And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) (16 page)

“There are plenty of girls you do it for Billy Patterson. Plenty. You never loved me and you know it. I was somebody safe you flirted with.”

There was that word again. Liv was safe. She was sick and tired of being safe. “Come out with us later. I’m meeting up with your folks and some friends. I’m feeling awfully happy right now,” she winked at him.

“Whoo-wee, you keep that up girl and I’ll be flirtin’ with you all night long.”

Liv turned to walk Micah back to the barns. There was another round tomorrow night and if she did well, she might just be in the money on Sunday. At her first rodeo.

She walked back out after Micah was settled and looked up at the stars. “Ben, are you looking at the same night sky I am?” She put her arms around her waist, as though she was holding him close to her. “What I would’ve given to have you here tonight. I wonder what you would’ve thought about all this?”

She knew damn well Ben would be proud of her. If she’d told him she wanted to do this, he would’ve done everything in his power to help her. He never would’ve tried to talk her out of it. She could say all this
now
.
Three months ago she didn’t know whether she could even qualify for a rodeo, let alone do so well her first time out.

For the hundredth time today, the millionth time this week, Liv wondered if she’d made a horrible mistake saying goodbye to Ben Rice.

Don’t go home,
the text from Paige said. What the hell? If heartbreak didn’t kill him the heart attack Paige gave him would. Was there a more infuriating woman alive?

Ben pulled off the road. He didn’t know where he was going. He couldn’t drive home, at least not tonight. He was going to have to find a place to stay, get some sleep, and leave in the morning.

Don’t go home,
the text came through again.

I’m not
,
he wrote back.

Where are you?

Couple blocks away.

Meet us at Blue Water on Main.

Shit. What was Paige up to now? Enough with the texts, he was calling her.

“Hey,” she answered.

“Paige, I gotta tell you, I don’t think I’ve been this close to havin’ a drink in over a year. You have to let up on me a little bit. I know you mean well, but . . .”

“She knows you’re here.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Renie decided she needed to know.”

Fuck
.
Now what? Ben laid his head against the steering wheel. He never should have come. Liv was not going to be happy about this. No matter what he did next it would be the wrong thing.

“Does she want to see me?” He couldn’t believe those words actually came out of his stupid mouth. Of course she didn’t want to see him. He hit the steering wheel, hard and answered before she had a chance to. “Fuck Paige, why are you doing this to me?”

He hit the off button on the phone and threw it against the passenger window, hoping it would break. Why had he come?

***

“Hey sweet mama,” Renie said, meeting her mother outside the barn. “Do you have any idea how proud I am of you? How happy I am for you?”

Liv hugged Renie with all her might. Thank God her daughter was here. If she hadn’t been, tonight would’ve meant so much less.

“There were some people in the stands tonight cheering you on that I don’t think you expected to be here.”

Liv knew her eyes flew open, she tried to breathe in, and almost choked, she couldn’t catch her breath.

“Mom, are you okay?” Renie started slapping Liv on the back.

“Stop! Stop it. I’m okay, just went down the wrong pipe.” Liv coughed a couple times trying to get her breath back. “Who?”

“Well, Paige and Mark came down, you probably figured they would. And you already knew that Dottie and Bill were here. But there was one more person you probably didn’t expect.”

Liv was so close to strangling her daughter. “Who Renie? Quit playing games and tell me.”

“Ben.”

Liv turned and walked back toward the barn. Ben was here. Where was he? Why was he here? She had a million questions running through her head.

“Mom, come back. Don’t run away.”

Liv turned toward her daughter but kept her feet firmly planted where they were. “You shouldn’t have interfered in this.” She turned back around and went into the barn.

“Mom, wait a minute. Stop, quit walking away from me dammit!” Renie had never once, in twenty-one years raised her voice to her mother, she’d never had any reason to. Until tonight.

“Irene, you had no right,” Liv said through her tears.

“First of all, I didn’t interfere, Paige did.” Liv laughed. “And secondly, that man loves you so much, you should have seen his face. He had tears in his eyes he was so proud of you.”

“He did?” Liv whispered.

“Yes, he did. And if you don’t talk to him, at least thank him for being here, be gracious to him, then I will be very, very disappointed in you.”

