Beats (20 page)

I protest, but Letty won’t give up. If I stick around for a little bit, maybe she’ll be too drunk to notice me sneak out later.

“Okay. One drink,” I say and follow her back to the band.

Jillian passes me a flute filled with bubbly and raises her glass. “To Killer Buzz Float. Most days on this tour, I wanted to smother you all with pillows, but on nights like this, I’m glad I didn’t. Cheers.”

The mouths of six glasses clink. Rax catches my eye, but he looks away quickly. Toombs is another story. The weight of his gaze is almost enough to make me change my mind about meeting Rax later.

Chatter ensues around us, but Toombs and I aren’t part of it. We’re in our own bubble. No words, but plenty of body language. The nature of drummers, I guess. Keep your mouth shut. Let your body do the talking. Not sure what mine’s saying, but I hope it’s keeping my secrets secret.

Some fans appear backstage, and the vibe shifts. Girls swarm the guys. Letty and I end up in opposite corners. A party atmosphere emerges, complete with music, freely flowing alcohol, and even some dancing. Finally, I can sneak away.

I don’t look to see where everyone is. Rax will let me know when he’s ready, and Toombs…Well, he’s no longer my concern. I hoof it back to our new home, snag a shower, and wait.

Rax’s text arrives at midnight:
Ready to be blown away?

Impossible. Toombs won’t be there.

I send back:
I’m coming for you.

Step Nine:
Let Him Know What He’s Missing When You’re Not Around

Midnight, February 26 – New Orleans, Louisiana

The house is quiet. I tap softly on the door to the red room. It opens, and Rax grabs my hand, dragging me inside. He snaps the ancient, flimsy lock and puts his back to the wood.

“Alone at last.” The fresh smell of Toombs’s soap normally gets my juices flowing, but on Rax, it nauseates me.

“Let’s just get it over with. What do you want me to do?”
So
not interested in spending any more time with him than I have to.

He eases forward and palms my hips, tugging them into his. “Things didn’t go well with Toombs, I take it.”

“You’d have to ask him. I’m here because you helped my mom. I’ll pay you back, and then we’re done.” I untie my shoes, toe them off, and sit on the monstrous red-and gold-dressed bed. “Do you have condoms?”

He opens a drawer and takes out a box. “You know, if you kept an open mind about me, you’d see I’m not so bad.”

“You coerced me into having sex with you by giving my mother a job. You’re hiding this meeting from your partner because you don’t have the balls to come clean with him. I’m pretty sure I’ve got you figured out, Rax.” I pull my shirt over my head and lay it on the bedside table. I peel down my jeans and add them to the pile.

Rax’s gaze drops to my bra, then to my panties. “I can’t help it. I gotta have you for myself, Jinx.”

“Hate to break it to you, but this is just sex. I’m not yours. Not by a long shot.” I don’t add that he sickens me, but damn, he does. The knot in my stomach tightens, and a bad taste fouls my mouth.

He unzips his pants and releases his erection. Caresses it. “We’ll see about that. When you’re screaming my name, begging for more, I’ll consider renegotiating the terms of our deal.”

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” I stand up. Now I’m pissed. “There are no more terms. You did your part, now I do mine. Then I walk away. You took everything from me. I don’t have anything left to give.”

He presses his dick into the crux between my legs and rubs it against my underwear. “You have plenty more to give. Now suck my cock.” He pushes my head down, and I drop to my knees before him.

I despise him. The lust I felt before when I was with him and Toombs? Gone. Nothing left but pure hatred. I glare up at him, the dick threatening to dive into my mouth against my will. Control spins away, replaced with panic. Restrained fury darkens his blue eyes. Letty’s concern from earlier needles the back of my brain. He wouldn’t force himself on me, would he?

My hand shakes as I reach for his length. I curl my fingers around it and stroke tentatively. I have to be strong.

He grabs my braids, pulls them together and urges my mouth closer. “Do you have a problem with following directions? I said, suck my cock.”

Warnings
ding ding ding
in my head. I can’t do this. It’s all wrong. Skeevy. Nasty.

I close my eyes and choke back the tears and humiliation. This is a mistake. I should never have agreed to it. “I just want Toombs.”

Shit, did I say that out loud?

“You can’t have him. He’s mine. Like you’re mine. You’re both toys. Little playthings to keep me entertained. Now put your pretty pink lips around my dick, or I’ll pick up the phone and tell my dad I made a mistake.” Fueled by alcohol or some other drug, his eyes burn with promise. He’ll make good on his threat.

