Artist's Dream (22 page)

“Thank you.”

“What would this cost?”

“Four thousand.”

He literally gasped, and she grinned at the look on his face.

“I had no idea.”

He cleared his throat and moved away from the eagle, quietly inspecting the other pieces she had before moving to the shelves that housed her smaller carvings. He gingerly picked up another squirrel and turned it over in his hands.

“You have a lot of squirrels,” he said quietly.

She shrugged. She’d never thought about it really. Eagles, sure. They were her trademark, but as she surveyed the shelf, she noticed that she indeed did have a number of squirrels, all in difŹferent poses, with different expressions.

“Your mother loved squirrels,” he said softly.

She felt her heart tighten. It was the first time he had menŹtioned her since she was a child.

“She used to feed them in the backyard,” he continued. “You would sit on her lap and laugh as they ventured close. I remember

the first time one ate out of your hand. You were barely four, and I was so afraid it would bite you, but she kept insisting you would be fine.”

Cassie felt tears well in her eyes as she tried to remember her mother and her lost childhood. She wanted to ask a thousand questions, but he suddenly turned and hurried from the shop. She didn’t stop him. Instead, she picked up the squirrel he had been holding and clutched it to her. She closed her eyes, trying to picŹture herself as a child, sitting on her mother’s lap. She wondered if she looked like her mother. She certainly didn’t resemble him. Only the eyes, she corrected. She had his blue eyes.

The ringing of the phone brought her back to the present.

“Where have you been?” Kim demanded.

Cassie sighed. “I’ll start by saying I’ve been with Luke and end by saying my father’s here.”

“Good God! Are you joking? What’s he doing there?” Then a pause. “Luke? You’ve seen her?”

“Yes. But it’s far too much for the phone and now he’s here for Thanksgiving.”

“I take it this is unexpected? What happened with Luke?”

Cassie managed a laugh. “I went with her to Sacramento on Friday. I’ve been at her house all weekend.” Then she lowered her voice. “He came into my workshop, Kim. He actually mentioned her.”

“Luke?”

“No,” Cassie hissed. “My mother.”

Silence on the other end, then, “No shit?”

“No shit,” Cassie murmured.

“What’s up with that?”

Cassie rolled her eyes. Kim could be so difficult sometimes. “I’ve got a major problem here. Luke’s supposed to come over tonight. Not only that, I invited her for Thanksgiving dinner.”

“But that’s great, Cass.”

Cassie again rolled her eyes. “My father?”

Again silence. “I see. Well, you’ve got a problem all right.”

“You’re a big help.”

“I would give you my opinion, but I doubt you’d like it.”

“Go about my life and he can take it or leave?” she guessed.

“Pretty much. It’s not like you’re on good terms with him, Cass.”

“But he’s still…”

“Your father,” Kim finished for her. “I know.”

“He’s the only family I have.”

“Maybe the only blood family, but hardly your only family.”

Cassie realized she had hurt Kim’s feelings and Luke’s words came back to her. Sometimes friends were better than family.

“I love you, Kim,” Cassie said softly.

“I love you, too.”

They both cleared their throats at the same time and Cassie chuckled. “So, are you up to seeing him? For Thanksgiving dinner, I mean?”

“Of course. But I won’t promise I’ll behave. If he starts on me …” she warned.

“I don’t expect you to be anything less than who you are, Kim. He’s the guest, not you.”

“Okay.” She sighed, then Cassie heard her amused chuckle. “Are you going to tell me about Luke now or make me wait?”

“Oh, I think I’ll make you wait.”

“Don’t do this to me, Cass
ie.
I’ve waited thirteen years for this moment.”

“Have you, now?” Cassie teased. “Well, at least you know you were right. By the way, it was fabulous,” she added before hanging up.

Cassie realized she was pacing. She had already had most of a bottle of Chardonnay and still Luke had not called. She glanced at the kitchen clock once again and feared Luke would just show up, expecting to surprise her.

Oh, it would be a surprise, all right.

Her father was in the living room, reading, waiting for dinner. She had a rice and bean casserole in the oven, hoping he wouldn’t comment on her diet. It was something he had never understood and Cassie doubted he ever would.

