An Unexpected Cookbook: The Unofficial Book of Hobbit Cookery (5 page)

Bake the smaller, folded pies at 375F / 190C for 20-25 minutes, or until golden brown.

The flavor is equally good either way. Use whatever shape fits your overall meal strategy. After all, going on an adventure is no reason to be uncivilized.

VEGAN VARIATION

The larger pie crusts don’t hold up well when oil is substituted for butter, so you’re best off sticking to the smaller, folded ones. Replace the filling’s butter with coconut oil or vegan margarine. Increase the cinnamon by 1 tsp and add 1 tsp of salt to make up for the flavor difference. The pastry won’t bake up into as deep a golden brown, but it’ll still be perfectly tasty.

There are dozens of different techniques for making pork pies. They range from an involved, two day long process rife with opportunities to injure yourself with hot, liquid fat to this fairly simple hand pie recipe for people who want to make up three batches of different pies in a single afternoon. Sitting down to a pork pie, mushroom pie, and apple pie makes for a balanced meal and civilized Elevenses.

Most recipes from this time period offer frustratingly vague directions like, “mix in enough flour” or “use a good quantity of pork” and tell you to mix them with, “all the right herbs.” In the spirit of the rural Victorians, feel free to start with these instructions then improvise madly.

1 lb / 450 g pork sausage, mushed into crumbles

1 onion, diced

2 tbsp flour

½ tbsp thyme

½ tsp allspice

¼ tsp fresh ground black pepper

pinch freshly ground nutmeg

pinch coarse salt

1 batch short crust pastry

You don’t want hearty sausage links here. Get loose, ground country sausage (you can find it in the butcher section of larger groceries) or use your own homemade Country Sausage (pg 15) from Breakfast. You want a loose grind full of delicious fat to bind the filling together.

Brown the sausage and remove it from the skillet. Add the onion to all that tasty grease. Cook it until the onion has sweat out most of its moisture (this helps the pies keep from getting too mushy) and started to turn a nice brown at the edges.

Once your onions are browned, turn the heat down to medium. Return the sausage to the pan and add in the thyme, allspice, nutmeg, salt and pepper. Mix well, so everything is coated, and keep cooking for another 1-2 minutes. Now sprinkle the flour over the top of the mixture. Patiently let it soak in for about a minute before you start stirring. This should thicken up the filling and help bind it together. Take the filling off the heat and let it cool to room temperature before stuffing your pies.

Just as with the mushroom hand pies, you want to roll your short crust pastry dough out until it’s no less than ¼ - ⅛ inch / 3-6 mm thick. Use a 4 inch / 10 cm wide cookie cutter to cut it into large rounds. If you’re making a big batch of different pies and don’t want the first bite of every one to be a surprise, have fun using different shaped cookie cutters for each filling.

Whatever shape you use, tightly pack 2 tbsp of filling into the middle of your crust. Fold the crust over, pinch it tight, and crimp the edges tightly closed. Once the edges are crimped, punch a couple holes in the top for steam to escape. Arrange your hand pies 1-2 inches / 2.5-5 cm apart on a well greased cookie sheet.

Whisk 1 egg plus 1 tbsp of water together. Use a pastry brush to paint the tops of your hand pies. Once they’re shiny and beautiful, bake them at 375F / 190C for 20-25 minutes, or until golden brown.

Don’t be intimidated by the list of ingredients. This isn’t fancy Elven baking chemistry. Like most Shire foods, this is good, solid stuff that can handle a lot of improvisation depending on what you happen to have in your pantry. All you really need is some butter, sugar, flour, eggs, a cup of whatever dried fruits you like best, a couple teaspoons of your favorite holiday spices, and a bottle of beer. Think of the ingredient list more as a set of guidelines than a mandate.

You see, Porter Cake was the Victorian working class answer to fashionable city folk’s fruit cake. Instead of wasting a good brandy by pouring it over your pudding, a working class cook simply pulled out a pint good, dark, malty beer. Instead of fresh or candied fruits, she’d throw in a cup of whatever dried fruits she had on hand.

While this is delicious hot and fresh out of the oven, it’s even better after the flavors have had a couple days to play nicely together. Wrap it up in foil or, if you’re feeling extra Hobbity, wrap it in cheesecloth and leave it in a breadbox for a couple of days. The alcohol and fat act as a preservative, helping keep the cake fresh at room temperature for up to a week. However, since it smells better every day, good luck making it last that long.

