Bent not Broken (138 page)

“Do you want to make a bet?” he asks out of the blue.

“It depends on what kind of bet you want to make, Mr. Hunt,” I smile. He has this way of making me think of nothing but him. I kind of rather like when he takes over that part of me.

“Well, Miss Alexander, I think the person who catches the most fish should get a little prize.”

“And what’s the prize?” I ask, watching the glimmer in his blue eyes.

“Winner’s choice.” He shrugs. The smile falls from my face as I think about what he probably wants from me if he wins. I’m not ready for anything more than what I’ve given him. I don’t know if I ever will be.

“Hey, come back to me. What are you thinking about?” he asks, running his thumb across my cheek.

I lean into his touch and take a deep, cleansing breath. “I’m sorry. I just get lost in my thoughts sometimes.”

“When I wagered that bet, I didn’t mean whatever it is that you’re thinking,” he whispers, lowering his hand from my face.

“I didn’t-”

“Not everyone is out to get you, Kate. I’m not the guy who needs to make bets in order to get something like that from a girl,” he says, his eyes searing into mine like a blade.

I glance up at the grey skies to pull my eyes away from him. “You don’t know my whole story. You wouldn’t understand it even if I told you.”

“Even if I don’t understand, I can listen,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Then tell me why you’re really in Carrington because I don’t believe all this simple life bullshit, Asher,” I say, not even trying to control my growing temper anymore.

“You know what? Let’s forget I mentioned listening, or any of the other shit, and just fish. The person who catches the least amount of fish gets to paddle this boat back to the dock.” He doesn’t wait for me to reply before turning back to look over the side of the boat. I don’t know how he expects me to open up to him if he can’t seem to do it himself.

I find my bobber floating above the water and focus my eyes on it. When I finally glance over at him, his shoulders are visibly tense. I’m starting to resent myself because I always turn his sweet gestures and teasing into something it’s not.

“Well, it looks like we’re both going to lose,” I say, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

He turns his head in my direction. “The way this is going, I’d say you’re probably right,” he says. The serious expression on his face makes me feel as though we may not be referring to the fish anymore.

For a long time, I’ve made myself believe that it’s okay to push all the people who care about me away. I did it to most of my high school friends, although now that I look back on it, I don’t think they were ever true friends to begin with. And Beau . . . well, I’ve had him dangling off the edge of a cliff for over two years, and he’s still holding on for dear life.

I still haven’t quite figured out where Asher fits in. The only thing I know for sure is that I’m more free and happier when I’m with him than when I’m without him.

Something cold hits my nose like a dagger breaking me from my thoughts. Darker clouds have moved in and I notice pouring rain off in the distance. This is one situation I never envisioned myself being stuck in. I can’t even stand being locked away in my room when it rains much less out in the middle of the lake trapped in a small boat that requires paddling to get us from one point to another.

Drops of water start to fall more frequently and it feels as if someone has sucked the air right out of me. My mind takes me back and I feel Drew’s repulsive fingers all over my body again. I hear his voice yelling things at me that I’ll never forget. I smell him . . . even through the scent of rain and lake water. I pinch my eyes closed, place my hands over my ears and bury my head between my knees, letting my tears mix with the water pooled on the floor of the boat. The rain is falling so hard on my back that I don’t realize that a hand is gently moving up and down my spine.

Asher. I almost forgot he was here because all I could sense was Drew.

“You’re shaking. Please just tell me what’s wrong. Tell me what you need,” he pleads, leaning so that his mouth in as close to my hand-covered ear as he can get. I hear his voice, but I’m not really able to process his words. The sound of the pouring rain hitting the lake and boat muffle anything that comes out of his mouth.

“Get me off this boat. Please, I need to go inside,” I panic. Nothing is more important to me in that moment than getting out of the rain.

My life is like a top, spinning and spinning until it can’t spin anymore and has no other choice but to fall. I have no one to catch me, but how can they when I won’t let them?

Asher’s hand is still on my back, which means this boat hasn’t moved at all. “Asher, please, I need to get off this boat,” I cry, “Please.” My whole body trembles.

