Beyond Complicated (13 page)

Ever. I wouldn't."

"But you want to. I saw it bubbling between the two of you Friday night. I saw the way you looked at him, the way you used to look at me. The way I look at him. I saw you touch his hand. Caress it. Lover like and he let you. You are so damned jealous of—"

"No. Jesus Christ, Seth, he's my kid. I love him, I've never thought of him that way. Never." I hadn't, I knew I hadn't. "I thought you wanted to start over. I thought you wanted to be together."

"I do, Liam, he's not your son, there is no way possible Kel is yours. His brother looks just like him.

Just like him. The sister too. They aren't half siblings.

His step-dad. I've seen him. I picked Kel up after they threw him out. I saw the bastard. Kel looks just like him. His nose, his mouth, his damned eyes on the mother's face. Come on, baby, if he was yours, his hair wouldn't be damned near white. You know this."

"The paternity test. We tested him. He's mine."

"How old were you—"

"Sixteen. What difference does it make?"

"And he was born early?"

"Yeah, eight months. Please, can we just drop this? I'm not lusting after my kid. You heard wrong. I'm not some goddamned pervert." I shook off his arms and grabbed my clothes.

"I know." Seth had panic in his eyes. Maybe it was disgust. I don't know. I couldn't have, wouldn't have caled Kel's name during sex. Not possible. I snatched my jeans on and my shirt, buttoning enough buttons to close it while I looked for my shoes. "He's a beautiful man. Who is not your son."

"And that makes it al right?" I shouted. I hadn't meant to shout. "If I did think of him as anything other than… I mean, I stil helped raise him, I was there when he wore diapers. When he learned to walk, to talk. I spent two weekends a month for eighteen years with him. So what if he's never caled me dad, so what if he doesn't look like me? It's stil wrong."

"I misheard. Okay. Liam?" He came after me, his tanned naked body advancing on me as I searched for my phone and keys. I retreated to the living area and found them on the table beside Seth's computer.

The images of us together dressed and undressed stil visible on the smal screen. I raked my hands through my hair. I couldn't escape any damned thing. And I wanted desperately to escape.

"Liam?" His hands were shaking when he took mine. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I should never have said anything. I heard wrong. Your voice was muffled, buried in my neck. See? You left a mark when you bit me. Liam. I love you. Liam, listen to me, none of that matters right now. Nothing matters except getting our lives back."

Our lives? Yeah, that was funny. What was left of my life was apparently one fucked up mess. "Yeah, sure. I have an appointment in a little while. I'l come back later to get my things. Okay?"

"How about dinner tonight? After your appointment. We can meet somewhere."

"Not tonight, I'm meeting my boss at the office."

"Should I be jealous? Tel me he's eighty with no teeth."

"He's a she and younger than me with kids."

"Tomorrow then, it's Saturday. I'm not working.

Let's go somewhere. Do something."

"Seth. Stop. Just stop please. Give me time. I just need time. I can't just jump back into a relationship with you right now. I'm not the same person I was before… I want, I need time to get to know you again before we move back in together. Just let me adjust."

"Okay. I guess I forgot. I mean I hoped we could go back to the way it was. I guess maybe we should take this slow."

"Ten years ago we jumped in feet first and that was fine. I have no regrets. I want to be with you. I do.

But, baby, I like being alone now. I'm not sure how to be a couple anymore."

"Okay. I get it. We're going to date. We never did that before. I'm going to court you. Yeah. I like that idea." I let him take me in his arms. I returned his kiss.

Fel into it as if nothing had happened. I held him against me, his warm body soft under my hands. His deft tongue had me wanting again. His cock snaked under my shirt reminding me of the sticky drying cum plastered there.

"Jesus, you're addictive," I groaned, puling away from his kiss. "Whoever taught you to kiss—"

"That would be you." A smile lit his eyes, his red puffy lips stretched wide. "You taught me every damned thing I know."

