And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) (17 page)

That seemed to wake her up. “Oh you don’t need to worry about me stayin’ awake
cowboy.”

They got to the truck and Ben didn’t waste a second. His hands fisted in her hair as he backed her up against the door. His lips rubbed against hers, nibbling, teasing, followed by his warm tongue invading her mouth. Her stomach did a little flip as he first groaned then growled when her hands dug into his chest beneath his shirt. He took over, imprisoning her hips with his. God she loved how the length of his body felt against hers.

His hands gripped her hips as he kissed her harder. He stroked the soft skin where her shirt rode up as he kissed her softer. He angled his head, changing the way his kiss felt. Then he was gentle, so gentle, sweet, but she wanted so much more from him.

“I can’t think straight for wanting you Liv,” he nuzzled her cheek, then realized his stubble probably scratched her. He reached up and softly rubbed his fingers where his face had been.

He pulled her over from the door and unlocked it. “I want you too much for it to be like this Liv.”

She climbed into the passenger seat and he leaned in, laying his face against her breast, his hand squeezing the inside of her thigh. He stopped and looked up at her. Suddenly his hand came up and he gripped her chin. “You are so beautiful Liv,” her eyes fell away from his.

“No, don’t look away. Look right at me.” Her eyes met his straight on, as if challenging him to say what he was about to say.

“You are so beautiful Liv, but, you are so much more than that. You’re everything. Do you understand, you’re everything to me.”

He pulled away and closed the door, stopping to take a deep breath before he walked around the back of the truck. He got to his door and stopped again, took a deep breath and looked up to the sky. God he hoped he didn’t screw this up.

As soon as they were in the hotel room, Ben worked the buttons on Liv’s blouse free, running his fingers along each sliver of her skin as it was revealed. Once it hung open, he slid it off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor.

His eyes darkened with heat as his lips followed where his tongue had just been. He dropped to his knees, his tongue licked across her middle. His fingers popped the button on her jeans. He lowered the zipper and his warm mouth softly kissed along the top edge of her panties. He tugged her jeans until they were down below her knees.

“Sit on the bed Liv.” She practically fell back into it. “Liv, look at me,” he demanded. She wore just her bra and panties, but Ben was still fully clothed. He placed his hands on her knees, “Let me in.”

He leaned in close enough that his jeans rubbed against her skin while his hands slid up her thighs, around her hips, up her back and around the to the clasp of her bra. It immediately fell away.

“You’re too good at that,” she groaned.

He palmed her breasts and she arched and let her head fall back. And then he was gone. She opened her eyes to see him yank his shirt over his head. She kept watching as he unhooked his belt buckle, unfastened the button and unzipped his jeans.

“Do I need a condom Liv?”

“No Ben, you don’t.”

“Is it for me Liv, just me?”

“Just you Ben, it’s always just you.” She tried to stifle her cry, but couldn’t. There was no one else for her. There never would be.

He swooped down and fused his mouth to hers. Kissing her hard, and rough, and eager. His lips followed the line of her jaw, up to her ear, “I need you baby.”

She didn’t answer with words, but arched against him. And at that moment, he went still, just before he buried himself inside her. Slowly. So slowly.

There was no better feeling in the world than her body joined together with his.

“You’re mine, all mine Liv.” He started to move faster, harder. “Tell me. Let me hear you say it.”

“I’m yours Ben, all yours.”

Later, Ben waited until her breathing became more even. He moved her hand off his hip and whispered, “Liv,” to see if her eyes opened. They didn’t.

“You’re all I ever wanted. Since the moment I laid eyes on you. You’re it baby. I love you, heart and soul, with everything I am.” He rolled to his back and stared up at the ceiling. “And why is it that I can only say this to you when you’re sleeping? Because I know if you heard me, you’d bolt.”

