Biker Faith (13 page)

“How you
doin’ Kitty?” I ask, ignoring her disrespect at my patch.

“How do you think I’m doing asshole
” she snipes.

I’m about to tell her to fuck off but she carries on, “Tell
Cas I no longer need the house. I’m going to my sisters and I’ll send for my things when I’m settled.”

“Aren’t you
gonna say goodbye to Alannah?” I ask, quickly wishing I hadn’t.

Her face contorts into something evil.

“No I am not.”

She doesn’t say anything else and heads off. Even from behind I can tell she has lost weight and her blazing red hair has lost its flame.

I’ll leave Cas to sort this shit out while I get on with seeing what Barbie was up to at the cabin earlier.

Arriving at the cabin, everything looks the same as normal. I climb off my bike and kick the stand in place. Barbie isn’t the only one affected coming here. Images of Billy dragging himself across the front gravel springs to mind and his blood everywhere. It’s all gone now thanks to the newly recruited prospects. They spent days here, scrubbing, painting and laying new carpets. You would never know anything happened here to look at the place. We all have spare keys to the new door here. It’s a place we can come if we need to.

I let myself in quietly, gently closing the door behind me. The first thing I notice is cases at the bottom of the stairs.
The silence is deafening, like no one is here. I check all the rooms downstairs before coming full circle to the cases in the hall again.

Climbing the stairs two at a time, I check the bedrooms and still no one. The las
t room to check is the bathroom. I lean against the door and can’t hear a damn thing. I turn the knob to find it locked, so someone is here after all. Taking a second to think this through, I think fuck it, there is nothing polite about me. I could knock but whoever is on the other side is not welcome on Lost Souls property.

I give the door one, hard kick and the frame cracks open
….fuck it’s Bonnie.

I was wrong, she is welcome here.

I am so taken aback, I can’t find anything to say. She flies out of the bath tub and wraps herself in a towel.

“What the hell are
you doing?” she screams, holding her hand to her heart.

That brings me back.

“What am I doin? What the fuck are you doin? How long have you been here?” I demand.

Is this where she’s been all this time? Right under my
fucking nose.

“I was trying to take a bath
,” she mutters sarcastically.

“What are you
doin’ here Bonnie,” I repeat.

“Get out
,” she yells, pushing me out of the door.

I step back and she closes the door as best she can with the broken frame. I lean against the wall w
aiting. She is out within a minute, dried and dressed. She stands there staring. I can see it her in her eyes, she is speed thinking what to do.

I wait for her to speak, she knows what I want to know.

“I was going to come and see you soon,” she begins.

I didn’t realise how much I have missed her soft voice until she spoke. Before I could stop myself, I was pressing her against the wall and kissing her. She fell into my arms and
for a few blissful moments, everything felt right again. But like everything else it didn’t last long, she pushed into my chest and shoved me away.

“I need to tell you something.
Firstly, I need you to know I’m not expecting anything from you, it is completely your choice…”

“Spit it out Bon
,” I interrupt her.

I can’t hold out muc
h longer. Whatever she is trying to say must be important to lead her back here.

“I’m
pregnant.”

“
What you tellin’ me for?” I stupidly ask.

“Don’t be a jerk. You’re the father Sparky. When I found out, I came back to give y
ou the choice to be a part of your baby’s life,” she says.

All these years I have been so careful, and it is Bonnie who I fucking knock up. No, she has to have been with someone else, it can’t be mine.

“I’m not asking for anything from you. I’m not trapping you into taking me on. I’m going to do this on my own. You can come see the baby whenever you want, I’m not going to stop you,” she finishes.

I look at her standing before me and I see a different woman. She now stands tall when she speaks and she isn’t afraid to say exactly what she wants. I like
that she’s stronger but it doesn’t mean I like what I’m hearing. 

“Let’s get this straight
. You rock up here, tell me you’re havin’ my fuckin’ kid. I can see the kid but you don’t want me?” I ask.

“Yes
,” she answers, without any fucking hesitation.

I don’t know whether to laugh, punch the wall or fucking scream at her. Life is never going to be the same again and it is all her fault.

“You don’t want me. That’s fine. I’m gone.”

Fuck her, I won’t be spending any more time bitching after her. As for the kid, I can’t handle that right now.

I brush past her and get the hell out of the cabin. I can’t start my bike fast enough. I ride away from the cabin with no intention of going back to the clubhouse.

Chapter Thirteen

Bonnie...

Alannah hasn’t been able to
bring herself to come back to the cabin but she is constantly on the phone. Everything I would say to her if she were here, I say in our long, exhausting phone conversations. It has been two days since Sparky walked out of here. He never returned to the clubhouse and no one has seen him around town. Alannah has told me not to worry, he will turn up after he has had time to think things through. What with the constant morning sickness it is easy to take her advice.

Well, until now as I
open the door to see Cas standing there.

“Let me in Bonnie.
I could’ve came straight in but I knocked out of courtesy,” he says.