She nearly dropped her wineglass when the phone rang, yankŹing it up on the first ring.

“Hi. Waiting for me?”

Despite the anxiety she was feeling over her father, that voice warmed her to her very soul.

“Axe you running late?”

“Yes. I just want to shower. I’ll be there in a few minutes,” Luke said.

“Well, if you’re tired, we can do dinner another night,” Cassie offered lamely.

“I’m not tired,” Luke stated. “It’s still early enough for dinner, isn’t it?”

“Oh, sure. I just didn’t want you to have to rush over here, I mean, you’ve been driving all day and all.”

Luke was silent for a moment, and Cassie could picture her raised eyebrow. “What’s wrong?” she asked quietly.

Cassie closed her eyes. “My father is here,” she whispered. “He was already here when I got home this morning.”

“I see. And you’d rather he didn’t meet me?”

Cassie heard the hurt that Luke tried to hide, and she realized she was being utterly ridiculous. She was no longer a teenager trying to please her father. She was a grown woman, used to being on her own, and there was no logical reason that she couldn’t have Luke over to dinner like they’d planned.

“I’m sorry. Of course I want him to meet you. I was having a moment of panic, I’m afraid.”

“No, I’m being unfair and very selfish,” Luke said. “I underŹstand if you’re not ready to spring this on him.”

Cassie swallowed. Spring it on him? She still had a hard time believing it herself. She wasn’t nearly ready to confront her father with this. She wasn’t sure she would ever be ready.

“I do want you to come over, Luke. But don’t expect…”

“A kiss when I get there?” Luke finished for her.

“I know you don’t understand. How could you? Your own mother brought you out, but this is different. I know him and what he would say and trust me, you don’t want to be around for that.”

“Okay, then let’s don’t do it. This is obviously upsetting you, Cass. Enjoy the evening with your father. We’ll talk tomorrow, and just see what happens.”

She was hurt, Cassie could tell. But this was for the best. Cassie just couldn’t handle a scene with her father in front of Luke.

“Thanksgiving is still on, right?” Cassie asked.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Luke, just give me time to adjust to him being here. Please?”

“I missed you today,” Luke said quietly.

“Me, too. I was looking forward to this evening with you.”

“Well, there will be plenty of other evenings. I’ve got some work I can do anyway.”

Cassie sighed, not liking the tone of their conversation. It was not at all how she pictured the evening. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s okay, Cass. I understand. I really do. We’ll talk later, okay?”

“Sure.”

She hung up slowly and sighed yet again. Kim was right. She owed her father nothing. She should just go on about her life and not worry about his reaction. But she found she couldn’t. She refilled her wineglass and stood staring out the window as darkness settled around her.

“So, people actually pay four thousand dollars for those carvŹings?” her father asked over dinner. He was on his second helping of her casserole, and she was genuinely pleased.

“Yes. Actually, I sold a rather large one awhile back, an eagle with a six foot wingspan, for twelve thousand.”

He nearly spit his food out and she laughed.

“That was pretty much my reaction, too,” she admitted.

“I guess you’re not hurting for money, then.”

She hesitated before answering. “I do okay. I’m not exactly a rich woman, but these last few months have been good.” Since Luke walked into your life, she told herself silently, and she allowed a small smile to cross her face.

“I always worried that you’d be just scraping by, peddling your stuff on the streets just to pay your bills,” he said quietly.

“You never took the time to find out,” she countered. “You never showed even the slightest interest in my carvings.”

He raised his eyes to hers, and she was surprised at the sadness there. She was so used to seeing disappointment… and contempt in them when he looked at her.

“I was a lousy father to you.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but words wouldn’t form. It was true. It was also the very last thing she expected to ever hear him say.

“I just wanted to protect you, to teach you what was right.”

She couldn’t stop the bitter laugh that followed. “Protect me? From what? Life?””

She’ stood quickly and took her unfinished plate to the sink. She stared out at the darkness, totally unprepared for the turn their conversation had taken. She was used to his chastising, to his preaching, to his belittling her.