So much for his “earnest” declaration in the hotel. He doesn’t want me any more than he wants Toombs. He just wants the pleasure we can give him. Looks like we’re
both
his bitches. Didn’t see that coming.

I open up and take him into my mouth as twin tears streak down my cheeks.
I hate you, Rax. I hate you.
Breaths rush and stutter as he grins down at me with a pleased expression of ownership. He thrusts between my lips, his cock clogging my airway.

This is for my family. It’s the only way.

“Yeah, suck that big dick, you whore. Then I’m gonna bend you over and show you what Toombs wishes he could be doing to your sweet little ass right now.”

That’s it. I pop his shaft free, stand, and grab his nuts. “Unlike you, I actually love Toombs. Don’t you ever demean him like that again.” I twist his sac until he grunts.

Red-faced, Rax laughs, lifts me up, and pushes me onto the bed. He climbs on top and pins me with his body. I push against his shoulders, but he doesn’t budge. Oh my God. I’m trapped. Fear courses like lightning through my limbs, zapping me, sending adrenaline sparks to every muscle.

“Back off, Rax. I swear to God, I’ll scream if you don’t stop.” My voice is low and threatening, but I have nothing to back it up.

“Make me.” The snake leans in to kiss me.

I slap his face and shriek, “Stop it!” My body cuts loose, twisting, kicking, elbowing, fighting.

A loud crack throws my attention off balance and sends it to the door where Toombs stands, chest heaving, eyes blazing. His heavy footfalls pound toward us, and he grabs Rax by the hair. With one quick yank, he drags Rax off me and spins him face-first into his fist.

“Motherfucker.” Toombs seethes. Spit gathers at the corner of his lips, and he twists, throwing his weight and muscle into another punch—this one to the gut. Rax folds in half, grasping his middle, his dick now limp and flopping with the blow.

Toombs throws a left, a right, another left. He’s a blur of motion, flailing body parts, and silent fury. A drummer once again, intent on beating skin.

“Get the fuck off me, man!” Rax shouts, trying to stave off the next barrage of blows. Blood drips from his mouth, staining the cream carpet red.

“Like you got the fuck off Jinx?” Toombs pauses for a couple of seconds to catch his breath, then tackles Rax to the floor where the two of them become a web of arms and legs straining to gain purchase.

Tears flow in full spate down my face. I’m paralyzed. “Stop it. Please stop!”

Toombs wrestles Rax into submission, climbing atop his prone form on the floor. He straddles Rax and hits him three more times. Sweat blooms across his forehead. His knuckles are bloody.

I break for the door. “Somebody help!” I scream down the hall. Silence confirms no one else is home. Damn it. I don’t know what to do.

Toombs grasps Rax’s mouth and squeezes it so his lips bunch up. In any other situation, it would be comical. Here, it’s anything but.

“What the fuck did you do, Rax? You bribed her, didn’t you? You couldn’t stand the fact that she doesn’t want you, so you found a weakness and pounced. You fucking user.”

Rax’s face is a red, purple, and blue mess. Bloody clots mat his black locks to his cheeks. “Jinx, you little cunt. You told him.” He lifts his head to sneer at me and then drops it to the floor.

“Jinx didn’t spill anything. Letty did. She told me about your three-way behind the bus with her and Shades. And how you arranged something with Jinx as some kind of payback. You fucking pussy. Couldn’t admit the truth, could you? No. You enjoy using me too much for that.” He cocks his elbow to throw another punch, and I scream. His fist lands beside Rax’s ear on the soft carpet. Toombs struggles to his feet and paces the room.

“And you.” He points at me along his endless track. “You said nothing.”

“I couldn’t.” My voice is mostly air, damaged by a few cracks from the falling tears. “If I’d told you, I’d have looked jealous and petty. It wasn’t my place to tattle on Rax. I thought if he truly loved you, he’d find a way to be honest.”

Rax rolls gingerly to his side, wincing along the way. He pushes up with one hand.

Toombs stops and squats before him. “Why couldn’t you come clean, motherfucker? How long have you been lying to me?”

Rax doesn’t reply. We all know the answer.

Toombs gestures to me shaking by the bed. “All this because you wanted Jinx and didn’t have the balls to break it off with me? You killed our trust. You lied to me. You used me to get to Jinx. I gave up my shot with her because of my history with you. I ignored my feelings for her to please you. Never again, asshole. Never again.”