Renie sounded just like her. Whenever her daughter had done anything wrong, Liv’s tactic was always the one Renie was using right now. She wasn’t a yeller, or even a shouter. She’d just simply tell her that she’d be very, very disappointed in her if she didn’t improve her behavior. Now Renie was handing it back to her.

“I expect better from you Mom.”

Yep, Liv had used that line too, plenty of times.

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know. Paige is trying to keep him from leaving.”

What should she do? Liv had no idea. Should she call him and thank him for coming? Should she let Paige handle it? Should she run as fast and as far away from all this as she could? She didn’t know.

“Renie?”

“What Mom?”

“I don’t know what to do.” It came out somewhere between a gasp and a whisper. She grabbed her daughter’s arm, as if it had become her lifeline. “Help me.”

“Call him.”

Liv walked in a circle. Why was somebody always trying to get her to call him? First Dottie, then Paige, now Renie. Should she call him? She didn’t know.

***

Ben picked his phone up off the floor of his truck and hit the “on” button. Nothing. He’d done it. He broke it. That was what he wanted to do wasn’t it? That way Paige couldn’t get a hold of him. He couldn’t find out if Liv wanted to see him. He couldn’t do anything. His phone was broken. What the hell had he been thinking?

“It went to straight to voicemail. Shit.” Paige said to Mark, furious at how she had handled it.

***

“It went straight to voicemail.” Liv said to Renie, not knowing what to do next.

Chapter 14

Ben got out of the truck and paced along the side of the road. He didn’t know what the hell to do. Paige told him to come to Blue Water on Main. He assumed that was a restaurant, or a bar. He could probably find Main Street, since there were only two roads in the whole town, and he was on the other one.

He had two choices. He could go and see Liv. Or? He only had one choice.

Ben walked into the restaurant and didn’t see Paige or Mark. He didn’t see Renie or Liv either. Or even Dottie or Bill.

“Is there another Blue Water in town?” he asked the bartender, who laughed at him.

He ordered a coke and rubbed his hands over his face. He sat with his back to the door, he couldn’t bear watching for her. If Liv walked into this bar and wanted to see him, she’d know he was there.

“I told him where we’d be.” Paige said to Renie. “I don’t know whether he’ll come or not.”

“Have you tried calling him again?”

“Just once a minute, keeps going to voicemail.”

“She’s gonna be wrecked if he doesn’t show. I think we handled this really wrong.”

“Thanks Renie. I appreciate you saying ‘we,’ but this is all on me. I handled this wrong.”

“Nope, you’re not taking all the blame. It was my idea to tell her he was here. If I hadn’t, he would’ve left, my mom wouldn’t have even known he’d been here, and instead of looking like she’s gonna throw up any minute, she’d still be celebrating.”

“Where is she?”

“She’s walking toward me, she went to freshen up in the ladies’ room. Gotta go. We’ll see you there.”

“Ready?” Renie said to her mom.

“Where we going?”

“We’re going to Blue Water on Main. Paige, Mark, the Pattersons, Jolene and Mary Beth are coming. And maybe Ben. And Mom, we’re celebrating tonight, one way or another. I know I really screwed this up, and I hope you can forgive me.”

Liv went into mom-mode. This she knew how to do. “It’s okay baby girl. This thing between Ben and me is complicated. I know everyone wants to help, but some things just can’t be helped. Come on, let’s go celebrate. Your mama is a barrel racer after all.”

Everyone, except Ben, was waiting under the bright light near the front door when Renie and Liv pulled into the parking lot.

There were so many shouts and cheers, people picking her up and hugging her, Liv almost, for a second or two, forgot about Ben. Not a whole second really, but part of one.

“Let’s go eat,” Bill said. “Dottie’s treat.”

Dottie slugged him, “That’s right big spender, make your wife buy your dinner, and everybody else’s too.”

“You know I’m jus’ kiddin’ sweetie,” Bill said as he nuzzled up to Dottie. Liv would give anything to have a love like the Pattersons had. She’d probably had a chance to, but she’d pushed him away.

Bill went in to make sure the table was ready, followed by the rest of the group. Paige grabbed Liv’s arm and held her back. “Walk in with me,” Paige said to her and hooked her arm through Liv’s. Renie was right in front of them, and Mark was right behind them. Liv wondered if they thought she was going to back out, so they had her surrounded.

