Beginning with Forever (45 page)

Darn
, I forgot that Amelia is waiting downstairs for me. I’ll have to show her this bizarre note and get her opinion on it. Jean better have a good explanation ready for me when I get a hold of him. I’m not easily spooked by something like this, but his accurate prediction of my pregnancy unsettles me. I should listen to his warning, once I figure out what it is.

My nerves are all jittery
, and then someone hysterically pounds on my door. Who can it be? “Can someone please let me in? Amelia? Lily? I can’t find my keycard, and I have to take a piss badly.” I recognize this voice. It’s Richard. I make a mad dash for the door and quickly open it. He runs through the entrance so urgently, he almost slams me into the wall behind me.

“Sorry
, Lily,” he yells out and shuts the bathroom door behind him.

“You’re w
elcome—for using my bathroom,” I tease him. “Do you need a change of clothing with that?” I taunt and giggle. This is odd. It’s too unusually quiet, and I hear no wise-ass remarks from the other side of the bathroom door. “Richard, is everything okay in there?” I ask him with my ear pinned to the door, attempting to eavesdrop. I can hear the toilet flush and then running water from the faucet. The door opens, and he catches me in his arms before I hit the ground, ear first. With a ghastly expression identical to mine, Richard holds my empty pregnancy kit box in his hand. Thank god he’s supporting me because my buckled knees would’ve failed me miserably.

“I should ask you
if everything is okay, Lily.” He stares at me, searching for an explanation. “Lily…,” he pauses and blows out a heavy breath. “Are you…pregnant?” Undeniably, his voice and expression already tells me that he’s disappointed. I snatch the box from his hand and disentangle myself from him.

“Why are you looking throug
h my trash anyways?” I defensively attack him, being unnecessarily bitchy.

“I wasn’t purpose
ly looking through your trash. It was facing upward on top of your wastebasket when I tossed my paper towel away,” he replies defensively. His face grows more discouraged, making my heart equally more remorseful.

“I’m sorry, Richard.
That was very bitchy of me and so uncalled for. My life has completely flipped upside down and all around. I’ve screwed everything up, and I don’t know where to begin to fix it.” I plop down on the upholstered chair, and he plops down next to me.

“Do you want to
unload now or wait until you’re ready? I’m all ears.” He puts his firm arm around my shoulders and offers me his sympathy.

“Whether I tell you now or later
, it won’t make my outcome any better—yes, I’m pregnant. I just took the test about half an hour ago. Ame was the first person, and now you’re the second. I haven’t had the chance to break the news to Carson yet. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready.” Richard pulls his arm away from me and places both of his hands on his lap. He’s speechless. Is he upset with me or my situation? Crap, I don’t need guilt to be added to my already really long list of screw-ups. I lean forward, place my elbows on my thighs and use the tips of my fingers to support my forehead. He perks up immediately after realizing that he’s failing at being a friend.

“Lily, regardless of what your outcome will be with Carson,
I’m always here for you as your friend.” He pulls my hands away from my face and holds onto them. “I’ll help you get through this if you need me to.”

The
door opens, and Amelia is standing at the entrance with a disheartened expression on her face when she sees Richard holding my hands. I pull away from him as quickly as possible. Seriously, is it even possible for one person to screw up this badly? “Lily, I’ve been downstairs waiting forever for you.”  Her tone is abnormally short.

“Ame, I’m so sorry.
I was on my way when Richard came storming through the door, needing to use our bathroom, because he couldn’t find his keycard.” My explanation lightens her mood and pacifies her suspicion. “He knows…” She sees the empty box on my lap and smacks her forehead with her right hand. “Ame, it’s alright. You two are the closest family I have on this island. If I can’t share something like this with you both, then who can I lean on, right?” She runs over and forces us to do our three musketeer hug. I used to think these hugs were ridiculous, but not anymore. I find comfort in their arms, and I appreciate their support.

“Richard, they’re serving your favorite at t
he cafeteria, gyros. I’m starving. Let’s get some lunch.” She elbows me, hinting that I need to make the
call
to Carson while she’s gone. I nod my head slyly, letting her know that I understand her cue.

Richard rubs his stomach and shakes his head slowly.
“Oh yeah—gyros. I’m starving, too. I think I might have to eat two of them today.”

