Bent not Broken (142 page)

I make it to the diner just in time, hurriedly tying my apron and clocking in. It’s quieter than normal because the farmers are in mid-harvest, so they’re in and out of here before the sun even comes up. I actually find myself missing the familiar chatter and laughter.

“Hey, Kate,” Diana yells from behind me.

“Hey. Busy this morning?” I start prep for a fresh pot of coffee and make sure the water pitchers are full.

“It wasn’t too bad. I can’t wait until these farmers get out of the field, though. I’m not an early morning person, and trying to hold a conversation before the sun rises is not making me a happy camper.” She sighs, reaching over my shoulder for a coffee cup. “How’ve you been?”

I shrug. “Things are going okay.” Things would be great if I could hear Beau’s voice right now and know that he’s going to be okay. Thoughts of Asher also play in my head. What is he thinking after everything that happened when he dropped me off? He’s probably confused. As soon as I can, I’m going to clear everything up.

“Your mom said it looked like you had a little spat with Beau. Do you want to talk about it?”

I roll my eyes and spin to face her. “Is there any gossip you two don’t share?”

“I’m afraid not,” she says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Let me tell you, though, every woman from thirteen to one-hundred drools over that boy. Be happy that you’re the one he chose to fight with.” She leaves me standing there, completely stunned. I appreciate Beau, and respect him for the person he is. That’s the reason I need to do everything I can to make things right with him, or I’ll regret it.

When I push open the metal door that separates the kitchen from the dining room, Asher is sitting in a booth in my section staring out the window. He comes in a lot when I’m working, but it’s usually just for lunch. This is the first time he’s actually made it here for breakfast.

I texted him last night and told him I wasn’t feeling well. Physically I was fine, but emotionally I was a wreck. Looking at him now, I know without a doubt that my heart pulled me in the right direction. There’s something about him that makes it impossible for me to stay away.

When I’m just a few feet away, he notices me. I expect to see a grin spread across his face, but instead he draws his brows in as he runs his hand through his hair. I glance around and quickly realize the frown on his face is, in fact, directed at me.

“You’re here early this morning,” I say, running my sweaty palms across my apron.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. What happened to you last night?” His voice is flat, making it impossible for me to read him.

I can’t look at him in the eye and tell a half truth. Asher makes me want to have a real life, but I feel guilty about everything because Beau means so much to me. I can’t say I’m stuck between the two because my heart tells me over and over again that it’s Asher I want. But a person can’t have that much history with someone like Beau, and not carry them around with them.

I nervously take the seat across from him, clasping my hands on the table. “I needed some time to sort things out.”

“I know,” he says, leaning across the table. His eyes lower to the napkin he’s been ripping into tiny little pieces.

“Then why did you ask?”

“To see if you would tell me the truth,” he says, bringing his eyes back to mine. He looks like he didn’t sleep much last night, and it weighs heavy on my heart to think that I also caused Asher pain in some way. Causing unnecessary pain is one thing I’ve become really good at recently.

“It didn’t have anything to do with you. I was emotionally drained, and I needed some time to work through everything that was going on in my head. Beau has been my friend for a long time, and I hurt him.”

“Just give him some time. He’ll come around.”

“I hope so.” I want to be optimistic, but I need a sign of something better to come before I can move forward. I get glimpses of it, but then it always seems to fade away.

“He loves you, you know,” Asher blurts, glaring out the window. It’s early and the streets are almost vacant aside from a few cars parked in front of the diner.

“How do you know that?” I ask, curious how he was able to pick that up after meeting Beau for all of five minutes.

“There’s a certain way a guy looks at the girl who he can’t live without,” he says, still not turning his head to look at me.

“And how is that?” I swallow hard. I have no idea where this is going.

His eyes snap to mine, making it impossible for me to move. “Like she’s everything he’ll ever need.”

I couldn’t form a word right now if someone sounded the whole thing out for me. Warmth is coursing through my veins like a runaway train as we stare at each other. I wonder if he’s feeling it . . . he obviously has felt it at some point in his life or he wouldn’t be able to put it into those words.

