Awake (16 page)

The corner of his mouth kicked up. “That is one way of putting it.”

“If you want to leave, Noah, I’ll understand.” We hadn’t been together that long and add in the fact that my biological parents were crazy cult leaders. I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to run for the hills.

“No.” Taking my hand, he turned to me. “I know things are…strained right now, and you have been told something that’s hard to understand and hard to believe, but I’m not going anywhere. When I told you I love you, I meant it. We’ll get through this together. You need to decide what you want to do?”

“Thank you,” I whispered, squeezing his hand. “I have no idea what I want to do. I don’t even know what to think right now. It’s so surreal. Cults and human sacrifice…”

Me as the sacrifice.

“I know,” he whispered.

“This stuff only happens on TV.”

“I’m so sorry, Scarlett.”

I shrugged. “It’s not your fault.”

“Still,” he said, “I hate that you’re upset. Is there anything I can do?”

“You can tell me about visiting your family and how your aunt is doing.”

“Come on, you don’t want to be talking about that stuff right now.”

“No, I really do, Noah. Please.” I would’ve talked about football if it meant it would stop me watching my memories of my childhood rip apart. None of it was real.

“Okay. They’re all good. My aunt overfed us all, and my cousins are going through a pirate phase. They spent the two days running around with patches on their eye. Lottie had both on for a while, and I had to guide her around the house for an hour.”

A face flashed through my mind, giving me an instant headache. I rubbed my forehead, trying to get the fog in my mind to lift.

You will guide us.

I scrunched my eyes closed and shook my head. What did that mean and who had said it? I felt familiarity, comfort and fear at the same time.

Noah’s voice pierced through the haze and pulled me back to reality. He was sitting on his knees right in front of me, eyes wide with worry.

“I. Um.” Licking my lips, I slouched forwards and into his arms. “I think I remembered something else.”

“What was it?”

“A face of a lady, she was pretty and had long, light brown hair. She said ‘you will guide us’ and…” I closed my eyes again, trying to go back there, repeating the phrase over and over to try to get my brain to latch onto the memory and give me more. I hated that it was so out of my control. Why couldn’t I just get my brain to work properly?

“Who do you think she was?” he asked.

“I don’t know, could be anyone. I don’t recognise her at all.”

“Do you remember her eye colour? Think you could try to draw her? That might help.”

I shook my head. “She would just look like a stick person. I don’t remember her eye colour. She had a kind face, though, and she was smiling as she spoke.”

“Do you think it could be…”

My biological mother. That was what he couldn’t finish saying.

I shrugged, and he immediately wrapped his arms around me. “I don’t know. She didn’t look like me but then maybe I look like him… My dad. Anyway, I’m tired of this. Can we do something else? Why don’t you put a DVD on while I go and get some snacks?”

His face lit up. “Alright.” Before he got up he added, “Hey, you know I love you, right?”

“I do know. I love you, too.”

“It’ll be alright, you’ll see,” he said and kissed my forehead before going to find something for us to watch. I hoped it would be alright because I missed feeling close to my family. If I could fast-forward to a time when we were past this and had healed, I would.

Noah

“IS SHE OKAY?”
Marissa asked, wiping her eyes as I got downstairs. Scarlett had fallen asleep, and I didn’t want to wake her so I left a note telling her I loved her and would see her in the morning. I wasn’t sure where Jonathan and Jeremy were, but I couldn’t hear them in the house.

“She will be,” I replied.

“This is such a mess. I never wanted her to find out. We only ever wanted to protect her.”

“She’ll understand that. She just needs time to process everything and adjust. I mean, that was some confession.”

This was the first time since she found out the truth that I was talking to them about it. But everything they’d said was exactly what Donald told me they’d say. Jonathan and Marissa had completely lost sight of what our
community
was trying to achieve. They’d let their doubt grow into something toxic that clouded their judgement and caused them to make snap decisions that affected everyone. In their heads, they’d turned Eternal Light into something it wasn’t.

When I finally got my chance, Scarlett would see the truth behind her parents’ tale.

Marissa managed a smile. “Yes, it was. We had to get her out of there and when she woke up and couldn’t remember a thing it was so easy. It was as if fate had given us this chance to start over and make it up to her. What we almost sat back and allowed happen….” She paused, shaking her head. “Finally we could give Scarlett and Jeremy a normal, safe childhood, so we took it.”

“Did you ever worry about her remembering?”

“At first, yes. As time went on we assumed it wasn’t going to happen. Perhaps we shouldn’t have been so complacent.”

“Do you think you should have told her?”

“No,” she replied. “We had to protect her and this was the best way to do it. Those people were going to murder her, Noah.”

I pursed my lips and nodded. That wasn’t right.
I don’t think.
Going home hadn’t given me the clarity I hoped for. I was still just as confused and kept going back and forth.

“I’m terrified she’s going to hate us and I’m even more terrified that she’ll try looking for them. If they knew where she was…” Scrunching her eyes closed, she took a deep breath. “She may not have my blood running through her veins, but she is my daughter and I love her. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her safe.”

“You mean leaving town?” I asked. The thought of not seeing her hurt but at the same time I wanted to tell them to take her and get as far away as possible.

“I don’t know what I mean. I don’t believe there’s any danger to her here. If they knew where she was, they would have tried to take her already. We’re safe here; I’m more concerned about Scarlett right now.”

“She’ll be alright.”

