Beautifully Broken (8 page)

Chapter
Nine

             
I knew I was dreaming but the terror I was feeling was all too real to me. I fought the strict confines of sleep, desperately fighting to wake up and out of this nightmare. Actually a memory is probably more accurate. I was struggling to contain my frantic heart beat as I hid behind the torn green velvet couch in our living room. The house reeked of stale beer, burnt food and cigars. I was trembling all over and my knees were dirty from crawling behind the couch. “Please wake up…please wake up” I mumbled in rapid succession. “Why won’t I wake up?! Dammit!” I growled angrily as hot tears made paths down my dirt streaked cheeks.

             
I heard his footsteps clomping angrily, shaking the whole house. “Kelly!” He roared and I jumped, slamming my hands over my ears. “Kelly! Where the hell are you?” I knew she was hiding. She knew better than to stay out in the open after three empty bottles of tequila. Suddenly I wasn’t behind the couch anymore, I could hear my mother’s shaky breathing from directly next to me in the closet. Her hands were wringing themselves tightly as she tucked her way as far back beneath the clothes as she could. “Oh god…oh god… oh god” She whispered quietly. I already knew what happened. I had originally come home to find the after math but I sure in hell didn’t want to witness it firsthand. The stomping continued and was getting louder and louder.

             
My mother struggled to push herself deeper into the closet, whimpering as she did so. She screamed as the doors to the closet flew off their hinges and landed on the other side of the room. “Luke…please” She cried as my father reached in and gripped her hair pulling her out of the closet and throwing her hard against the wall. I stood up and ran to the other side of the room panic coursing through my body like wildfire through a dry forest. “You bitch!” My father growled angrily as he slammed my mother’s frail body brutally against the wall. When she finally collapsed on the floor in a sobbing mess I looked around at the walls, huge indents from where her body hit lined the paper thin walls.

             
He picked her up again, this time by her throat and shook her like a rag doll. My mother was a small woman and my father’s hands fit perfectly around her thin neck. “Where is she?!” He yelled loudly just inches from her face. “I-I don’t know.” She choked out. I was trembling so badly that I could barely stand up straight. I thought I was over this. I was over this fear and terror but as he stood before me, his eyes blazing with rage I knew I had just bottled it up temporarily. My father dropped my mother in a heap at his feet. After staring at her for a moment he began to kick her until she let out a ragged grunt. He picked her up, jerking her arm out of its socket and dragging her down the stairs. I had to follow, I had no choice, just like every dream before this one. In the living room he pulled out the meat cleaver and raised it above her head.

             
“No…no…no…” I whispered into my trembling hands. “I will ask you again Kelly. Answer wisely. Where the hell is that bitch of a daughter of yours? I want my god damn money.” Her eyes looked up filled with tears and her voice trembled when she spoke, “I don’t know Luke and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. You can go to hell.” She spit her blood down onto his shoe and glared up at him. His eyes turned dangerous and he brought the clever down onto her left shoulder, slicing through her skin and bone like butter. She let out a loud, piercing scream that I had to cover my ears for. “Tell me!!” He demanded and again she looked up, her chin quivering and her eyes hard. Another blow of the clever, this time to her rib cage. He was chopping at her like she was a damn tree and the entire time she took it.

             
After what seemed like hours but was in actuality only a few minutes she was cut up into pieces, the house reeking of the coppery scent of blood. Slowly my father turned, his hard angled face was covered in blood spatter and his furious eyes bore into me. His blood covered lips twisted into a devious smile as he studied me. Slowly he stalked towards me. Inches from my face he stopped. “I know where to find you. And don’t doubt that I will.” He threatened. Slowly the floor to the house turned to ash and flames licked up the walls. The heat was burning my skin and my father started to laugh as the flames consumed him. I screamed as loud and as hard as I could.

             
I sat straight up sweat dripping down my skin, my hands were shaking and tears were rolling down my cheeks. He was alive. I knew it. In my gut I knew he was alive. He was watching me and I knew it. I tore off the damp sheets and climbed out of bed, stumbling through my house. The dreams had stopped as long as I drank. I needed to drink, I needed to run. I threw my hair up out of my face and slid on a pair of flip flops as I ran through the apartment. Keys. I had to find my keys. My fingers trembled as I rummaged through pockets and papers looking for my keys. Finally my fingers landed on them and the jingle was enough to cause me to sigh in relief. I needed the vodka…tequila or whiskey. I needed something and I needed it now. His face was still burned into my head, his voice echoing in my ears. I clawed the door open and ran outside, my sobbing breaking through the darkness.

