Beginning with Forever (41 page)

“Carson,
I love it and your promise that comes with it. I believe in us and your vow only confirms that you do too,” I sincerely express to him as my heart pound fiercely against my chest.

“Lil, I
do. There’s no doubt in my heart about my love for you.”

I’m on
an emotion overload, dealing with a possible pregnancy, good-byes and an ‘I love you’ to top everything off. There’s no possible way I’ll be able to maintain my invincible façade for his departure, so I suggest that he leaves from the airport instead of my dorm, “Carson, I think we should say our good-byes here. We shouldn’t prolong it. It’ll only be tougher later.” It kills me to cut our time together, but I can’t risk him seeing me fall apart.

He runs his fingers
frantically through his hair and then leaves his hands on either side of his neck. “But I want to make sure you’ll be okay when I leave.” His confident voice is quivering with desperation to hold on to us. He doesn’t want to let go and neither do I.

“I will be.
I promise,” I reassure him.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry
, I repeat over and over. If he sees even the faintest sign of sorrow, he’ll refuse to leave me. This is much more difficult than I ever imagined it would be. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this phony courage.

“Okay,
I’ll leave from here,” he unwillingly agrees. He lays my body back on his bed and lowers his over mine. Our lips meet, and we kiss and cuddle until the jet lands.

____________________

Amelia and Owen exit first to give us some privacy. I hate good-byes; hate seeing people I love walk away from me. He takes my hands and cuts the silence between us, “I’ll see you in two weeks. I have a prior obligation next weekend that I can’t break. Promise me you’ll stay healthy and drink your tea until your stomach heals.” He looks sternly into my eyes with his strict orders.

“I will.” I keep my response short.
My shaky voice is not reliable.

“Good girl.
I’ll be thinking of you every minute that we’re apart.”

“Me
, too,” I feebly reply, feeling potential tears coming. I have to end my struggle now, or he’ll see that I’ve been acting all this time. “We should go before it gets late,” I rush him. He takes my hand, leads me towards the exit and down the metal steps of the jet. There’s resistance in our walk, but we continue bravely. Carson has his arm tightly wrapped around my shoulders while we wait for Owen to bring Amelia’s car around. The tension of our separation anxiety is palpable. Owen pulls the car up to us, steps out, and leaves the passenger door side open for me. Carson helps me in, gives me one last kiss, and shuts the door for me.

“
Good-bye, Lily.” He waves his hand. I blow him a slow kiss, and Ame drives us off the tarmac. I watch his reflection from the side mirror grow smaller and smaller as we drive further away from him. It feels like my heart left with him and only my body is here with me. Amelia and I watch Carson’s jet ascend and disappear into the air before we head back to our school. I know he’ll be back soon, but the distance makes it seem so much more permanent.

“
How are you doing?” Amelia asks me sadly. It could’ve been worse. My eyes are slightly moistened, but no sobbing tears.

“
As expected, I guess,” I solemnly reply.

“
You’ll be fine. He’ll be back before you know it and don’t forget you still have me.” She flashes a supportive grin.

“
Thanks, Ame. I have a secret to unload on you, but you have to swear on your great grandmother’s grave you won’t tell a single soul.” I get right to the point because this secret has been boring a hole in my mind, and I need to let it out. Amelia looks over at me, concerned, but hastily nods her head and crosses her heart with her finger.

“I
think I might be pregnant, but Carson doesn’t know it yet,” I nervously tell her while checking her reaction. She swerves the car off the road and then back on from my shocking news. Her fingers are trembling on the steering wheel. “Holy shit Ame, keep your eyes the road!” I scream frantically, fearing for our lives. We both hyperventilate loudly and heavily from our near death incident.

“
Is this why things have been awkward all morning with you two? Why the hell didn’t you tell him when you had the chance? He has the right to know, Lily.” She sounds surprisingly upset with me.

“I’
ll tell him after I confirm it with a blood test. I just found out myself. I’m still in shock. In my defense, Jean-Pierre declared my pregnancy with a pulse reading,” I attempt to justify my decision.

“Lily, your life gets more interesting by the day.
” She shakes her head with a smirk. “Okay, we won’t stress about it until you get your results back. Let’s pick up a pregnancy test on our way home. I’ll buy it so no one will suspect it’s for you, especially the damn paparazzi.”

“Thank
s, Ame. You’re the best.” I just want to squeeze her so tight for helping me settle down and making the situation seem more manageable.

____________________

As soon as we get back to the dorm, Ame immediately urges me to take the pregnancy test, but I refuse to. I’m not ready to face the truth even though it’s ready to face me. I know it won’t change my outcome whether I take it now or later, but psychologically, it makes more sense to me. She gives me until the end of this week. If my period miraculously decides to come before then, I won’t have to worry about it, but if it doesn’t, Saturday will be my deadline. I pinky swear to Saturday with Ame.

The n
ext item to be checked off my list of things to do is call Isabella. It rings once, and she’s already on the other end. “I’m sorry I missed your calls. I was in St. Lucia with Carson. What’s going on?”

“
First, of all, I thought something really bad had happened to you because you never fail to return my calls ASAP. Secondly, holy laughing Buddha, I’ve been offered a once in a lifetime opportunity. I’ll be walking the runway for Fashion Week in New York!” I hear her loud shrieks in the background as she attempts to complete her news. I have a clear mental picture of her fanning herself with both hands and jumping up and down with excitement.

“
Belle, I’m super excited and happy for you. I wish I could be there to see you flaunt your stuff.”

“Me
too, Lil. The best part about this gig is I love the fashion line that I’ll be modeling for. Have you heard of Sorte’s Trendz n Glitz?” she excitedly asks me. My heart skips several beats the second I hear
Sorte
. Does Bianca own a clothing line? I know nothing about her besides the fact that she wants Carson back, and that she’s confident he’ll return to her in a few weeks. “Hello…Earth to Lily?” Belle attempts to grab my attention.

