Bad as in Good (27 page)

“I know you did. That's why I'm here.”

We sat down on his sectional on opposite ends. He watched me as his eyes read his intentions. “I want you closer to me.”

I hesitated until I remembered that we were starting over. I crawled over to him and rested my head on his shoulder. After ten seconds of silence, he sighed and scratched in between his dreads. “I missed you too.” I could feel his heart beat faster. “Are you sure there's nothing else I need to know about your past relationship with Teona?”

“Do we need to talk about her right now?”

“Even though it was the past, your relationship with her bothers me, especially since she keeps popping back up. Whatever you two had still feels fresh, and I feel as if I'm in the middle. And when you avoid questions about her, you make me feel like there are still unresolved feelings looming over your present. If there's anything else I need to know about you two, anything else that might come back up, tell me now. I can't handle any more surprises with you two.”

“Erin, it was a fling that ended as quickly as it started. I don't feel anything for Teona, and there's nothing else about our failed relationship that needs to be discussed. Trust me, boo, I'm all about
you.” He kissed me gently on my forehead. It was a tender embrace that made my body warm.

“Let's head to the bedroom.” I wasn't horny at first, but we needed the opportunity to escape the building tension and enjoy a good round of makeup sex.

He shook his head and leaned forward to grab a bottle of oil from the drawer beneath his coffee table. “Can you oil my scalp?”

I took a deep breath and stared at the bottle of peppermint oil. I smirked when I imagined the tingling smell of peppermint that he left on my pillowcases. When he first starting sleeping over my apartment, I would sniff my sheets when he wasn't around as if I could still feel his presence. His scent played with my senses like a dirty tease. I nodded. As he sat between my legs and handed me the bottle, I sucked in my bottom lip and tried to ignore the heat that slowly built. Pouring the liquids on my fingers, I separated his dreads and tenderly massaged his scalp. I licked my lips when the skin on my inner thighs heated up. It turned me on to touch my man while he sat between my legs. His broad shoulders resting on my thighs felt good. I played in his hair as I ran the tip of my fingers up and down his scalp. When he tilted his head back to let me get his hairline, I grinned when our eyes met upside down. He smiled back. We were quiet, but he was being coy. I tilted his head forward and rubbed oil around his nape.

With oil in the palm of my hands, I brushed the ends of his dreads with oil and twirled each lock between my fingers. He wrapped his arm around my leg and pulled it closer. With his ends sealed, I went back to massaging his scalp. He moaned. An electric shock slid up my left side as he stroked my skin. Eventually, the tips of my fingers were sore, and my pussy was throbbing. Aware of my body's call, he gently kissed my inner thigh and licked circles around
my knees. When my phone vibrated, a brief glance revealed Tariq's call. I sent it to voicemail as Louis's face plunged in between my legs. Once Tariq's name disappeared from my caller ID, Louis popped his head up and groaned. “Who's calling you?”

I waved my hand and shook my head. “Loraine. I'll call her back later.”

“Turn your phone off for the night. I want you all to myself.”

I did as I was told. I didn't want to be interrupted. I had some making up to do, and if my man wanted me all to himself, I was happy to oblige. I quickly turned off my phone before Tariq had the chance to call back. Comfortable that I wouldn't have any more interruptions, I rested my back as Louis positioned me on his sectional. He slid off my panties and placed his head between my thighs, squeezing my cheeks as he devoured me like a starving inmate. I fed him as I squeezed the couch cushions, hoping to let go of my fears of losing a good man and succumbing to the temptation of Tariq. I closed my eyes and imagined Louis. I arched my back and whispered Louis's name. “…ooh, Louis.” I licked my lips as I tensed my jawline. I sucked on the oxygen tainted with lust and hunger as he spread my legs apart and went for the kill. He licked and sucked between my thighs as if his tongue had been searching for the cure to cancer lodged deep between my lips. I needed him in that.