I’m left in my room alone
, eating a bagel and hyperventilating. I pick up my phone to call Carson several times. Each failed attempt prompts me to voicemail. I can’t leave him a message. What am I going to say, and why isn’t he picking up anyways? It’s Saturday afternoon, so he shouldn’t be working.

____________________

Richard is meeting me in a little bit to help me study for my exam in pharmacology which is his forte. While I wait for him, I pull my phone out to check for Carson’s call or text, but I sadly see none. This isn’t like him at all. I wonder if he’s okay. What if something bad has happened to him? Here I go again with the pessimistic thoughts. I look up and see Richard waving at me. He walks over and sits down next to me, so I hurriedly silence my phone for uninterrupted concentration. I have to pass this test; I can’t screw this up, either. Richard starts with his notes, but I can’t seem to pay any attention to him. He senses that something’s bothering me after I failed to answer several of his questions. “Lily, your body is here, but your mind is somewhere else. Tell me what you’re thinking or none of this pharmacology crap will sink in.”

“I’m scared
, Richard. I can’t get ahold of Carson, and it’s eating me up inside, not knowing how he’s going to react to the news. My mother will probably disown me when she finds out and how will I finish my schooling?  I’m mentally exhausted and emotionally unfixable.” He offers me his arms without saying anything, and I lean into his shoulder. I’m so thankful that he’s such an understanding person.

“
M
other, would you like to have lunch before we head over to the hotel?” I inquire as I attempt to plan out our day before the jet lands. It’s not often that I get to spend a weekend with my mother, so I want to spoil her a bit.

“Honey, don’t
go out of your way. I’m just bumming a ride from you. I’ll get room service when we check in. I want to relax and properly prep for Bianca’s show.” I shake my head and narrow my eyes at her. So much for spoiling her with my company.

Early this morning
, after reading Luke’s report, I manually dialed Lily’s number several times, but never completed any of the calls. I knew better, but it still didn’t stop me from dialing. She had just completed her graveyard rotation and really needed her rest. Besides for the first unsettling report, every one after that has been manageable, even when she thought she outsmarted me and the paparazzi by switching vehicles with Amelia, such a sly girl. However, on Wednesday, Luke sent me a questionable picture of Lil and Richard sitting snuggly under a flowering tree. They appeared to be studying, but Luke wasn’t able to report their conversation due to the restricted distance he has to maintain.

Lil is hiding something
from me. I can sense it. She hasn’t been acting like herself for the past few days. I think it’s more than just the distance between us that’s making her seem depressed or unhappy, but she’s tight-lipped like a clam. Our phone conversations have been brief and detached, telling me she’s tired and stressed about school. She’s frustrating the hell out of me because I can’t figure her out. But as soon as my jet lands, I’m going to call her and demand some real answers. I’m not settling for anything else.

____________________

Mother and I check into the Four Seasons, and then go our separate ways. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’ll be doing some therapy shopping instead of relaxing. I rush to my room and pull out my phone. Several missed calls from Lil. Hmm, I wonder why she didn’t leave me a voicemail. I anxiously call her back while pacing back and forth. Her phone rings several times and then I’m prompt to leave her a message. I try again and the same thing happens. This phone tagging is infuriating the hell out of me. I have no patience for this shit.

I call Owen,
who has this weekend off, “Owen, I hate to bother you, but can I trouble you for Luke’s number?”

“No problem
, I’ll text it to you,” he offers willingly.

I dial Luke’s number immediately and ask him to
disclose Lily’s current location. “This is not standard protocol, but can you tell me where Miss Ly is? I’ve called her several times, and she’s not answering.” As urgent as I probably sound to him, he must think I’m a crazy, obsessive boyfriend with a loose screw or two.

“Miss
Ly is currently studying at the same location, reported from Wednesday. Mr. Stevens has his arms around her. She appears to be upset and may be crying,” Luke reports unemotionally.

“Thanks
, Luke. Can you snap a picture of them, and send it to me?” I calmly ask without revealing the burning fury inside me. In less than two minutes, Luke’s snapshot is on my phone. Glaring at it with angry eyes, I try to make out their expressions.
Is she crying because they’re happy or sad?
My mind begins to doubt. I can feel my heart beating faster and harder. She’s spending time with Richard and ignoring my calls. What the fuck is going on? If not for my mother, I’d fly directly there and straighten this shit out immediately. I couldn’t stand to look at the picture anymore, so I throw the phone over to the other end of the sofa in irritation. I must find a way to relieve some of this rage.