I open the door wider and he walks straight past me, heading towards the kitchen.

“Sparky isn’t here Cas,” I tell him.

That has to be why he is here. I have repeatedly told him this over the last couple of days.

“I know he ain’t. I want you to tell me exactly what happened and how he was when he left here,” he said, making himself comfortable at the table.

I take
a seat on the other side and inhale deeply. I am not scared of Cas’s actions but his no bullshit attitude and not to mention his good looks are very much still intimidating to me.

“I told him I
was pregnant and I gave him the choice to be a part of the baby’s life.”

“How did he take the fan-fuckin’-
tastic news?”

I hate the way he says it. I
t is fantastic news to me.

“He was a little shocked
,” I admit.

“I can imagine, what else you did you say to him? I know Sparky, he wouldn’t
take off over a kid. Since you shot out of town he’s been fuckin unbearable. I actually think you’re the one he fell for. Something else must have happened?”

He can’t be serious? Sparky is
a strong man. If I affected him that much he would have said something.

“I also told him
I didn’t want to be with him,” I finally admit.

Cas
studies me intently before replying.

“From day one I knew you would fuck my club up in
one way or another. Sparky saw God knows what and took a fuckin’ chance on you. You disappear and then rock up again, tell him you’re pregnant but you don’t want him. Are you that much of a bitch you can’t see you have probably destroyed him?” he snaps.

That is it.
I am not taking this anymore.

“Me destroy him?” I shout
, jumping off the chair fuming with anger. “You’re wrong, men destroy me! He wanted me to be honest with him and I couldn’t, he walked away and straight to another woman. I am not going to live like that anymore. In fact, I’m offering him the best of both worlds. A child I’ll raise while he’s free to fuck anything at the club without no commitment to me. I haven’t got the time or energy to worry about him.”

“You finished?
” he asks calmly.

I try to catch my breath and nod.

“Well I’m fuckin’ worried about him. I don’t know where he is, he has his phone off so I can’t fuckin’ track him. I’ve got brothers out lookin’ high and fuckin’ low for him and all because of you.”

“Don’t you dare put this on
me. What he does is down to him,” I shout.

How dare he blame me for Sparky running off like a wounded
child. This is not my fault!

“Yeah, that’s true b
ut at the end of it all it’s ‘cos of you he’s gone and I want him back,” he says.

I sit there silently. W
hatever I say isn’t going to be good enough, it isn’t like I can get a hold of him if his club can’t.

“If for any reason he comes back here, call Lana immediately and do anything to keep him put until I can get here myself
,” he says, getting up to his feet.

By anything I think he literally means anything.

“I was trying to do the right thing. I know you don’t want me around but I’m not here for myself, I’m here for my baby,” I tell him.

He still
doesn’t trust me and I get that, I really do with everything that has happened. But I need him to believe me on this. I want my child to have everything I never had and even if Sparky wants nothing to do with the baby, I’ll still have Alannah around for support.

“I couldn’t give
a shit where you are as long as it doesn’t affect my club. At this point the brothers’ minds are on findin’ Sparky, all of us worried for him. Your brother’s shitty little club might not get brotherhood but ours does. One goes down, we all do and right now, we’re all fuckin’ down.”

“I understand. I
f he comes here, I’ll call Alannah,” I say flatly.

We could do this all day and all we would be doing is going round in circles. We are never going to agree and I get the impression he will never trust me so there is really nothing left to say.

He doesn’t say goodbye as he leaves and slams the front door behind him.

All day my conversation/argument with Cas has been playing on my mind. If I thought for one second Sparky wanted to play happy families, be a real couple, the whole nine yards, I would not have turned him away. The day he found me here and kissed me, I would have dragged him to one of the bedrooms and let him do anything to me. But he said nothing. It is like Cas expects me to be a mind reader. They all apparently see a change in him, but to me, he is a man I met a few months ago who would rather walk away when I don’t say something he agrees with. Between puking up everything I eat, I have managed to give the cabin a once over with the bleach again and am running another bath. The splintered doorframe reminding me of Sparky, I close my eyes and try to block him out.

“Just me and you little one
,” I say, holding my stomach protectively. “And someone at the door…” I add when three loud knocks float up the stairs.

Luckily, I hadn’t undressed yet and make my way downstairs, cursing there isn’t a window on the door so I can see who it is.

I brace myself for another shouting at by one of the Lost Souls when I open it to find my brother standing in front of me, smiling.

“Hello little sister
.”

It feels like my lungs have shrivelled into nothing and I can’t breathe. How did he find me?

“Joe,” I whisper.

“You
gonna invite me in or what?”

He is the second person today to ask permission and also the second person who would come in regardless if I said no.

“Come in.”

I wait for him to pass and point towards the kitchen. I keep behind him so I can see what he doing, so he doesn’t catch me off guard.

He still looks like my brother, but he doesn’t look the same as he did the last time I saw him. His body is thinner, his face is gaunt looking and is covered in scabs.