Liv shifted again, her arm came across his waist, she turned part way to her side, and her body nuzzled up against his. She brought her head up and laid it on his chest. Her eyes never opened, her breathing never changed. In her sleep Liv’s body sought his, she got as close as she could get . . . when they made l
ove, and when she was sleeping.

Liv woke up and looked over at Ben. Soft light filtered in through the window coverings, it was still early. She drifted back to sleep for a moment, then shook herself awake again. She wanted this time awake, while he slept.

Her eyes drifted over his face, slowly, as though they were her fingers, so slowly she let them wander. They lingered on the lines at the corner of his eye, etched there because of his smile, the one he gave so generously. They moved to the crease in the hollow above his eyes, between his eyebrows, as though as he slept some stress stayed, furrowed there, not allowing his brow to be completely at rest. His mouth called her eyes to move to its pout. The corners turned down in his sleep, like they did when he played guitar, and got lost in it, forgetting where he was and who was there with him. He slept with his mouth closed. Did everyone? Had Scott? Liv could not remember. She closed her eyes and pulled at her memory, it wouldn’t bring Scott to where she could see him. He’d faded, her mind no longer remembering how he slept, what he even looked like. She opened her eyes again to continue her study of Ben’s face. His eyes were open, studying her.

His hand came up, joining his eyes. His fingers feathered strokes on her cheek. His eyes added to the caress.

Liv let her eyes wander back to where they’d been, on his mouth. Then let them slowly drift over his chin that jutted strongly when he was concentrating on something. As her eyes moved lower, she could see the pulse beating strongly in his neck. He swallowed and she watched the way the muscles changed when he did. Down they continued, over his chest, at rest now, it looked softer, her fingers longed to run through the downy hair that was scattered over it. But this feast was for her eyes.

She let them move to his arm, shifting back so she could see it better, without her body laying against it. His square shoulder never rounded. Had he been a swimmer? She tilted her head to look at his forearm, and his wrist, and his hand. Masculine hands, with big, firm fingers, symmetrically calloused from their continued use over the strings of his guitar.

She looked back up to his chest, it rose and fell with a stronger rhythm, as if his heart was driving it, harder and faster.

Back to his face, his eyes were half-lidded, getting darker and hungrier as his breathing accelerated. His mouth opened just slightly, but he didn’t speak.

Liv’s hand slowly moved the sheet that kept the rest of him hidden. Her eyes needed to take in all of him. Could he stay still and let them? He didn’t move.

Over his torso they lingered again, watching as his body changed the longer her eyes studied him, as though they were speaking to him. Urging him on to feel their heat.

More movement. The muscles in his thighs beckoned her attention. His leg shifted, his knee bent just slightly. They drifted over his calf, his ankle and to his feet. She loved his feet. Feet said a lot about a man. His were strong, and sturdy. They carried so much, his feet.

She let her hands find their way back up the slow trail her eyes had just taken, softly stroking his skin as they went. He breathed in deeply, almost a gasp. Her lips couldn’t wait for her hands to finish the journey, she brought them to his skin and continued the path, slowly easing back over each spot her eyes had rested on.

Ben was so still, the pace of his breathing could be measured against his stillness. Liv climbed up and laid her entire body against his. Body on body, skin on skin. She loved it as much as he did. Her hand took his and she gently set it against her hip, giving him permission to move, to let his body begin to participate in the exploration hers began.

His other hand came up on its own, but as slowly as the first had. At first still, they started to move along her sides, soft fingers trailed from each hip, to the side of her breasts and then up slowly over her shoulders, hardening as they got to her neck, grasping as they reached her face, pulling as they brought her lips to his. At the same time his mouth joined with hers, his body did too, they fit together with such ease.

Liv raised up, her hands digging into his chest, the place her eyes kept selfishly to themselves only a few minutes before. Her eyes took their place in his, searching, looking for the thing they needed to see. Longing, love—there it was. She kept them there as she moved, bringing them both to the place where their bodies answered the need their eyes desired.

