Bellissimo Rilascio (Beautiful Release): The Family Series #3 (18 page)

“What do you suggest?”

“You have to tell me what you’re feeling. You haven’t done that.”

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Everything when it comes to him. Going backwards. Him starting all over with getting me to forgive him. Heath’s reaction.”

“Only one of those
you
control. Going backwards. You’ve admitted it, so we work on a plan that doesn’t allow it. Let the others go, you can’t take responsibility for anyone else’s reaction.”

“So when I feel like escaping . . . when it becomes too much, what do I do?”

“You seem sure it will happen.”

“Just preparing.”

“You remember every single day of fighting to get where you are. You remember that you are entitled to your feelings, and you own them. Don’t allow others to tarnish that. You have my cell and can call if you need to, but remember, Bianca, you came to me that first day in deep pain. You’ve shed layers of guilt, blame, hurt, and betrayal. You ripped them off layer by layer and became Bianca Agosto. Don’t start replacing those covers. Remember the crushing weight, the chains they held you in.”

I dig my non-existent nails into my hands. “Okay.” Not as confident as he is in me, but not willing to go back to what I was when I came to him. I was a shell of a human, a fragment of a woman. I was lost, hurt, and dark. I’m not those things anymore.

I leave therapy feeling no better. Jumbled thoughts, anxious, fearful. I wonder if he still looks the same, if his eyes can see through me, and if he’ll admit the resentment I harbor towards him is warranted. I’ve heard the words ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘it was a mistake’ along with ‘I love you’ so many times, but they don’t resonate with me. Those words failed to heal me. I needed to hear ‘it wasn’t you’ or ‘you were enough’ . . . all pointless because my future isn’t with him, but there is something in me that needs closure, and he’s never given it to me in the way I yearn. I don’t even know what it is.

I have to call Heath and let him know. This dinner was sprung on me this morning right after he flew back to Indian Shores to meet with his bank there. The newest venture, Sips & Sounds, is scheduled to open in three months, and I’m grateful he will be a permanent fixture here, as well as Lynsey, although she’s already living in Callie and Bronson’s old apartment. I could have declined the invitation, but if I do, I feel like I’m letting him win. I don’t know what he’s winning, and it’s irrational as hell, but I do have something to prove. That girl he broke, the one he cheated on, discarded and put through hell . . . she doesn’t exist. I dial Heath.

“Hey beautiful.”

“I miss you,” I sigh, my voice weary.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m leaving Dr. Adams and wanted to hear your voice.” Silence.

“Why did you go there?”

He’s beating himself up for not being here when I needed him. “I got some news today, and I needed to talk through it.”

“I’ll fly home.”

“No. Remember, I have to do some things on my own.”

“So what happened?”

“I got invited to a dinner tonight.” I’m putting off the inevitable.

“Okay. You know how to use a fork and knife, so I don’t see the issue.”

“Dakota is going to be there. Actually, it’s his welcome home dinner.”

“Fuck. Don’t go. Let me fly home, and we’ll go together.”

“Are you doing this because you don’t trust my feelings?” More silence. “If you want to come to hold my hand because you understand this is difficult for me, confronting my past and all that bullshit, or if you want to support me and be by my side, I would jump at that. But you just want to come mark your territory, stake your claim, and watch me. So you know what, fuck you. Stay there.” I press end and fume for a few minutes before driving home and primping and pampering myself.

Fuck you, Dakota Hyatt. I let you ruin my life once, but you get no more chances.

Fuck you, Heath De Luca. I made mistakes, but so have you, and I don’t make you pay for them every time you’re out of my sight.

And fuck you to this bottle of Moscato that is suddenly empty. Fucking liter jug my ass. I barely got a glass.

I wait for Lynsey to pick me up, and during the drive I refuse to rehash my day. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

“You don’t have to come,” I snip at her.

“And miss this? No way. You’re just tipsy enough to say something that Callie and I will repeat for a year.”