             
I was scratching at my car door like hell itself was after me. I jammed the keys in the ignition and floored it. Smashing into my trash cans on the way out of the drive way. It was one thirty in the morning so I had a half an hour left before I’d be unable to get alcohol. I drove the car over the speed limit and quickly out of Oliver. I couldn’t stop the trembling of my body, or the crying as I pulled into the liquor store a few minutes later. I’m sure I looked like the hysterical blubbering mess that I felt like. I left the car door open as I clambered out and stumbling into the store. Once inside I snatched an armful of bottles from the shelves, barely looking at what they were and stacked them on the counter. “Whoa…Marley…are you okay?” I couldn’t even see who was standing before me I just nodded as I thrust the bills at the man. When he didn’t take them I waved them impatiently in his blurry face. “Come on asshole!” I yelled through clenched teeth. “Marley, you are clearly upset. I can’t sell you this when you are like this…” I blinked the tears angrily from my eyes, bringing Mason Brady into view. I nodded angrily, “Yeah I get that, but if you don’t give me one of these bottles right now, I swear to everything holy…” He put up his hands in apology. “Why don’t you let me call someone…maybe I can call Cole?” The sound of his name made me cry harder and instead of threats I resorted to begging. “Please…Please Mason. You don’t understand. I’ve never needed anything more in my entire life at this point.” I dropped the bills on the counter and folded my face into my hands whimpering. “Marley…don’t cry…I’m sorry… please?” He patted my back uncomfortably and sighed. “Fine…but I’m limiting you to three bottles.” He took the money and took two of the bottles, stuffing them under the counter. He bagged up the other three and looked at me seriously before handing me the bag, “You go straight home Marley and don’t drink more than one.” I nodded and reached for the back which he snatched away. “Marley! I mean it.” I nodded and groaned, “Okay okay…Just one.” I snatched the bag and ran bag to the car, making it back to the apartment in record time. I ripped the bag open as the front door closed and within a few minutes my first bottle was empty and sitting on the counter.

             
By the time half of the second bottle was burning its way to my stomach I was swaying and the room was spinning in slow circles. Once I finished I was numb enough that I felt nothing when his face swam in my memory and his sick twisted voice whispered in my ears. I sipped the third bottle slowly, loving the feeling of the alcohol twisting its way through my veins, numbing the pain and causing the images and dream to fade.

Chapter Ten

             
“Marley…” My head was throbbing. It felt almost like someone was hacking away at my skull with an ax. I moaned and tried to roll over but my body felt like lead. “Marley, can you hear me?” The voice sounded like Cole’s but my eyes wouldn’t budge. “Come on Marley wake up for me.” I wanted to scream, to say that I was trying to but my body wouldn’t react. I felt myself being lifted into strong arms. “It’s okay…I’ve got you.” He said softly as he carried me some place.

             
Water poured over my head and my face, shocking my system and causing me to cough and sputter. “Marley are you okay? Marley look at me.” My eyes shot open as I fought against the shocking cold water of my shower. Cole was standing inside my shower, holding me firmly pressed against his chest and water dripping from his dark eye lashes. As I looked up into his eyes he smiled and pushed my hair out of my face. “Hi. Welcome back.” I studied his face and before I could stop myself I lifted up on my toes and smashed my lips into his.

             
I needed to feel something other than fear. I needed to feel something good. Cole hesitated for just a moment before his lips opened slightly allowing me inside. He grabbed my waist tightly and pushed me against the wall of the shower, water pouring all over us and soaking straight through our clothes. He let go of my waist but only long enough to reach up and cup my face, first kissing my bottom lip, sucking it into his teeth and nibbling softly and then lightly licking my top lip. I moaned and with that one sound it was like I broke the magic because Cole pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine with his eyes closed. We were both breathing heavily, the cold shower forgotten. He smiled and slowly shook his head, “Marley…I want this… I want this so bad.” He whispered and I reached up taking his face in my hands and gently tried to tug his mouth to mine, “Then take it.” My voice was shaky and filled with need and the burning in my stomach wanted to be released. He chuckled and stroked my face softly as he opened his eyes. “No.” I pulled back confused. “I don’t want it to be something that I take. I don’t want to take anything from you. I want it to be something given. This…” He reached behind me and turned off the cold water and took the towel from the hook before wrapping it around my shoulders. I hadn’t even realized I was shivering and with the way I was feeling I highly doubted it was from cold. “This is something spur of the moment and not thought through. I don’t want to make love to you against the wall of a shower. I don’t want anything between us when we make love and we will.” He smiled cockily and I couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t want secrets between us and I know you still have some considering the amount you drank last night.” I looked down as shame filled me. I climbed out of the shower and pulled another towel from underneath the sink, handing it to him. “I didn’t mean to drink that much last night…I had a nightmare.” I said quietly, “I know. Mason called me last night and I got here a little after you passed out. I stayed to make sure you were okay.” I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. On one side I was angry. I was a grown girl and could take care of myself but on the other side I loved that he cared enough to make sure I was okay and on the last side…I wanted to rip Mason a new one. I nodded and made my way to my room pulling piece by piece of wet clothing from my body and letting them fall in a sloppy puddle on my floor. “Marley…may I ask a question.” Cole asked as he leaned against my door frame. I could stare at the man all day. His dark blue shirt was wet and clung to every curve of his body, his wet hair curled against his scalp and the towel hung around his solid shoulders. I licked my lips and nodded as I pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. “Who is Laynie?” I froze suddenly unable to move as my breath came in shallow gasps. I couldn’t look at him because I knew he would see the panic in my eyes. “What did you say?” I whispered as I struggled to contain the trembling that was now racking my body. “I asked, who is Laynie?” He came up beside me and gently turned me to face him. There was no accusations in his beautiful face only confusion. I licked my lips and tamp down the bile that was fighting to push through. “Laynie….Laynie is my name.”