The sound of his moans vibrating against my sensitive skin made my body shudder and my legs tense. I rested there, victim to his touch. Soon, the screams came. They bubbled at my lips and erupted like a volcano. Pouring out, reverberating off his apartment walls. At that moment, I didn't care if his neighbors heard. All I wanted was to feel that orgasm that had been longing to escape. It feened for freedom as he licked, licked and nibbled. And like that, every
muscle in my body tightened as I boiled in ecstasy. He never eased up. He held on to my waist and thighs and kept his lips and tongue so close to my hole that I thought we were conjoined. I gasped for air, trying to gain composure, but my body exploded and then collapsed.

“Shit, Louis.”
My
man. The man who sucked the life from my insides and breathed it back in.

“I'm glad you liked it.”

“I loved it,” I sang.

“I love you.”

I smiled awkwardly, not knowing how to respond. I tried to break the awkwardness with my witty humor. “I need to oil your scalp more often.” He bought it. He kissed my inner thigh gently and stood up. When I felt a phone vibrating, I glanced at mine but remembered that it was turned off. I looked over and noticed Louis's phone was lit up. I would've looked away had it not been for Teona's name on his caller ID. I looked up at him and handed him his phone. “Why is Teona callin' you?” I noticed the time. “It's after midnight.”

Louis took his phone and sent her call to his voicemail. Throwing his phone to the couch, he said, “I told you that she keeps callin' me.”

“Do you need to change your phone number? I don't like her calling you like this. I'm trying to move forward, but she's makin' it hard when she's constantly intruding.”

He took a deep breath and sat down next to me. “I can understand that. I don't know why she keeps callin'.”

“Are you sure things are over between you two? She doesn't seem to think so.”

“We're over. After the abortion, I was done.” He threw his head back and sighed. “Shit.”

I jerked my head back and shot up. “Excuse me?” I didn't want
him to say it again, and he wouldn't. Still, he opened Pandora's box, and I had more questions that required answers. “What do you mean
abortion?
Louis, you got that girl pregnant?”

He stood up and tried to hold my hands. I snatched my hands away and tried to shoo him away. “Erin, I…I don't know what to say.”

“What
can
you say? Louis…” I squeezed the skin between my eyebrows and sighed. “I asked you if there was anything else I should know, and you lied to me. Every time I try to let things go, I find out something else.”

“I know…I know. I didn't…”

“When did she get pregnant, before or after you proposed to her?”

“Does it matter?”

“If it didn't, I wouldn't be asking.”

He rubbed his dreads and grunted. “Erin, what I had wit' Teona didn't mean anything. How many times do I have to say that? I thought she was something that she wasn't. She got pregnant, and at the time I wanted her to keep it, but she aborted it. After that, I found out she was sleepin' around and lying about so much bull-shit.”

“If she hadn't gotten the abortion, would you two still be together?”

He didn't say anything. His eyes were blank, and his mouth was open with absent words. When he realized he hadn't said much, he quickly said, “No.”

I nodded and looked for my purse. “I prolly woulda believed you if you answered quicker.” When I found my purse, I snatched it from Louis' sectional and walked to the door.

Louis ran after me and pleaded his case. “Erin, stop running away.”

Without looking back, I waved goodbye and grabbed the door handle. “There's nothing left to discuss.” Louis put his weight on the door to keep me from leaving. I turned around and folded my arms. “Open the door, Louis.”

“No. Not until we discuss this. Don't you think I know how bad this looks? I love you, care about you, and I want to be with you. I don't spend my days thinkin' 'bout Teona and what we had. What Teona and I had was something at the time, but it's nothing compared to you and me.”

“Oh, now it
was
something. Not too long ago, it was a fling. Then, it was an engagement; now, it was you two starting a damn family together. If it didn't mean anything, you wouldn't have kept all this from me. If I let this go, how do I know I won't find out about something else? I can't trust you. This was your third strike, Louis.”

He stared at me as if he were shocked at the possibility of us being over. He held his chest and shook his dreads. I looked away from his stare. I got the same feeling I had from before, that unfamiliar feeling. I was back at Louis's place feeling like I was facing a stranger. Louis was one man to my face and someone else behind closed doors. Behind his closed doors, he shared a meaningful relationship with a woman who cared more about her makeup than her body. He shared a child with her. He contemplated the idea of sharing a last name with her. And then, not too long after, he says he's in love with me. Nothing seemed real anymore. Louis seemed too good to be true, and I finally understood why. Louis took a deep breath and moved away from the front door. “What does that mean, Erin? Are we done?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I can't see how we wouldn't be. You made me doubt things with you. I'm a rebound from Teona. Whatever you had with Teona wasn't
nothing
. You still care about her because she's keeps finding a way back in
our
relationship. I'm tired of talkin' about it. I'm too grown for all this. I don't have to deal with this.”