¾ c / 85 g room temperature butter

1 c / 200 g sugar

3 eggs

1 orange, juice and zest

1 tsp baking powder

2 ½ c / 320 g flour

1 tsp cinnamon

½ tsp allspice

½ tsp nutmeg

pinch cloves

¼ c / 50 g candied citrus peel (orange, lemon, or a mix)

¼ c / 85 g cherries

¼ c /85 g currants

¼ c / 85 g sultanas/golden raisins

¼ c / 85 g raisins

1 ¼ c / 300 ml Guinness or other porter beer

¼ c / 50 g flaked almonds

½ c / 110 g packed brown sugar

If you know you’re making a cake tomorrow, soak your assorted dried fruits in ½ cup / 110 ml of porter overnight to help plump them back up. Don’t stress if you either don’t have time or prefer not to waste perfectly drinkable beer. Your cake will be fine if you just toss the fruit right in the batter.

When you’re ready to make the cake, start by creaming together your room temperature butter, sugar, and eggs. Add the juice and zest of one orange. You may be thinking this is a good time to add some vanilla. That’s not on the ingredient list because Tolkien was very serious about keeping new world foods out of the Shire. Both vanilla and chocolate would be unknown to Hobbits.

In another bowl, mix your flour, baking powder, and all the spices.

Roll your moist fruit in the flour mix. If you can get a nice coating of flour on it, that will help keep the fruit from sinking to the bottom of the cake while it bakes.

Once your fruit is all floured up, introduce the flour mix to the butter mix. Take them on a nice little dance around your bowl until they’re all mixed up. Once they’re happily confused, pour on a little beer. Nah, you want these ingredients to party. Pour in all the beer. Keep mixing until the foam dies down.

Generously grease a couple of 9 inch / 22 cm cake pans. Square pans make for easy cutting and dense packing, but you’re just as welcome to use round pans or even bake this in two 1-pound loaf pans instead. Regardless of what pan you use, be generous with the butter. This isn’t health food.

Pour your batter into the buttery pans and give them a nice shake to help smooth out the crust.

Sprinkle the brown sugar evenly over your cakes. Top that with an even sprinkling of thin flaked almond slices. Use your fingers to gently press the almonds into the batter. This will help prevent them from escaping when you slice the cake.

Bake at 325F / 160C for 45-50 minutes, or until the crust is a dark, crunchy brown and a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.

You’ll end up with an incredibly moist, dense cake that has as much in common with a modern fruitcake as a slow baked Sunday chicken does with drive-through nuggets. It’s time travel for your tastebuds.

VEGAN VARIATION

Substitute 1 c / 100 g vegan margarine for the butter. The extra fat helps make up for excluding the eggs. Increase the baking powder to 1 ¼ tsp. Eggs not only bind food together, they also help it rise. The extra baking powder should help keep your vegan cake from going flat. It’ll end up a little crumblier than the egg-inclusive version, so put the cooled cake in the fridge for at least two hours to really solidify before cutting.

Elevenses is like brunch, only with fewer savory dishes.

Think of it as a chance to relax with an assortment of light breads, maybe interspersed with a nice wedge of cheese from time to time. Nothing too heavy - you don’t want to ruin your appetite for lunch, after all.

While second breakfast was all about hearty, durable foods you could tuck in a pack and use as adventure fuel, these are more delicate breads, best served fresh and hot from the oven with a dab of butter and fresh country jam.

Since Tolkien said the Shire was based on nostalgic memories of his childhood, these honey cakes are inspired by late Victorian recipes for twice baked cakes. The second baking hardens the honey glaze in place while firming up the crust, giving them a moist, tender interior and a sweet, crunchy exterior.

1 ¾ c / 220 g all-purpose flour

1½ tsp baking powder

½ tsp salt

½ c / 115 g room temperature butter

½ c / 85 g dried blueberries or currants

Zest of 1 lemon

¾ c / 200 ml whole milk

1 egg

¾ c / 255 g honey + ¼ c / 85 g honey, reserved

10-12 candied almonds for decoration

Pre-heat your oven to 400F / 205C. While the oven heats up, whisk together your flour, baking powder, and salt.

Mix the butter into the flour blend until you achieve a crumbly meal. Once it looks like gravel, add the lemon zest and blueberries or currants. Make sure it’s all well blended.

In another bowl, beat the milk, egg, and 3/4 c honey until you get a nice, sloppy mess. Pour that into the crumbly flour blend and mix until the batter is just barely free of lumps. No need to over work it or else you’ll burst the blueberries.