Awake (14 page)

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“No,” he replied.

“I think I would’ve believed them more if they told me we were vampires.”

“You can go out in the sunlight,” he said, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

“What am I going to do?”

Shrugging, he replied. “I don’t know. I can’t get my head around what they said. What do you want to do?”

“I’ve no idea. No, actually I do. I want to rewind time to before the car accident and leave my grandparents house later. I want for it not to be true. I want to go back to a time when everything was simple. I hate this, Noah,” I said and started to sob. “I hate this and I just want to be normal.”

He held me tighter and let me cry. I completely lost it, sobbing until I could barely breathe. I was scared of what I’d been told, scared of what it meant now and scared that Noah would leave, and I wouldn’t have any normality in my life.

“Are you going to run? I wouldn’t blame you at all,” I asked once I’d calmed down enough that I wasn’t gasping for breath anymore.

“No, I’m not going to run. I love you, Scarlett, no matter what. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered into my hair.

I turned around and clung to him, his words setting me off again, and I cried until I literally couldn’t shed another tear. My heart was breaking. My parents weren’t my parents, my whole life was one big lie, and I was almost murdered as I turned four.

Noah stayed with me until I’d calmed down. He looked stressed and tired, but he’d been amazing, everything I needed. We lay side by side on my bed with him playing and stroking my fingers. It was calming.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked.

“I don’t know if there’s a word to describe it. Shocked, betrayed, hurt and confused all come close.”

“You’re going to be alright.”

I sure didn’t feel like I was going to be alright. I didn’t know how to even process what they’d told me, let alone come to terms with it. “Yeah, how do you know that?”

“Because I won’t give you another option. I won’t pretend to understand how you are feeling, but I know that there is nothing I wouldn’t do to make things better.”

Closing my eyes, I turned on my side and snuggled closer to him. “I’m going to miss you this weekend. You always manage to put things into perspective for me.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

“No, you’re excited to see your friends again. Besides, I’ve got a lot to get my head around.”

“I know but if you need me to help you get your head around it…”

He was so sweet, always thinking about me first, but now I had the chance to do something for him and letting him go home without guilt was exactly what he needed.

“I do, but this isn’t going to get better in a weekend, Noah. Maybe time alone will help me and when you’re back things might be clearer, and then you can help me move on.” It all sounded so simple. I didn’t even buy my own words so there was no way he would either.

“I still don’t like to leave you when you’re upset.”

“That’s exactly why I love you so much. You spend time with your family, and I’ll work on talking things through with mine.”

He rolled to his side, so we were facing each other. When his fingertips brushed my chin, I took a deep breath. He made me feel so many things all at once and even though sometimes the intensity of those feelings scared me, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

“
I love you
, Scarlett,” he whispered and claimed my lips.

Noah

IT’D BEEN MONTHS
since I’d been home, and I missed everything and everyone. We were such a close community, and I hated how distant everyone was here. I had no idea who our neighbours were, the most contact we’d had was a grumbled hello over the fence.

But we were finally going back to visit for the weekend, and I couldn’t wait. Dad loaded up our bags while Mum made food for the long journey. We were leaving in an hour, and I wanted to spend some time with Scarlett before I left.

“I’ll be back soon,” I said to Dad as I walked down the path.

“Alright, send our regards to Scarlett.”

“I will.” Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I made my way to her house, not even bothering to try to convince myself I wasn’t overeager to see her anymore. I felt what I felt, and I couldn’t change it any more than I could control it.

I arrived minutes later, and Jeremy answered the door. He rolled his eyes and told me she was upstairs. I’d become a regular at their house as me and Scarlett went through that needing to be around each other all the time stage that really didn’t need to be faked by me anymore. I honestly didn’t think I ever needed to fake it. Even before she consumed most of my thoughts, I enjoyed spending time with her.

They shouldn’t have chosen me.

Scarlett was laying on her back on the bed when I walked in, just staring up at the ceiling.

“You okay?” I asked.

She didn’t look over, but she did smile. “I’m
really
good.” She wasn’t, but she was dealing. Having me there helped because she thought I hadn’t betrayed her. And I hadn’t. Not really. Not yet.

I sat on the bed and started playing with her fingers. “Yeah, why is that?”

Looking over, she arched her eyebrow and replied, “Why do you think!”

Of course, I knew but every time she said something like that she made me feel a hundred feet tall. Hell, every time she looked at me she did.

“But I’m also sad.” She pouted adorably. “Two days is a long time.”

“It’s not that long.”

“No,” she said, sitting up. “You’re supposed to agree with me here because you’ll miss me, too.”

“I will miss you, too, but it’s okay.”

“How is it okay?”

“Because there are people out there, living and working so far away from the people they love for months, years even. Time doesn’t mean anything, Scarlett, not when you care about someone.”

“Okay, that just made me feel a hundred times better about this weekend.”

“Good, because I don’t think I’ll be able to speak to you much. I’ll try going to town a couple times, though.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s actually okay. Time doesn’t mean anything, right? Just enjoy your time with your family and don’t worry about leaving your stupid limited service and no internet village and checking in. I’ll see you when you get back.”