“And how did you get so wise?” I ask, trying to slow down my heartbeat.

“Living this life does that to you,” he says, glancing out the window again before focusing back on me. “Do you love him?”

“Not in the same way he loves me,” I say, nervously fidgeting with my fingers. “Look, I don’t know what you think happened yesterday, but right now you’re the one I want to spend my time with. I haven’t felt this way in a long time.” I want to reach across the table and wrap his hand in mine, but I’m hesitant because I have no idea what’s going through his head right now. It scares me.

“What do you mean?” His question is eager and hopeful.

“I’m happy,” I say simply.

“And I hope that you stay that way,” he says softly, reaching for my hand. That’s the thing about him . . . he’s not afraid to do the things that scare me.

“With you, I finally feel like that’s possible.” I don’t miss the downward cast of his eyes or his hand tightening over mine. Maybe I’m moving too fast or revealing too much.

“Hey, Kate, table four is ready to order,” Diana yells, walking past our table with a tray full of plates.

I try to pull my hand from Asher’s, but he’s got a good grip. “I should probably get back to work.”

“I need to head into the city today. I won’t be back until later.”

“What’s in the city?” I ask.

“Just some things I have to take care of,” he replies, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand before finally releasing me. I felt so sure about where our relationship was going yesterday, but uncertainty is all that hangs between us right now. It seems like he’s pulling away from me.

“So will I see you soon?” I ask, shoving my hands in the pockets on the front of my apron.

“I hope so,” he answers, tilting his head to one side. “By the way, can I get a stack of these napkins?” He grabs the napkin he mutilated off the table and hands it to me. I have this weird feeling in my stomach that I may not see him again, and it’s eating me up.

“Is something else bothering you?”

“Nothing you need to worry about right now,” he replies, resting his palm against my cheek. I want him to open up to me. I want him to need me the way I need him.

I draw in a deep breath and wrap my fingers around his wrist to pull his hand from my cheek, “Asher-”

“Not now,” he says, leaning in closer to me. His expression is more relaxed, but uneasiness still rips through me like a tidal wave. I would give anything to know what’s going through Asher’s head right now. What if I blew my chance to be with him too? Maybe he’s decided that I’m not worth the trouble. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that it’s the latter.

I hear someone clear their throat beside me and turn to see my mom standing at my side, nodding toward my waiting table. “Kate.”

“I’m going,” I snap, standing in front of her. “Can you get Asher some napkins, please?” Asher’s hand brushes the back of mine as I walk past him, sending a warm jolt up my arm. I look back to see his cheeks dimple, a sign that maybe everything will be all right. I need more than a sign right now, though. I need a promise because once I give my heart to someone; I don’t ever want it back.

I toss the torn napkin in the garbage and quickly walk over to my table.

****

When I leave work, I’m still upset about the way Asher was acting when he came in earlier. Is he concerned about my relationship with Beau? Did I do something else to irritate him? I just wish I knew because I hate this living in limbo thing.

As I get closer to my car, I see something white under my windshield wiper. People are always leaving notes about babysitting and lawn services on my car. It annoys me because they end up sitting on the floorboard until it’s time for my semi-annual cleaning. When I pull the wiper up and grab the paper between my fingers, I realize it’s a napkin with Asher’s handwriting in the center.

Be at the lake house by 7 tonight. Wear something warm.

****

I suddenly feel completely awake after my tiring day because I’ll be seeing Asher in just a few hours. I think that’s the key to living a fulfilled life; having a reason or purpose. I have that now, and I’m going to hold onto him for as long as I can.

I throw my phone on the bed and pull on my favorite blue jeans and a long-sleeve white t-shirt. I layer a second t-shirt and then pick a thick navy blue cowl neck sweater from my closet and pull my caramel colored pea coat over it.

As I pull into Asher’s driveway just a few minutes later, I’m greeted with the smell of burning wood. I used to think it was one of the best smells on earth, right behind fresh baked bread and turkey on Thanksgiving, but the way the last bonfire turned out, I haven’t been able to stomach it ever since.