“I hope so,” she replied.

“I’ve got to head home for a bit, but I’ll be back tonight if that’s okay?”

“Of course,” she said. “It helps her you being here.”

“I won’t be long. See you later.”

I had to get out of there. I couldn’t think straight. The walls were closing in, air thinning to the point where I could barely take a breath. My mind hurt, and I was mentally exhausted from trying to work out what I believed and what I was going to do.

This was exactly what they talked about. They said that the outside world could get to you, make you believe whatever they wanted you to. The government fed you little pieces of information that made you think things were okay.

I didn’t want to be one of them. I wanted to think for myself but what if Donald and Fiona were the equivalent of a government? The tug of war between Eternal Light and Scarlett was going to ruin me.

Home wasn’t even a break from it. The second I got in, Dad told me I needed to call Donald. I just wanted a break from everything, some time where I could be left alone to think independently.

Scarlett occupied ninety per cent of my thoughts, but that could just be because of the attraction I felt towards her. I liked her, loved her, fancied her like crazy, but I shouldn’t let that come between what I’d known my whole life. Everyone back home was family and family came first.

I went to my room to call him, knowing my dad would allow me privacy to speak to Donald. We held trust very highly, something that made me feel even worse about doubting Eternal Light.

“Noah,” Donald said. His smooth voice calmed me, made me remember what I was part of. I wanted it to be over already; I wanted to be home again, where everything was simple, and I didn’t have to constantly struggle and fight to find my way.

“Hello, Donald. How is everyone?”

“We are doing just fine. And you, I trust the journey home was pleasant?”

“Yes, it was alright,” I replied, rubbing vigorously between my eyebrows. Headaches were coming all too often now. I never got ill back home where we had little to stress about.

“Noah, I am going to have to call you back another time, tomorrow perhaps. Fiona needs assistance with something rather urgently.”

I opened my mouth to protest. I should tell him about Scarlett knowing the truth, nothing was more urgent than that, but nothing came out. I’d spent two days pretending everything was alright with her, and I still couldn’t tell him what was really going on.

I should’ve told him. It should’ve been the first thing out of my mouth when we arrived home.

“Alright, was there something you wanted me for, though?”

“No, it was just to check in and see how everything is this morning. But we will talk later, I have to get back.”

“Speak to you soon,” I said, and he hung up.

I put my phone down and looked up to the ceiling.
What am I going to do?

“Everything alright?” Finn asked. I snapped back to reality to see my brother leaning up against the doorframe.

“Yes, why?”

He shrugged. “You look tired.”

That was an understatement.

“I am. Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t cure.”

“Alright.” He pushed away, and I was left with my obsessive thoughts again.

Scarlett or Eternal Light? It shouldn’t even be a choice.

Before I could think anymore, I dialled Donald’s number back.
Family first.
My community had to stay my number one priority. Please don’t let him be far enough back to the commune to not get signal.

My heart was in my throat as I called. Part of me wanted to take Scarlett to the other side of the world away from her family who broke her heart and Eternal Light, who valued their eternal life over her human one. Either way, someone would suffer. And either way,
I
would suffer.

I understood why they wanted to do it – Scarlett was our salvation – and we’d be reunited with her afterwards.

“Noah,” Donald said. “Is everything alright?”

Closing my eyes, I replied, “No. Sorry, you didn’t give me chance before but Scarlett knows. Jonathan and Marissa told her everything.”

A minute’s silence stretched out in front of us until he finally replied, “I see. When did this happen?”

Swallowing, I replied with more lies, “Today. What do you want to do?”

Call it all off. Please.

“Act,” he replied, and I closed my eyes, temples throbbing. “We move this forwards. It’s not ideal, but perhaps it will work in our favour.”

“How so?”

“Right now she will be confused. It will be easier to get through to her with the truth.”

What is the truth?

“Are you sure, Donald? We’re still weeks off.”

“I understand that, Noah, but we do not have a choice. We cannot risk them running.”

“With all due respect, I don’t think they are going to run. They have nothing to run from.”

“We can’t risk the fear that Scarlett will now undoubtedly have, forcing Jonathan and Marissa’s hand. You know they moved every few years in the past. They don’t know what to do, so they run; it is their answer to everything. We need Scarlett here, Noah, and the longer we leave it, the higher the risk of something going wrong. We have worked so hard for this. Scarlett will be sacrificed so that we may all live on. She is the one, our salvation, our
everything
. My daughter is the light that will lead us to eternal life. I am not willing to wait, not another four years, not even another three weeks.”

Ignoring the distaste on my tongue and twist in my gut, I replied, “Yes, Donald. When do you want to do this?”

“I’ll call you tomorrow to finalise the details, but we move on Saturday.”

“Saturday? That’s only six days away.”
I should have weeks. I need weeks.

“I know. Can you do this, son?” he asked. He often called me and the other guys ‘son’ but this was the first time it bothered me. That alone left me with an uneasy feeling. I used to rely on him for answers. He always had answers, but they didn’t make as much sense anymore.

“I can,” I replied.

“Good. You are strong, Noah. Do not let the outside world make you crumble.”

Donald hung up, and I dropped the phone on my bed. I wasn’t sure that hadn’t already happened.

What have I done?

“Dad,” I called. My heart was stuttering, and my palms began to sweat. “Donald wants it done on Saturday.”

The next thing I heard were three sets of footsteps thudding up the stairs.