***

When Liv got out of the shower, Ben was sitting in the chair by the window, guitar in his arms, singing so so
ftly she could barely hear him.

To see you here then, it tickles me crazy. To see you here in the midst of your fall. I know your fear, I know your tears. But that smile, so sweet, that longing so deep.

He stopped when he realized she was standing just outside the bathroom door. She smiled, leaned her shoulder up against the wall and closed her eyes.

Your eyes burn into my heart, my love, my joy, my fall.

She wanted him to keep singing, she wanted him to finish. She couldn’t wait. Ben seemed to sense it, leaning his guitar on the floor next to the table as she stalked over to him.

He stood just as she launched herself into him.

“You’re gonna be late baby . . .”

“Don’t care.”

Chapter 15

“Can you stay, or do you need to get back?” Liv asked Ben as he drove her back to the rodeo grounds.

“Just waitin’ for you to ask me. Figured I already pulled the ‘I’m here and I’m stayin’ whether you want me to or not,’ card. Gotta let it be up to you sometimes.”

“You think you can handle giving up all that control?”

Ben threw his head back, in that way he did, and laughed. “Maybe for an hour or two, probably my limit.”

“I’ll be riding and working with Micah most of the day. Jolene has a horse whisperer approach she wants me to try with him. But it’s gotta be me doing it. He only responds to me.”

“Kinda like me.”

Liv was lost in thought, planning out her day, thinking about Micah and what they needed to work on. He went left, every time. Right he hesitated, yet all her instincts told her to push him that way. Even that split-second hesitation she could feel, it carried tension up into her shoulders. That’s what they needed to focus on today.

She looked over and realized Ben was watching her, smiling. “Where’d you go?”

She looked down and her cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink. “Turn two.”

“I like you like this. All sweet and cowgirly.”

“Never underestimate a cowgirl Ben, we’re rarely sweet.”

Liv jumped out of the Tahoe, waving her hand as she walked away. She never looked back. It was a little thing, but he started to realize she did it every time. Most people looked back. She never did.

He drove to the outskirts of town and found a shady place to pull over and sit for a while. Maybe he’d finish the song he started this morning.

When he went to see what time it was, Ben remembered he broke his phone last night. Shit. He better get to town and see if he could get a replacement, he doubted there’d be anything in Woodward, he’d have to go further away, maybe back to Hope. He needed to check in with the band, his kids and probably his parents. When he left yesterday morning, he hadn’t told any he was leaving, or where he was going, considering he hadn’t known that part himself.

***

The first call he made was to Jimmy. They weren’t due to head back out on the road until Monday night or Tuesday morning, but he needed to be back home sometime tomorrow to pack things up and get ready.

“Where are you again?” Jimmy asked.

“Woodward, Oklahoma.”

“I don’t even wanna ask.”

“Yeah, there’s not much here, except maybe a rodeo. And pheasant hunters.”

“Huh?”

When Ben was brushing his teeth that morning he’d noticed the sign over the sink that said, “No cleaning pheasants in sink.” It stuck with him, might be a song in there somewhere.

“Whatever, never mind that. When are you coming back?”

“Well, I was thinking Sunday night, but I was wondering if you guys could handle packing up for next week.” Ben wanted to stay through the end of the rodeo on Sunday night to watch Liv wrap up her first showing. If the guys could handle it, he could drive back Monday and meet up with them.

“Yeah, I guess we could.”

Ben could hear the hesitation in Jimmy’s voice. “What?”

“Nothin’. Can’t really say no since you never ask. What’s so important in middle-a-nowhere Oklahoma anyway?”

Ben hesitated. Maybe he should call Phil or one of the other guys in the band next time.

“Oh. No.”

“What?”

“It’s her, isn’t it? The girl?”

“Yeah, whatever. See you Monday night.” Ben ended the call.