Adrenaline whips through my body and I struggle to grab an oar. There are so many things I should have done differently that night. God, he ruined everything.

“Kate!” I hear Asher yell.

I can’t look up. I’m going to be sick soon, and it’s all because of the asshole who took my life away.

“Hear me out, Kate. Look at me,” he says loudly.

I continue to ignore him. I can’t stop myself from shaking, from shutting him out as I feel the rain soaking my body.

“I killed my best friend last year!” I hear Asher yell. “It’s all my fucking fault. If I hadn’t been so stupid, she’d still be here.”

I stop crying when I hear his confession ringing through my ears loud and clear like a tornado siren. I snap out of my daze to look at him. His chin lowers to his chest, and I watch him fight the emotion that wants to come to the surface. My heart twists when I look at him; I’ve never seen anyone so broken in my life.

“Asher,” I say softly, slowly reaching my hand toward him and running his hair between my fingers.

His head snaps up and I react, pulling my fingers away. “She was drunk at a party, and I let her drive home. Who does that? Who lets someone who means so much to them drive home when they can barely walk?” he asks, fisting his hair in his hands.

My heart shatters in my chest as I watch the anguish wash over him. “Why did you let her drive home?”

He flinches, taking a few seconds to collect himself before his eyes shoot up to mine. “I was drunk and stupid. I let her climb into the seat of her little red car and drive away without even putting her seatbelt on. She didn’t even make it ten blocks before she slammed head-on into a tree.” His hands are still tugging all the hair they can grasp. I want to touch him, but I’m too afraid to move my hand.

“We heard the sirens and decided to go see what was going on.” He swallows. Tears are pooling in his eyes, but he’s constantly glancing toward the sky to hold them in. “Do you know how horrible it is to pull up to the scene of an accident and realize the person inside the mangled car is your best friend? Megan was the kindest, most caring person I’ve ever known, and now she’s gone.”

I’ve been so wrapped in his story that I forgot about the droplets that are still crashing into my body. I know what it’s like to live with guilt and secrets. They weigh you down until you quit fighting them altogether.

I hesitantly rest my hand on his shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze. “If you were both drunk, how is it your fault? You have to forgive yourself.”

His head snaps up. “We promised each other that one of us would always stay sober to make sure we both made it home okay. That night, I changed the rules. I had an argument with my mom and step-dad, and I needed to blow off some steam. She had already had a couple drinks when I took my first sip,” he says, pinching his eyes shut. “I was so fucking selfish. I believed we were invincible, and I learned the hard way that we’re not. Now I’m paying for it.”

“Is that why you’re in Carrington?” I ask.

He slowly shakes his head no. “That’s a story for another day.”

He stares at me as I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. There’s a battle going on inside me. Is Asher the person who I can entrust my secret to? Once it’s out, it’s not mine to hold onto anymore. It might make me feel better if I have someone to talk to when the memories are pulling me under.

“Kate, please say something. Don’t look at me like that. I know what I did was wrong, but I can’t do anything about it now. It’s too late!” Asher shouts. His worried eyes are burning through me.

My whole body trembles as I try to catch my breath. The sound of the rain is piercing through my ears again. I just want this all to be over.

“I was raped,” I murmur, watching his eyes double in size.

“What?” he asks, seemingly shocked by my admission. I pinch my eyes closed, and work to find the words to explain who I am today. It’s about time I told someone.

As soon as I open my mouth to speak, he grabs my face in his hands. “I am so sorry.”

“What?” I ask, pulling back.

His grip around my face tightens as he pulls me close to him again. “I’m sorry that happened to you. No one should have to go through that.” And that’s all it takes before I’m sobbing in his arms. “It’s okay. I’ve got you now.”

“I should never have gone into his bedroom,” I cry, gripping Asher’s soaked t-shirt.

He grips my arms and pulls me back to look at him. “It’s not your fault. Do you hear me? None of this is your fault.”