“What are you doing here
Joe?” I ask him.

“Thought I’d come and visit my s
ister, you slipped away from us. Tommy has been worried sick about you Bonnie. It took the entire club to stop him from comin’ to get you,” he says, looking in each cupboard. Nosy bastard.

Hearing Tommy’s name makes me lose
the feeling in my legs. I stumble back onto one of the chairs. Joe notices this and smiles.

“S
hall I tell him you miss him?” he laughs.

His implying to relay a message must mean
he isn’t here to take me back and this calms me.

Choosing not to answer him, I quickly think of something to ask him, steering clear of Tommy.

“This is Lost Souls territory, they won’t be happy you’re here,” I tell him.

This gets his attention and I don’t like the way his face changes from his happy, cocky self to something that sc
ares me…violence.

“They your new friends Bon? Shacked up here all pret
ty, no doubt fuckin’ them all. They takin’ advantage of you or do you like it?” he laughs menacingly.

He walks slowly towards me, there is nowhere for me to back off to. If I run he will catch me and it will make it worse. It always makes it worse. 

“Nobody takes advantage of me here. They are real men, not spineless wasters who thinks it’s okay to beat women for their pleasure,” I sneer.

He is in front of me in
seconds, his rancid breath hitting my face as he back hands me to the floor. The first thing I do is protect my stomach with my arms, but the blows never come.

“Don’t talk to me about them.  If y
ou think they have been keepin’ you safe in their fuckin’ shit hole of a club, you’re wrong. I choose to let you stay. You went missing for a while but when my prospects said they saw you driving through town, I decided it was time you made yourself fuckin’ useful.”

I can’t believe he has had men here in town and
Cas hasn’t seen them. That doesn’t sound right.

“That’s right, I have eyes everywhere
,” he says, seeing my confusion.

“I have a
message I want you to deliver. Tell Cas I want a meet with him and if he doesn’t take me seriously, I might have to follow in our father dearests footsteps and fuck up his girl again.”

“You won’t touch her
,” I grit out.

“Like I said, deliver the fuckin’ message and get him to agree and no one gets hurt
.”

“Fine
.”

“Good, now I
gotta go. Give him this number and tell him to call soon, I don’t wanna be kept waitin’,” he warned, leaving a scrap of paper on the side.

“Oh and little sister, don’t get too comfy here, you’ll be
comin’ home soon enough.”

I don’t
know if it is the morning sickness or the thought of being dragged back that was making me feel sick. Like Cas, Joe doesn’t say goodbye either. As soon as I hear the front door close, I run to it and lock it top to bottom.

In the mirror I catch my reflection and begin to cry. For months my face has been clear of marks and now after one visit from my brother, I have a split lip again.

Hastily, I wipe my face and tell myself to get a grip. I have changed, I am strong now, I don’t have to go anywhere I don’t want to go. I planned to settle down here in Willows Peak and raise my baby and that is what I am going to do. If or when my brother comes to get me, I will be waiting and next time I will not allow him to hurt me or take me, using any means necessary.

Tired of men telling me what to do and blaming me for the shit that goes down in their lives, I grab the scrap of paper he left and shove it in my bag and pick up my keys.

There is always a prospect on the gate. I will get him to call Cas out of the club and I can tell him what my brother wants. I won’t even have to get out of the car. This makes me feel better about the whole thing.

Sparky...

“Everyone has been
lookin’ for you,” one of the prospects calls out as I park my bike in the garage.

“Is that right?” I grunt.

“Cas is in the bar. You might wanna tell him you’re back, he’s been tearin’ up the place.”

I knew my broth
ers would be worried about me. When I left the cabin I was in a surreal fucking universe and nothing could get through to me. I started my bike and kept riding until I didn’t know where I was. Then I hit the bottle in a cheap ass motel and didn’t stop until I passed out. I woke up and repeated the process again. It wasn’t until I woke up this morning and knew I couldn’t ignore anyone any longer.

It was best I went away, I am so fucking angry it is unbelievable. I am still angry and half wasted if I am honest.

Stumbling through the door to the bar, all eyes fall on me and Cas strides over and holds me in a grip that if it were two women, it would be classed a hug. He slaps my back twice and releases me.

“Where the fuck have you been? I’ve had every brother out there
lookin’ for ya.”

“
I need a drink,” I mumble and step around him.

The prospect is already on it and slams a bottle of tequila on the bar. Filling the glass, I neck the shot and fill it again.

“I needed space,” I tell him, and everyone else who is listening, necking another shot.

“Next time you need some fuckin’ space, let a brother know yeah
?”

I fill the glass again.

“There won’t be a next time,” I say, throwing back another shot.

“That’s good to hear. You
wanna take off, that’s fine just tell someone first yeah?”

“Yeah
.”

Alannah comes down the stairs and lights up when she sees me. I do not want to see her right now.

“Don’t ever do that to us again Jason,” she warns, throwing her arms around me.