“I grew up not knowing anything about the real world. Frankly, I’m surprised I was able to make it through college without going totally crazy. You always painted this picture of good and evil, but you never allowed for the gray area between them.” She turned back to face him, gathering her courage before continuing. “Do you have any idea how it was to grow up alone, without being allowed to have friends, without being allowed to even go to the movies, or to the prom, or any of the other normal things kids do?”

“I was just trying to protect you,” he said again. “Had you stayed with me, gotten more involved in my church, you would see

“That was your life. That was what you chose to do with it,” she said. “I just wanted to be a kid. A normal kid.”

“You wanted for nothing,” he reminded her.

“I wanted friends,” she countered. “But you were too afraid I might find out there was a life out there besides our little church community.”

“I always hoped you would marry a nice man from the church, yes.”

“How? You never let me date.”

“You were too young,” he said, his voice becoming hard.

“Eighteen is not too young. But you wouldn’t even let me go to the prom alone. You insisted on taking us and picking us up.”

“I didn’t know what else to do. You weren’t ready to go out alone.”

“Because you never allowed me the chance to learn,” she said loudly. “Don’t you see? You never trusted me. You never trusted me to make the right decision on my own.”

“I allowed you to go to a public college,” he reminded her.

“Only because I threatened to leave home.”

“And look where that has gotten you,” he spat. “Living out here, alone. No husband, no children. There were plenty of nice men in the church who would have gladly taken you in.”

“Taken me in?”

“Given you children. Made you a proper wife.”

“Do you even hear what you’re saying?” she asked. “What makes you think I wanted any of those men?”

“They would have made good husbands, a good home for you.”

“I have a home here. I have a life here.”

“Is that enough? Don’t you want a family?”

She shook her head. “I’m happy here. I have great friends, and they can be better than family sometimes,” she said, echoing Luke’s words.

“It’s not the same and you know it.”

She sighed, wondering where this conversation would take them. “Kim is the best friend I could ever hope to have. She is always here when I need her, no matter what. I can’t say that for family.”

“Kim,” he spat. “She was always the one to put these foolish thoughts into your head. If you had never met her, imagine what your life could be like.”

“Yes. I shudder to think of it,” she said sarcastically.

“Cassandra! She’s brought you down. She’s the reason you moved out here so far from your home, your family.”

Cassie was surprised she could actually laugh at his statement. “She didn’t bring me down. She brought me up. Don’t you see? She showed me that there was this whole world out here,” she said, spreading her arms. “A world I never even knew existed.”

“Yes! A world of deviants and perverts.”

She stared at him, waiting for one of the Bible quotes she knew was sure to follow. She was not disappointed.

“As Paul wrote to the Romans, ‘Men abandoned natural relaŹtions with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received the due penalty for their perversion.’”

“Oh, excuse me. And who was Paul?” she asked sarcastically. “Oh, right, he was the one who said women should not teach, should not speak in church, should not even cut their hair. We do follow all of his teachings, don’t we?”

“It is not for you to question, child. Perversion is perversion, plain and simple. The Bible is very clear,” he insisted. “And you were taught better than to associate with those people. Perhaps you need to spend a little more time in church and get reacquainted with God’s word.”

“Thank you, Reverend Parker,” she said with a hint of sarcasm. “And here I thought I was having a discussion with my father.”

She left without waiting for his reply and childishly slammed her bedroom door. It would never change between them, she realŹized, until she stood up to him and demanded that he treat her as an individual and an adult. Instead of the child he apparently still thought she was. Of course, running off and slamming the door hadn’t helped her image any, she admitted with a humorless smile.

But did it matter? Did she really think she would ever win his acceptance, professionally or otherwise? No.

She was sitting on the floor of her workshop, the wood pulled between her thighs, carefully using a palm knife to carve around the hawk’s head. This one had its beak open and Cassie could almost hear the scream of the red-tailed hawks that soared so effortlessly over her farm. The piece of wood was too small for an eagle but it had the look of a bird of prey, and she decided on a hawk, a red-tailed hawk with spread tail and all. The tail was all but finished, but the head still wasn’t to her liking.