An Unexpected Cookbook: The Unofficial Book of Hobbit Cookery (3 page)

Porridge:

1 tbsp butter

1 c / 200 g bulgur wheat

1 c / 220 ml whole milk

2 c / 470 ml water

⅓ c / 100 ml whole cream

⅓ c / 50 g dried cherries

⅓ c / 50 g currants (or raisins)

2 egg yolks, beaten

4 saffron strands

⅓ c / 50 g brown sugar

Topping:

½ tbsp butter

1 tbsp pine nuts

⅔ c 100 g flaked almonds

⅓ c 100 ml whole cream

Just like regular porridge, furmenty's rich flavor gains even more depth when you toast the grains. Melt your butter in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add the wheat and stir constantly for about two minutes, or until all the grains are toasted. Turn the heat down to medium and add the water. Give that a good stir, then add the whole milk. If you add the milk first, you risk scalding it.

Unlike the oats, which you could abandon for nearly half an hour, wheat needs constant attention. Keep stirring while you bring the pot to a gentle boil. Once it starts boiling, continue stirring regularly for 8-10 minutes, or until most of the liquid is absorbed and the wheat is tender. If your pot runs dry before the wheat has softened up, add another ¼ c / 60 ml of water and keep stirring it for another 5-6 minutes. Mix in the cherries and currants, then cover the pan and take it off the heat for 10 minutes so the wheat can cool.

When you come back, mix in the heavy cream. You need to let the wheat cool before mixing in the cream or else you risk the dairy curdling. Now put the pot back over a medium heat and slowly bring it back to a gentle boil. Stir frequently to keep anything from burning. Once the mix is boiling again, carefully stir in the beaten egg yolks. When they’re well mixed, add the saffron strands and brown sugar. Keep mixing everything for another 1-2 minutes so the brown sugar melts into the porridge and the saffron strands have a chance to come in contact with as much of the grain as possible.

Remove the pan from the heat, cover it with a lid, and let it sit for 5-10 minutes for the flavors to mingle. While you wait, prepare the topping. Melt ½ tsp butter in a skillet over medium-high heat. Add the pine nuts and flaked almonds. Stir constantly for 1-2 minutes while the nuts toast. Be warned, if you look away for a second, pine nuts will instantly go from pale and chewy to burnt. Keep a close eye on them during the toasting.

To serve, fill bowls with frumenty, pour in a splash of cream, and top each one with a tbsp or two of freshly toasted nuts. If the expense and fuss of pine nuts are outside your budget, you can simply top the rich porridge with a splash of cream and plenty of dried cherries and currants.

If you find yourself entertaining unexpected guests, this rustic, seasonal breakfast is a quick, easy way to make a simple breakfast of leftovers seem fit for a brunch with the king of the dwarves.

4 large firm pears

2 c / 470 ml apple cider, pear cider, or white wine

¼ c / 50 g sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

2 c / 450 g leftover oat porridge or furmenty

1 c / 220 g leftover Stewed Apples and Prunes (pg 17) from Breakfast or leftover Roasted Apples (pg 131) from Supper, chopped

4 tbsp heavy cream

This is honestly a lot easier than it looks. It’s mostly a matter of heating up leftovers while a pot simmers. You can do it half brain dead while waiting for coffee to brew.

Pour the cider or wine in a wide stewpot. Add the sugar and cinnamon and bring it to a boil over medium-high heat.

While you’re waiting for the booze to boil, peel the pears. Cut them in half lengthwise and scoop out the seeds and a little interior flesh. These are about to become edible bowls, so get rid of anything you don’t want to eat while still keeping the pear’s shape.

Add the pears cut side down to the pot of bubbling booze. Put a lid on it and turn the heat down to medium low. Let the pears gently simmer for about 10-12 minutes. Open the pot, carefully flip the pears over, then put the lid back on and continue simmering for another 10-12 minutes, or until the pears are tender but not mushy.

While the pears are simmering away, splash a little milk in yesterday’s porridge or furmenty to loosen it up. Once it reaches the right consistency, warm it through. You can use another pot, or if you don’t mind modern magic, just toss it in the microwave for a minute or two. Do the same thing with some leftover baked apples from last night’s dessert or stewed apples and prunes from yesterday’s breakfast.

Use a slotted spoon to carefully lift the pears onto a serving platter. Remember, from this point on, your main goal is presentation. Arrange the pear halves cut-side up on a platter. Spoon the furmenty or porridge in the middle. Make a little well and top that with some leftover apples or dried fruit. Finish them off by splashing a tbsp of heavy cream over each assembled pear half.

Make sure everyone else finishes their first cup of coffee or tea while your pears cook. You want them to be awake and properly impressed when you bring this to the table.

Bread is delicious, but it takes forever. Every culture with wheat has some up with some type of fast and easy flat breads, and Victorian England was no exception.