I
take the elevator down to the workout room to release some of my negative energies there. I run on the treadmill and swim several laps around the pool to placate my frustrations, but I’m still not stable yet. I look at my watch and see that it’s past lunch time. I think I’ll call my cousin Nikki for a late lunch. I hate eating alone, and besides, I haven’t seen her since the lymphoma charity in Chicago. She loves sushi and so do I. Pulling my phone out, I check for missed calls from Lil, but there are none. This further adds to my frustration. I tap Nikki’s name, and she picks up almost instantly after the first ring.

“Hey
cousin, what an honor it is to get a call from a CEO,” she torments me with a loud cackle.

“Nikki, you should be honored that
I can to fit you into my very busy schedule,” I taunt her in return. Nik is one of the few people around whom I feel comfortable enough to be myself and not have to put up a stern front all the time. “Are you free to meet your favorite cousin for a late lunch at a sushi restaurant of your choice?” I ask.

“Yes, of course.
Let’s meet at our usual place in about 20 minutes? Is that enough time for you to primp Mr. High End Fashion Trendsetter?” She giggles at her own comment.

“Y
ou’re lucky we’re family because no one gets away with talking to me like that,” I reprimand her lightheartedly.
Besides Lily…
, I think to myself.

____________________

The popularity of this restaurant prohibits priority seating. I hate throwing my weight around for trivial things like cutting in line, so I wait my turn just like everyone else. They seat me in the front of an enormous glass window for all of New York to gawk at as I patiently sit and wait for Nikki. This is remarkable for me because I’m intolerant of tardiness. She’s notorious for running late, but since I love her like a sister, I can forgive this annoying flaw of hers. She finally arrives, and I see her courteously ask the host for me. He points her in my direction, and she waves her hand excitedly at me. Nikki is a tall, dangerously curvy woman with flawless, pale skin, red pouty lips and dark, silky, russet long hair. She’s two years older than me and is the middle child of my mother’s eldest sister. We’ve been tight since I was in fifth grade. I was always surrounded by her and Emily until they both left me. A few months after Emily passed away, Nikki’s father was relocated to the West Coast for a job. With her absence, the loneliness pushed me into complete isolation.

Standing
up to hug Nik, she lays a big red kiss on my cheek. “Carson, let me check you out. You’re still overly handsome as always.” She grins approvingly. “It must be my lucky day because your mother just also called me for a date to Barney’s.” I roll my eyes at her and shake my head. I know my mother too well.

“How are you and
your kids?” I inquire. She has a Westie and a Yorkie terrier, Charlie and Sophie. They’re the loves of her life and the center of her world. Besides them, she hasn’t had much luck finding love. She’s dated many successful men, but none of them has offered her what she really needs until recently, when she fell for an electrician who makes her laugh instead of cry.

“Things are good
, but exhaustingly busy. I hear you’re still seriously dating that young medical student. She’s pretty, but doesn’t fit your usual runway model prototype—all looks and no brains,” she smirks.

My mother must have filled her in with
her bias judgments of Lillian. “I am, and you’re right, Lily isn’t like any of the others. This is why I love her undeniably.” Yep, I just said the word
love
to my cousin. Her petrified expression tells me that she’s in complete shock right now. “Has my mother influenced you in any way? Her heart is set on Bianca, and she isn’t being fair to Lily.” I wave my hand in front of her face to break her free from her state of shock.

“She
has, but I had a feeling there’s more to it than what she’s shared with me. You haven’t opened your heart to anyone since Emily, so this girl must be the real deal. Just the mention of her name stirs you up. I can see it all over your face.” She winks at me, and I nod my head. “She’s from Indiana, correct? I heard Bianca just recruited a model from Indiana, also. Isn’t that coincidental? My friend is an editor for Fashion Q. They interviewed the models yesterday.” She gives me an unconvinced look.

“Nik, d
o you know something I don’t know?” I pry. She shakes her head, but I’m not convinced. “You can be brutally honest with me. I’m a grown man now. I can handle it.” I try my best to convince her to divulge her secret.

“I’m just spea
king from a woman’s intuition. Beware of the wrath of a forsaken and broken-hearted woman,” she warns me with severity in her voice.

“W
hat do you mean by that?” She shrugs her shoulders.

