Bad as in Good (31 page)

“Are you going to let me in?”

I sighed. “Why are you here?”

She twirled her neck. “I came by to talk to you.”

“I'm busy. You could've called me.”

“Can you let me in so we can talk, please?”

“You see I have company.”

“I'm not leaving until you let me in.” She wasn't joking. She'd pull out a sleeping bag and lie outside my door until I let her in to talk. I took a deep breath and stepped aside. When I closed the door behind her, I asked, “What, Simoné?”

She walked into my kitchen and lowered her voice so Damien couldn't hear. “I want us to talk about us. This has gone on long enough.”

I rubbed the top of my head and frowned. I shouldn't have let her in. “Simoné, I'm done talkin' 'bout this. Let it go.”

“You're not going to hear me out?”

“What can you possibly say that would make me want to be with you? I'm still waitin' on you to sign the damn divorce papers.”

“I'm not signing them.”

“Then we ain't got shit to say to one another.”

“It's like that, Riq?”

“It's been like that! This ain't nothin' new. You're the one who's trippin'.”

Simoné looked over at Damien. He was staring at ESPN and pretending not to listen. Simoné hated having Damien in our business. In her mind, Damien was the reason why I had the
bitches ain't shit
attitude. In retrospect, she was halfway right. “Riq, we can make this work.”

“No…” I shook my head and headed back for the front door. I wasn't going to stand there and listen to her talk about the same shit. “You need to go.”

“Riq, I really think you need to let the past go. We can move on.”

“I've moved on. You're the one who won't.”

“I'm still yo' wife, Riq.”

I opened the door and pointed to the hallway. “On paper.”

She opened her mouth and groaned. She followed me to the door and smacked her lips. She stood outside the door with her hands on her hips. “That's it, Riq?”

“When are you gonna let me see my son, Simoné?”

She rested her tongue over her top row of teeth and sighed. “I wanted us to work things out, but since you wanna be a dick…you need to know that I'm moving to Arizona. Me
and
our son.”

“Whatchu mean?”

“I got a job that pays better, and it's in Arizona. I would've stayed, but only if you agreed to work things out between us.”

She was playing her game again. She probably purposely had looked for jobs out of state and had waited to put this play on the table. I was done playin'. I didn't want to work things out with Simoné; I never did, and I never would. It was time she realized that. “Fine.”

Her eyes lit up and she smiled from cheek to cheek. “You agree to us workin' things out?”

“No. It's time I went for full custody.”

Her smile dropped like a hot plate as she strode backward. “What?”

“I'm tired of this bullshit. I wanna see my son, and you won't let me.”

“We're married. You can't do shit. You're not takin' my son, Riq.”

“Keep playin' wit' me, and watch what happens.” I slammed the door shut and locked it. I was through with Simoné's shit, and it was time I took back control of my life.

When I looked over at Damien, he covered his mouth, holding in his laughs. “Like I said…you one cold-ass dude.”

“I'm still waiting on the copy for the new Surreptitious campaign.”

Eric popped his head into my cubicle, hands rolled into fists and forearms cuddled up beneath each other. He was having a bad hair day and pretended as if no one noticed. Usually, Eric's curly salt-and-pepper hair stuck up like a fist. Today, he sported jet-black waves that sat across his forehead as if it were in the works of being a press and curl but got lost along the way. His tightly coiled naps dispersed throughout the back of his neck and loosened up as they led up to his crown. I smirked. I didn't want to smirk, but I couldn't ignore an obvious cry for help. “I'll have it by the end of today.” A stifled giggle tiptoed out as he stared me down. I stopped it as soon as it started.

It didn't help much. “What's so funny?”

Is he serious? Does he truly expect me to answer honestly?
If I answered honestly, there'd be a stack of work on my desk that'd keep me here 'til midnight. I didn't fear losing my job. We both knew this place would crumble without me, but I still respected my boss. If I lied, I'd be letting him win. With all the mess goin' on in my life, I wasn't sure I felt like letting him get one over on me. I ignored his question. “I've been wrapped up with my notes for the intern's first copy, but I'll have my work done ASAP.”