These quick, easy morning griddle cakes are the ancestor of modern American pancakes. As a new world food, maple syrup would be totally unknown in the Shire. People in Tolkien's day preferred their morning griddle cakes to be naturally sweetened with plenty of seasonal, local fruit and topped with a sprinkle of extra sugar and cinnamon.

1 large tart apple, peeled and shredded

1/4 c / 60 g butter, melted + more for frying

2 eggs

1 c / 220 ml whole milk

1 1/2 c / 190 g flour

1 1/4 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp ground cinnamon

2 tbsp white sugar

½ tsp salt

⅓ c / 50 g dried cherries

Start by peeling and shredding your apple until it could be mistaken for raw hash browns. Mix the shredded apple with the butter, eggs, and milk.

In another bowl, whisk together your flour, baking powder, cinnamon, sugar, and salt.

Once your dry goods are blended, add them to the apple mix. Throw in the cherries while you’re at it. Mix everything together until it just combines into a batter. No need to over mix it.

If you’re making bacon or sausage for breakfast, fry that up before starting your pancakes. That way you can cook the cakes in delicious meat grease. If not, feel free to just use butter.

Lower heat and longer cooking times are the key to making lovely golden brown griddle cakes that flip easily with no mess. The faster and hotter you cook them, the more likely they are to wind up burned at the edges and raw in the middle. Cook these over medium heat - no hotter.

You now have a choice to make. You can either pour in three to four small griddle cakes using no more than ¼ c of batter at a time or you can be bold and daring and pour a single large cake into the middle of the skillet using ½ c of batter. The smaller cakes are good for large crowds while the bigger ones are a faster way to get a family breakfast to the table.

If your skillet isn’t already pre-greased from sausage or bacon, generously smear it with butter before adding the batter. Instead of watching the time, watch the griddle cakes. When the edges start to lift up from the pan and bubbles rise to the surface of the middle, they’re ready to flip. Any sooner than that and you’ll wind up with a wet, sloppy mess stretched across your pan.

After flipping, brown your small griddle cakes for another 1-2 minutes or the large ones for 3-4 minutes to finish them.

Sprinkle the hot cakes with extra sugar and cinnamon or spread them with fresh raspberry jam. If you have extras, store them in the fridge overnight then reheat in a 350F / 180C oven for 5-6 minutes.

VEGAN VARIATION

Substitute almond milk for the whole milk. The flavor nicely compliments the shredded apples. To make up for the flavor imparted by animal fats, increase the sugar by 1 tbsp, increase the cinnamon by ¼ tbsp, and add a generous pinch of salt to the batter. Substitute a neutral flavored cooking oil for the butter in the batter, then make sure to wipe some more cooking oil across the skillet between each batch of griddle cakes.

Oversized modern omelets are seen as a decadent breakfast for one, but historically, they were often thrown together when you had more mouths to feed than you had fresh eggs. Add a little milk and last night’s veggies and suddenly three eggs can be turned into a hearty breakfast for four.

Fresh ingredients are great, but if you want to stay true to the rustic village that inspired the Shire, you can never be afraid of leftovers. If you have any mushrooms or onions leftover from last night’s supper, act like a Hobbit and by using them in the place of fresh vegetables. It’ll save you time and add extra flavor. Instead of bacon, you can always use a scant handful of the last bits of meat plucked off a chicken or a wedge of roast too small for a sandwich. A good English country omelet was an exercise in creatively stretching a few ingredients into a hearty breakfast that could feed a small army. Timing and technique are more important than exact ingredients.

1 tbsp butter

¼ onion, sliced thin

1/2 c /75 g button mushrooms, sliced

1 clove garlic, crushed

1 tsp fresh minced garden herbs (thyme, basil, marjoram, or a mix)

1 tsp salt, divided

3 large eggs

3 tbsp milk

3 slices crispy bacon (optional)

3 tbsp shredded gruyere (or your favorite cheese)

The key to a good omelet is temperature control and patience. You need to let the eggs cook slowly. Otherwise, the bottom will burn while the middle stays an inedible liquid. If you stick with a medium heat and don’t fuss with it, you’ll master this easy breakfast dish in no time.

If you’re adding bacon, start by frying up five strips in a large skillet over medium high heat. Three go in the omelet; two go in your mouth. If you’re a master of self control around fresh, crispy bacon, you can just fry the three.

Remove the bacon from the skillet and replace it with butter. Once the butter has melted into the bacon fat, turn the heat down to medium and gently fry the onions, mushrooms, and garlic for 3-4 minutes, or until the mushrooms turn translucent and the garlic barely starts to brown.

While the onion mix cooks, whisk together your eggs, milk, and ½ tsp salt. The more air you can get into the eggs the better.

After the onion mix has spent 3-4 minutes in the skillet, add the kitchen herbs and remaining ½ tsp of salt. Stir the mix continuously for the next minute so the herbs get a chance to coat everything without burning. After a minute, slide the veggies onto a waiting plate.