A slew of texts started coming through on his phone, including some from Jake, who was fighting with his brother; his mom, saying she left a container of soup in his refrigerator, and then another from her saying it didn’t look like he was home. Another was from a guy in the band, he’d already called Jimmy back, that was good enough.

The last texts were from Paige, most from the other night, after he broke his phone. There was one from today asking if he was still in town. Bet she hadn’t asked Liv. She was a sly one that Paige.

He answered and asked where they were. He wouldn’t mind hanging out with Mark today. Maybe they could go pheasant hunting.

“How is she?” Paige asked as soon as Ben sat down in the booth with them at the diner.

“Mad as hell. At you,” he teased, and smiled. He watched her face go from panicked to irritated.

“I’m not gonna let you two hang out together anymore,” she said, looking between Ben and Mark.

“How did I get involved in this?” asked Mark. Truth was Ben had never seen a guy who was more of an innocent bystander than Mark. He and Paige had been married for thirty years, so Mark was probably used to it.

“When are you going back?”

“Thinkin’ Monday morning.”

“Things must be goin’ well then.”

Ben looked over at Mark who shrugged his shoulders, then said, “If it’s none of her business, you just gotta say so. Until you do she’s gonna keep seeing how much information she can get you to hand over to her.”

Ben looked at Paige and straight-faced said, “Paige, it’s none of your business.”

“You should be thanking me,” she pouted.

“Thank you Paige,” he smirked.

“Can I join you?” asked Renie.

“Of course,” said Paige, motioning for Ben to scoot over.

Renie sat down and turned so she was facing him, arm on the back of the booth. “So. You’re still here.”

“Renie,” Ben said with a killer smile, “it’s none of your business.” Mark high-fived him.

***

Liv rode Micah around and around in the warm-up arena, trying to keep her thoughts on the barrels and off of Ben. She pulled a slot further down tonight, so she wouldn’t be first out of the chute. That was good and bad. More time to think, more time to let her mind drift.

One of the bare bronc riders had stopped by the barn today to introduce himself and now she noticed he was out riding, trying to stay as close to her as he could.

“Hey cowgirl, you chasin’ the cans again tonight?”

“You know it cowboy,” she grinned over her shoulder.

“Whoo-wee, you’re pretty.”

There was something about knowing Ben was in the stands tonight that let Liv flirt a little. This time she liked being safe, because it meant something else entirely. She was safe to flirt,
a little,
because at the end of the night, she knew exactly which cowboy she’d be going home with.

Thoughts of Ben whirled around in her head, until she saw Jolene glaring at her from the fence. If Jolene had her way, Ben would be on the next bus out of town, she’d made that pretty clear this morning when Liv showed up a half hour late.

“You think we agree to train just anybody Miss Olivia?”

Well, she was paying them, but no, she didn’t think that would be enough to get them to do it.

“No ma’am, I don’t, and I’m very sorry I was late.”

“If you aren’t gonna take this seriously, there’s no point in my even bein’ here. Maybe I should just get in the truck and head home. I got a family too ya know.”

“Please don’t leave Jolene. I won’t be late again. Ever.”

“You see that you don’t ’cause tomorrow morning, you’re as much as forty-five seconds late, I’m in the truck and gone. Got it?”

“I got it.” Liv walked over to where Mary Beth stood holding Micah. “She doesn’t mean it you know.”

“It’s probably better if I think she does.” Liv shook her head. “You know who she reminds me of?”

“Who’s that honey?”

“My father.”

***

Liv was up next. The ground was a little softer tonight, it had rained earlier, not enough to make a big difference, but so far every rider had knocked over a barrel, resulting in a five-second penalty. There were only two riders after Liv, so if she could get through with all three barrels standing, she had a very good chance to stay in the money.

She got the signal and Micah took off. He went left, circled around, headed right, hugged the circle in opposite direction. There was only one left in the clover pattern, he was flying fast but hugging the barrels tight. They headed for home and finished with a time of sixteen-three. She beat last night’s time by five-tenths of a second.