He looked at me, arms still folded, eyes dark as darkness.
Without another word, he walked out of my cubicle, daring me to say something about his hair. As he walked off, I glanced over at my coworkers, who draped their palms over their faces, trying desperately to hold back their bubbling cackles. The rookie intern we hired, who had recently earned an undergraduate degree in graphic design, greeted Eric's challenge to say something with his own pigheaded arrogance. With a sarcastic grin, he asked, “New hair today, boss?”

We couldn't hold it in after that. The entire office echoed with the giggles, chuckles, cough-laughs, and snickers that no one could contain. Eric looked around the office, embarrassed as he ran his sweaty palm over his loose waves. Clearing his throat, shoulders back, he responded, “Last one hired, first one back at unemployment. Remember that.”

The rookie's grin slowly faded. Eric stomped off confidently in his victory. The rookie was confident in his own victory as my coworkers slapped him fives and patted his back. “Good job,” they said. They were willingly leading the poor lamb to slaughter by gassing his head with ideas of talkin' back without the work to show for it. I shook my head and went back to working on how to sell the revamp of a product that gradually entered women's lives throughout the years with subtlety and grace, and turn it into a brand that ripped through their most intimate emotions and deliberately implored them to take notice—like the ho in the red dress sitting in the front pew at church.

Looking through my emails, I noticed a couple of emails from Louis. I sighed and scrolled past them as I cleared out my inbox. Once my inbox was clear, I sat back and stared at my computer screen. “Staring at the screen like that will make your eyes go bad.” I snapped out of my train of thought when I noticed the rookie's voice.

I turned around, notes in hand. “I have your notes.”

“How'd you like it?”

“It's good. My notes are suggestions on ways to make it better.”

“Oh yea, like what?” He eyed me up and down. Greenish-brown eyes cascaded over me like a shadow. His fitted polo stopped short of his tattooed arms. Colorful and artistic pieces of art engraved in his muscular skin like symbolic messages told his story. Even with two men to seize my time and interest, I liked staring at the medium-height, broad-shouldered rookie with heart-shaped lips and butterscotch skin.

I tried not to stare too hard. His shiny, bald head was almost as big as his ego. As seconds went by, I almost suffocated from the air of arrogance that piled in with him. I handed him my notes and motioned him to take a gander for himself. “Read it and tell me.”

“Why can't you tell me? I like hearing your advice.” He wet his lips slowly and kept his eyes on mine in the process.

“Or you can
read
my advice. I have to get back to work. If you have questions about what I wrote, we can discuss it later.”

“Over dinner?”

I laughed. It wasn't meant to be a laugh, but I opened my mouth, and that's all that came out. “No, during business hours.”

“What's funny? We can't have dinner?”

“I don't date men without a four-oh-one K.”

His stare was blank at first, like he had been trying to rack his brain to find the definition of 401K. Then, he smiled the type of million-dollar smile that Colgate commercials banked on. “I can get one.”

“I'm taken, rookie.” I frowned unintentionally when I remembered Louis's unread emails. I turned around to face my computer.

“Don't mean there isn't room for one more.” He didn't stick around after his comment. He let his words linger, giving me the
chance to mull them over. I didn't. I shook my head while my eyes circled to the ceiling.

I logged back into my computer after it timed out and opened Louis's first email. Before I read it, a text message from Louis came through. It read,
“Am I seeing you tonight? I'll cook.”
I responded to it without thought. Even though I enjoyed my time with Tariq, he was my sideline action. After some thought, I realized that I was interested in taking things slow with Louis, and I wanted to give him the opportunity to win back my heart. I was tired of chasin' married men; I wanted a man who would chase me. I responded, “O…k…C…u…2…n…i…t…e.”

