And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) (21 page)

“Billy!” Paige put her hand on his arm. “Please take Renie downstairs and get her something to eat. And please bring me back a cup of coffee.”

“You be gone when I get back,” he pointed at Ben. Mark stepped in front of him and turned him in the direction of the elevator. “Not now,” Ben heard Mark say to him.

Ben looked at Paige. “What the fuck was that all about?”

“Ben, son, please sit down. There are some things Paige needs to talk to you about.”

Ben did as his dad asked, as though he was an auto-pilot. Paige sat on the other side of him, leaned forward and put her hands on his.

“You need to go back out on tour.”

“I already told you I wasn’t leaving.”

“Son, there’s something Paige needs to tell you.” Bud looked into Paige’s eyes. “Go ahead Paige.”

“Liv wouldn’t want you to miss this opportunity Ben. This is your tour. Your shot. Your year. We will be here with her, and so will Renie, although we’re going to try to get her to go back to school. We’ll let you know the minute there’s a change.”

“No Paige. I’m not leaving. The tour doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but Liv.”

“Tell him the truth Paige,” said Ben’s father.

Bud talked Ben into going to the hotel at least for a little while. Liv had already had more visitors than the ICU staff permitted and they insisted they leave, but could come back in the morning. Bud convinced Ben there was no point in sitting in a waiting room for hours. If there was a change in her condition, the hospital would notify him.

“I’m not going back on tour Dad. Before you say anything, don’t try to talk me into it.”

“It’s your decision.”

“But you think I should?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“What would you do, you know, if it was Mom?”

“I don’t know. Knowing it was what she wanted, I might. I
always
do what your mother wants.” Bud laughed and so did Ben.

“I can’t leave her.”

“What can you do to help her?”

He could be there when she woke up, and until she did, he would hold her hand and talk to her, and sing to her and anything else he could do to help.

“And what if she knows you’re here?”

“Then it’ll be one more reason for her to wake up.”

Jimmy called and told him they’d posted about the concert cancellation on Facebook and Twitter that the concert in Cleveland had been cancelled due to a family emergency. And once they had, the response from the fans had been incredible. There were posts of support coming from everywhere.

“Support for what?”

“For Liv.”

“How does anyone know about her?”

“You live in a fishbowl Ben. We’re on a national tour, and it’s sold out. The fan response to the new album has been phenomenal, you know that.”

Jimmy was right. At the beginning of the tour they were booking small clubs, the usual ones they’d played in year after year. But they were selling out in minutes. The tour promoters pushed for bigger venues, and they were selling out too. Ben had a hard time believing it was happening. All the years they’d dreamed of this and suddenly, inexplicably, it was happening. Only a few months ago they’d played the Paramount in Denver, and now they were sold out at Red Rocks—where they’d been an opening band a little over a year ago. And where he first met Liv.

There was a knock on the door and his dad went to get it. Ben told Jimmy he’d call him back when he saw Paige walk in.

“What would she want?”

“Let up Paige.”

“What would she want?”

He wouldn’t answer her.

“What would you want, if it was you? Would you want her giving up her dream? Would you tell her to sit by your side, when there was nothing she could do, and let her dream dissolve into nothing?”

No, he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t want her to do that. Ben got up from the bed and walked over to the window. A few minutes later he heard the hotel room door close. When he turned around again, his dad was sitting in the chair, his fingers steepled in front of his mouth and nose.

“Come to any decisions?” he asked.

“Yeah,” he said with reservation. “I’ll fly into Hartford tomorrow night. I’d like to use the plane Dad. If there’s a change in her condition, I want to be able to get back as fast as possible.”

“We’ll go together Ben. I’ll stay with you on tour for the time being.”

Ben knew what his father’s biggest concern was, and he was glad he didn’t say it. Yeah, he wanted a drink more than anything. Not just one, he wanted a whole bottle.

The next morning Ben went to the hospital and told Liv he was going back on tour. He was doing it for her, because he loved her. And he hoped Paige was right, that Liv could hear him.

***

Renie made the decision to move her mother to Denver to continue her treatment. Liv’s new doctors agreed with the staff in Idaho, that the surgery was too risky given that they still could not determine why she wasn’t coming out of the coma. They’d keep her in traction for the time being, and when her condition stabilized or she was conscious, they’d revisit the surgery.

Paige talked Renie into going back to school to make arrangements with her professors to continue her classes while traveling back and forth between Fort Collins and Denver.

Since Denver was less than an hour from Paige and Mark’s place in Monument, they assured Renie that one of them would be with her mother every day, if not both of them.

Chapter 18

Ben walked out on stage the following night in Hartford, Connecticut and was met by chants. “Liv, Liv, Liv,” the audience said over and over.

He pulled a stool to the front of the stage, sat down, and did what came naturally to him. He told them about her. Ten thousand people went completely silent, and listened.

“I told her that I wouldn’t play this song until she was here with me, to hear it live for the first time, but I feel her here, through you.”

Ben started to play, just him, the rest of band stayed silent along with the audience.

