Beautifully Broken (4 page)

             
Once our food was gone Dolly brought over our check and by this time I was sober and feeling every flutter that man gave me. Before I could reach for my wallet Cole had already tossed some bills on the table and grabbed my wrist, tugging me gently to my feet. “Do you want me to take you home or do you want to come with me to one more place.” I stared up at him as we exited the diner. I could easily say I wanted to go home. I could hold him at an arm’s length the same as I did everyone else. I could ignore the burning desire that boiled in the pit of my stomach. I could do all that but I wasn’t sure I wanted those things. A slight breeze picked up blowing my hair into my face. Cole reached forward and gently brushed it behind my ear, his fingertips lingering and causing my breath to hitch. “I’ll go with you” He smiled and took my hand in his and I tried not to focus on how warm it was or how perfectly mine fit into his. We began walking and in the light of the moon I realized I was in a losing battle.

Chapter Four

             
After walking a little over thirty minutes Cole pulled us to a stop on a small rock ledge overlooking a set of train tracks. “I love coming here.” He said as he closed his eyes. With his eyes closed he looked peaceful, absolutely no traces of the brokenness I saw earlier. It was almost a sense of innocence. “Why?” I asked as I sat on a small rock behind me. “The night train. It travels every night at ten, eleven and midnight. Even if you can’t see it…” He paused, lifting his face and smiling with his eyes still closed, “you can hear it…feel it and you can appreciate the beauty of it without ever laying eyes on it.” He opened his eyes and looked at me. “Hercules.” I said laughing. He smiled and looked down before sitting next to me. “This place means a lot to you.” I say it like a fact because that’s what it is. “Why is that Hercules?” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know why you insist I’m a hero. I’m not a hero Marley. Just a regular man that has learned to appreciate the simple things in life before they are taken from me. I’ve had a lot taken.” Cole stared at me and I felt almost like he was looking right into my soul. My chest ached as I struggled to breathe. “What if you can’t afford to sit back and appreciate the simple things? What if you have to stay guarded? Your very life depending on it?” I meant it to come out with more force but unfortunately it is just barely above a whisper. I felt the tears burn paths down my cheeks but I didn’t bother wiping them away. There was no point. The man could see through to my soul without bothering with my wall. “That’s surviving darlin, but it isn’t living.” A loud whistle cut through the night, shaking me from my memories and emotions and angrily wiping at my face. “What is that?” I stood up, looking around frantically. Cole smiled and took my hand. “It’s the night train. Come here, I want to show you something.” He pulled me towards the rock ledge and positioned me in front of him. I felt his chest pressed firmly against my back as his hands wound gently around my waist. “Now close your eyes.” He whispered in my ear, his lips barely brushing against my skin sending shivers down my spine and goose bumps across my skin. I hesitated before letting my eyes close softly.

             
I waited and almost opened my eyes feeling silly but then he squeezed my waist softly, “Here it comes.” And suddenly I felt a blast of warm wind pushing against me, making me feel almost like I was flying. The wheels hitting off the tracks created a rumbling under my feet and I couldn’t help it, I laughed. I spread my arms wide, feeling the wind kick up beneath my shirt and blowing my hair around me. For the first time in a year I was really just Marley. I was free. There was no past and nothing to hide from. There was nothing for me to keep hidden. I just lived and it was beautiful.

             
The train passed and I kept my eyes closed, breathing heavily and a smile on my face. I listened with my eyes closed until I could barely hear the whistle. Cole still hadn’t moved from behind me. “That was amazing…” I whispered, my voice cracking embarrassingly. I turned slowly to face him, his hands never leaving my waist. My heart was pounding so hard that I had to wonder if he could hear it. His eyes raked over me as I stood in his embrace. He was going to kiss me. His blue eyes were heavy lidded and slowly he moved closer, first staring at my lips then back up at my eyes. My inner voice was screaming, “Mayday! Mayday! Danger Will Robinson.” I put my hands on his chest and gently pushed back, licking my dry lips. “We should get back. I…um have to get up early…drive over to the next town so that I can pick up your parts….for old Louise.” I hated the wispy sound of my voice and the trembling of my hands. I felt Cole’s hand slide slowly from my waist and felt like I could take a full breath.

