Ash (30 page)

Tom set his shovel down and came over to us. He smiled at Shane before holding his hand out for me to shake.

“I’m Tom. Shane here is training me.”

“Nice to meet you, Tom. I’m Ash,” I replied, and gave a firm handshake.

“Ash’s late wife, Connie, was one of the bigwigs who saved Daisy from captivity and brought her here.” Shane beamed.

“Wow, I’m sorry about your wife.” Tom looked at me before staring at his feet.

“It’s okay.” I tried to smile.

“And Jake, here,” Shane said, and tapped Jake on the head, “is our guest of honor. Why not take him in to see Daisy? I’m sure she’d love some attention.”

“Sure,” Tom replied, and took Jake’s hand.

I waited until Jake was clear of hearing anything. “So what lies has that bitch been spewing?”

Shane cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. He was awkward and stared at me in silence before uttering another word.

“There’s been talk.”

“What kind of talk?”

He stepped in close. “Apparently, you’re not coping very well with the little guy.”

I wasn’t surprised in the least. “And I assume this talk has come from a credible source?”

“Listen, Ash, we have both known her for a longtime. She has friends in high places. If she wants to rock the boat, she will carry on regardless of what any of us think or say.”

My mouth went dry. “And do you believe her?”

“Of course, I don’t, but I do know that she has a way of persuading people.” He sighed. “I think you need to get some distance between you and her. This isn’t what Connie would have wanted. She’d be turning in her grave over this.”

He made a valued point. Connie would never rest in peace as long as Marcy and I were at each other’s throats. I couldn’t and wouldn’t allow Marcy to become some kind of distorted version of my dead wife. I didn’t want it, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to give her any more fuel to add to the fire.

Shane had been a good friend to Connie. He had proven his loyalty to her on more than one occasion, and I trusted him.

“After everything I’ve been through, I’ve never once allowed the pain and grief to overshadow my parenting and love for Jake. I don’t think for a second that I am a perfect father. I am far from it, but as far as falling apart goes, that’s not my style.” I sucked in a deep breath. “And for what it’s worth, I know you’ve got my back, man.”

“Hey, as far as you and Jake go, you’re family. I don’t need to question your abilities for a second.”

“Thanks, Shane.” I was genuinely grateful, but had to ask, “So, is she about?”

Shane glanced behind him, and then back up at the far end of the enclosure. “She’s been in and out today.”

“What’s the chance someone has told her?”

He chuckled. “This place is like the schoolyard. Everyone knows everyone’s business. Don’t expect to get out of here without her noticing.”

“I think it’s time Jake and I make a quick exit,” I muttered, and walked over to where Jake stood. “Hey, I think the two of us should go and get something nice and cool to drink.”

Jake giggled. “Daddy, Daisy is going to have a baby. Isn’t that so awesome?”

I twisted my head to the side and raised an eyebrow at Shane.

He nodded. “Yup, she’s in the family way.”

“That is pretty cool,” I replied. “Come on, Jake. Let’s move on.”

“But can’t we stay?” he asked.

“We’ve seen the exhibit a hundred times already.” I didn’t want a tantrum from him.

“But Daddy,” he complained.

“How about we go see the reptiles, yeah?”

His eyes lit up. “Yes!”

He ran toward me, took my hand, and tugged my arm.

“And that’s my cue,” I said, and shook Shane’s hand.

“Laters, man,” he replied, and went back to work.

I lifted Jake into my arms and walked out of the exhibit. The sun was like a fiery ball in the sky. It was hot as hell, but nothing compared to the devilish glare of the woman before me.

“I see you’ve come to your senses,” Marcy remarked, staring angrily at me.

“You know Jake loves the zoo, so that’s a no brainer.” I frowned.

“Hey, Jake.” Marcy’s eyes swung in his direction.

Jake hid his face in the crook of my neck. He clung to me tightly.

“See? He doesn’t like you. Can’t you get that through your thick skull?”

Her face twisted into an ugly mess as she clenched her jaw. Her eyes glazed over, and her nostrils flared.

I hit a nerve and it didn’t happen a moment too soon.

“You know what, Ash? Don’t get too comfortable.” She pushed past me and went into the exhibit.

Jake relaxed in my arms and looked at the door. “I don’t like her, Daddy,” he muttered.

“That makes two of us, kiddo.”

It was still dark outside. I let out a strained sigh and looked at the clock. It was only two a.m.

“Fuck!” I whispered, and lay back down.

I stared at the ceiling for the longest time. The sound of my heartbeat, slow and rhythmic, reminded me of the day my world stood still.

“I’m sorry, Connie,” the doctor said, his face ashen. “But it has spread to your bowel, liver, and lungs. At this stage, there is a small chance of a long-term cure.”

“No . . . no . . . you’ve got this wrong. You said the chemo had worked.” My voice sounded strained as I stared at my wife, tears filling my eyes.