             
I couldn’t look at him as I admitted the truth. I hadn’t spoken that name in over a year and to hear it from my lips was sending my blood through my veins feeling like ice. “Laynie is your name?” He asked, just to clarify. I nodded slowly, feeling the familiar burn of tears as I fought against the panic. “Yes…but Laynie…Jacobs is dead. I killed her….” I was opening wounds I had wanted only to keep buried. “What do you mean Laynie Jacobs is you…but you killed her?” His eye brows knitted together and his hands were firmly yet gently holding my arms. “I faked my death. One year ago I burnt my house…My parents’ house… to the ground and then I ran.” I prayed more than I had prayed for anything that he didn’t ask more than I was ready to give. “I’m not ready…” I whispered hoping that would suffice for any more questions. Cole sighed and nodded before pulling me tightly into his arms, his warmth immediately enveloped me slowly soothing me. “Well then… all I have to say is I like Marley Masters so much more than Laynie Jacobs.” I laughed and felt a little bit of the weight lift off of me. He pushed me back gently, just enough that he could cup my face and look down into my eyes, “Every single person in the world has a story. It’s not right for them to be judged before you know the truth. The truth may actually surprise you.”  I nodded and smiled appreciatively. For the first time in a year I felt like there was a chance I would be ok.

***

              After a quick shower and feeling a little less like death I sat on the couch and watched as Cole made breakfast. I touched my lips gently and smiled. They were still tingling from his kisses and I wanted more. One of my biggest secrets was out in the open and he wasn’t looking at me differently. He wasn’t making accusations or threatening to call the police. He wasn’t looking at me like I disgusted him but most of all, he wasn’t judging me. I was relieved. He looked up and his blue eyes connected with mine, immediately bringing a smile to my face. I was pretty sure I was falling for this man and against my better judgment attachment seemed inevitable. “I hope you’re hungry.” He said waggling his eye brows and making me laugh. “Starved.” I said as I stood up and made my way across the room to sit at the counter. My apartment wasn’t big by any means but it suited me. When you walked in the door you walked right into a living room simply decorated with no pictures, only a black suede couch and matching recliner, solid wood end and coffee tables and a small flat screen tv. Straight ahead was my kitchen, cream colored counter tops with bar seats instead of a table and white cabinets and appliances, off to the right of the kitchen was a small table and chairs and then a doorway to the laundry room. A short hall way led off the living room to my bedroom with a walk in closet and my baby blue bathroom. It was the most at home I had ever felt like growing up and I was even considering adding my own personal touches. I smiled at the thought and looked up at Cole who was studying me. “What?” I asked, feeling a little self-conscience, he shook he head and smiled, “I like how you look happy. I don’t think I’ve seen you this relaxed. It’s nice.” I nodded and snatched a piece of bacon from the plate next to him. “Hey!” he yelled as he playfully swatted at me with the spatula. “So…after what happened this morning…” His cheeks tinted pink and I had to bite back a laugh, “You mean the kissing?” I wanted to jump and scream and beg him to kiss me again but I stayed quietly reserved sitting on my stool. Cole cleared his throat shyly and shifted as he flipped another pancake. “Yeah that…I was thinking…tonight I’d like to take you on a date… a real one. Would that be okay?” My heart started flip flopping in my chest and I’m pretty certain the butterflies in my stomach were doing a happy dance. I think it was the salsa. I nodded eagerly, “I’d really like that.”  Cole’s wide smile was enough to wipe away any doubt I had of him, Oliver and ever running again. “Great. I’ll pick you up at eight.” He slapped three pancakes, hash browns, sausage links and bacon onto my plate and handed me a glass of orange juice. Slowly he came around and kissed me on the forehead and whereas I completely wished he would have got my lips, I couldn’t help but love the absolute sweetness of the kiss. “I have to go out of town for a little bit, but I will see you tonight okay?” I nodded as I crammed more bacon into my mouth in a very un-lady like manner. Hey…I was starving. He kissed my temple and practically skipped out of my apartment. I’m pretty sure my smile was permanently plastered on my face and all memories were forgotten.