             
“Oh…okay, yeah sure. I’ll walk you back to your house.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets and gave me a lopsided grin that barely reached his eyes, his dimples didn’t even show. I nodded and started walking. My stomach was turning and twisting but I fought to ignore it. I couldn’t feel. Feeling was against the rules. Against my rules.

             
It took us nearly forty minutes to walk back and suddenly I found myself standing on the small porch before my door. “Thank you…. For everything tonight.” I said sincerely. Cole nodded and turned to leave, as he reached the last step he turned, “Just so you know Marley. My ears work just fine. Great actually. I’m a really good listener, when you’re ready to talk.” I nodded and wrapped my arms around myself feeling the wall I painstakingly built around myself cracking. “Oh and take three Tylenol and a whole glass of water before you sleep. There shouldn’t be any hang over if you do. Good night Marley, sweet dreams.” As he walked away I fought the urge to chase after him and spill every little secret I had. Once he made his way past Dolly’s house I went inside.

             
I stood in the entry for a solid ten minutes staring at the top of the fridge. I wanted so badly to pull down one of my many bottles. I wanted it so bad that my hands were trembling and my mouth watered. I moved towards the kitchen angrily snatching a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water from the sink. How could one man ruin everything I spent so long building up? Dolly, Harry, even Miss Michelle, none of them affected me the way Cole did.

             
I made my way towards the bathroom and rummaged inside my medicine cabinet, pulling out a bottle of Tylenol and shooting two of them with a chaser of water. I needed sleep. I needed to forget that tonight made me feel. I pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it in the hall. “Stupid.” I muttered and I ripped off my shorts as I entered my bedroom. I have got to be more careful. It was a close call today and I couldn’t afford him getting closer. I crawled into my bed, pulling the blankets up and under my chin and thankfully sleep came quickly although filled with awful dreams.

Chapter Five

             
The rumble of the train was headed straight towards me. I could already feel the heat of the wind brushing against my hair. The black sky is dotted with orange embers and I can distinctly smell smoke. I look around my heart suddenly leaps into my throat. Adrenaline pumps through my veins as I look around, searching for the source of the fire.

             
“Hello!” I scream into the empty space. The ledge is overlooking the tracks and I can just barely make out the orange glow coming from the tracks. “This is your fault.” His voice is cold and malicious and sends icy shivers down my spine as I turn to face him. His face is hard and jaw is set in a firm line. “What are you talking about?” I ask shakily. Cole has his arms folded defiantly over his chest, his shoulders are noticeably tense. “I think you know Marley.” He sneered. Hatred was pouring off of him in waves. His eyes left me and moved to the tracks.

             
The train was barreling towards us with flames licking the air. I felt my eyes go wide and my stomach drop. “Oh my god…” I whispered in shock. The entire train was engulfed in flames, smoke billowing into the sky as it burned. I could see hands sticking out from between the flames but couldn’t make anything out. Cole came along side me and watched as the train continued to get closer. “You brought them into this Marley. You hurt them. Why didn’t you just move on like you were supposed to?” He growled. The train was just in front of us now, the only compartment not burning was where the driver sat. His face smiled at me and his gray eyes mirrored mine. Except whereas mine portrayed horror, his shone with radiant joy. The sob pitched me forward and onto my knees. I tried as hard as I could not to form attachments but as someone that lacked love growing up it was pointless. I loved these people and now he had killed them. He had killed them all and it was my fault.

             
I woke with a jolt and sat up with tears still streaming down my face. I was shaking all over as Cole’s icy words ran through my head, over and over like some sort of broken record. I threw the blankets onto the floor and stumbled my way to the bathroom. The second I made it I dropped painfully to my knees and emptied my stomach. I threw up until my throat was raw.

