Bellissimo Rilascio (Beautiful Release): The Family Series #3 (23 page)

“How long?” Bronson is leaning against the wall for support.

“Hours. I can’t tell you an exact timeframe, but as soon as we know something we’ll come get you.”

She leaves the room, and everyone goes to follow her. “I’m staying in here.” I need to be the last place she was. Gianna nods, and I’m alone.

I stay kneeling and begin praying, “Father, please save her. She’s innocent. I made her walk to the curb. That car didn’t stop. It doesn’t make sense. Just save her. I love her. She loves me, and we’re good people. Sure, we’ve made mistakes, but just save her. Please.” That is probably the shittiest prayer on Earth but I can’t think.

I pace the room, watch the clock. Finally, I go the nurse’s station. “Do you have any news on Bianca Agosto?” She checks the computer and informs me that there are no updates. I go back to the room and pace and watch the clock again. After the third time of asking the nurse, I’m crazy. I punch the hospital wall, wailing in anger.

“You look like a crazy person.” Callie has come back.

“I feel like one.”

“You’re about to crawl out of your skin. Want to say a prayer with me?”

I nod, and she walks to me and grabs my hand, bows her head and prays for her best friend . . . my best friend.

Chapter Thirty

Bianca

I saw him. He came back. Now I have nothing. Blackness invades, and I can’t find the light.

I can’t hear.

I can’t feel.

I know there was some sort of accident; I heard the sounds of an engine, but I didn’t feel the impact, and now I’m trapped. I know I’m not dead. Heaven is filled with cherub angels with wings, pearly gates . . . an ethereal place, according to my Sunday school teacher.

I thought I heard his voice, apologizing to me . . . then nothing. I’m beginning to think I dreamt it.

This must be the space between.

Life and death.

I choose life.

I choose him.

Our relationship hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t always worked, but I can say it’s been consistent. We are all flawed, damaged, weak . . . but with that other person, those elements of us fade, and we become perfect, unmarred, strong . . . but only with that person.

The thing about love is that it’s never the same. It evolves from immature to lifelong. The stages in between aren’t what necessarily matter. Love in each stage gives you something you need. The word love isn’t always explainable; the feeling you get when you experience it. Passion, disappointment, fulfillment . . . and freedom.

If you’re lucky enough, like Callie and Bronson, your first love is
THE
love. The one that surpasses all hurdles and nurtures each of you along the journey. But, I’m pretty lucky myself. I’ve been in love with two men in my life: Dakota and Heath.

Each different but each true.

Dakota was my first love, and it’s human nature to wonder what if.

What if he was different?

What if I wasn’t so difficult?

What if we made it?

I did that for a while, and I lost the man who makes my life fuller. I can’t imagine my life without Heath. That doesn’t discount what I had with Dakota; it just means when our love evolved, our growth surpassed the capsule of our love. It spilled over and ran dry. We grew all we could with one another, and instead of sticking it out and making monumental sacrifices, we let go.

The
love is different for each of us.

It can be fleeting or everlasting.

It can come quick or build up.

It can end or it can grow.

I think when you’re with the right person, you fall in love over and over. Each path in life is another chance to fall in love, and that feeling is indescribable. What I needed at fifteen isn’t what I need at twenty-five. Not even close. And there is nobody else that can give me what I need besides Heath.

If you love many times in your life, you’re lucky. With different people or the same partner it doesn’t discount each time you experience it.

Falling is scary.

Landing is euphoric.

Falling is everything.

Landing is love.

That’s how I see it. Leap, fall, and land. You’ll get bumps and bruises during the voyage, those heal. Loneliness doesn’t. Everyone should experience love . . . multiple times. And if you’re with the partner you’re meant to be with . . . you will.

I fall in love with him every day.

He continues to catch me.

Now if I could figure out where I’m at in this transition, I could tell him. He knows it, but sometimes we all need reassurances.

I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but I know I’m not going towards the light willingly. I have overcome way too much to stop taking this world by storm now.

Not sure if it’s a different day, week, month . . . hell it could be a different year, but I’m getting my hearing back. I hear beeping, voices, and I can feel touches on my body, but I still can’t decipher them all.

My hand is grasped, words are spoken, but I can’t understand them. I don’t like them. I try to fight. I pull my hand away, but it won’t move.
Let me go
.

A touch I know takes my other hand.

I stop fighting.

I surrender to this in-between I have been stuck in.

Chapter Thirty
-
One

Dakota

Her skin blends in with the white sheets on the bed. Her normal color faded. I’ve avoided coming in the room when Heath is here, trying to be respectful to him, but avoiding him for three weeks has been tough.

Twenty-one days since we almost lost her . . . twice. The swelling is gone so, for the time being, it’s a waiting game. Her brain has to heal itself, but she’s breathing without the ventilator and showing improvement every day. I’ll give it to the guy…he hasn’t left her side.

I step in the room with Lisa prodding me. His head snaps to my direction, and instant dissatisfaction is written there. This is going to have to end because it’s not fair to Bianca. “Do you want me to come back later?”

“It’s fine.” He stands and walks to the other side of the room.