“There’s somet
hing I have to confess to you, but I need you to promise me you won’t be mad,” she pleads.

“Tell me already, Nik
!” I’m losing my patience.

“Promise
me first,” she pleads again. I nod my head. “Bianca begged me to switch Lillian’s name for hers the evening of your lymphoma function in Chicago. She paid me a sobbing visit at my hotel suite the night before the event. I felt sorry for her, seeing how heart-broken she was and agreed to the switch. In my defense, I didn’t know you were seriously in love with this new girl or else I would never have betrayed you.”

“This explains everything.”
I remember how upset I was when I heard Lillian’s name matched up with another man’s instead of mine, especially since I rigged it myself.

“Later that evening, I saw Bianca
sit down with Lillian. I couldn’t hear their conversation, but your girl was awfully shaken up and offended when it was all said and done. Do you see where I’m going with this? Bianca isn’t going to give you up nicely without a fight.”

“
I’m starting to see that very clearly. Thanks for looking out for me, cuz.”

“No problem, j
ust beware,” she reminds me again. We hurriedly finish our sushi, so Nik can sprint over to Barney’s to meet my mother.

Nikki’s warning
unnerves me terribly as I ride back to the hotel. It only confirms my fear of Bianca’s perseverance in trying to keep us together. I look down at my phone and finally see a missed call from Lily. Shit, my phone was on Vibrate,
and I didn’t feel it during lunch. This phone tagging is ridiculous. I call her back immediately and no answer. I leave her a text message.

When I get a
hold of you, it’ll be intense! Miss you Lil! X Carson

I s
pot TIFFANY&CO. out of the corner of my left eye and spontaneously ask the cab driver to stop. The infamous window is displaying a beautiful pond of white water lilies with dazzling diamond rings and necklaces. I promise him extra cab fare and an enormous tip to wait for me while I step in for a quick glimpse. A young woman sophisticatedly dressed in a black business suit promptly offers me her services, “May I help you find that perfect gift you’re looking for?”

“I’m not qu
ite sure what I’m looking for. Your window display grabbed my attention.” This isn’t like me at all to have no direction or plan. She leads me to their premier glass showcase of engagement rings and pulls out an exquisite pink diamond.

“This is the authentic one that’s replicated
in the center of the display window. It’s a rare diamond with a unique cut—the only one in the world.” She’s describing my Lillian. I want it like I want Lily. I hand her my exclusive Black credit card without asking the price tag and request her to wrap it up immediately. After I sign the receipt for $975,000.00 and some change, she hands me the renowned blue TIFFANY bag and out the door I leave with my first impulsive purchase. The burning question is when will I be able to give this ring to her? I slide into the cab, and the driver beams a huge suggestive smile at me. “Your woman will be one happy lady tonight, yah Mon,” he tells me in his Jamaican accent. I politely nod my head.

Just as I promised the cab driver, I gave him a tip
large enough to allow him to take the rest of the week off from driving. He was appreciatively happy. I discreetly tuck my blue bag under my coat and step out to the entrance of my hotel. When I arrive in my room, I immediately lock the TIFFANY bag in the hotel safe and then lounge in front of a television on a dark leather sofa. My eyes dozed off somewhere in the middle of ‘Bizarre Foods’ with Andrew Zimmern, tasting a fresh sea urchin just caught from the ocean. This is one delicacy I have no desire to ever indulge in.

____________________

“Lily, come with me,” I pleaded with my hand out to her as she stood between me and Richard, tormented and torn. She took my ring off and slowly placed it in my palm.

“I’m sorry Carson, but I can’t.
I’ve always loved Richard, and we’re having a baby.” She caressed her belly and pushed me away. “Go…leave us!” I turned away and found myself standing alone in a dark room.

I wake up with my he
art lodged in my throat. Fear and rage consumes me. These nightmares are becoming more real in my head. I can’t lose her, or I’ll never believe in love again. I walk over to the bathroom and splash ice cold water on my face repeatedly. This should wake me up and knock some sense into my head. I’m stress-dreaming; it’s not real. I look at my watch and realize it’s almost time to get ready for the preshow. I jump into the shower, shave, dry my hair and put on my three piece dark gray Prada suit. I don’t feel like wearing a tie, so I opted to go without one. This is one of Bianca’s pet peeves. She’s a tie Nazi, and I have hundreds of them because of her.