Awake (13 page)

What if she wasn’t The Light, the key to the next life, to eternal life?

But what if she was and I could spend an eternity with her?

I wanted to ask Finn if he’d ever have doubts, but I didn’t know who to trust anymore. If he told anyone that I was questioning it, I could get sent back to the others and where would that leave Scarlett?

Finn held his hands up. “Alright, just asking. What crawled up your arse and died?”

“Nothing. I’m tired, that’s all.”

“Is she keeping you up?”

I ground my teeth. “Nothing’s happened between us.”

“Whoa, Noah, calm down. I know it hasn’t.”

I turned back around, scared that he’d see the guilt in my eyes. Kissing was as far as I was supposed to go, our relationship had to look real, and Scarlett had to believe it.

I’d built a wall around myself the first day we’d met, but she used a sledgehammer to smash it down and made me care for her.

“You know exactly when Donald and Fiona want to do this thing?” I asked. ‘Do this thing’. It was a crappy way to say ‘sacrifice Scarlett’. I knew six weeks but not a specific date.

“When they’re ready,” he replied “Are you ready?” I used to be. We’d been working towards this forever. Everything we did was in preparation of the ritual. Now I wasn’t so sure. They’d chosen me because they said I was strong and could keep the poison of the outside world out of my mind. The outside world I could do. What I couldn’t do was keep a sixteen-year-old girl out.

I was either the weakest member of Eternal Light or the strongest.

“I’m ready,” I replied.

“Good. Me, too.” He slapped my shoulder. “I can’t wait.”

Smiling, I tried to dig through my mind to a time when I thought the same as Finn. When everything was easier, and my life was clear. I didn’t like how clouded it had become.

“I’m going to Scarlett’s, I’ll see you later.”

He nodded, already engrossed in the contents of the fridge.

Walking to Scarlett’s at a faster pace than I usually did, I contemplated what she would do when she found out. Would she believe Eternal Light like Fiona and Donald said? She was their daughter after all. Or would she hate us all, especially me?

Marissa answered the door and sent me up to Scarlett’s room, telling me yet again to leave the door open. We always did, but she insisted on relaying the rule every time.

Her door was open, and she was lying on her stomach on her bed, facing away reading a new book. Her chin was resting on her hands, and her legs were in the air. Her hair was still damp from a shower, but she’d not even taken the time to dry it before delving into another fictional land.

I watched her for a minute, carefree with everything ahead of her. Was eternal life worth sacrificing this girl for? Even if we waited another four years, give her one more cycle, to perform the sacrifice it still wasn’t enough time for her to properly live this life.

I sighed, and she looked over her shoulder, smiling as her eyes landed on mine. “Hey,” she said, sitting up. “I didn’t think you were coming until later or at all.”

Walking in, I sat on the bed and replied, “Couldn’t wait and of course I was coming. I’m sorry.”

She smiled. “I’m sorry, too.”

“Did you get done what you wanted?”

“No. Can we just relax, please?”

“That sounds perfect. I don’t want to argue, I just want to spend time with the girl I love.”

“That’s sweet,” she replied, leaning over for a kiss. “I’ll put a movie on.”

We got into our usual film watching position – me lying against the pillows and cushions and her lying against my chest with her legs between mine. It was sitting like this that had started the doubt.

Scarlett

THERE WAS NOTHING
left to try. What else could I do? It was so hurtful knowing that my parents had the answers.

I could hear them talking in the kitchen, Jeremy was telling them something about extra football practice now he’d made the university team. Jer taught me to kick a ball before I could walk, apparently. Was that a lie, too?

Then I heard Noah laugh. No one had told me he was here. I walked in, and he immediately looked up and smiled. I didn’t return it. How could Mum and Dad carry on as normal, laughing and joking around when they were so obviously lying to me? I didn’t understand how they could look me in the eye but they did every single day, and that hurt more than anything.

Neither of them cared that I was having a hard time dealing with my flashbacks…or dreams…or whatever they were. They didn’t put aside how difficult it was to help me. Wasn’t that what you were supposed to do for your child?

Something inside me snapped and boiled over. I couldn’t stand pretending anymore. They were telling me now, or I was getting on the first bus to my grandparent’s house.

“Are you alright?” Mum asked.

I shook my head. “No. What’s going on? I’m sick of not knowing what happened, and I’m sick of you lying to me. I know that Evelyn isn’t a bloody doll, so tell me the truth.” Mum gripped Dad’s hand, her face ashen as if she’d seen a ghost. Fear gripped me. “Stop hiding things and tell me what’s going on.”

“Sweetheart…” Mum said.

“No! Don’t do that anymore. I deserve the truth and you know I do. This isn’t fair.”

“She’s right,” Dad said, eyes glazed with tears. “It’s time she knew the truth. We can’t continue doing this, Marissa. We always said if she remembered we would help her through, it shouldn’t be different for part memories. Sit down, Scarlett.”

I did as he said and carried myself to a chair with shaking legs. Noah sat, too, his face filled with concern. Mum and Jeremy looked downright terrified.

“Before we tell you this I need you to know we did what we did to protect you.”

Gulping, I replied, “Okay.”

“Your dreams are memories; you’re right. You’re remembering what you repressed after the fire,” Dad said and sat forward in his seat.

The fire was true?