I climb out of my car and head to the backyard to see if I can find Asher. I don’t have to wait long because he’s sitting in front of a small campfire, using a large stick to move some logs around. The light from the flame illuminates his face, making it obvious the moment he notices me approaching. “Hey, how long have you been standing there?” he asks, showing me his genuine Asher Hunt smile.

“I just got here.” I tuck my hands into the front pockets of my jeans and move closer to the fire. It burns bright orange, and the smell of the burnt wood is overwhelming. It reminds me of the moment Drew sat next to me. But I keep telling myself that Asher is here, and he’s nothing like Drew. I shouldn’t have to fear doing things like this, and if I can take my first step toward ridding myself of that fear with someone like Asher, I need to seize the opportunity.

He places the stick on the ground and strolls toward me, encircling me with his arms. The light of the fire glows in his eyes as he kisses me softly on the lips while he slowly works to release the tension from my body. It’s something I miss as soon as his lips leave mine.

“What’s all this?” I ask, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“I want to rewrite another memory for you,” he whispers against my ear, “I thought we could sit by the fire and maybe roast s’mores.”

“Seriously?” I ask. This is literally one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. There must be a manual on how to make Kate Alexander come to life again because Asher never misses a step with me.

“Fuck, I’m freaking you out, aren’t I? I thought it would help, like when we went fishing and it started to rain,” he says, running the pads of his thumbs across my cheekbones, “You’ve been a different person since then, and I wanted to bring a little more of that out of you.”

“I’m just shocked, that’s all.” I tilt my head to look up at the night sky and take a deep breath. For the past two years, I’ve been hiding behind a mask so that no one will recognize all the painful things that are going on inside me. Now, it’s time to take the mask off and figure out who I am after riding life’s crazy roller coaster. I can’t let the one thing I didn’t have any control over ruin me forever.

Grabbing my chin between his fingers, he pulls my lips to his, tasting them a little longer this time. When he’s done, the taste of mint still lingers, making me crave him all over again.

“I have a blanket set up over there if you want to get comfortable.” He points to a red blanket sitting on top of a patch of grass. There’s a basket in the middle with marshmallows, graham crackers, chocolate and a black thermos. He really thought of everything.

This moment is perfect.

“How do you always seem to know what I need before I even know?” I ask, resting my cheek on his muscular chest.

“I just know,” he says, pulling his arms tighter around me. “I like making you smile. And, if I can get you out of your comfort zone every once and awhile, that’s just an added bonus.”

“You’re amazing, you know that?” I whisper before leaning up to kiss his chin.

“If anyone else said it to me, I wouldn’t believe it. It’s different when you say it.” He brushes a piece of hair from my forehead and releases me. For the first time, I feel the frigid October air against my cheeks; cuddling close on the blanket sounds really good right now.

Once we’re seated on the soft fleece blanket, Asher takes out two metal sticks and places marshmallows on them. “You want to do one?” he asks, handing one to me. I hold it over the fire, letting it puff up to get that burnt layer I love so much.

“I haven’t had these since I was a kid,” I admit, holding it close to my mouth to blow out a small flame.

“Me either.” He hands me a graham cracker with two chocolate squares on top. I squeeze my marshmallow between that and another cracker, feeling the gooey goodness on my fingers.

“How did it go in the city?” I ask curiously.

He shrugs, tearing his eyes away from mine. “It wasn’t what I hoped for, but I’ll figure it out.”

“I think you should go back to school,” I blurt. “I mean, don’t you get bored around here?”

“Carrington isn’t that bad,” he answers, solemnly.

“Asher—”

“Did I tell you I have one more surprise?” He reaches to pick up a wooden guitar that I hadn’t noticed sitting to the side of the blanket. I’m annoyed that he changed the subject on me, but I’m intrigued enough by the guitar to forget about it for a few minutes.

“You play?”

“I can play a little.” He smiles, shyly. Asher is usually anything but nervous . . . it’s nice to see him a little off balance. He crosses his legs and places the guitar in his lap. “I’ve been practicing this, but don’t throw anything at me if it’s not perfect. It’s by The Calling; I slowed it down some, and made it more of an acoustic song.”