“Lovely.” I’m not amused.

I walk in their front door without a care in the world. I stop and stare. He’s got his arm wrapped around a dwarf. With blond hair. I splash a smile on my face and stalk towards the kitchen. Callie’s eyes widen when she sees me, and Bronson stops mid-sentence. You’d think by their reactions I never get dressed or put on make-up. Dakota turns his head to see what has their attention, and our eyes lock. I don’t see the same fire I used to. I don’t lose myself. In fact, I hate his stomach for holding his guts. And Snow White’s counterpart next to him has a sweet smile and kind eyes. I hate her.

“Hey.” I look at everyone.

“Bianca. This is Lisa, Lisa this is Bianca.”

“I’ve heard so much about you.”
Oh kill me now
. She’s cute, tiny, and that southern drawl. I dismiss her.

“Well, well you’ve been busier than a one-armed monkey with two dicks.” I don’t give him time to react and walk back to the foyer. “Let’s go.” Lynsey hasn’t made it inside yet. “I can’t be here.”

She doesn’t say a word and goes back to the car so I can escape. After a few miles, she pulls over. “Breathe, Bianca.”

“Give me a minute.”

“Take your time.”

“Just get me home. I want to forget this ever happened.”

“Can I do anything else?”

“Don’t ever let me act like that again. I was shocked. I acted like a bitch. I should be happy he’s moved on, I have.”

“So what happened?”

“He didn’t look sad. He looked happy.”

“Aren’t you?”

“Yes, but I earned it. I struggled. He left. He hasn’t paid his penance.”

“So you want him to hurt?”

“No.”

“You don’t make sense.”

“You should be in my head. It’s scary. He never said sorry for that night.”

“The night he cheated on you? Yes he has.”

“No. Callie and Bronson’s wedding. He sliced me open that night and just disappeared. He hasn’t said a word to me since, and I’ve been working through the pile of shit he heaped on me. I allowed it; I didn’t stand my ground, but seeing him tonight with her…I was mad. I wanted to see remorse not love in his eyes.”

“You want revenge.”

“Does that make me bad?”

“No, Binks, it makes you human. If you exacted it then I’d be worried and demand you switch therapists.”

“Doc and I are pretty tight. He may challenge you to a duel.”

“I’m pretty tough. I can take him.”

“You know I wanted to fix y’all up, but he has a girlfriend. So he says.”

“I’m not in the running to be fixed up.”

“One day . . . one day I’ll get your story.”

“You’ll need more therapy.”

“I’ll ask for a discount. Repeat offender and all.” She grabs my hand and squeezes, laughter sparkling in her eyes.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed me. Besides my meltdown earlier, I’m doing good.”

“You’re doing great.”

“Thank you.” She lets go of my hand and drives us home. “You good or you want me to come over?”

“I’m good. I need to go to bed and pretend this was a dream.”

“Don’t dream of monkeys.” I flip her off. She did hear that backwoods saying, and I’ll never hear the end of it.

I walk in the apartment to a dozen roses, a bag of Airheads, chocolate, and a fire. And Heath on the couch looking solemn. His eyes are pensive, his mouth in a tight line, and his hands clasped in front of him. “Hey.”

“You okay?”

“Who is asking? My boyfriend or Neanderthal?”

“No matter who shares my personalities, I’m always your boyfriend.”

“You’re sitting here talking about multiple personalities, and I’m the one in therapy.”

“Yeah, you’re good.”

I walk into his arms. “Perfect now.”

“Sorry I was out of control.”

“He’s here now, Heath. You have to learn to deal. Don’t worry. I don’t think we’ll be invited to any more dinners.”

“What’d you do?”

“I’m not proud, and I don’t want to talk about it right now. Know it had nothing to do with regret or missing him. It was petty and bitchy, and my mouth got in the way.”

“Whenever you’re ready you can tell me.”