Sweet beauty on steps, waiting, like me

Sun masked by clouds, so free

Beautiful, if only you were able to move,

To go, to ride, to smile, to fly, to kiss, to fall.

I know how deep your smile, if only you could fall

I know how wild your passion, if only you would fall

I know how deep your longing, if only you could fall.

I know your fear, I know your tears

But that smile, so sweet, that longing so deep

Your eyes burn into my heart, my love, my joy, my fall.

You know my longing deep, you know my love, so hard

You know my longing deep, you know my passion, so wild

You know my fall.

To see you here then, in the midst of your fall

To know your joy, so deep, to know your passion, complete

To know your longing, my all, and then, my sweet, you fall.

When Ben woke up the next morning, Jimmy told him a fan had posted “And Then You Fall,” on YouTube. It had over three million views. Overnight.

***

“Don’t ask me to do this.”

“I don’t want him here.”

“I made a promise Liv. I can’t keep lying to him.”

“Then leave. And don’t come back. I won’t ever forgive you if you tell him.”

“Liv . . .”

“I don’t want him here.”

Liv spent hours replaying the accident over and over and over in her head. She felt Micah hesitate, that split second, when he went right. They were tight to the barrel, but Liv knew they were going to knock it over. Suddenly Micah went down, her head was too close to the ground, she knew she was going to hit head first. She heard the snap when she did. Now she couldn’t feel her legs.

Billy assured her that Micah had been thoroughly checked out and suffered no injury in the accident. He promised her he’d make sure her horse was exercised daily, and ready to get back at it as soon as she was.

Renie, Paige, Mark, and Billy were the only people she permitted to visit since she came out of her coma two days ago—four days after they’d moved her to Denver. Paige told her that Ben had come to Idaho the day after her accident, and that she had convinced him to go back on tour.

“Now I regret my decision Liv. I promised him I would tell him if there was a change in your condition. I promised.”

“I couldn’t care less Paige. You either abide by what I want or leave. And don’t come back.”

And if Paige knew anything about her at all, she ought to know she meant it. If Paige told Ben she had come out of the coma, and couldn’t walk, she’d never let Paige set foot in this room again. Or any other room she was in, for the rest of her life.

Renie had begged her to let them call Ben. Liv refused. Mark didn’t even mention Ben’s name. Smart man.

***

Philadelphia, Toronto, Saratoga Springs, Virginia Beach and now Raleigh. Every night, the same thing happened. The crowd chanted Liv’s name and Ben opened the show by telling a story about her. He never knew what he was going to say, he never thought about it ahead of time. Sometimes it was something new, sometimes it was a story he’d told at another show. Then he’d play “And Then You Fall.”

There was so much demand for the song, the band recorded a live version and put it on iTunes. Not only had the song moved into the number one spot in just a few days, their new album was currently number seven, and the song wasn’t even on it. The band was rapidly gaining mass market popularity before Liv’s accident, and since, fan support had grown exponentially.

The worst pain he’d ever known was fueling the success of his life’s dream. The irony ate him alive.

He called Paige at least once every day. Nothing to report, she’d tell him.

***

Liv was moving to a rehab facility outside of Colorado Springs. She still didn’t have any feeling below the waist. The doctors were recommending the surgery, and Liv was in favor of it. The risk was high, not only could she end up as a quadriplegic, it could kill her. They wanted to wait three more weeks before they did it. Three more weeks.

“Let me tell him something, anything.”

“No Paige.”

“I have to tell him you’re being moved.”

“No Paige.”

“He’s capable of calling the hospital Liv. They may not tell him your condition but they’ll sure as hell tell him you’re no longer there. You know him, he’ll be here as fast as that little plane will fly him.”

“Tell him they’re moving me. But that’s all.”

“What do you think is going to happen when the tour ends?”

“I have six weeks before I need to worry about that.”

One sentence told Paige everything she needed to know. Liv was paying attention to what was happening in Ben’s life. The CB Rice tour had originally been slated to end October 30, four weeks from now. They’d added two weeks and ten more cities to the tour and Paige was certain no one had told Liv. Why would they? That meant Liv was checking. And if she was checking, she still wanted him in her life.

***

CB Rice was bigger than they ever dreamed possible. The record label wanted them to start the European leg of their tour in January. Ben agreed to it, tentatively.

They’d be off from the middle of November until the end of December. Once he saw his boys, he’d spend the time off with Liv. He’d spend every minute of it with her, until she woke up. And then he’d spend every minute after she did with her too. His boys could come over from Crested Butte and stay with him for a couple weeks here and there.

In January maybe he’d go to Europe, and maybe he wouldn’t. He’d have to wait and see.

***

She checked the Twitter feed for the second time this morning and saw they’d posted photos from the concert the night before. And then she went on YouTube to watch, and listen, to the story he told about her, just like she had every morning for the last five weeks. Then she checked iTunes. Their album was up to number two.

Tomorrow was her surgery, it had been delayed two additional weeks, they were finally moving her back to the hospital in Denver in a couple of hours.

During the seven-hour operation, surgeons took one of the discs from Liv’s back and fused the bones. Then they mended the broken bone with surgical cement and used titanium screws and plates to fix her neck.