It took a minute for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, but she saw him. His back was to her, but he was there. She stood completely still, taking her arm from Paige’s.

“Go ahead,” she
said. “I’ll meet you in there.”

Ben turned around, he knew she was there. He felt her. The only thing he could do was smile, he was so damn happy to see her.

She loved his smile. She could look at him for hours. Ben smiled with his whole face, his eyes, his mouth . . . God, his mouth.

He stood and she walked over to him. He held out his arms and she walked into him. Her mouth sought his, she couldn’t wait.

Neither could he. His lips crushed into hers. His arms were around her waist and he lifted her up so her mouth was even with his, and he could feel her body against his.

The noisy restaurant went silent in his ears. It became a dull hum, he could only hear his heart pounding. And Liv, her soft, quiet whimpers as she kissed him, as her lips tore at his, as she ravaged him.
She ravaged him
.
Not the other way around.

Finally she spoke. “Ben.”

It was the only word he wanted to hear.

“There’s my girl.”

“I’m so happy you’re here. I heard you watched me chase the cans.”

“You were magnificent.”

She looked down and even as dark as it was in the bar, he knew her cheeks were pink. He put his finger on her chin and tilted her head so her eyes met his. “Magnificent.”

Her smile left her face and her eyes bored into his. “I missed you so much.”

“I know baby, me too.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Shh. Nothin’ to be sorry for.”

“But—”

“Unh uh. No buts.” He smiled at her and kissed her again. “Let’s go join your party baby.”

***

Ben stood back and watched Liv as she circled the table, greeting each person who was there to celebrate her phenomenal success. He pulled out a chair at the end of the table and sat next to Mark.

“You didn’t go home.”

“I sat next to you because I thought you were the one person at the table who wasn’t going to try to talk to me about Liv. Can’t we talk about guitar strings, or baseball, or some other random topic you’re so good at pullin’ out of thin air? Just please, let’s not talk about me and Liv.”

“You got it buddy.” Mark pulled out his cell phone and started to show Ben videos on YouTube. The guy had the sense of humor of a fourteen-year-old and sometimes that was a very good thing.

“Tomorrow’s another day of training, just like it would be back home. Don’t go gettin’ all full of yourself tonight, thinking you have this in the bag,” Jolene said to Liv.

“Oh Jolene, can’t you give the girl a break? Give Cinderella a midnight curfew if you have to, but let her enjoy the ball while she’s here.” Dottie stood up in Liv’s defense.

“You don’t win world titles enjoying the balls,” the gruff sixty-five year spit out, which Mark picked up and ran with.

“What did she just say, Liv isn’t allowed to enjoy the balls? Is that what she really said? Bummer for you dude.”

“Yep. You’re fourteen, a fourteen-year-old with gray hair.”

***

Liv moved from person to person at the table, and between the end of one conversation and the beginning of the next, she’d look at him, fleetingly. Was she checking to make sure he was still there, or that he was okay, or was she wondering if he was watching her?

All three, he’d guess. And he moved from okay to well beyond it if in that moment, she smiled at him.

Too soon and yet not soon enough, Liv came and sat in the open chair next to him. What came next for them? Did they act as though they hadn’t spent the last three months apart on purpose? Did he act like he was just another of her friends there to celebrate her big night? He had no idea.

“This is just so much . . . more.” She said to him. “More than I ever imagined, more than I expected, more than I dreamed of.”

“Which part, the barrels, the friends, the celebration?”

“All of it. I’m not used to being the center of attention. I’m not used to having a reason to be.”

Humble. She was the definition of it. Liv was completely unaware of her significance in the lives of the people sitting at this table. And with him? She saw herself as a soft place for him to land. It was the reason she worried they had nothing in common, and it was the reason she’d told him he should find a woman who could be strong enough for him. She saw herself as nothing more than a pretty pillow where he could lay his head.

More than she dreamed of, that’s what she said. But in her eyes, nothing she’d achieved in the last three months, or she would achieve in the next year, or two, or five with her barrel racing would make her more to him. Liv would still believe she wasn’t enough for him.

