Bellissimo Rilascio (Beautiful Release): The Family Series #3 (19 page)

“And she’s going for it?”

“Yep, that girl is fearless. Unless you ask her a personal question.”

“Yet, you never stop.”

“I’m determined.”

The chords of Lynsey’s guitar echo throughout the room, vibrating perfectly off the walls. “Dance with me?” She gives me her hand, and I pull her close.

Swaying, memorizing the feel of her against me, trying to erase the feeling of impending doom, I dance with Bianca and listen to Lynsey sing Jana Kramer’s ‘I Won’t Give Up.’ If I can’t disengage this self-doubt, I’m going to push her away, and even though Dakota says he is in love with Lisa, I know what it’s like to love Bianca, and it’s something you’ll never forget . . . never get over. “I love you,” her mouth whispers against my ear.

“I love you.”

“Hey gorgeous.” She still makes me breathless. I’ve been open in Miami for three months; business is strong, our relationship is solid, and all my fears are lessening.

“Hey.” Her monosyllable response had me on edge immediately. The way she shifted slightly to distance her body from me raises more red flags. I scan the table and she’s clutching a wedding invitation like it’s an anchor to life. I see Dakota and Lisa’s names, and I know. We all knew this was coming.

“You okay?” I want her to know that I see her struggle, but I can’t hide the fact it hurts. It bothers me that he still has the power to affect her.

“Sure.” She couldn’t be less convincing.

I summon the strength to spew bullshit I mean but wish I didn’t. I wish I could demand her to stop this obsession with him. “Bianca, it’s okay to be sad. I told you to be honest with me, no matter what. Hiding is what killed us last time.”

“It’s not fair. I don’t feel right talking to you about this.”

“I see you haven’t clued in to all the shit I’ve been telling you. You need to work through it. I’m here until you tell me not to be.” I’m not okay with this. It shouldn’t hurt her that he’s moved on. She has . . . or maybe not. I thought we were building a future together.

“Heath . . . ” She can’t finish her thought and that is worse than her words.

“Yeah, babe. I mean what I say.” I kiss her cheek and make my way through the club, checking on the clients, and doing my job. I watch as she chats with Lynsey, and it seems intense, but I don’t care.

I go back to the office, and the picture of us from Angelo’s first birthday grabs my attention. I study her smile, look for any hint of sadness, but I can’t see one. Why does this keep happening to us? I slump into my office chair and fight myself from pouring a drink. If we end, I don’t know that I’ll be able to stay here, be that close to her and not be with her. I’ve hired staff, relocated my entire life, and the outcome always comes back to the same question. Does she love me more? Sounds childish, but I have to be the one who holds her heart, in its entirety, or it’s time to cut the losses.

I hate Dakota Hyatt. He brings her the highest highs and the lowest lows, and I hate her for allowing it. All I’ve ever asked is to love her, nothing more, nothing less. Fuck! I’m so damn tired of this circle, and it seems endless, a constant loop, leaving us all guessing . . . who will she choose? Maybe the choice shouldn’t be hers any longer.

Chapter Twenty
-
Five

Bianca

Dakota meant what he said. Eighteen months ago at Callie and Bronson’s wedding I walked away. Released him. I thought I had purged him from my system, but this wedding invitation rattles me. I made sure I was over him, was strong enough to devote myself to the love I had for Heath. I was so sure . . . and now I’m not.

I
know
I love Heath, no doubts. But it’s possible to love two people. It has to be. I still feel like I’m in transition. Evolving. Being with Heath is what my heart led me to, but I haven’t been able to let that last wall down. Total surrender scares the shit out of me.

Seeing the devastation in his eyes, I let him down again. Heath has been the floatation device in the turbulent ocean of Dakota, and I keep letting him down. He’s going to get tired of it one day. Hell, I’m tired of it.

“Fuck!” I vent to no one, seeing as how Heath disappeared when he saw my reaction to the pending nuptials.

“Well, hello to you, too.” I didn’t realize Lynsey had finished her set. “Problems?”

I throw the envelope to her and watch her eyes widen then jerk back to me. “I’d say you do. What are you going to do?”

“Not a fucking clue. Is there anything
to
do?”

“I’m not the one who can answer that.” She stretches to grab my wrist, flipping it over so I can see the words inscribed there. Etched in my skin for a permanent reminder. ‘
Nessun Rimpianto’
. . . no regrets.

“Thanks. That helps a lot.”

“Only you know what you want. You love Heath?”

“Yes,” I answer simply . . . honestly. “But, I love Dakota, too.”

“Where’s your heart?”

“Lost.”

“Find it.”

“Oh-kay.” This is helpful.

“Bianca, I’ve watched you these last few months, you’ve been happy. Free. The ghosts aren’t totally gone from your eyes, but they’ve almost disappeared. One man created them. Another man fights the demons.”

I nod in agreement.

“Maybe it’s time to let him go. I don’t know if you love him so much as you feel responsible for him in a way. His happiness was dependent on you for so long.”

I hold up the cardboard square. “I did let him go. Eighteen months ago. If this doesn’t scream it, I don’t know what does.”