“Sorry, I’m here.
I’ve never heard of that clothing line, but then you already know what a fashion-loser I am,” she giggles loudly in response.

“
St. Lucia with Carson—how romantic! Everything must still be hot between you two.” She says ‘hot’ in a high-pitch voice with exaggeration.

“Yes, it is.
He’s a really great guy.” I want to tell her more, but I’m leery of Bianca’s motives. Why hire Belle? Is it coincidental or does it have anything to do with getting Carson back? I wish Belle all the best, praying that she’ll be safe in the big city, in Bianca’s world. My gut tells me something isn’t right. I hate to think about her being used because of me. She’s young, beautiful and unbelievably naïve. People can easily take advantage of her. I want to protect her, but what can I do from here? And then suddenly, Hayden comes to mind. He gave me his business card at the lymphoma charity. Where did I put it? I dig through my closet to see if I can find it. I think he lives and works on the East coast. After searching high and low, I find his card in the clutch that accessorized my couture dress, which I no longer have, because Carson ripped it into pieces. My body shivers from the memories of that intense night. I recall Carson’s sexual domination, remembering how much I didn’t mind him taking control of me and forcing me to yield to him. What am I doing? Carson is distracting my focus again. Imagine that.

I
need to get ahold of Hayden. Thank goodness he gave me his personal cell phone number. “Hayden, this is Lily Ly. Will you call me back when you get a chance?” I leave him a brief message, hoping he’ll call me back as soon as he gets it.

I’v
e been completely distracted and absorbed in the Isabella crisis that I’ve totally forgotten the time. Crap, it’s already 8:14 p.m. Carson has already landed several hours ago. I look at my phone and see six missed calls within minutes of each other and a text message from Carson.

Disappointed!

I didn’t hear my phone while I was digging around for Hayden’s business card. I tap his name on the screen and brace myself for a 9.5 Carson shock, comparable to the Richter Magnitude Scale, as I return his six missed calls. The phone rings three times before he picks up.

“Yes
, Lillian,” he curtly answers. Lillian, instead of Lily or Lil. Yep, he’s really pissed at me.

“Carson, how was your
flight?” I attempt to cut through his heat. There’s a gap of maddening silence, and I know immediately that I’m in for an aftershock effect as well.

“
Fine, and why haven’t you answered any of my calls?” His tone is completely sulky and jagged. I’m glad I can’t see his expression because there’s no doubt in my mind that it would be frightening.

I hate lying to him
, but it’s necessary again. “I left it in my room,” I skittishly reply. I can’t really tell him that I think his ex-fiancée is using my friend to get to me to get to him, and besides, it’s only a crazy hunch anyways.

“Where have you been?”
More distrust is weaved in his tone.

“Studying on the beach
,” I retort. “I’m not sure I like what you’re implying or your tone, Carson.” He’s beginning to bug me with all his doubtful questions. There’s more annoying silence between us. I assume he’s still adjusting to having a challenging girlfriend. At least I hope he is because I don’t back down easily.

“Lil, we can’t start
our first day apart like this. I need baby steps.” His tone softens and so does my temper. Impressive, he’s backing down and reaching out to me. This is monumental for Carson because submission is not a vocabulary word he’s familiar with, especially at his CEO level.

“I’m sorry.
I just lost track of time studying. I’ll try to remember to bring my phone with me, so you can reach me whenever you need to.”

“Thank you.
I hated the flight back to Boston. I thought I could sleep the hours away, but your scent on the bed kept me up. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Hmm…this brings back memories of the time he taunted me with his scent on my bed, a bitter taste of his own medicine.

“
I see, now I understand your urgency.” The jaggedness of my voice smoothens as I realize his rotten mood is the result of him missing me. “Should I wear your white shirt tonight or save it for another time?” It’s impossible for me to stay mad at him, especially when he makes me feel so hopelessly in love with him, too.

I think t
he vision I just gave him of me wearing his shirt without panties altered his breathing rate, it’s faster and deeper. “I think we should wait for now, but I’ll let you know if I change my mind later tonight.” His sulky tone is more mischievous. He’s so lucky that I’m slowly adapting to his fickle mood because this hot and cold temperament is enough to drive a sane person insane.

“
Are you positive?”

“Not really, but yes
,” he sighs.

“You have a long day ahead of you. Get a good night’s rest and have a great day at work tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you.”
I blow a kiss into his ear.

“
Sweet dreams, Lil,” he replies and ends our call.

Less
than a second later from disconnecting with Carson, Hayden calls me, and I’m happily relieved. “Lily, it’s a nice surprise to hear from you. I hope it’s not too late to return your call. By the way, what time is it there?” he considerately asks.

“H
i, Hayden. Thanks for calling me back and no, it’s not too late,” I hesitate a little bit. I haven’t seen him in years, and the last time I saw him I practically gave him the cold shoulder, and now, I want a huge favor from him.

“Good.
How are you doing since I last saw you? You disappeared so quickly that night that I didn’t get a chance to say good-bye or ask you for your contact information. I wanted to check on you as soon as I saw your face on every gossip magazine,” he hesitates for a second. “I know the real, sweet Lillian. It’s just a shame those magazines don’t.” His response is heartfelt, knowing that he has high regard for me.

“
Thanks Hayden. Things could be better. I’m sorry about running out on you that night. As you can tell, my bland life is now suddenly spicy and flavorful to many people, especially Bianca Sorte. This is why I’m calling you. I need to ask a huge favor of you. I think she’s up to something shady and is somehow using Isabella Ellis in her scheme.” There’s awkward silence between us. My mind wonders if he knows more about her background than what he’s confided in me.