He scrubs his face and rushes over to me. He roughly cups my chin, drawing my gaze up to his. His eyes soften when they meet mine. “Did he hurt you? I’ll finish him off if he did.”

I believe him. My chest aches with tightness, and I shake my head. My God. Toombs came to my rescue. I may have lost everything for my family, and the band might have just died a painful death, but Toombs stood up for me. There’s a silver lining, even if it’s small.

He picks up my clothes from the table and helps me into them. Shoulders heaving, he slips an arm around me and walks me to the door. He pitches a disgusted glance at Rax and says, “We’re done. I got nothing else to say to your sorry ass.”

Rax remains silent as we leave, and Toombs slams the wood, rattling the frame behind us.

Shuffling feet and giggles rise up from the foyer. “What da fuck is dat noise?” Letty slurs from downstairs.

Poised on the landing, I stare at her for a long moment, and then I charge down, my feet like thunder. Shades stands behind Letty, holding her up.

She’s drunk, but I’m beyond furious. I get up in her face and point a shaking finger at her nose. “You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut, could you? Thanks a lot, Letty. You fucked up
everything
.”

“Jinx, you cussing me out?” She lifts her wobbly head and looks past me to Toombs. An uncoordinated, dramatic flourish follows. “What I do?”

“You know exactly what. You told Toombs about my deal with Rax. Why couldn’t you leave it alone?”

“Were you planning to tell me?” Toombs interrupts, staring at me.

I can’t lie to him. “No. Because we were all supposed to sweep it under the table and forget about it, remember? And because I respected your relationship with Rax. I didn’t want to be the one who hurt you.”

“Fuck that. Toombs loves you, Jinx.” Letty stumbles into me, her eyes unfocused. Wearing an apologetic expression, Shades brings up the rear. Letty flops her limp hand toward Toombs. “Look at him, all lovey-dovey. He wants to fuck you. And marry you probably. I’ll bet you’re way better in the sack than Rax anyway. I fucked Rax once. You could do me, and I’ll tell you if my theory is correct.”

“Okay, lights out for you.” Shades spins Letty to face him and hefts her over his shoulder. “Sorry, guys. She’ll apologize in the morning when she’s sober.”

Red hair dangling upside down, Letty slaps Shades’s ass. “No, I won’t. I ain’t sorry for saying the truth. It’s obvious he loves her. Step ten, Jinx: tell him you love him with a song.” She bites Shades’s butt through the jeans, and he whisks her upstairs.

Toombs and I watch after them in silence. Rax wanders out of his room and comes down the stairs. He walks right between us, spearing Toombs with a hateful glare and me a disappointed glower. Eyes red and swollen, face bloody, gait tender, he heads out of the house, leaving the front door wide open. “Fuck all of you,” he calls back, waving his middle finger at the house.

Jillian wanders in from the street, looking after him. She gestures with her thumb. “What’s his problem?”

Toombs shakes his head.

I say, “Knock-down-drag-out. We’ll see if we still have a band tomorrow morning. I’m going to bed.”

Jillian turns to Toombs. “Care to explain?”

“Nope.” He follows me up the stairs to my room.

When we get to the door, I face him. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Toombs. I knew you loved Rax, so I tried to stay out of his business. But when he discovered he had something I needed, he used it to get me into his bed. The truth is, I don’t think I’d have gone through with it if you hadn’t come when you did. At least not willingly.”

He inches closer and nails me with a hard stare. “Did he try to rape you? Tell me the truth.” A muscle in his cheek quivers.

Did he? “I…I don’t…No. I don’t think so.”

“I’ll fucking kill him.” He turns toward the steps.

I grasp his arm and shake my head. “He would have stopped. He was just angry. If I’d kept fighting, he’d have stopped.” I inhale deeply, hoping Toombs buys it. God, I want to believe Rax would have backed off, though in all honesty, I’m not sure.

I should give him the benefit of the doubt. For the sake of the band.

Then again, he was pretty insistent…

“If he ever comes near you again, I’ll—” Toombs lunges and pounds the wall behind me.

I take his bloodied hands in mine. “It’s over. Leave it alone. You both need some time to cool off. Go grab a shower, clean up, and get some sleep.”

His shoulders rise high and fall hard. “I need you tonight, Gianna.” He takes one of my unruly braids and curls the end around his stained fingers. His eyes plead.