Liv scratched and rubbed Micah’s neck and cooled him off. He loved to roll in the dirt and tonight she’d let him.

She led Micah over to the barn a while later and saw a guy standing with his shoulder up against the door. His cowboy hat sat low over his eyes, his jeans were slung low, the way they always were on him. His T-shirt was hitched up just enough that her eye caught some skin, she took her time to look her fill.

The man was just hot, there was no other way to describe him.

“God damn you’re pretty,” he said as she got closer. “You got any plans tonight little lady, ’cause I sure would like to be the man keeping company with you.”

She shook her head and smiled. “Sorry cowboy, but my dance card is already full this evenin’. Maybe some other time.”

“Then sugar, I’m gonna make sure you never make it to the dance.” Ben took Micah’s reins from her hand and pulled her in as close as he could get her. His thigh inched between hers and spread them apart. He bent his head so they could kiss without knocking her hat off. Liv reached up and threw it off anyway. She wanted to kiss him so hard she took his breath away. And after that, she wanted to possess him. Never before had she wished there was somebody else to care of Micah.

***

“Wait,” she said. “Where are we going?”

“Back to the hotel.”

“But what about Renie, and, you know, Paige and Mark?”

“Sorry sugar, but it’s just you and me tonight.”

He watched the heat rise to her cheeks.

“Liv, I need this. I need you. Differently than it’s been between us in the past.”

“What you do you mean?”

“I need to be in control tonight.”

He watched as her breath caught.

“Tell me you want this Liv. Tell me with a word, that tonight you belong to me, your body, your soul.”

Her eyes were wide. Her breathing was uneven.

“Tell me,” he said again, as his fingers encircled her wrist.

“I want this,” she breathed.

When they pulled up to the hotel, Ben came around and opened her door. Her wide eyes looked up at him, questioning.

“When we get in the room, I want you to take off your clothes and wait on the bed for me.”

She bit her lip, hesitating for just a moment, then nodded that she understood.

Ben stood and watched her do what he asked, he didn’t move. His mouth watered, longing for a taste of her. His arms ached, wanting to pull her into him and comfort her insecurities.

Liv stood next to the bed, her clothes at her feet. Her body trembled as she started to pull the comforter back, stopped and looked to him. He nodded for her to continue. She pulled the sheet back too, and lay down. Her hand reached for the sheet and he was on her, his hand on her wrist, stopping her.

“Watch me,” he demanded as he reached behind him and pulled his shirt over his head. Her eyes moved over his body, the same way they had earlier that morning.

He stood before her, as naked as she was. He reached behind her head and put one pillow on top of the other. “put these under your head,” he said. “I want you to be able to see what I’m doing to you.”

Ben’s hands moved over her legs, up her thighs and over her waist. He followed to her spine, until she arched instinctively.

“Ben—”

“Shh. Be still.”

He wanted her to give over to him, as hard as he knew it would be for her to do it, he couldn’t help it. He wanted her to let him take control the same way he’d let her earlier, this morning, without her realizing he did it.

Every second had been pure torture for him. He’d wanted nothing more than to grab her and throw her under him, but he hadn’t. He let her eyes, and her hands, and her lips linger over his body, unhurried, at her pace. Now he needed the same thing from her.

“Put your hands at your sides Liv, and don’t move them.”

He needed to prove to her that he was the man who could take care of her, love her enough to make it all about her, satisfy the need he saw in her eyes. He knew he was long gone for this woman. He’d take her any way he could get her, even if it wasn’t forever, he’d take her for as long as she’d let him have her.

***

He hoped she was still awake, that he hadn’t worn her out. “Liv?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you leave me?”

“Oh Ben, do we need . . .”

“No, we don’t need.
I need.
I need to know why.”

“I told you then.”

“Tell me again.”

“I’m not enough Ben. I don’t know why you think I am.”

“Why do you get to decide what is enough for me?”