She said nothing and remained emotionless, gazing at a picture on the wall behind her oncologist.

The doctor looked at me. He set his pen down on the table and closed one hand over the other.

“It had, but the disease has come back and is more aggressive than ever.”

“So what do we do?”

My hands shook. My heart resounded in my head.

“We begin four sessions of chemo, followed by six weeks of chemoradiation, and three sessions of brachytherapy,” he said.

I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to hear this. This wasn’t how we had thought our life would go.

Connie turned her head and stared at me. “We can beat this, right?”

I didn’t know how to respond. We were just given the worst possible news, and she was asking me if we could beat the disease. I wanted to believe we could, but already, she was so tired.

“Yes, you are a born fighter.”

“Connie,” the doctor said. “I know this is a lot to take in, but we will give this our best shot. So let’s schedule you in for treatment.”

Everything was so matter of fact. We sat there, listening and nodding our heads, neither of us able to comprehend the rocky road ahead.

As we drove home later that day, Connie remained silent. She stared out the window with a pensive look on her face.

“Connie.” It hurt saying her name.

She glanced at me.

“I love you,” I said, my voice breaking.

Her half smile almost broke my heart. “I’ll love you until my last breath and for all eternity.”

I took a deep breath and choked back the pressure building in my chest. I wanted to cry, to scream, to smash my fists against the steering wheel. Anything to get rid of the fear and pain. I was so fucking angry. How could we be dealt blows like this time after time? Hadn’t she suffered enough already?”

“We will get through this. I know we can,” I replied.

“And what if we don’t?”

“Honey, please don’t talk like it’s already beaten you.”

“Ash.”

I looked at her.

“Whatever happens, just always love me.”

“What are you on about?” I raised my voice, trying to force a smile.

“If I die, you have to promise me that you will live a good life, but keep me in your heart.”

I shook my head. “That’s not going to happen. Okay? Because you aren’t dying. Fuck sake, Connie. You’ve a little boy who adores you at home. You need to fight for him.”

She turned the stereo up and averted her gaze out the window, not saying another word.

Everything in our world changed that day. Nothing ever prepares you for what lies ahead.

Sometimes, when I allowed the grief to consume me, it riddled me with guilt. So many different emotions overtook my mind that I found it both overwhelming and ridiculous. You’d imagine a man like me would be used to living with scars. Some are so deeply embedded in my soul, I wondered if I’d ever find the strength to overcome the internal struggle.

What I was going to do for Andrés brought all those things to the surface. Revisiting the past was a way of reminding myself that everything comes to an end. Life, a cycle, a continuous unmerciful journey, can be ended in a flash.

There was no way I could sleep. Not now.

I sat up and threw the covers off me. I slipped to the edge of the bed and grabbed my phone, scrolling down to Sophia’s name. She was on duty, but that wasn’t enough to stop me from texting her.

Her reply came shortly after six a.m.

A little part of me wished she’d ignored me. Yet, I was glad she answered. She was my saving grace. Who would ever have thought that?

Connie would always be in my heart. My first and forever love. Sophia was the light at the end of a long tunnel, and though I knew it couldn’t go anywhere, she gave me hope.

By the time Friday came, I was a walking disaster, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing that would have brought suspicion my way.

Felipe called me once, letting me know that things were set in place and that my
spot of trouble
would be dealt with.

I had mixed emotions about the whole thing. For a brief moment, I considered calling everything off and trying to handle the whole Marcy thing a different way. Marcy proved just how much she needed to be put in her place, however.

I was packing Jake’s weekend bag when the doorbell rang.

“Daddy, the door,” Jake roared from the bathroom.

“I hear it,” I said, and walked up the hall to open the door.

Marcy stood before me, a frown on her face, her eyes narrowed.

I sighed with dismay. “What the hell do you want?”

“Where do you get off on trying to make a fool out of me?” she asked in a contemptuous tone.

“You’ve done that all on your own, Marcy. It’s got nothing to do with me.”

“Really?” She laughed. “Funny, it’s got everything to do with you. Or have you forgotten just how shitty you are as a man?”

“You know what, I’ve a life. I don’t have time for you or your crazy bullshit, so just move on, Marcy. It’s over.”

She smirked and shook her head, peering over the rim of her glasses at me. “It’s over when I say it’s over.”

“Who is it, Daddy?” Jake’s voice thundered up the hall.

“No one, wrong address,” I shouted, and glared at her. “Get the hell away from my door, or I’m calling the cops.”

“Ooooh, Ash Benton, all grown up! Do I look like I’m scared?”

“Fuck off, Marcy. Go play with someone else’s head. We’re done.”

I slammed the door in her face and locked it.

Jake ran up the hall, pretending to be an airplane.

“Did you wash your hands?” I asked.

“Sure, I got all the poop off.”