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mum and Jeremy exchange a worrying glance. Did Jeremy know everything?
Of course, he does.

I shook my head, trying to put everything together, but it was like trying to complete a puzzle with pieces missing. “Tell me,” I demanded.

Mum pursed her lips, blinking back tears.

“Sweetheart,” Dad started, “Twenty years ago we were involved with a cult, although at the time we didn’t see that.”

My head hurt more. Was he joking? It didn’t make sense. A cult. “What…?”

“Eternal Light was a group of people that believed in inner wellbeing, living off the land and harmony. Our faith was put in nature and its ability to regenerate and adapt. We believed in an after life, one with no pain or loss, just peace and happiness. One night there was a fire in the old warehouse building we used for our weekly meetings. A few made it out, and we scattered, to later meet up back at the commune. It wasn’t long until we realised how misplaced our faith had been.”

That wasn’t it. They could’ve told me that. “You’re holding something back. You said you kept it secret to protect me. Where’s the danger in what you just old me?”

“Honey, I don’t think–”

“No, Dad, tell me
everything
.” How dare he still try to cover things up?

His knuckles and Mum’s turned white around each other. “The leaders, Donald and Fiona Mapel, convinced us that the only way we would
all
find eternal peace in the beyond is by human sacrifice.”

My pulse roared in my ears. I stood up, steadying myself on the arm of the chair. Noah was up with me, checking I was okay but Mum, Dad and Jeremy sat dead still.

“Human sacrifice?” Noah said, his complexion paling in front of my face.

“Please sit down, love,” Mum said.

Noah helped me sit. But I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear more. Did they actually murder someone? Were my parents murderers?

“I don’t understand. You killed someone? You were all going to kill yourselves?”

“No, that’s not it,” Dad said.

“Than what is it?”

He took a deep breath and licked his bottom lip. “That night was the night we were supposed to perform the sacrifice. For the months previous your mum and I had been having severe doubts. How could you find peace after murdering someone? Things Donald and Fiona said stopped making sense to us. We told no one of our doubt, of course. We feared being thrown out and left unable to intervene.”

“What happened that night? That’s what I was remembering, right? I remember candles. It was hot. And white, everyone was in white.”

“The sacrifice was going ahead and we knew then and there that Donald and Fiona were off their bloody rocker. They were going to go through with it. I stepped in,” Dad said.

“An argument,” I said, suddenly seeing an image of Dad shouting and wrestling with someone. It made my head pound, but I didn’t care because it was another memory. Was he fighting with Donald? People joined in, limbs flailing around as they tried to throw Mum and Dad out of the door.

“Yes,” he said. “In the scuffle candles were knocked, and the room was quickly engulfed in flames.”

“I remember the heat.”

Mum nodded. “I grabbed Jeremy’s arm, and Dad picked you up. We made a run for it. One-half of the building was already falling down so we knew it wouldn’t be long before the room buckled under the pressure.”

“I barely remember anything. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“On our way out, the building started collapsing, timber from the roof fell and we were hit. Not badly, you had a small cut on your forehead. We’re not sure if that caused memory loss or if you repressed it. Either way, when you woke you remembered nothing at all.”

I knew that I had no memories before the age of four because of a fire, but I was led to believe it was a house fire, not a derelict building because of a cult.

“And you never filled in the blanks?” It still didn’t make sense. They’d had years to tell me the truth, and yet they chose to fill my head with fake memories of a childhood I’d never had. Neither looked at me. “No, that’s not all, is it? What’re you still not telling me?”

“We love you, Scarlett, never forget that,” Mum said.

My heart stuttered. “What are you not telling me?” I repeated.

Dad closed his eyes and said, “Donald and Fiona are your biological parents.” The air left my lungs in a rush. “And the sacrifice was you.”

Scarlett

“NO!” I SPRUNG
to my feet, tears welling in my eyes. Everything I thought I knew was a lie. I wanted to rewind ten minutes because the lie was much better than the truth. “I… How could you…? Shit, I was…” I didn’t know what I wanted to say. There were too many questions whizzing through my mind to pick one to concentrate on.

They were going to kill me.

“Please, Scarlett,” Mum said, standing and holding her hands up. “We’re sorry. It was never going to happen; we’d never have let them go through with it. We love you so much. It doesn’t matter where you came from. You’re
our
daughter.”

She took a step closer, and I backed up, the backs of my legs hitting the sofa. I held my hand up. Over the last few weeks, my head had hurt from trying to remember everything but that paled in comparison to how I felt now. I’d just had my whole world tipped upside down.

“I need to leave,” I said and rushed out of the room.

My parents shouted my name, but Jeremy told them to let me go. Noah followed, and I was glad. I didn’t want to be alone, but I didn’t want to be around someone who had betrayed me.

I collapsed on my bed in a daze. That couldn’t be true. It was too… A cult. How could they have been in a cult? One that I was going to be killed in? Surely things like that didn’t actually happen? But they wouldn’t have made that up. It was far too much.

“Are you okay?” Noah asked, laying down behind me and bundling me up in his arms.

“No,” I replied. “I’m not dreaming, right?” I muttered, staring at my wall as I tried to make sense of something that was so senseless.

He shook his head against mine. He’d barely said a word. He was probably thinking of the best way to break up with me and get the hell out.

“You’re not dreaming. I wish you were.”