It didn’t feel like checking in, not when I
wanted
to talk to her. I wasn’t going out of my way because I wanted that contact. But she was right, and I needed to reconnect with everyone back home because I could feel myself losing touch.

“I’ll still try to call. I want to,” I said, making her smile.

“Okay, it’s not like I’d ignore the call or anything.”

I knew she wouldn’t, and I loved that she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

“What do you have planned?”

“Sleepover at Imogen’s. I’ve been a bit of a crap friend since you came along.”

“You haven’t, you still spend time with your friends.” She’d made sure she spent time with Imogen, Bobby and Chris. She wasn’t going to Imogen’s because she felt like a bad friend, she was going because she didn’t want to stay home all weekend.

She shrugged. “I do but not as much as I used to. A girl’s night will be good, especially after everything that’s been going on.”

“Yeah, you deserve some time away from the tension.” There was still a
lot
of tension; Jonathan and Marissa tiptoed around her, and she barely spoke to them. She still had a lot of questions and still didn’t know who Evelyn was, but she could barely look at them to ask.

I wanted to tell her but of course I couldn’t. Even if I could, I wouldn’t. After everything, she deserved the truth when she asked for it. When she was ready.

“Think one weekend I can come with you to visit your family? I want to see where you grew up?” she asked.

“You want to see my tiny, technology neglected island or my aunt’s in Dublin? Both are home.” I couldn’t show her the island, I’d never even been there and only knew enough to answer any general questions. Ireland, where I grew up from the age of seven, she would see soon enough.

“I’d love to see both.”

I would love to show her around, too. I would love for us to be normal and be able to live out a life I’d started to fantasize about. She deserved that. I deserved that.

“Do you think your parents would let you go away with me? They look like they want to run away with you when you mention leaving the house to go in the garden,” I said.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. They can’t stop me from doing everything. It’s so weird, a part of me wants to meet my biological parents, even after everything they’ve done. I don’t know how to speak to my parents anymore, I still have so many questions, and I’m pretty sure I’m either still in shock or dead inside. How stupid is that?”

“It’s not stupid. It’s going to take a while to get your head around everything – it would for
anyone
. You’re not dead inside for needing time to process what you’ve been told or for not being ready to have another conversation with your parents about it. And it’s natural to want to know where you come from, Scarlett. But how would you even find them?”

“I’ve no idea. I wouldn’t actually do it. Believe me, I now understand the danger of being near them, and I’d be lying if I hadn’t considered running far away from here, too.”

That was news to me. “You have?”

“At first, yeah. When they told me who they are I was so scared. But we’ve moved around a lot, and they obviously have no idea where I am. And, you know, if they ever tried to contact us we’d call the police.”

“You’re going to be fine here.”

“I know. Besides, I don’t want to have to start all over again, and I don’t want to leave you.”

“What do your parents think?”

“They don’t think I’m in any danger just because I know the truth. In fact, they agree that it’s safer I do so I can be more cautious. We love where we live and the friends we’ve made and don’t want some crazy cult to ruin that. I need the familiarity of here and my friends when everything else has changed so much.”

I swallowed hard, an uneasy feeling settling down. I still felt loyal and didn’t like her calling my family crazy. But I could see it from her point of view. A point of view I was leaning more and more towards sharing. I’d never needed to go home so much before. I had to be back in my community so I could hopefully set everything straight in my head.

“Look, I’ve got to go or my parents are going to be angry. I’ll try calling but if I can’t, I’ll see you in two days.” I kissed her, cupping her cheeks in my hands. When I was with her like this nothing else but her made sense. If she was the only thing that gave me clarity after this weekend, I would know Eternal Light was wrong and everything I’d been led to believe my whole life was built on poor judgement and twisted truths.

I was petrified.

Noah

WE ARRIVED AT
the commune hours later, and I felt like I could breathe again. Everything was right here. I didn’t have so many difficult choices. We had a clear path and followed clear rules.

We were immediately jumped on by the community and led to the communal table, which I’d helped to carve from fallen trees in the forest. They had so many dishes laid out I couldn’t count them. It was real food that I knew exactly where it’d come from and what it was going to – or not going to – do to my body.

I couldn’t keep the elation off my face as I sat on the wooden bench and tucked into Bernadette’s famous asparagus fettuccini. I sat at the end of the table with Finn and a couple friends, Skye, Zeke and Willow. They were the only ones around my age, with Skye and Willow the closest. I wished they were guys so one of them could’ve gone to betray Scarlett instead.

Everyone started passing dishes around, filling their plates with wide smiles on their faces. The atmosphere was electric. We were all happy to be back together again.

“Thank you,” I said to Bernadette as she passed me the basket of homemade rolls. The only thing that was different were the sunflowers, they were bigger, taller, and brighter than when we’d left. A feeling of belonging settled in my heart and I properly relaxed for the first time since we moved.