After I put my phone away, I looked over Louis's email.
I'm at work missing you. I'm applying for the general manager position at my
store. Pray for me. The promotion comes with a bigger salary and better
benefits. If I get the position, I want us to take a vacation together to reconnect. I hear making love to a Hawaiian sunset is magical. I know I've put you through some things, but I'm willing to make things work if you are. I hope we see each other tonight. Love you.

Now, I wished I hadn't responded so quickly to his text message. I wanted to take things slow, and Louis wanted us to start where we left off. I grabbed my chest 'cause all I could feel was pressure. I rubbed my temples and chewed on my bottom lip. “Shit,” I mumbled under my breath.

“What?”

I turned around to notice Eric standing behind me again. I contemplated buying him a bell to put around his collar. Shaking my head, I said, “N-nothing. I'm going through my emails. Can I help you with something?”

He stood there trying to read my expression. I always gave him nothing, and he hated it. He thought I'd be as dumb as my peers that were foolish enough to let him into their personal lives, only
to feel slighted when he used it against them. “I got a call from upstairs. I need that copy sooner than ASAP. Vivian is really riding me on this. She's counting on you the most. She trusts your vision over anyone else's.” Saying that made him envious. “I need it more like fifteen minutes ago. How much longer?”

I sat astute and erased previous thoughts from my mind. It was time for work, and Louis's slight obsession with me was put to the side. I nodded like a good little soldier and turned back to face my computer. “I'll have it fifteen minutes ago, then.”

Eric walked out my cubicle without words as I click-clacked away at my computer with the determination I was known for. I may have been unlucky at love, but I was a beast at work.

•  •  •

“Are you dating anyone else?”

I didn't see Louis. I made up an excuse about how stressful work had been and snuck over to Tariq's. I wanted him to relax me and give me the tranquil night of pleasure I needed. It felt weird asking a married man if he were datin' someone else, but I had to be real wit' myself.

When I asked him my question, he didn't say anything. We reposed in his bed in complete darkness. Stripped of any clothing, we only wore our sweat and bodily fluids. When we made love, he caressed my body. He thrusted inside me passionately and sensually. Tariq would rest his body on top of mine and brush my hair out of my face while he looked into my eyes. He'd kiss me softly, barely touching lips while he moved in and out, out then in. Sliding his tongue across my lips, cheeks, and neck. When we came, he slid the condom off to lie beside me, touching my skin, rubbing me back and forth in silence.

After a long pause, he broke the silence. “No.” I didn't say anything.
I wasn't sure if I could believe him. He'd kept things from me before, and I wondered what would stop him from doing the same now. He pulled me closer and lowered his voice as if he were tellin' me a secret. “I only wanna be wit' you.”

When I rested quietly this time, it wasn't because I wanted to live peacefully in the moment; I was lost with what to say. I expected a myriad of responses but not that one. He was fallin' for me. This time, I wasn't tellin' myself what I thought I wanted to hear. It was clear. “How can you be so sure?”

“You're all I think about.”

“What do you think about me?”

He didn't say anything. He ran the tips of his fingers along my skin and sighed. “Random shit.”

“Random like what? I wanna know what you think about me.”

“I don't know. Sometimes, I wonder…I wonder if you wit' other dudes.”

“Would that matter?”

No words. Only the sound of his air conditioner blowing. “What-chu think?”

“I don't know what to think wit' you, Tariq. You confuse me sometimes.”

“I know I can trip sometimes, but it don't mean I would like you to be wit' other guys. I mean, I understand if you are. Wit' my situation, I can't give you all you want. The mother of my child is crazy. I wouldn't wanna put you through all that.”

“I wouldn't wanna be put through all that, either, but I wonder if you're with other women. You say you're not, but then I see women's underwear under your bed.”

Breathing deeply, he said, “That's her shit. She comes over and plants stuff around in hopes that people find it. I'm not sexing anybody else.”

I wanted to believe him. Then again, I wouldn't like it either way. The last thing I needed to deal wit' was a crazy wife. At the end of the day, I was sleeping wit' a woman's husband. I was the other woman. I didn't like it, but I liked Tariq. “When are you plannin' to end things wit' your wife, Tariq?”