“Why does it even matter? Why does it have to be all or nothing? You're the one that keeps bringin' her up. I'm tryna let it go.”

“Now it's my fault? Her flashing your engagement ring in my face, you showing up at Loraine's house looking for her, you two fighting over your relationship in my kitchen is all my fault, Louis?”

“Erin, can we sit down and talk? You gotta stop runnin' from all this.”

“I'm not running. Louis, I don't like when you keep things from me. I keep askin' you to talk to me like an adult; instead, you keep hidin' things like a child. I'm done datin' men who act like children. We haven't even been together a year, and already your past keeps coming up like you don't want it to go away.”

“Now I'm actin' like a child?”

“Imagine if the roles were reversed.”

“Erin, I understand how this seems, but I don't feel my past is something important enough for us to discuss.”

“It is when it keeps shoving itself back in my face.”

“I can't control Teona.”

“I'm not askin' you to. I asked you to be honest with me. I've given you ample time to speak up, Louis.”

“What benefit would you have gotten from me tellin' you that I got her pregnant? I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to act like this.”

We were going around in circles. I rubbed my eyes as our dialogue went through my mind from start to finish, and then I realized it was time to shift gears. “Did you want her to have your baby?”

“Erin…” Louis turned away from me. He was frustrated, but he was the one forcing us back into these situations. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Answer the fuckin' question, Louis! Why can't you answer simple questions? I know you still want this girl, Louis.”

“I don't believe in abortion, Erin, but I don't want to be with Teona. How many times do I have to say it?”

“If I have to constantly question it, that's a problem for us, Louis.”

“Tell me what I have to do, and I'll do it.”

I opened my mouth and grabbed the sides of my head. We would argue, and I'd end up back where we started—nowhere. I needed to face the obvious. It was hard for me to move forward with someone I couldn't trust. I'd ask Louis questions that I needed answers to, and he'd skirt around them like they were heat-seekin' missiles. I wanted to make things work. I couldn't face the possibility that a married man was my best hope at a somewhat fulfillin' relationship. But doubt was a sneaky bastard that I couldn't leave unattended. “We need to take a break.”

Louis swallowed the lump in his throat as he lowered his head and chewed his bottom lip. “I'd rather we slow things down. We can start over; I'll tell you everything you want to know.”

I turned my head as I turned the doorknob. “I need time to think. I dunno if this is a relationship that I have the tolerance for anymore.”

“Why do you let Teona get to you? Is she worth us not being together?”

“Teona's not the problem, Louis. You are. You can't be honest with me. Teona has a hold on you; sometimes I feel as if I can still smell her on you.”

“Why do I need to tell you everything about that relationship? Should I be telling you about
all
my past relationships? You haven't even told me about your last boyfriend.”

“It's not a matter of you telling me everything. Honestly, when I think about you and her, I wonder what you're doing with me. I may be wrong for judging a man for his past, but I'm human. I can see why a man would want to fuck her, but marry her, and have a child by her—she's still a child herself. When I think about the type of relationship you had with a girl like that, I question the
man I'm with, especially when it's obvious that you still have feelings for her.
Her
, Louis! Even after you found out what type of girl she is, you still harbor feelings toward her; whether you choose to admit it or not.” I took a deep breath and rubbed between my eyes. “I can't do this right now.” I wasn't emotionally prepared to deal with it all. I needed space. My sense of peace desired the chance to be alone with my thoughts as I contemplated the fate of my relationship. “I'll call you later.” Louis talked a big talk, but the reality was he didn't see the sense in lettin' me into a relationship he knew meant more than he let on. I believed him when he said he wanted to be with me, but he was lying when he said Teona meant nothing. It was clear now more than ever that Teona, the floating petri dish of venereal diseases, meant more to Louis than a simple fling. And that revelation disgusted me.