             
Slowly as the sobs racked my aching body I made my way to the tub and cranked on the hot water. I undressed and pulled myself into the scalding water and pulled my knees to my chest. I cried more than I had cried in years. I shook as sobs racked my body and my heart slammed against my ribs. Images of the hands sticking out the burning train burned into my mind. Maybe I needed to move on. Cole Bradley was tearing me apart little by little and breaking down every bit of my defense. The water soothed my aching muscles as I worked so hard on calming the panic that flowed through me. “Breathe….” I whispered shakily.

             
The dream had unnerved me more than I wanted to admit. Even though it didn’t contain much it was enough to slam against its mark. Despite the warm water I was still trembling the slightest bit. Once the water started to cool I finally climbed out. My breath was coming in shallow hiccups as I pulled a t-shirt over my head and climbed back into bed.

             
I lay under the blankets trembling. Maybe talking to Cole was a bad idea. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t rid my mind of the images from the dream. My heart ached and I sucked in a shaky breath. My head was spinning with thoughts. Should I leave? Am I really a danger to these people? I didn’t want to pin them in the middle of this. I finally drifted off into a fitful sleep just before the sun came up.

             
The next morning I was groggy to say the least. I was still wiping sleep out of my eyes when the insistent banging on my door forced me to move. I was not a morning person nor would I ever claim to be. Whoever was on the other side of the door was going to get a nasty ear full. I yanked it open with a growl, ready to pounce but stopped in shock when I saw him standing there. “Coffee?” Cole baffled me. He cleared his throat, bringing me out of my trance. “May I come in?” I nodded and halfheartedly wondered if my hair looked like a rat’s nest. “I wanted to come with you out of town to get the parts, if that’s okay?” I nodded and sipped the coffee, still not ready to talk. “I’ll go get dressed.” My throat was scratchy which told me I had screamed out a few times last night.

             
Without looking back I made my way to my room and blindly got dressed. Hopefully I matched. If not, oh well. Looking down I had pulled on a pair of overall shorts and a light purple t-shirt. Quickly I threw my hair up and slipped my boots onto my feet. Once I was ready I made my way back out to the living room and nodded m head towards the door. “Shall we oh mighty one?” Cole smirked and nodded following me out. We drove silently out of town for about an hour before we came to the next town, “Turn here.” Cole pointed to my left anxiously with a wide smile on his face. “Jesus, you’re like a puppy” I mumbled after he removed his arm from in front of my face. He laughed and shook his head. I didn’t think I’d ever understand this man. I made the left, away from our original destination and down a small town looking main road. “Right there.” He pointed happily at a hole in the wall diner. “We couldn’t just go to the diner back in Oliver?” I asked as I angled up to the curb. He shook his head causing his hair to flutter around his face. “Nope. This place has the best milkshakes in over a hundred miles.” Cole climbed out of the car before I could even say another word. I sat in the car contemplating on leaving him there. Of course I didn’t and I eventually crawled out of the car grumbling.

             
Cole was already inside the diner with two vanilla milkshakes topped with rainbow sprinkles and a single bright red cherry. “How do you know I’m not lactose?” I asked as I sat next to him. He shrugged and took a long sip from his red straw, groaning with delight. “Easy enough. You drink coffee…lots of it. But even if you were, you’d break because who can turn down a milkshake?” He grinned and I just shook my head, sliding the glass closer to my lips. I took a small sip and I’m pretty sure my eyes rolled back into my head. “So where did you grow up?” It was an innocent enough question but I felt every nerve stand on end. I couldn’t answer. I sucked down enough of the shake that I could feel the pain starting in the center of my forehead. Cole smiled and looked down at the counter. “Okay. Something simpler. What’s your favorite color?” He asked, his voice was kind and gentle and for a moment my mind remembered the hate in his voice from the dream last night. “Why? Why do you want to know about me? How does it benefit you?” I stared at him, waiting for his reply with anticipation. I was genuinely curious about why he wanted to know. What was so special about me?