Renie and Paige held hands and Mark stood behind them, his hands on their shoulders when the doctors came out to tell them how the surgery went.

“Everything went as well as it could. Now we have to wait and see. We won’t know anything until she wakes up. She’ll be under sedation for a couple more hours. You should be able to see her then.”

***

Jimmy saw it first, and prayed he could distract Ben until he figured out if it was true, or just some cruel and horrible attempt by some sleaze bag in the press to make a buck.

The post read, “CB Rice Cashes In Big with Fake Coma Story.” It went on to say that CB Rice’s recent meteoric rise to fame was due in large part to the fans’ near hysteria over Ben Rice’s girlfriend, the one who was supposedly in a coma. According to reports, the woman in question had been out of her coma for weeks, shortly after the first concert when Ben came out on stage and told his naive fans the tragic story of the alleged love of his life.

Jimmy knew by the look on Ben’s face, he’d seen it.

“What the fuck is this?”

Ben’s dad, Jimmy and Ben were trying to reach anyone they could—Paige, Renie, Mark, or the hospital. None of them were answering, and the hospital wouldn’t even confirm that they had a patient by the name of Olivia Fairchild.

Paige and Renie were talking with Liv when Mark saw the story on CNN.

“You better turn on the news,” was all he said when he walked in the room.

“Oh my God.” Liv’s head fell back on the pillow.

Paige looked down at her phone. “Shit. Seven missed calls. All from Ben.” She raised her eyebrows at Liv. “What now?”

“Just get me on a goddamn plane.”

They were in LA. It would take a little over two hours to fly to Denver. Ben was taking a commercial flight. It would get him there faster.

***

Ben stormed into the hospital . . . and Mark was waiting for him. Again.

“Tell me,” Ben managed to say. “No wait. I’d rather hear this from Liv herself. Since she’s awake.” The bitterness dripped off his tongue like poison sludge.

Mark took him up to Liv’s room. Renie and Paige were with her when he walked in.

“Well hello Liv,” Ben sneered at her. “Ladies, please leave. I need to talk to Liv alone.”

Renie stopped in front of him, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It wasn’t ever about you Ben. My mom needed to come first.”

Ben didn’t think there was anything that could get him to take his eyes off Liv, but that had. He looked at Renie and closed his eyes. That’s always the way it was, wasn’t it? It wasn’t about him, or what an absolute fucking idiot he was. It wasn’t about him unintentionally duping millions of people who now thought he was the scum of the earth for lying to them.

It wasn’t about the pain he carried in his heart, his head, throughout his body for the last two months, thinking he may not ever have the chance to tell the incredible, beautiful woman in front of him how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

No, this wasn’t ever about him.

He didn’t move. Paige and Renie were gone. Liv was right in front of him, her eyes were open, something he’d been dreaming about, thinking about, praying for, but he couldn’t move.

“Why?” he finally asked. “And don’t, don’t say this wasn’t about me. Don’t.”

“It was all about you,” she answered.

“About me? Really. I guess you didn’t think then about the other people in my life who would be affected by this. Do you have any idea what this will do to the band? Forget about me, think about the band. And the crew, all the people we employ. We’re done Liv. People think we’ve been conning them. So you wanna tell me how this was all about me?”

He was so angry, so hurt, so confused, but at that moment, it all went away, none of it mattered. Liv was conscious. And she was talking to him. He’d dreamt about this every day, even when he wasn’t sleeping. The need to touch her overwhelmed him.

He stalked over to the bed and leaned down, as close as he could get to her and said in her ear, “I don’t want to do anything to physically hurt you, but I’m going to kiss you, and I’m going to kiss you hard. So if there is anywhere I can’t touch you, you better tell me right now.”

Ben’s lips met hers and pushed her head back up against the pillow. His mouth devoured hers and dared hers to respond. His hand came up and stroked her face, gently, as if knowing only his mouth could cause her pain. The rest of his body had to protect her at all costs.

He could taste the saltiness of her tears as they ran down her face and into their mouths. He could hear her cries, but he chose to ignore them. He needed to take this from her and everything else be damned. She was pulling at him, trying to bring his body closer to hers.

“Don’t make me hurt you Liv,” he said as he pulled back from her. “It isn’t your body I want to hurt, just your heart.” His eyes were dark, not from hunger, but from rage. “Are you even going to try to explain?”

“I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted to protect you.”

He backed away from her. “Protect me? Protect me? Is that what you just said? You wanted to protect me? From what? Peace? Sanity? Do you have any idea what these last few weeks have been like for me?”

He stood up and walked toward the window. “Every day I called. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. And I’d ask how you were. And every single day, Paige lied to me.”

“It wa
sn’t her fault. I made her do it,
to protect you.”

“Look at me. Can you see me? I’m not a man who has been protected. I’m a man who has had his insides chewed up every day, for the last two months. My body has been racked with pain. Every single fucking day.” His eyes welled with tears. “I would’ve crawled into that body, taken the coma on myself and set you free if I could’ve. I didn’t care about me, only you.”