up there. They can drive, pump gas, make snack runs...”

“I suppose we could bring them along
as the snacks
,” mused Sally as both of my roommates turned a shade paler.

“C'mon!” I pleaded. “If you let them come along, I guarantee they won't be too annoying... well okay, I can't guarantee that, but I know they'll try. And they can definitely prove useful to us.”

All three of us beamed hopeful smiles at her and at last she let out a sigh. “Fine!” she said. “I'm tried of arguing. You can all come, but I want to be on the road before daybreak. So get moving! If I get even a mild sunburn because you guys were busy screwing around, I swear I'll kill all three of you myself.”

* * *

Sally sat on the couch, patiently sipping on one of my blood packs, while the three of us raced to get cleaned up and dressed. I know Sally wanted to get on the road quickly, but even she had to admit it wasn't a big enough emergency to warrant six hours stuck in a car with three un-showered guys. I was the last one in and, of course, by then, there was no hot water left. Figures. Maybe I should just let Sally chow down on my roommates and be done with it. Tempting...

I came out to find all three of them waiting for me. Tom was hanging back while Ed was attempting to say something clever to Sally. His wit was having about the effect I would have guessed, as she was right in the middle of an eye roll when I walked out. It was still a few minutes shy of sunrise, so she suggested we get a move on.

“Okay, ramblers, let's get rambling,” Tom merrily chimed, but I stopped after a step or two.

“Quick question, exactly how are we getting rambling?” I asked. Of the three of us, only Ed had a car, and to say it was a small piece of shit with barely enough room for just Ed would be to insult small pieces of shit with barely enough room for just Ed. Unless he was planning on strapping us to the roof, not a pleasant prospect during any hours, much less daylight, that wasn't really going to be an option.

“I got it covered,” answered Sally. “I'm parked right outside.”

She sure as hell was good to her word. She definitely had it covered. Sally pointed us toward a huge Cadillac Escalade with double tinted windows on all sides.

Ed whistled and said, “Sweet. We are definitely riding in style.”

Tom quipped, “Yeah. If this truck is a rockin’...”

“It won't be!” Sally cut him off. She tossed Ed the keys and motioned towards my two roommates. “You two, up front. Bill and I will be in the back. The tank’s full, so let's get going.”

Ed opened the front door and got in. As he put on his seatbelt, he asked, “Registration in the glove compartment, just in case?”

“No idea,” Sally casually answered, climbing into the back.

“What do you mean, no idea? Where is it then?” He asked.

“Which part of
no idea
was hard to understand?” she shot back.

“This is your truck, right?” I asked.

“Nope,” she replied in a chipper tone.

“Then whose car is it?”

“No idea on that one either,” she replied. “Didn't catch his name. In the end, he wasn't very talkative.”

I started to get into the Escalade and noticed the series of stains in the back seat. Dark stains, like... yep you guessed it... dried blood.

Ed noticed them, too. He tried and failed to stifle a gulp, then said, “So, this car...”

“Was conveniently just what I needed for today,” finished Sally. “So, if I were you, I'd drive
real
carefully. If we wind up getting pulled over, it could get messy... in all sorts of ways.”

Ed just sat there, staring at her for a second, before turning around and starting the engine. He muttered something under his breath, but my acute vampire hearing picked it up. “Hot
and
scary, just how I like them.” Considering the smirk she now wore on her face, I had little doubt Sally had heard it, too.

* * *

The ride up was slow, thanks to the droves of weekend warriors out on the road, but fairly uneventful. The heavily tinted windows kept the sun at bay and, bloodstains aside, it was a roomy and comfortable ride. I could get used to this. I used to wonder why celebrities drove these things. I had figured it was the more money than sense thing, but now I kind of got it. It was one thing to be out driving, but this was driving in
style
.

We stopped twice for gas (
this thing drank like a thirsty camel
), and once for a bucket of fried chicken (
Popeye’s... you can keep your KFC, thank you very much
). Finally, around mid-afternoon, we arrived at the address Sally had given us for the GPS. It was a car wash. To say it wasn't exactly screaming
mountain of power for a coalition of evil entities
would be a bit of an understatement. My friends were apparently of the same mindset.

“
This
is it?” asked Tom.

“Yes, we're here,” Sally replied. “Let me guess, you were expecting maybe a high-rise office building populated by euro-trash goons dressed in black all the way up to their mirrored shades?”

“Actually, yeah,” I commented.

“Don't worry, I said the same thing the first time I came here,” she said to me with a smile. “It actually all depends on the city. In some places, subtlety is more prized than image.”

“Well, this is definitely subtle,” said Ed.

“It's actually perfect. It allows us to enter during daylight hours without requiring us to step outside. Drive up to the attendant in the back. He'll let us in. Sorry,” she said to Ed and Tom, “but you two will need to stay with the car. No junk food allowed in the premises, I'm afraid.”

“It's okay,” Ed replied.

“Yeah,” agreed Tom, “if we get bored, we can always get a hot wax and a chassis bath.”

* * *

Sally flashed her fangs at the attendant and told him we were here to see James. He directed our vehicle into the wash itself. Halfway through, the water stopped flowing and the brushes to our right parted to reveal a ramp downward. We took it and found ourselves in a small subterranean parking garage. Sally directed Ed to park, and he did so.

“You two stay here. Keep the doors locked and don't talk to anyone who isn't us,” she told my friends as she stepped from the Escalade. “Trust me when I say it's for your own protection.”

Ed nodded while Tom reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out Optimus. Upon seeing it, Sally nodded her approval and said, “Good idea. See, Bill? Your buddies aren't as dumb as you said they were.” She grinned at me and started walking away. Tom and Ed, on the other hand, were staring at me with much less amused looks on their faces.

“What?” I held up my hands. “I didn't say anything! Really!” I closed the door and quietly muttered, “Bitch!” before following Sally into the darkness.

* * *

To human eyes, the place might have looked dark and foreboding, but to my vampire powered vision, it looked pretty damn dull. Think of your basic vanilla office with its sea of cubicles surrounded by a few middle management offices. Well, throw in some shitty lighting, and you'd have this place. Here I was hoping for a dark cavern lit by torches and perhaps lined with skulls... maybe culminating in a chamber filled with ominous, robed figures. Instead, I got an office park underneath a car wash. It looked like the greatest danger this place had to offer was the possibility of hanging oneself with bureaucratic red tape. A trip to the DMV was immeasurably scarier than this place.