“Any change?”

“No.”

“This isn’t the place, but if you need to say something to me, get something off your chest, we can go somewhere else.”

“I’m good.” He’s a liar and not a good one.

“I don’t think you are,” Lisa, my peacemaker, speaks up.

“No, I’m not, but I’m trying to be. You’re a hard pill to swallow.” His eyes don’t waver from my stare.

“Our past? That fact that she once loved me?”

“All of it and the way you tossed her aside. You hurt her, and that doesn’t work for me.”

“I’ve never denied that. I fucked up, but our past made us who we are now. I learned a lot from my mistakes, I’m able to give Lisa everything she deserves. I couldn’t do that with her.”

“I’m not buying that.”

“It’s true. Their relationship may not be something you understand, but it doesn’t belittle what was theirs. I don’t understand it because I couldn’t imagine letting him go. Just like you can’t imagine letting her go. So what doesn’t make sense for us worked for them.” Lisa’s voice is soft, like she’s trying not to let Bianca hear.

“Man, I get where you’re coming from, but can’t you just be thankful you have her? Let it all go. Forge a new beginning.”

“I’m trying. I was the other person in that relationship for a long time.”

“No, you weren’t. The day she saw you again, you were it for her, but she ran from it. She didn’t understand it because she didn’t have that with me.”

“I always felt second to you.”

“You were second to what she thought we were
supposed
to be; not what we were. We watched Callie and Bronson fall in love, have it ripped from them, and then come back together. They were in love. We were in love. We didn’t know that it doesn’t always work. We weren’t ready to admit that it’s okay if it doesn’t.”

“And you just want to be her friend?”

I pull Lisa to my side. “Just her friend. I was her friend first and want to be her friend last. He nods. I continue. “And really you should be thanking me, she was a pain in the ass during her teenage years.”

“Have you spent much time with her lately?” I chuckle, thinking of all her antics.

“Guys, while I’m thankful for the bonding, I don’t think you should talk about her like that. She might be able to hear.” Lisa will come to learn Bianca can take it and dish it.

“She’d be fine, baby. She’d have some comment back for us.” I step closer and take Bianca’s hand. Her monitors beep a few times, and I watch her heart rate accelerate. I think I feel her pulling back, so I try to comfort her. “It’s okay, Binks. We’re all waiting on you to wake up.”

Heath steps to the other side of her and takes her other hand, and immediately the beeping stops and her heart rate calms. I smirk at him. “I never had a chance against you.” I watch him stare down at her, love evident on his face, worry etched in his features. “You know she’s going to be fine?”

“Yeah,” he whispers.

Chapter Thirty
-
Two

Bianca

My eyes blink. I can control that motion. I open them and shut them quickly because the light hurts. I cough and holy shit that hurts. Immediately the chatter I heard in the background halts. “Binks,” I hear four different voices, and they aren’t a fucking melody. My ears scream in pain like donkeys are kicking them.

“Beautiful.” Now
that’s
a fucking lullaby. I think I smile, but I could just look like a scary clown in a haunted house. “Can you open your eyes?”

I nod, sending sharp pains to my temple. Another voice breaks through. “Ms. Agosto raise one finger for yes and two for no. Do you understand?”

I raise a finger.

“Can you open your eyes?”

One finger.

“We’re waiting.”

Two fingers.

“Are you in pain?”

One finger.

“Turn the lights down. Is that the problem?”

One finger.

“Lights are dimmed, sweetie. Now open those eyes.”

I blink a few times, my eyes dry. The lady talking puts a wet cloth over them, allowing moisture to soak them, and it’s instant relief. “Now can you talk?”

I shrug and wince in pain. “No sudden movements; you’ve been through a lot.”

“What?” I whisper and start choking, on what, I have no idea, because my mouth is dry.

She holds a straw up to my mouth. “Sip, slowly.”

It feels good but burns like hell. “Ouch.”

“You had a tube down your throat to help you breathe. I’m sure it’s still raw.”

“And dry.” Speaking was easier this time.

“Look around the room and tell me if you recognize everyone.”

I scan the room and see my family, Dakota and Lisa, and then my eyes settle on Heath. He still holds my hand, so I squeeze. I look at the nurse and hold up two fingers.

“Who don’t you know, honey?”

I look to Bronson and hold up one finger . . . the middle finger.

“Pain in my ass.” He laughs.

“She’s back!” Callie cheers.

The nurse is looking skeptical, so I manage to say, “I’m kidding that’s my brother. It’s kind of a thing with us to mess with each other.”

“No, it’s just her thing. She drags my wife into it, but it definitely isn’t my thing.”

Heath bends down. “You doing okay?”

“Besides feeling like a cat shit in my mouth, I’m peachy.” His light chuckle rumbles through his chest and jars me a bit. I gasp because it fucking hurts to move.

“Can she have something for pain?” He’s watching my every movement.

“As soon as we finish assessing her. She’s been out for four weeks.”

“Four weeks?” I choke.

“Yes ma’am. When the doctors come in, they can explain it all to you.” She makes notes, checks every machine in the room, and when two doctors arrive, they ask everyone else to leave.