“I’m not hiding anything. He brought a girl with him.”

“And that bothered you?”

“Not in the way you’re thinking. It bothered me because I struggled for awhile with his shit, and he doesn’t have to rub it in my face that I wasn’t good enough.”

“You don’t believe that.”

“I don’t know what I believe in that situation.”

“Okay. Let’s go to bed.”

“I’m still mad at you.”

“Really? You don’t act like it.” He squeezes my ass.

“If you do that thing with your tongue, I’ll forgive you.”

“I should make you mad more often.”

“Agreed.”

Chapter Twenty
-
Four

Heath

Looking at Sips & Sounds from the vantage point of the stage, I’m proud. The main bar area is your basic sports bar with a rich flair. Mahogany floors, chrome bar, red leather seats with splashes of bright white. Every available wall surface has televisions mounted and in the corner is a stage with a sound system second to none. The back, the area off limits to patrons, is what really excites me. The ‘live’ room where the artists make the magic, control room, and machine room. So many machines and equipment, it makes my head spin and puts a substantial dent in my bank account. I don’t care . . . I believe in this. Artists like Lynsey that don’t have the means to pay for a fancy recording studio can come here. I see it; each time Lynsey loses herself in a song she lets down a chink of armor, and even if the music doesn’t heal her, she soothes others. She mends them with her soft voice and perfect pitch. I’ve put out some feelers for executives in the business, sent an open invitation for them to stop by anytime to listen to the talent that comes in. A sort of open mic night with stellar acoustics.

Three months since Dakota returned and Bianca still hasn’t faced him. Sure, there have been awkward encounters where she leaves and doesn’t say anything, and it bothers me. I watch her greet her family, and my heart swells knowing she’s at my side, supporting me. Dakota is standing behind Bronson, and I don’t know why he had to include himself tonight. I watch her smile falter, and when she turns like she’s never met him, the burn settles in my gut. I walk over to the group and make niceties until I can get him alone.

“Why tonight? Why here?” I’m seething. This is my place, one I created from a vision, and one I share with Bianca.

“I’m not looking for trouble. I admit I came back to make sure she is okay, but not for the reasons you think. I heard about your run in with Costa.”

“Not your business.” My jaw aches from clenching it so tight.

“You’re right. And she isn’t either in that way. You know we all share a history, a past none of us can erase. I’m happy with Lisa, in love with her, and I don’t want to cause problems here. I just want us all to get to the place we can be friends.”

The laughter that erupts sounds bitter, even to my own ears. “Friends? You cut her to the quick. Shredded her until there was nothing, and you still didn’t stop until she was in the hospital fighting for her sanity. You never contacted her, never saw her. You walked away like you always do.”

“I can’t argue with you. I fucked up . . . numerous times. I left for her, because I didn’t want to keep hurting her. Believe me or not, it hasn’t been easy for me. I’ll never discount what we had, but I can say it’s in the past.”

“Then let her come to you, when and if she’s ready.”

He nods. “See you . . . and take care of her.”

“It was never me you had to worry about.” He walks back to the group and finds Lisa. I see them say their goodbyes and watch them walk out the door. Bianca visibly relaxes and seeks me out.

“What did you say?”

“To quit pushing it. If you want a friendship with him, it has to come from you.”

“I’m sorry you still have to deal with my past.”

“As long as that’s what it is.”

“It is.” I kiss her lips and open the door for the general public, hoping the success in my business carries over to my relationship. I feel the tension each time Dakota and Bianca are in the same room, and I’m waiting for it to snap like a rubber band. I don’t know why it’s there or what it will take to make it cease, but it’s pulled tight.

I meet a lot of new customers and spend most of the night in conversations with strangers, the entire time my arms itching to hold her. Lynsey wasn’t going to sing, but I see her from my peripheral vision setting up. Arms circle my waist, and Bianca says, “There is some executive here, and we caught the rumor he was looking for new talent.”