They hadn’t even come close to moving past square one. He was here, she was happy he was, but as far as something
more
between them? Nothing had changed. His mom had suggested Liv needed time to figure out who she was, and she seemed to be doing that. But how did he make sure that while she learned who she was for herself, she also learned who she was for him, with him, why he wanted to be with her? He had no idea.

“Awfully quiet there cowboy,” she said to him nervously.

“Just thinkin’ how much more you are than you know.”

“The things you say, sweet talker. Sometimes they sound like they should be in a song.”

He laughed. “And sometimes they are, or they work their way into one.”

Liv leaned over and put her head on his shoulder, so he could feel her breath on the curve between his neck and shoulder. When she shifted far enough that she could put her lips where her breath had been, he thought he might come apart. “Liv—”

“Will you stay with me tonight cowboy?”

Oh man, he
liked
confident Liv. But at this rate, he wouldn’t last another five minutes before he took her out and plundered her in the parking lot. He moved her enough that he could brush his lips across hers, then moved her further so no part of her body touched his.

“Ben?”

He leaned over so he could whisper in her ear, trying to keep himself from touching her as he did it. “I’m ready to throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of here, caveman-style, so unless you don’t care what anyone at this table thinks of that, you gotta stop touching me.”

He didn’t miss the little grin she tried hard to hide, or the way her eyes drifted closed as she breathed in deeply. “I know just how you’re feeling sweetheart,” he murmured.

Dottie was up on her feet tryin’ to pull Liv with her. “Come on girls, I wanna dance.”

Oh good Lord, thought Liv, Dottie wanted to dance. All Liv could think about was getting out of this bar and getting Ben out of his clothes. Considering Bill and Mark were at the jukebox, Liv didn’t know what to expect. Renie was on her feet, swayin’ to the music already. Her daughter loved to dance. So did she, honestly.

“Come on Paige, you’re in on this too.”

The heavy sounds of a guitar filled the room, something about saving a horse and riding a cowboy.

Oh God, she was gonna kill Mark, if Paige didn’t do it first.

Dottie, Jolene and Mary Beth were woohooing it up, “Save a horse Livvie!” They pulled her in to dance with them, and she couldn’t help herself, she got into it. She’d had a damn good day, one of the best of her life, she was gonna have fun.

They danced, and danced, and danced . . . Liv needed a drink, something tall and cool and wet. Ben. She’d rather have him than a drink.

“One more song Livvie,” Billy Junior hollered out. “This one’s a slow one.”

The fiddle started to play as Zac Brown’s “Free,” drifted through the speakers in the bar.

“Oh, I love this song,” Liv said to no one in particular, right before Billy swung his arm around her waist and proceeded to move her around the dance floor.

Ben lasted all of twenty seconds before he was on his feet, “Pardon me cowboy,” he said, taking a page out of Liv’s play book. “But you’re dancin’ with my girl.”

“She was my girl long before you came along . . .”

“Billy, you don’t want to start this. You’ll ruin my night.” Liv kissed his cheek.

Billy stepped aside and Ben pulled Liv in as close as he could get her. “This is the first time I’ve held you in my arms and danced with you. Do you realize that?”

“It feels so good, doesn’t it?”

“Dancing?”

“You, holding me in your arms. Feels like home Ben.”

He pulled back so he could see her face, and hated that he wondered how much she’d had to drink tonight.

“You think anyone would notice if you carried me outa here now? You know, that caveman thing?” She was talking so softly, so damn seductively, it was almost like she was purring at him. He didn’t care if anyone noticed, it was time for them to leave.

He danced her over near Dottie and Bill. Looked like Bill had his hands full himself.

“We’re gonna call it a night. Thanks for everything,” he said to them.

“You better ask Jolene what time Livvie’s supposed to be at the barn in the mornin’ there Ben. Won’t be good for her to be showin’ up late.” Bill shook his finger at them as he said it.

“Jolene?”

Jolene was so busy dancin’ with Mark, God love her (and him), Ben wasn’t sure she heard him.

“Not a minute past nine little girl. We gotta make sure you’r
e
focused.”
Jolene glared at Ben.

“She’s a tough one,” he said.

“She’s my hero,” Liv answered, looking sleepy.

Ben put his arm around her and moved her in the direction of the door. “Are you gonna stay awake long enough to tell me where we’re staying tonight?”