"And you use it against me, you heartless bastard." Calm settled in my soul. The quaking stopped.

I held him, resting my forehead to his so that I could gaze into his eyes. "Dinner, tomorrow night. Someplace nice and you're buying. Since you're the one doing the courting and al."

"Deal." He placed a kiss on my nose. "You know how I can tel that you love me?"

"How?" I swayed with him not wanting to leave him now.

"Your eyes are blue. I love watching them turn blue, I lose myself when you look at me. And I know I'm the only one who's ever seen them that color."

"Yeah, just you. Only you. Love you, Seth." I kissed him one last time and let myself out, my heart raced in my chest so fast he should have seen it.

My hands shook when Kel's text message came.

Got a big study date tonight, possible party after,
don't wait up, luv ya, Kel
. I sat in my car and shook.

Love you, Kel. I'd said it as I emptied myself into Seth's body. I knew when I said it that it was wrong but I couldn't stop myself.

Yeah, just remember your raincoat. L8tr L.

I realy was a sick twisted bastard.

I heard the rumble from a distance. The sound of a motorcycle drawing closer until it was so close I could feel it. I imagined I could smel the exhaust. I didn't think much of it, just an early morning visitor for a neighbor. Then the heavy thud of boots on my stairs told me the visitor was mine. I wasn't interested in seeing anyone this late, especialy the people I knew with motorcycles. I poured another glass of wine and leaned back in my chair, my book fel to the floor but I didn't mind. I couldn't make out the words anymore anyway. One day I was going to have to get me one of those electronic reader things. So that I could drop that on the floor too and shatter the damned thing. Yeah…

no, I'l stick with dead tree books, thank you very much.

I forgot about the motorcycle and the heavy tread on my stairs until my front door opened and gorgeous walked in. Black leather jacket with white racing stripes, tight blue jeans, the knees ripped out, windblown hair the color of wheat. I didn't realy know what color wheat was. I'm from Florida, we didn't exactly grow that particular grain around here. At least not that I knew of. I could say cotton or corn but neither were correct. Cotton too white, corn yelow, or green, or… what the hel was I thinking about crops for? City boy, what the fuck do you know about growing anything?

I smiled at that one. I would have laughed but gorgeous chose that moment to face me. His damned blue eyes sparkled with something heady. And I wanted to know what.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he said from the entryway, standing under the light I'd left on for him.

"Because you are beautiful and I just realized it.

Somehow I missed when you grew up. I thought I was paying attention. When exactly did you get beautiful?"

"Probably about six glasses ago." He crossed the dark living room, leaving me bereft of his beauty only to emerge in the dim light from what was supposed to be my dining room chandelier. I made this area into a little reading area, away from the television and the computer and work. Just a couple of bookcases and the huge ass club chair I bought at Pottery Barn. Not big enough to be a love seat but much bigger than a chair. Two skinny people could sit side by side with room left over. I wasn't skinny. I had room to sprawl in this chair so I sprawled. Often. "Liam, are you drunk?"

"Am I slurring my words?" I think I just wanted to know because I didn't know what I sounded like. I lifted the glass to my lips but the shit took it from my hand and sniffed it.

"No, and this is wine." He tilted it to drink.

"Good wine, not like that crap I've had."

"Good wine is… hel, I don't know… it's something at least. Good beer and good wine. You can keep the rest. Where's your helmet? I distinctly remember a helmet coming with that jacket and Hog Just because Florida got rid of its helmet law doesn't mean—"

"Nope not drunk. Certainly argumentative. I forgot the damned helmet when I left this morning. The bike was ready and I didn't want to come al the way back here. Okay?" He drained my wine and poured more. More wasn't that much, quarter of the glass when they were once ful. "When did you open this bottle?"

"Don't know. Eleven-ish. I opened the first one at six-ish. I think I distinctly remember."

"And that was eight hours ago, I guess two bottles in that time isn't so bad. Have you eaten?" He shrugged out of his jacket after he drained the last of my wine. His tight body strained at the T-shirt he wore beneath it. "And stop looking at me like that."