“No, it’s time for you to let him go. Set yourself free. You set him free from you, now do yourself the same courtesy.
”
She stands and takes the stage, her break over. Her voice drifts through the sound system with a haunting tone. ‘Let it Out’ by Mia Sable carries through the sound system, and I feel like she is singing to me. I wipe a lone tear from my cheek. The only, solitary one I’ve shed in months. I take a deep breath and read the words that have been choking me.

Mr. and Mrs. Preston request your presence in celebrating the marriage of their daughter

Lisa Nicole Preston

to

Dakota James Hyatt

Married. Fuck. Is this how our story ends? One piece of paper destroyed us. Can I allow another one to do the same?

I flee the club and call Callie. “Who the fuck is having an emergency?”

“I need you.”

“Your apartment in twenty.” She hangs up, never questioning me. I don’t know that I’ve ever spoken those words to her. Admitting them terrifies me. I make it home through my tears and go to my closet, dig out the buried boxes of my past.

Callie barges in the door, “Bianca!”

“In the bedroom.”

Taking in my appearance, “What the hell happened? Where’s Heath?”

“He’s at the club. Dakota’s getting married.” The words unleash another constant flow of tears.

She drops to her knees next to me and holds me. “Close your eyes.”

“Not this again.”

“Just close your fucking eyes.” I do. “Try to envision a few years from now. You’re in labor. You’re a hot and sweaty mess, cussing anyone within a ten mile radius.”

I interrupt. “You make childbirth sound like an experience I’d like to partake in over and over. And for the record, I won’t be a hot and sweaty mess.”

“Okay. Pain in the ass. Who is by your side? Who do you want to be the father of your child? Who is giving you the most precious gift in the world?”

“Heath.”

“Then why can’t you let the past go?”

“I don’t know.”

“You do.”

“All the shit I went through this past year, if I let it go, if I pretend it doesn’t matter, it makes me weak.”

“How?”

“If I can get over it, why did it destroy me? Something that had such an impact on my life shouldn’t be easily forgotten.”

“Sometimes it is. None of this has been easy for you. Don’t forget the days you didn’t get out of bed. The months of solitude and soul-searching you endured. You have to forgive him. Forgive yourself.”

“Look at this.” I brush my hand across the piles. Letters, stacks of floral cards, napkins he left on my door. Then a small pile of mementos from Heath. “The piles are vast in difference. So much more is wrapped up in my past.”

She picks up a few and reads them. “You realize most of these are apologies. If your entire relationship was based on apologies, then why the hell do you hold on to that? Look at these.” She picks up Heath’s. “None of these apologize, and you know why? Because he loves you, and you love him. You two work, and whether you figure it all out tonight or tomorrow you have something with him that you never had with Dakota. Let go of your past, and focus on your future.”

“I’m trying. I promise.”

“You aren’t. You’re wavering over a situation that needs no more thought.”

“I think I fucked up.”

“Bianca, how do you not love him?”

“I do.” I pause to wipe the tears flowing quicker than I can wipe them. “I fall in love with him when I wake up every day. I fall in love with him each night I go to sleep. And I fall in love with him all the moments in between.”

“What are you doing siting here?”

“The floor’s comfortable.”

“Binks, get your ass up, and go get your man.”

“I have a stop to make first.”

“Don’t do something stupid.”

“I’m not. I’m doing the smartest thing I’ve ever done. I’m moving forward while burying my past. For good this time.”

I hurry over to his apartment. We all live in the same complex and never cross paths. Amazing. Knocking on the door as loud as I can, it’s pulled open, and I stare at Lisa. My replacement. No, that’s not right. She’s a better version of me . . . for him.

“I’m sorry for being a bitch.”

“You need to talk to Dakota?” I nod. She smiles. Opening the door wider, she invites me in. Dakota steps into the living room, and I don’t feel the butterflies I used to. I’m happy for him. “I’m going to run to the store, take your time.” She looks at both of us and I see the trepidation in her eyes. I used to look at him the same way, fear overtaking my happiness.

“You don’t have to go.” I lower my voice making sure I meet her eyes. I need her to know I’m not a threat.

“I do. This is a long time coming.”

“Congrats on your wedding.”

“I hope you’ll be there.”

“I do, too.” The door shuts, and I’m face to face with Dakota. A man I’ve avoided. The confrontation I denied us.

“What’s wrong?”

“I got your invitation and freaked.”

“Why?”

“Really, Dakota? You were my first love. Until Heath you were the only person I let in.”

“Bianca, I’m sorry. I’ve said it and said it, but you have to know I mean it. I was selfish in my pursuit of you. I was so sure I was what you needed that I didn’t realize it was me who broke you. I watched you breaking and thought it was outside influences, but it was me. I was ashamed. Guilty. Lost.”

“Then you found Lisa.”

“Like you found Heath.”

“Why wasn’t I enough to make you be this man? The man you are with Lisa?”

The million-dollar question. “Binks, don’t think that. Different circumstances, different dynamics. I loved you with all that I was, but a part of me was missing. One I didn’t know was missing. I was poison, and I kept infusing it into your heart. With Lisa it’s different. You allowed me to do that because you loved me. I’ll always believe you did. Lisa doesn’t allow that.”

“So I was weak?”

“Not at all, you were strong enough to put everyone’s needs before yours, to support us all, give us what we needed while the entire time you were wilting.”

“Did you ever think we’d be here?”

“Honestly, I never thought I’d be able to let you go. To say goodbye.”