He holds me tight against his chest as I tell him what happened that night. I tell him about the football game and the bonfire that followed. I explain how I felt when the popular quarterback sat down next to me and focused all his attention on me. I struggle through what happened when we went into Drew’s house.

When I tell him about the rain mocking me while Drew held me down, his arms tense up. I thought telling my story would suffocate me, but I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He knows everything now and is free to do whatever he wants with it. My secret feels safe with him.

After I’ve laid my painful secret in his hands, he sits down next to me and pulls me onto his lap, carefully centering us in the seat to keep the boat steady. “Shouldn’t we head back to shore?” I ask, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“I have one more thing I have to do first,” he whispers, placing his hand at the back of my neck. His eyes focus on my lips as he slowly brings me closer. I watch as water drips from his damp hair and rolls down his face.

When his lips finally touch mine, I close my eyes, trying to focus only on what Asher’s doing to me, but he pulls back before I can.

He sweeps my hair to the side and kisses my neck. “You’re beautiful,” he says in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I tilt my head and let him place light kisses up and down my throat before he captures my lips.

“From now on . . .”

kiss.

“When it rains . . .”

kiss.

“Think of me.”

I swear my heart just melted into a puddle on the ground. It’s a moment I’ll never forget . . . the moment Asher Hunt kissed my fears away. I’ve spent two years waiting for the sun, and all I’ve needed was him.

His warm lips continue to slide over mine as I run my fingers through the hair above his neck. His touch warms my body, even in the cold rain. I instantly miss him when he sits back and smiles at me.

“We should get out of here and dry off before you get sick,” he says, brushing his thumb across my lips.

“Thank you,” I smile.

“For what?”

“For giving me a reason to smile again,” I reply, biting my lower lip.

“I always want you to have something to smile about, pretty girl,” he says, tilting his head to the side. He glides his lips over mine one more time, then slides me off his lap.

I watch as he sits back in his seat and pulls the anchor up. He rows us back to shore as I let the sounds of the rain penetrate my ears.

As soon as we’re next to the dock, he ties the boat up and jumps up on the platform, reaching his hand out for me. “Let’s go find you some dry clothes.”

He helps me out and pulls me towards the cabin. “What are you doing?” I squeal.

“Taking care of you.”

And he does. Once we’re inside, he hands me a pair of his grey sweatpants, some dry socks, and a hooded Chicago Bears sweatshirt. He even lets me take a shower first while he cooks something to eat. It’s getting late, and I should go home soon, but I’m not ready for this day to end.

I spend a few minutes staring at myself in the mirror while the shower heats up. My long dark hair is a tangled mess, but my skin has a brilliant glow that I haven’t seen in a long time. I smile at myself then peel the wet clothes from my body and step into the shower.

As the warm water washes over my pruned skin, I think about everything that happened today. I can still hear Asher’s words in my head, and I feel the need to lock them away somewhere safe.

The fact that Asher trusted me with his secret gives me a sense of importance in his life. It feels like he needs me just as much as I need him.

Once I feel clean, I turn the water off and wrap a towel around my body and another around my hair. The skin on my fingers still feels dry and wrinkled against the towel, but being stuck out there in the rain was well worth it.

A knock at the door makes me jump. “Hey, are you almost done in there? I have tomato soup and grilled cheese.”

“I’ll be out in a minute,” I yell back, quickly pulling my clothes on.

I open the door, and I’m immediately met by Asher. He kisses the tip of my nose before grabbing my hand and leading me to the kitchen. It smells amazing. There’s nothing like soup and sandwiches on a cold day.

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” he asks as we sit down at the table.

My whole body tenses. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He tilts his head. “You can have my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch,” he says, grabbing my hand. “It’s pouring rain outside, and I’d feel more comfortable if you were here with me tonight.”

I nod, using my free hand to lift a spoonful of soup to my lips. I’m too tired from the emotional ride earlier to argue. Besides, I now feel as if nothing bad can touch me when I’m with Asher.

“Are you doing okay?” he asks, rubbing his thumb across the top of my hand.