"Like what and I've eaten. Had a hotdog, al beef kosher too with al the trimmings." I wanted to laugh at that but I didn't. Honestly, I couldn't remember the last time I ate. Last night with Kel when he admitted he'd seen some of my sex films. "What about you? Did you have fun tonight?" I swiveled in the chair sitting straighter both feet on the floor, I stil had to look up at him so I stayed in the sprawled head loling position right up until he decided to plop his skinny ass in the extra seat area and drape his legs over mine.

"Sort of. Met a guy I could like. He's a damned freshman though. Barely eighteen. Horny. Thought about taking him into the bathroom, decided against it when he giggled. I do not like my men to giggle." He rested his head on the back of the chair, which just happened to be where my arm crooked. "How was your night?"

"Good, went through two bottles of wine, almost. Read part of a book, can't remember what it's about. Pretended I'm a functioning adult. Failed. Now a smart-ass colege kid is sitting in my lap as if I'm some sort of Santa. Why exactly are you sitting on me?"

Because I sure as hel was getting some strange ideas that the wine was quite happily running with.

"Don't know realy, spur of the moment thing. I could say the wine rushed to my head. But I'd be lying."

He wiggled deeper into the chair more sideways, his head now on my upper arm nearer my shoulder. His arm propped on the seat just below my arm. He draped his hand behind my head but didn't touch me. "You look lonely and there's no other chair in this cozy little area. Plus I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Yeah and what would that be?" My arm ached from the stress so I lowered it into the seat and somehow managed to end up with it around Kel's shoulder his hair tickling my fingers. I slid down in the seat until he was almost in my lap.

"Don't remember. Something about Seth. You smel nice. New cologne?" His head hit my shoulder his nose not far from my neck. Did he even know what he was doing? What this was doing to me? What the hel was this doing to me?

"Old soap and new aftershave. Are you drunk?" It was my turn to question sobriety. He looked sober, but Kel hadn't wilingly touched me since he was around eleven and then it was a punch to the arm or a high five or something. He wasn't a touchy kid. He wasn't a kid at al. Solid man now, with man smel and feel and the wine didn't know the difference in wiling and off limits. "You smel like night and wind."

"Not drunk, I've had about a half a glass of wine al night." I felt a tug at the back of my neck, his fingers playing with strands of my hair. "I like your hair longer. I thought you were so cool when you wore it shaggy, and curly. I loved your curls. Always wanted curly hair. But not too curly, anything but this in between straight and wavy thing I have going on. Don't cut it again, or at least not into the uptight businessman cut."

"Shouldn't I be the one admonishing you about your hair or something?" To say I was unsettled would be an understatement. I didn't want him this close and didn't want him to leave. The way he looked at me, his touch, the flattery. Kel was flirting with me.

"Nah, I get that from Ken, I don't need it from you. Besides…" he smiled and bit his bottom lip just as he reached up to trace mine with his thumb. I sucked in a breath holding in the groan that wanted to pour out.

"You've always been like this cool best friend to me."

"What are you doing, Kel?" I let him play his thumb across my lip, his fingers fluttered against my cheek.

"Not realy sure, should I stop? Yeah, I should probably… this isn't exactly something—"

I don't know why I did it. Couldn't stop myself.

I had to know what he tasted like, even if it was just his thumb. His thumb was fine, he'd stuck that in my mouth about a thousand times when he was little. I teased him with my tongue. Just a taste. I wasn't prepared for the sound he made or for his eyes to flutter closed.

"Don't tease me, Liam." It was a simple statement, mostly innocent, if he wasn't a ful-grown man sitting in my lap with his hands on me. Seducing me.

"I'm not teasing. Are you?" I caught his wrist in my hand and held his hand captive. I should have thrown it off me along with his way too tempting ass and locked myself in my room until the wine stopped teling my brain to do bad things.